What if you got a T* neighbor?

[SaraLin]

This question popped into my head this morning:

If you had someone move in next door to you, who was very "out" about being CD/TG/NB/whatever - what would you do?

Would you roll out the welcome wagon and make friends?
Would you stay away, being afraid of being "outted" yourself?
Would you treat the new neighbor just the same as all your other neighbors?

Me - I think I'd welcome the neighbor and try to make friends. I'd probably not reveal my similar interests right away, at least until we got to know each other a bit. After that - who knows?

So what would YOU do?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Treat them like any other neighbor until or if anything happens to change that.

Revealing similar interests. NO!

Once the cat's out of the bag there's no going back.

[GretchenM]

SaraLin, I think your conclusion is the right one. Keep in mind, that if that new neighbor is trans they will pick up on the signs in you whether you openly admit it or not. We all have the ability to detect that in others even though cisgender people may be clueless to the indications we leak out unintentionally (or intentionally). In time, you may have a great friend and neighbor who really understands you allowing the two of you to engage in some conversation that would never happen with a cisgender neighbor. I think that would be really special.

[Victoria1]

Over the years my wife and I have had many acquaintances that are gay or have an alternative life style. It's no big deal. We've never had a neighbor, like right next door to us though. If the personality was right I would welcome the opportunity to talk to someone face to face about crossdressing. I have never in my life had that opportunity. I think that I would welcome it.

[CharlotteCD]

I'd never tell them i'm trans just because they're an alphabet ally.

I've always been against going to CD support groups, because at the end of the day, the only thing we for sure have in common is being LGBT+. We may otherwise be totally different, and differences cause friction, and friction can lead to being outed.

[Meghan4now]

I like to make cinnamon pecan rolls and home brew as a welcome to the neighborhood. After that, it would all depend on their personality and if they are good neighbors.

[Star01]

I would treat them like any other new neighbor. That includes getting to know them before revealing anything personal. I suspect the most difficult thing would be other neighbors confiding their prejudices and fears about the new neighbor. They would know my acceptance and probably start gossiping about me as well. After all, I am that weird neighbor who is out working in shorts with shaved legs and forearms. They probably already chatter about me.

[Micki_Finn]

It depends on the person. Just because the person next door is trans or whatever doesn’t necessarily make them friendship material.

[Pumped]

Treat them like I would anyone else.

How I treat them depends on them as a person on general. If they are "normal" they get treated that way, if they are A-holes, they get ignored. I could care less if they are gay, trans or what ever part of the alphabet they fit into as long as they are somewhat normal personality wise. If they are flaming gay and run around in a pink tutu and a tiara every day I might avoid them to some degree! Keep it mid spectrum and I don't care.

As for what I am, they will have to figure it out on their own. I won't be running over there and giving my life story.

[Teresa]

SaraLin,
It nearly happened to me sometime ago , we found a lovely cottage in a pretty village but the high conifer hedge put me off . I was talking to a TS friend recently about the cottage not knowing it was her hedge , we had quite a laugh about it .

Having her as a neighbour would have been fine for me but I'm not sure if my wife could have dealt with it .

[bridget thronton]

I would treat them like any other neighbor

[Cheryl T]

I'm with Micki.
I'd welcome them as a neighbor and treat them as all others, but as for friendship that would depend on who they are and how we get along. I can't say up front that we'd be sisters or not. It would take time to know them and see how we get along.
As for revealing myself to them, again it depends on who they are and how we get along. If we clicked then definitely I would as I'd love to have a sister so close by.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I have gay/lesbians friends. My wife's second cousin is a transman who recently had a baby. No big deal for us to welcome anybody and everybody to our home (post Covid). Our relationships are based on whether a person is a decent person. I do agree with Charlotte that any friendship has to be based on more than the fact we may like to be en femme sometimes.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Yes, I'd treat them the same too.

Keep in mind, that if that new neighbor is trans they will pick up on the signs in you whether you openly admit it or not. We all have the ability to detect that in others even though cisgender people may be clueless to the indications we leak out unintentionally (or intentionally).

There ought to be a word for that, Gretchen. Like "gaydar," only different. "Transdar"?

[Bobbi46]

Where I am all of my neighbours know of and about me and have seen mr dressed in various outfits over the last three years or so. So if a new neighbour moved in, and this is about to happen, because my nearest neighbours moved out without saying goodbye, then the new ones will have been told about me, if they decide to ignore me then it will be their loss not mine.

[BTWimRobin]

I'd say welcome to the neighborhood then play it by ear and see where it goes. Growing up in Queens, NY, the neighbors were rather chummy. When I moved to Danbury, CT, the neighbors didn't want to know you. My neighbors here in the middle of nowhere, VT, treat everyone like family.

[franlee]

Treat them the way I like to be treated. Clothes and their personal agenda is theirs until they try to push it on me. And after I got to know them and decide if they are trustworthy I may or may not open up to them. Like we have discussed before once you come out to someone you can't take it back.

[Cass42]

Treat them the same.I have one neighbor across the street like me.When I first met her,she was very open about herself being a fulltime crossdresser to me.She noticed I was like her too and saw I was open too.Became friends after that and has been good.My wife and I go out with her and her very supportive wife.

[KymG]

I would treat them as i always do.
If we became friends later then i would probably reveal, but not if not.

[docrobbysherry]

Sara, I honestly don't know!

It would depend on a number of things. Their personality #1!

[TheHiddenMe]

I've always been against going to CD support groups, because at the end of the day, the only thing we for sure have in common is being LGBT+. We may otherwise be totally different, and differences cause friction, and friction can lead to being outed.

Sorry, I cannot understand this line of thinking.

I joined the St. Louis Gender Foundation for a couple of reasons (STLGF is not a support group per se, but offers opportunities for trans individuals in our area a chance to get out and meet).

First, I wanted that chance to dress, and to tell my (reasonably tolerant) wife I was going out dressed. She doesn't like me going out, but I want to establish the idea that my going out is a price of admission (thanks Dan Savage) to be married to me.

Second, it was an opportunity to meet others like me. Instead of being fearful of the possible negative (being outed) it was an opportunity to potentially make friends.

Third, organizations like STLGF have changed attitudes over time for people like us so we can more freely get out. The more people who are out makes it easier for those who follow us.

I spent years in fear of not doing what I wanted to. It took about two days of being out for me to realize my fears were unfounded.

[SaraLin]

Interesting responses so far. I'm a bit surprised (and encouraged) by the overall trend of "I'd treat them like any other neighbor."

I guess I was expecting some answers in the vein of "I'd be afraid to be seen being friendly with them, because people might figure out I'm like that too."
OR - "the wife would probably forbid it"

It's good to be wrong sometimes.

[Teresa]

Charlotte,
I'm also confused by your comment , support groups cater for everyone , some really do have the need to dress up for a few hours but don't fall into the LGBTQ box . Others use the meeting to catch up with others who may have started hormones . There is very rarely any friction because they make it clear it's for social reasons but not for dating , that is where most friction happens but outing someone and causing friction is something I've not witnessed . The fact you attend meetings most of which are held in hotels means you have accepted outing yourself but in a safe environment .

[jacques]

hello SaraLin,
I would treat the new neighbour with the respect that I have for all people - I accept their life choices and it is not for me to judge them.
If you are scared of being "outed" then just be friendly, you do not have to reveal your private life to your neighbours.
stay healthy,
luv J

[Krea]

One consideration is whether or not you are "out" yourself.
If you are not, then it might not be wise to risk your secret with somebody you don't really know yet. If you are already out then you can be be more directly open in your supportiveness of them.
In any case, treat them as you would hope they would treat you.