Why is it so hard to go out in the public eye dressed up!!! I tell myself for days that im going to do it, I get all dolled up and then critique myself to no end and say welp look like a dude in a skirt... I have gone out twice dressed and it was a rush and soooo fun so does anyone have any tips to get past this?!
Pic is of what I'm wearing today and trying to go out and about in. To dressy??
We have all gone through what your going through. Baby steps are best. For me going out early on a weekday worked best. You just need to trust your inner fem feeling. You might want to dress down a little for mid day mall runs. Try nice pair of fem pants and a pretty top to build confidence.
Last edited by Diane426; 03-31-2021 at 11:08 AM.
Diane. 🎀
Been there,ask a couple friends to go out with you
If you're looking for some confidence building let me say "You look terrific!" I see a fine looking woman and not "a dude in a dress." I think you're being over critical of yourself. I will not say "Just Do It!" If you have not yet gone for an evening drive I recommend that to start breaking in. That's what I did and still do when I have the opportunity. I always make sure my gas tank is full and all my lights are in working order so I do not get stopped by a cop. It does not make any difference if a cop acts professionally, it is still nerve wracking. I stay off the Interstate because I want to be on a city street if my car were to break down. The exits are usually too far apart on the Interstate and I would not want to be lit up in a stream of car headlights.
In the beginning I created reasons to get out of my car; grabbed a free newspaper from one of those type boxes, mail a letter, return library books to the night return slot. Gradually I took and still do take strolls in a quiet residential neighborhood in the early evening. I am tall (six foot). I am self conscious of my height. I like strolling in a gently falling rain so I can use an umbrella which would conceal my very masculine face and in part obscure some of my height. An umbrella can also be lowered when passing someone so he or she will not see my face.
Baby steps. Do what is within your comfort zone. My comfort zone does not include shopping en femme; six foot and 200 pounds! Ugh! I'll just take a stroll until the calling melts away.
Encouraging friends or SO is always a help for the second opinions as we are our worst critic, as well as someone to go with you.
Be confidant in knowing that there isn't too many people who look that closely and 90% of them don't care. They might get a chuckle or something but then have their own agendas and won't spend a second to voice or do anything. On a very rare occasion you might get a look or comment but it's always in passing.
The picture you posted shows you and I would bet cash money this is where you are on that spectrum of being noticed as a "dude in a skirt"......not likely.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your appearance, all you seem to lack is a little confidence.
Just get out there for 5 mins, then 10 mins. then....☺☺☺
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Gong out with other girls helps me. I'm usually not the homeliest, most masculine, most social, or most outspoken!
Nor, the most feminine looking, acting, or the prettiest!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Its stage fright, I suppose. You certainly do not need to worry about how you look....but even with a healthy level of confidence in your appearance, some nervousness is natural. Best you can do is just accept the momentary nerves as part of the process...and just step out the door each time.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
When I first started dressing my makeup skills were very rudimentary so I would never venture out, perhaps only in my car for a short drive at night. After a few makeover I got better, but still never went out in public. On day I traveled about 100 miles from home for a makeover. The guy did an awesome job and I looked great. I stopped in a drugstore on the way home, but only for a few brief seconds. When I got home I was in the bathroom about to take the makeup off. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself; "i've driven over 200 mile today, I look great, so why am I not going out" I went back into my car and headed for the supermarket; not the one in my neighborhood. I wasn't that brave yet lol. When I arrived my stomach was churning. I got out and walked in. No problem whatsoever. A lot of smiles from women, and several from men. Since then, about 10 years ago, I have gone out continuously. I still take precautions but going out is a part of my life now. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. It takes time. No need to rush.
"Too dressy"? Where are you going? I would lose the heels unless you're going to a high end shopping mall. Most women would wear flats. And of course, you need a purse.
Krisi
First of all, you look great. But remember, it's more than looks. Acting like a woman is important too. I mean how you walk, how you sit, mannerisms, etc.
I've seen some very attractive crossdresssers give it all away by not paying attention to details.
Thank you for all the kind comments and for all the tips im going to work on it!!! I cant wait to get over this hump!
I am to self conscious about my height and square jaw.
Probably a group scenario is best for myself, if I had a femme stature, I would certainly have gone out more.
Initially, all we want is to be mistaken for women. After you’ve been going out for some time, it just switches to wanting to express yourself however you look and be accepted/tolerated for it. The catch is that you have to go out enough to develop that sense of detachment. If it makes you feel any better, we have all experienced that nervousness but really that is what makes it such a thrill in the beginning. Be friendly and confident, that’s what people will notice about you.
I feel your pain, I have been out en femme, in a dress for a drive, never got out of the car. Recently, I went to an interstate rest area dressed in a skirt & blouse, wig etc with the intention of sitting at a picnic table. It was all going well until a guy drew up to park in the spot right next to me, despite there being 6 more spaces to my right. I bottled out then and drove off. It's all in my head I know, one day I will get out of the car in a dress or skirt. Until then, I make do with all femme clothes that let me pass as a guy in public.
