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Thread: Outside

  1. #1
    New Member Jen.nd's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
    North Dakota


    Why is it so hard to go out in the public eye dressed up!!! I tell myself for days that im going to do it, I get all dolled up and then critique myself to no end and say welp look like a dude in a skirt... I have gone out twice dressed and it was a rush and soooo fun so does anyone have any tips to get past this?!

    Pic is of what I'm wearing today and trying to go out and about in. To dressy??
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Junior Member Diane426's Avatar
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    Feb 2021
    So Cali
    We have all gone through what your going through. Baby steps are best. For me going out early on a weekday worked best. You just need to trust your inner fem feeling. You might want to dress down a little for mid day mall runs. Try nice pair of fem pants and a pretty top to build confidence.
    Last edited by Diane426; 03-31-2021 at 11:08 AM.
    Diane. 🎀

  3. #3
    Member Cass42's Avatar
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    Mar 2021
    Been there,ask a couple friends to go out with you

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    If you're looking for some confidence building let me say "You look terrific!" I see a fine looking woman and not "a dude in a dress." I think you're being over critical of yourself. I will not say "Just Do It!" If you have not yet gone for an evening drive I recommend that to start breaking in. That's what I did and still do when I have the opportunity. I always make sure my gas tank is full and all my lights are in working order so I do not get stopped by a cop. It does not make any difference if a cop acts professionally, it is still nerve wracking. I stay off the Interstate because I want to be on a city street if my car were to break down. The exits are usually too far apart on the Interstate and I would not want to be lit up in a stream of car headlights.

    In the beginning I created reasons to get out of my car; grabbed a free newspaper from one of those type boxes, mail a letter, return library books to the night return slot. Gradually I took and still do take strolls in a quiet residential neighborhood in the early evening. I am tall (six foot). I am self conscious of my height. I like strolling in a gently falling rain so I can use an umbrella which would conceal my very masculine face and in part obscure some of my height. An umbrella can also be lowered when passing someone so he or she will not see my face.

    Baby steps. Do what is within your comfort zone. My comfort zone does not include shopping en femme; six foot and 200 pounds! Ugh! I'll just take a stroll until the calling melts away.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Orlando, Fl
    Encouraging friends or SO is always a help for the second opinions as we are our worst critic, as well as someone to go with you.
    Be confidant in knowing that there isn't too many people who look that closely and 90% of them don't care. They might get a chuckle or something but then have their own agendas and won't spend a second to voice or do anything. On a very rare occasion you might get a look or comment but it's always in passing.

    The picture you posted shows you and I would bet cash money this is where you are on that spectrum of being noticed as a "dude in a skirt"......not likely.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with your appearance, all you seem to lack is a little confidence.

    Just get out there for 5 mins, then 10 mins. then....☺☺☺
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  7. #7
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Gong out with other girls helps me. I'm usually not the homeliest, most masculine, most social, or most outspoken!

    Nor, the most feminine looking, acting, or the prettiest!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Its stage fright, I suppose. You certainly do not need to worry about how you look....but even with a healthy level of confidence in your appearance, some nervousness is natural. Best you can do is just accept the momentary nerves as part of the process...and just step out the door each time.
    The years to come seemed waste of breath,
    A waste of breath the years behind

  9. #9
    New Member Jen.nd's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
    North Dakota
    Thank you for all the kind comments and for all the tips im going to work on it!!! I cant wait to get over this hump!

