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Thread: To you what is looking passing

  1. #1
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    To you what is looking passing

    To you "What do you do to look passing? What spoils that passing?
    For me in my mind's eye I rarely look passing.
    And I know it, as a fact, when I speak. How about you.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Hippo in a Tutu
    Everyone can love a woman !
    _________________________

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    What I do to try to look passable is try to look like any other woman out and about that specific day.... Nothing really spoils it for me since I assume that everyone already knows I'm not a woman.... and I don't really care what they think...

    0011.jpg
    I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK......

  3. #3
    Junior Member Diane426's Avatar
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    I just try to enjoy who I am. I love going out for the day just being a lady.Screenshot_20210408-195244_Gallery.jpgScreenshot_20210408-202156_Gallery.jpg
    Last edited by Diane426; 04-08-2021 at 10:23 PM.
    Diane. 🎀

  4. #4
    Member MaryAnn1963's Avatar
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    This is just my 2 cents... although it is nice to have high aspirations, I think most of us might be a tad unrealistic on our expectations of what we should look like when we go out. Seriously, go somewhere in drab and just sit and really look at the GGs walking by. They are NOT all Doris Day! They, like us, come in ALL shapes and sizes.... yet that does not keep them in the house does it? I say, get real, make yourself as pretty as you can and go out there and rock that stuff.
    Again, just my 2 cents..... Hugs, MaryAnn.
    The Pink Fog is thick with this one....

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I assume they know it's a guy in a dress but they don't know it's ME in the dress--and I want to make sure it's a pretty dress.

    I've been out going on 250 times in the last 4+ years and I've never had an issue, and have gotten compliments and made friends.

  6. #6
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    You'll KNOW when you've passed. It's happened to me a few times out at vanilla venues on Halloween. People treat u completely differently when they have no doubt you're female!

    The first time it happened was many years ago. But, I'll never forget the astounded looks on people's faces when they heard my voice and realized I wasn't a woman!
    Here's a photo of me. I appeared to be a woman in a mask like others there.

    53435.jpg
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 04-09-2021 at 12:27 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  7. #7
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I’m with doc, though I don’t know all the girls here are astute or observant enough to catch all the subtle signs.

  8. #8
    New Member JulieAmanda's Avatar
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    Passing to me is being able to go out and walk, shop, take a bus ride without being rumbled. It's not so hard if you are observant, take it one step at a time, dress to fit in. The first outings were the hardest.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    I find the hardest part of going out is getting from my house to my car. Once I get out of my little community I am much more relaxed, but not totally. There are always a few who just don't like a guy in a dress.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Hippo in a Tutu
    Everyone can love a woman !
    _________________________

  10. #10
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    For me, the true definition of passing is having someone talking to you and being 100% convinced you're a female. Hence very very few pass. I'll also accept that there will be some who in the same situation leave the onlooker with just a tiny amount of doubt, but it has to be tiny and it's most likely to be the voice that causes that.

    Now I know i don't come anywhere close to the above. However experience has taught me that it's relatively easy for me to hide in a crowd and for the majority of people I pass while out and about to not give me a second glance.

    The signals I send out, dress, shape, hair, accessories (bag, scarf etc) say female. Closer inspection and I'll be read, the voice is always a giveaway. That said displaying confidence helps enormously and treating people with kindness and consideration, being polite and engaging, in a way, negates the negatives.

    So if I can blend well enough to pass most people by unnoticed then I'm more than happy with that.

  11. #11
    What a great life
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    If you relax and stand up straight shoulders back and walk like a lady and look like you don't have a care in the world you will have a greater chance to passing. There are a lot of ladies out there that have male features, padded hips is the big ticket.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    I have been out in public numerous times. I think that self confidence plays a huge role. I'm lucky since I have a slight build; 5ft 6 135-40 ads, so I don't have to worry too much regarding the physical aspect. I do find the older I get, soon to be 67, the more male and female features become a bit more similar. Having said all that I always try to make a conscious effort to effect female mannerisms.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Leslie,
    When this question first came up some years ago I asked the counter question , " Pass as what ? " Do we really have too many male traits to be totally accepted as female ?

    Then I turn the question round and consider it from a female perspective , women come in all shapes and sizes , some are very feminine and some come close to being considered a man . Whatever they look like they have to live with it , so what makes us so different ? In the mix of looks we will fit in . If we think we are going to pass as catwalk models then we are in for a big disappointment , wearing a short skirt and very high heels aren't normally the right credentials .

    I feel we need to drop the word " Passing " and consider alternatives but it really does depend where you wish to go and who you wish to be seen by . My alternatives are " integrating " some might use " blending " , I'm choosing those words because I'm full time , I go out everyday and live my life as Teresa . Others may just want the opportuntiy to look good enough to enjoy a night out , close scrutiny and voice may give the game away but for those few hours does it really matter ?

    In my personal situation the biggest mistake I was making was dropping the " wife " label in the conversation , I've had more odd looks over that than my voice or any other male traits , I've been underestimating how much I've been read as female rather than male . Perhaps the biggest hurdle is stop thinking there's man underneath , this doesn't mean going OTT with trying to be female but possibly tone down how a male would do certain actions or the type of reply you would give .