Check the venue and dress as those present dress! Grocery store generally some form of pants and a nice top! For example! This is not to say skirts are not worn or dresses but usually Sunday or late afternoon when coming home from work! If you look scared people will notice! Go in like you would in male mode, like you own the place and have a right to be there! Because you do have a right to be there! First few times cause butterflies! The secret is to get them to fly in formation! Best wishes and be safe! Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
Jen.Cd,
Apart from a few evening drives I'd never been out in public before I attended a dinner dance held at a hotel for my social group . So I guess I jumped in at the deep end wearing a full length ballgown and 4" heels , what amazed me was I didn't feel nervous at all , it just felt right . After driving the thirty miles walking across the car park did make my more nervous , I kept thinking what have I forgotten to do ? The night went well , even in high heels I found dancing wasn't a problem , I never really looked back after that .
I will accept dressing up to the nines for an evening out and dressing for everyday is totally different , when i moved to my new home town I'd made the decision to go full time , what to wear for doing everyday jobs , how much makeup , had I chosen the right wig ? After my first day of doing every concievable job and registering at my new doctors I was exhausted but BOY did it feel good !
To me the biggest hurdle to get over is try and stop thinking you're a guy , try and get into a mindset of how a woman would do things and not how you might have done it in male mode . OK you're voice might not register right and you feel your bigger hands or broader shoulders will give the game away but then consider people come in all shapes and sizes , there are masculine looking women and feminine looking men so you will fit into that mix at some point . The other point for most of us is don't go OTT if you wish to blend in , consider how many women you see wearing skirts or dresses and higher heels . That's why I find heeled wedges a great compromise for the summer and heeled ankle boots acceptable for the winter months . I've been fulltime three years and haven't had a single problem , YES you can do it , it's just a matter of believing in yourself and confidence .
Hi Jen, You look 110% passible, Go for it, >Orchid**O
O**
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
I wish there was a good suggestion for how to get over being nervous about getting out enfemme for the first time. There isn't. But you look great in your picture and I am sure if you get out you will find that the world is not focused on you. Others here will tell you that most people pay little or no attention to others (least not the ones who choose to blend) or they just dont care. I can relate that my experience is being out as Teri I never believed that I was passing, but neither was I dressed to stand out. I know others knew that I was a man in a dress but I didnt care and neither did the people passing by. I bet others will confirm that if you act confident then you have a great start. Just look for safe venues. If you wouldnt feel comfortable going some where as your drab self its likely it isnt safe to go dressed. I always felt that being out dressed was the most exciting and scary venture I have ever taken. Have fun and be safe.
Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.
Not sure how many places there are to go in your part of North Dakota but my first regular times out were to a popular mall. I quickly found out NOBODY cared. I've been out over 200 times since in the last 4+ years, and still no one cares. I walked for and hour and a half yesterday with a GG friend in a popular park and no one said anything--and then we went to a restaurant without issues.
These days, just put on a mask and you are even more anonymous.
You look appropriately dressed to me. The only way to get comfortable going out dressed is to go out dressed.
So just do it.
@OliviaB:
This is very, very cool! 👍.
You should be shouting about this experience from the rooftops instead of trying to sneak it in incog!. It didn't work anyway because I see you! 🧐
. . .
. . . and now everyone else will!.
This would have been worthy of its own thread - even if it weren't your first post ( welcome to the community, btw!!), because it wouldn't take much searching to find out that going out is one of the aspects that gets the most support requests here.
So seeing another success report like yours is always appreciated because it helps others! 📈.
Congratulations! 🍾 🥳.
- L.
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( I was hoping I had left enough time between them so that it wouldn't concatenate. Oh, well!)
@Star01:
For some, it's not a head thing. For me, it was more of a soul thing.Originally Posted by Star01
I dressed indoors and was happy to do so until the end of time, . . . until it started to hurt that nobody could see how I felt internally ( that was actually far down the line of an escalation ):
- First, I became unhappy about my male body shape, and that led to me starting to use hip padding.
- Then I became extremely unhappy about my face, and that began a long, desperate and almost self-destructive makeup journey.
- Then I became unhappy that nobody could see how I felt about myself.
That feeling kept growing until I couldn't hold it back any longer. "Progression", they call it.
On the day I stepped outside for the first time, I was fully prepared to become the laughing stock of the neighbourhood
- L.
Last edited by Lydianne; 04-05-2021 at 04:12 AM.
Hello all, today i went out alone for shopping in an hypermarket dressed as a woman. first time alone, my past experiences dressed as a woman were with my girlfriend on special occasions. i read a lot of your advices and considered to be dressed as not to be remnarked, but still in the way i like. Well going through the shop was just perfect, nobody noticed me, even i noticed a man that looked at me, but like a man looking a woman. my fear was to go to the cashier, well again it went perfect, the lady asked me : 'madam do you need the stamps' , and i was really happy coming back home, it made my week ned. worse think is to get rid of the fake nails...takes you 1 hour
Hi Jen,
You look good! Entirely appropriate for going to an upscale mall or eating out at nice restaurant.
Marion
you look very fem, so it's not a looks issue
I started in the early hours, before most people were at the shops (early opening cafe etc), eventually early at the shopping mall.
One day I realized 2 things,
1) no one cared and
2) I didn't care
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
You look great my first time out I set up a make over (if you haven't had one you well love it) a town over. It gave me the confidences it go out had a wonderful time, that was 45 years ago. Been going out sense lol.
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