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Thread: I gotta be me

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member
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    I gotta be me

    Unfortunately I recently lost my bride
    Of 49 years.I miss her terribly.

    If there is an upside I Can be Kendra
    Whenever I want. I keep my
    toenails painted.However I am not
    Passable

  2. #2
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Kendra, I am so sorry about your loss. I am sure it is very difficult. Go through the mourning process in your own way; follow your feelings but still keep on eye on a future. It is good to remember that most likely she would want you to keep going and I am sure you would feel the same way if you were the one that departed.

    Actually, that ability to be Kendra whenever you want is a plus side and is a part of moving on. But don't be surprised if you don't feel much like being Kendra. Trauma is that way, but as you proceed through the mourning process that desire will return and perhaps rather strongly. Only time will tell. But for now the mourning process is the way out of those hollow, lonely feelings of profound loss.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member
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    Yes it is a process and some days
    I feel pretty blue

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    She is no longer in pain she had pancreatic
    Cancer for 5 years and ALS for 1

  4. #4
    Member Michaela Jane's Avatar
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    I am very sorry for your loss Kendra. I also lost my wife, almost 5 years ago now, miss her every day but, as you say, you can be Kendra as much as you like. I also suffer from not being passable (in my eyes anyway), being useless at makeup.

  5. #5
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Praying for your strength and peace.
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

  6. #6
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Very sorry for your loss, Kendra Sue.

  7. #7
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    I am thinking you must have a lifetime of wonderful memories of your time together with your wife.
    These are our reminiscing years Kendra Sue, remember those places and experiences you shared, as they can never be taken away!
    I keep thinking where did the time go?
    Gosh, life is so fleeting, make the most of your life and be as you want, do things to make yourself happy and continue to find those things on the bucket list that time and money will allow.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  8. #8
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss Kendra.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
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    Very sorry for your loss.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  10. #10
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Kendra, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. 49 years is a long, long time. How frustrating not to have made it to fifty years as you both deserved! Anyway it must seem as though she had been with you all of your life. Nearly all of your adult life anyway. Anything that happened before she was with you might seem to have happened in a different life, somewhere else entirely. And yet she was still your "bride," as fresh as the day you married her. Thank goodness you must have many good memories to cherish of a long life together, while she is at rest now. Take good care of yourself. I'm sure she would want you to, until (hopefully) you may meet again one day.

    Here is a very old song by a tenor well known in his day, about life (and even death), that you might possibly enjoy:

    I'll Walk Beside You

  11. #11
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I am very sorry for your loss, Kendra. I am sending you a PM
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
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    I will see her again. We must talk

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Thank you for your kind words. In death she is no longer sufferin

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Yes I choose to remember the good times

  13. #13
    Member Gizmo, Debbie's Avatar
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    Ouch. losing your bride of 49 years.
    My most heartfelt condolences. Hugs.

  14. #14
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss
    Crissy

  16. #16
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    My condolences as well, Kendra Sue, and I can relate on several levels.

    I'm at the 49-year mark of my marriage as well, and will hit the big 5-0 later this fall. We, too, had a cancer scare earlier this year when a mammogram showed that my wife had developed cancer in one of her breasts, and we had our lives flash before our eyes as well not knowing how this would all play out. In the end - although she lost a breast - the surgery was declared a success, all the cancer was removed, and there is no need at the present time for my wife to undergo any further treatments.

    Needless to say, this experience has been an eye-opener for us, and we now appreciate every new day as if it were our last. Having come so close to the brink ourselves, I can only imagine the emptiness that you must now feel. Everyone grieves in their own way, and I am sure that all the support that you are seeing here will help you get through your loss.

    As others here have said, the healing will take some time, but you will emerge stronger on the other side for it and will be able to rebuild your life with the help of family and friends. Who knows...you might even find a new life partner eventually to help you enjoy the remainder of your golden years. If your wife was anything like mine, she would have wished this for you as well under similar circumstances.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I am very sorry.

  18. #18
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    Hi Kendra , I would like to Offer my Sincerest Condolences,

    You will always have Wonderful memories of your time together, >Orchid**00**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  19. #19
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss Kendra. I always think that the pain we feel when we lose someone is other side of the coin to the joy we experienced in sharing our lives with them. Grief comes in waves and those waves eventually begin to get further apart, but it takes time and not just days or weeks. Be gentle with yourself.

  20. #20
    Member Rileyaz's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your loss Kendra.
    I lost my wife 19 years ago and still think of her.
    I can be Riley whenever I want, and do.
    Strangely, the painted toenails helps alot.

    PM me if you wish,
    Riley

  21. #21
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear. Let us know how you are doing.Hope little things like keeping your toes painted give you some joy.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


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  22. #22
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    My condolences Kendra.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Philipa Jane's Avatar
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    Hi Kendra.
    We are kindred spirits.
    My wife of 48 years passed in March this year also from cancer.
    I REALLY DO feel your pain.
    Before I decided to come back here I had already slipped back into my alter ego.
    I find this helps me to cope.
    When things aren't so raw I may be able to revisit all the good times we had and I hope this will apply to you to.
    My sincere condolences to you.
    Philipa Jane


    Philipa Jane

  24. #24
    Silver Member
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    Kendra, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Aftrr 49 years, she left behind an awfully big void that you need to fill. I wish you good luck going forward.

    Don't worry about not being passable. I, too, am in no way passable, so I don't try. I am nothing more than a Man in a Dress, a MIAD, and it works just fine for me. I'd like to share what works for me. I have asked for advice from the SAs in the stores I shop in, and they have been wonderful to me. They have shown me what work on my very unfeminine body and why it works. They gave me all the time I needed to literally try on every dress in the store, allowing me to discover my own personal style. Many of them have since become dear friends.

    The result? I am confident that the looks I put together are tasteful, age appropriate and nice looking. The goal is to be PRESENTABLE, not passable (very few CDers actually pass anyway). I don't just think I'm presentable, I know I am because random women come up and tell me how nice I look.

    In a nutshell, shop in person and ask the sales staff for their opinions. You will find they are very generous with their time for you because not only do they accept your femininity, they ENJOY helping CDs like us to discover and live our truth.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Kendra, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

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