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    I am to self conscious about my height and square jaw.
    Probably a group scenario is best for myself, if I had a femme stature, I would certainly have gone out more.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Check the venue and dress as those present dress! Grocery store generally some form of pants and a nice top! For example! This is not to say skirts are not worn or dresses but usually Sunday or late afternoon when coming home from work! If you look scared people will notice! Go in like you would in male mode, like you own the place and have a right to be there! Because you do have a right to be there! First few times cause butterflies! The secret is to get them to fly in formation! Best wishes and be safe! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Sep 2014
    British Columbia
    Initially, all we want is to be mistaken for women. After you’ve been going out for some time, it just switches to wanting to express yourself however you look and be accepted/tolerated for it. The catch is that you have to go out enough to develop that sense of detachment. If it makes you feel any better, we have all experienced that nervousness but really that is what makes it such a thrill in the beginning. Be friendly and confident, that’s what people will notice about you.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Apart from a few evening drives I'd never been out in public before I attended a dinner dance held at a hotel for my social group . So I guess I jumped in at the deep end wearing a full length ballgown and 4" heels , what amazed me was I didn't feel nervous at all , it just felt right . After driving the thirty miles walking across the car park did make my more nervous , I kept thinking what have I forgotten to do ? The night went well , even in high heels I found dancing wasn't a problem , I never really looked back after that .
    I will accept dressing up to the nines for an evening out and dressing for everyday is totally different , when i moved to my new home town I'd made the decision to go full time , what to wear for doing everyday jobs , how much makeup , had I chosen the right wig ? After my first day of doing every concievable job and registering at my new doctors I was exhausted but BOY did it feel good !

    To me the biggest hurdle to get over is try and stop thinking you're a guy , try and get into a mindset of how a woman would do things and not how you might have done it in male mode . OK you're voice might not register right and you feel your bigger hands or broader shoulders will give the game away but then consider people come in all shapes and sizes , there are masculine looking women and feminine looking men so you will fit into that mix at some point . The other point for most of us is don't go OTT if you wish to blend in , consider how many women you see wearing skirts or dresses and higher heels . That's why I find heeled wedges a great compromise for the summer and heeled ankle boots acceptable for the winter months . I've been fulltime three years and haven't had a single problem , YES you can do it , it's just a matter of believing in yourself and confidence .
    The real me , no going back.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Jen , You look 110% passible, Go for it, >Orchid**OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  15. #15
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    I wish there was a good suggestion for how to get over being nervous about getting out enfemme for the first time. There isn't. But you look great in your picture and I am sure if you get out you will find that the world is not focused on you. Others here will tell you that most people pay little or no attention to others (least not the ones who choose to blend) or they just dont care. I can relate that my experience is being out as Teri I never believed that I was passing, but neither was I dressed to stand out. I know others knew that I was a man in a dress but I didnt care and neither did the people passing by. I bet others will confirm that if you act confident then you have a great start. Just look for safe venues. If you wouldnt feel comfortable going some where as your drab self its likely it isnt safe to go dressed. I always felt that being out dressed was the most exciting and scary venture I have ever taken. Have fun and be safe.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Not sure how many places there are to go in your part of North Dakota but my first regular times out were to a popular mall. I quickly found out NOBODY cared. I've been out over 200 times since in the last 4+ years, and still no one cares. I walked for and hour and a half yesterday with a GG friend in a popular park and no one said anything--and then we went to a restaurant without issues.

    These days, just put on a mask and you are even more anonymous.

    You look appropriately dressed to me. The only way to get comfortable going out dressed is to go out dressed.

    So just do it.

  17. #17
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    you look very fem, so it's not a looks issue
    I started in the early hours, before most people were at the shops (early opening cafe etc), eventually early at the shopping mall.
    One day I realized 2 things,
    1) no one cared and
    2) I didn't care
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  18. #18
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    You look great my first time out I set up a make over (if you haven't had one you well love it) a town over. It gave me the confidences it go out had a wonderful time, that was 45 years ago. Been going out sense lol.

  19. #19
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    "Why is it so hard to go out in the public eye dressed up!!!" Why, because even relatively younge members have grown up being told that males dressed in female clothing was either perverted, or wrong, or just downright strange. It's only recently that society began to accepting initially Gays into the mainstream and latterly the Trans community as well.

    Overcoming that thought, the notion that as soon as you step outside there will be a lynch mob waiting for you is hard to do. We've all wrestled with it. The thing is once you manage to take those first steps you quickly realise as others have said, no-one really notices us.