    The more basic ones to consider are stop looking over your shoulder for a reaction , I found if you don't look for one you will not normally get one . If people do give you a second glance it may not be because you've been read , they may just like what you're wearing .

    The bottom line is the more you do it the easier it gets , many of the fears and worries usually fade away .
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-09-2021 at 06:11 AM.
    The real me , no going back.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I avoid using the term. Even if the rare event that I feel some stranger may not have read me, I realize that is a momentary illusion, like a mirage.
    The years to come seemed waste of breath,
    A waste of breath the years behind

  15. #15
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It is a rare male that can pass as a female. Some are very, very good at being passable, but there will always be something that people who look closely will detect that indicate this person just "MIGHT" be trans. For most of us it is pretty hopeless to be passable. But it is fairly easy to be PRESENTABLE as a woman. Just look at some of the photos posted here and you will see not many would pass, but an awful lot are quite female-like and feminine looking. In a casual environment it is unlikely anybody would notice that "that woman looks a little masculine." Some women do and we can fit into at least that category with some care and practice.

  16. #16
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    First, we must define "passing".

    Walking down the street or through the mall as a woman, you have a much better chance of passing than sitting in a restaurant for a half hour and giving people chance to study you. Or going to a club or bar and talking to people.

    The key is, dress for the occasion. Do not wear heels and a ball gown to the grocery store. Wear what your wife or girlfriend would wear. And dress your age.
    Krisi

  17. #17
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    I can sometimes pass in a headshot. I will *never* pass in the streets, or across a room.

    I'm 6ft 5, 220lbs, have massive hands and feet, a deep voice, and have masculine body language for 90% of my movement.

  18. #18
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Like Charlotte, my height will make it very hard to not stand out and be questioned. I am 6'2" without heels. I can present as very feminine looking, and if sitting or driving or at a distance, might be mistaken, but up close and having to speak, I would ruin the illusion. If you know of a girl's basketball team I can hang out with, then maybe I might be considered their female coach.
    Hugs, Ellen

  19. #19
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Passing is the confused looks you get when you try to pick up your order because your name doesn't match the perceived gender.

    Marion

  20. #20
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I used to dream of passing.
    Then I realized that it's not all about passing but for me it's about acceptance. I present myself in the best light possible. I take care of myself, I dress in manner that is appropriate for wherever I'm going, I carry myself with dignity, poise and confidence. I fully realize that few of us can truly "pass". Only a small percentage of us have the features, be it height, weight, or facial that the masses would see as feminine and be fully accepted as such. The world has too much variation and if we look about and are honest we can see it's not about passing. Take a look at women next time you're out. Do they all look "like women"? No, they don't. There are many who have strong features that could be interpreted as masculine, yet they are women. And there are many men, not TS, TG or CD that have very feminine features and could easily be accepted as women.

    I simply want to be accepted for the person I am.
    I'm taller than the average woman, I'm heavier than the average woman, but I can still be the average woman by how I present myself.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Joan_CD's Avatar
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    Passing to me is when I got my second ear piercings and the lady said I need your license. I gave it to her and her eyes opened wide and said I never knew! Or when I stand in line to use the ladies room and the lady behind or in front of me starts chatting. Or cashing a check at the bank and when I insert my card at the teller window she says I need your card, not his. I dress to blend and feel confident. It helps a lot.

  22. #22
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Like many others, I pass until within the event horizon of another person. Although I think I actually distract as I am always far more gilded than most. Women have such an extraordinary range of clothing options, it would be a colossal waste to not take advantage of it! Wear what you like, not what the unimaginative people do. Normal is another word for average.

  23. #23
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    One of my everyday happy high looks while recently on a retreat vacation with my BFF's. No makeup except for some almost worn off lipstick. Wonderful and one of many a "I don't care" moments. You only have to please yourself and enjoy it all.

    Allie
    Attached Images Attached Images

  24. #24
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    You are also wearing dangle pearl drop earrings. You look like you were enjoying yourself and everyone else.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Hippo in a Tutu
    Everyone can love a woman !
    _________________________

  25. #25
    Platinum Member
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    "What spoils the passing?"

    How about six foot and 200 lbs! I "googled" average height of women: 5 foot 4. Average height of same age man: 5 foot 9. That makes me eight inches taller than the average woman. In family pictures or with friends guess who is the tallest guy in the picture unless my six foot four son is in it? Moi!

    "What do I do to look passing?"

    I am primarily an in-home dresser as that is my comfort zone. I do venture out for an evening stroll and a stroll in a quiet residential neighborhood. I'll wear flats instead of a high heel; a pair of wedges with sole deadening material to avoid head turning. I always wear a dress. I do not wear women's pants. Some say that it itself will attract attention. Perhaps. However, in the neighborhood I take my strolls there are two 24 hour grocery stores. I'll carry a tote as if I am on the way home from the grocery store after work. None of that going to a closed park and chancing running into unsavory creeps or thugs. I prefer a gently falling rain so I can open an umbrella which to some extent does obscure my height and definitely my masculine face. I learned a long time ago by taking some pictures that the minds eye seems exactly what the mind wants to see. Take that picture and it tells the truth. The picture is more apt to show you what others see.

    I've gotten over the unrealistic assumption that all women are number ten raving beauties. I'd settle for the average womanly look, but at six foot and 2oo lbs it ain't happening.

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