    Once you overcome the initial nerves and start to relax and act more naturally, you will, if your avatar is anything to go by, merge into the crowd. Dress appropriately for the time and place and you'll be fine.

    Have you done the drive though fast food thing yet? That short interaction with someone you'll never see again. Things like that are confidence boosters as is going to an ATM or pay at pump filling stations. Short duration that gets you started.

    Shopping malls however are by far the safest and most enjoyable places to start. A crowd to hide in, most too busy wrapped up in what they're doing to notice you. Got for it.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  20. #20
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Portland, Oregon
    Jen, You look beautiful, that is the only thing that stands out. As silly as it sounds Walmart isn't bad, just hold your head high and don't make eye contact. In general, in The Great Pacific Northwest women don't wear skirts or dresses when out and about; jeans, yoga pants, training shoes, and knit tops are about it. Half the fun for me is just getting out, I love the adrenaline rush, it hits me so hard I can't stop my hands from shaking and I love it. I know I am definitely a fringe person. You look great! The only thing that might get you noticed is that you look too good, at least for my area. Remember to have fun, that's what it's all about. Brenda

  21. #21
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    The fear of the unknown keeps us contained at home.

    First of all you look wonderful.
    The question is ... where are you going and what are the other women there wearing? If it's the mall and all are in jeans and a blouse with flats, then yes you are overdressed and you will attract attention. If you are shopping at Nordstrom then you're fine as other women will be dressed similarly.
    If your attire is not the norm for the venue then all eyes are on you. If you are dressed as all others then you are in the background.

    People tend to stare at the outliers. Those that are too tall, too fat, too short, too skinny, over dressed, under dressed.
    If you wish to wear that outfit then do so. It's perfect and you look wonderful.
    Hold your head up, show confidence not fear and carry yourself in a manner that shows "I Belong Here" and ignore those around you. Don't be watching to see if they are watching.

    My first time out I was the deer in the headlights. I would glance all around to see who was staring and that's when I realized no one was looking at me. They all had things to do, places to be and were concerned with what was happening in Their World. I wasn't part of that world so I was ignored. That's when I learned no one really cares.

    Confidence. It's your best friend.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  22. #22
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    Your look is terrific, Jen. A bit much for grocery shopping, but a meal at a nice restaurant? Perfect. If that's too much interaction, try the mall at lunchtime. You'll be just another office worker running an errand on her break.
    Keep in mind that, as good as you look, you will eventually get clocked, so be ready to accept that with a confident smile. People will treat you according to how you present yourself. That's something to be enjoyed so don't fear it. Embrace it!
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  23. #23
    Member rachelatshop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Mid -Coast Maine
    Hi Jen
    No we are our own worst critics, plus for all of our lives we have been told that what we are doing is wrong. So it is very hard to get past that. It takes many trips out to build confidence. Best of luck and happy dressing always and may the force be always with you.

  24. #24
    Member Michaela Jane's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Goldsboro, North Carolina
    I feel your pain, I have been out en femme, in a dress for a drive, never got out of the car. Recently, I went to an interstate rest area dressed in a skirt & blouse, wig etc with the intention of sitting at a picnic table. It was all going well until a guy drew up to park in the spot right next to me, despite there being 6 more spaces to my right. I bottled out then and drove off. It's all in my head I know, one day I will get out of the car in a dress or skirt. Until then, I make do with all femme clothes that let me pass as a guy in public.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    The fear can be quite real. In the past I have actually had my hands shaking before. What is interesting is that I used that to my advantage a few times. One example, I was shopping in a Walgreens and I told the lady at the checkout I was nervous because I did not usually go out dressed this way. Her response was an understanding and comforting one. So even if someone spots you as a man in a dress, it is all fine. Personally I preferred going to places like a pharmacy over going to the grocery. Now I can do stuff I would not have imagined I could do in the past so it is possible to overcome the fear and make progress. It really is mostly in our heads but it does take some effort to move things forward.


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