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Thread: How did you come out

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    How did you come out

    As I noted in a previous thread I went to an interview with an lgbtq friendly company last week. I had answered non binary on my application and I was dressed I?m women?s dress pants, and a purse. Since then I have become much more comfortable presenting in some feminine attire in public. Now I am not going to transition; nor am I going to wear over the top outfits. Mostly leggings, women?s tops, and flats. What was your experience in going public initially?

  2. #2
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Got dressed and made up. Downed a few beers and went to a bar. As I walked in it was just like in a movie, where all the conversations stop, the music stops, as record player needle scratches loudly across the record, and everyone stares at you, with their mouths open, for a few seconds... Well, that's how it felt anyway. After that it was pretty normal. Folks were nice and spoke with me, some even complimented me. It was so fun.
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

    C'est la vie CD

  3. #3
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Public for the first time the wife and I went to a mall shopping in a city some distance away.
    I was wearing skinny jeans with pantyhose, flats and a nice floral blouse and a jacket she loaned me. The first hour or so I surreptitiously watched everyone else to see if they were watching me and found they practically ignored me. They were all too busy with what they had to do to pay attention to me. Then we went into a Dress Barn and when she found some things to try on I roamed the store only to be approached by the sales lady. She kept asking if I wanted to try something on also and then offered me a chair right by the entrance to the dressing rooms where everyone would see me. I declined and just roamed the store. Of course she came by again and asked if I had found something to try on yet. She broke the ice for me and the rest of the day was spent having fun and ignoring the other shoppers.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  4. #4
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    To my wife: In a long, painful, tear filled conversation after my clothing was found.

    To my friends: Cowards way of poking around the subject and then revealing it in about a paragraph.

    To the general public: I've only been out once, and only saw two people who were outside their flat smoking, and they paid no attention.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I know you are not planning to transition in a medical sense, but to the extent that you presented as non-binary at a job interview and listed yourself as non-binary on the job application, I would say that you are making a social transition from where you have lived till now to some place between male and female. I think its great.

    I have come out to varying degrees with different parts of my social universe. My former co-workers know and have seen me in female mode. I went so far as to write to those that I cared about to confirm a few rumors about my gender identity that had begun to perculate, and to acknowledge that since retirement I was living predominantly in female mode. I came out to my medical provider by simply showing up in girl mode. I have come out to family members much more hesitantly, which is probably backwards. My kids and my ex wives both know. The rest know but politely avoid the subject.

    As for going out in public, its now been over eleven years since I first stepped out my front door as a woman. Those first few nervous steps quickly led me to remain in female mode for shopping, starbucks, banking, auto service and dining with friends. I probably still feel a bit of nervousness, but nothing like the first few times out.
    Have you the belief that the road ahead
    Ascends off into some lights

  6. #6
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm NOT out, Angela.
    Altho, I've met hundreds of dressers of all ilks all over the country. My social life revolves around Sherry. And, have been to countless T friendly venues in SoCal and Vegas. Have appeared on TV and made a pro music video? Yet, I'm just a closet dresser!

    My immediate family and maybe 1000's of folks know about Sherry. But, my old time friends, extended family, and no one where I live knows that weird old guy down the street dresses up like a woman!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  7. #7
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I told my wife last year. She is upset.

    Told a sister this year. She does not care, "you are not hurting anyone".

    I have been in my grocery store a few times. Clothes shopping a few times. Never to a bar or club.

    Out driving and stuff. That is fun.

  8. #8
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Your question is a little confusing.

    I have had zero issues being dressed as a woman when I was crossdressing starting in 2007. Since then I have transitioned to living full time as the woman that I am a few years ago. I still have had zero problems when going out publicly. I am retired, so I never had to deal with an employer. My confusion with your question is what do you mean by, "What was your experience in going public initially?" Publicly at work, going out shopping, dining, walking around, etc.??

    I think what you have done is awesome and would hope that more had your courage to do the same. Good luck.

  9. #9
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    Got dressed, had some liquid courage and called an uber to take me to the local gay bar. The uber driver when I told him it was my first time doing this was very nice and even hinted that by the end of the night he might pick me up with another person!

    When walking in the bar, it was a Tuesday, so it was pretty dead. I walked right to the bar and sat down. Security came and I thought "damn it", but all he wanted to check was my ID. No issues afterwards.

    Had a cosmo, or three, and went home. Felt exhilarated, accepted, and like doing this again (spoiler: it hasn't happened...)

  10. #10
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    I wore pink pants and matching shoes to work today!




    Marion

  11. #11
    playing dress up JC's Avatar
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    one evening as we were going to bed ... to play. i picked up one of her bras..... i asked if i could wear it..... she asked to clarify if she was to wear it ... no and she put it on me. the next daqy, i explained that dressing was fun to me.
    JC

    the guy that plays dress up and that has the best wife in the world!

  12. #12
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Actually, for most, face to face!
    In public, I went for a car ride! It felt so good! I needed more info/input! I went for a transformation and while there bought my first wig! That was the first really public showing of Miss Lana Mae! LOL
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  13. #13
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    Angela,
    Moving to a new town after my separation gave me the opportunity to totally go full time , obviously I had been going out to social groups up till this point . I still recall my first morning I had so many jobs to do with moving into a new home . I did DIY stores , supermarkets , car parts and several others and finally walked into my new GP's surgery to register as Teresa .

    I don't own any legggings but I admit I had gaps in my wardrobe which needed filling quickly , that's when I discovered doing every day is possibly harder than dressing to the nines . To me the important point is dress appropriately , in the summer I mostly wear skirts and Tshirts with wedges and in the winter I have a choice of colours in jean style trousers .

    There are levels of transistion , I'm possibly too old now for full transition so social transition works well for me , I'm happy with that .

    I don't even think about being out now , I live a normal life as a trans woman .
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-20-2021 at 01:57 PM.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Well I?m about to start my job at an LGBTQ friendly company. I was going to wear leggings and a nice top. But as some of the other members noted in a previous thread that was a little too casual. So I bought a few pairs of Vera Wang twill skinny pants. That along with a nice pair of black flats should be presentable. I’m a bit nervous, but at the same time excited.
    Last edited by Angela1954; 04-22-2021 at 07:14 AM.

  15. #15
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    Angela,
    I can understand you being nervous but don't fall into the trap of trying too hard , by that I mean acting too femme , for a short time it's OK but sustaining it day after day is impossible . Let them get use to you and gradually you'll find they will accept you no matter what you look like or sound like .

    Dressing every day is tricky , you will soon establish your identity and find you can be freer to wear a wider choice of clothes . I held back for a while with wearing a ( denim ) skirt for my painting class , I soon discovered no one noticed . Build your confidence gradually and you'll soon wonder what all the fuss was about , I would suggest you don't do the change from female to male too often if at all , you will find they are confused and will struggle more to accept you .
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-23-2021 at 06:48 PM.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Angela,
    I can understand you being nervous but don't fall into the trap of trying too hard , by that I mean acting too femme , for a short time it's OK but sustaining it day after day is impossible . Let them get use to you and gradulayy you'll find they will accept you no matter what you look like or sound like .

    Dressing every day is tricky , you will soon establish your identity and find you can be freer to wear a wider choice of clothes . I held back for a while with wearing a ( denim ) skirt for my painting class , I soon discovered no one noticed . Build your confidence gradually and you'll soon wonder what all the fuss was about , I would suggest you don't do the change from female to male too often if at all , you will find they are confused and will struggle more to accept you .
    Excellent advice. Much appreciated.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My work place is white collar but very casual, so I'd be over dressed if I didn't have so much seniority.
    I've have so much experience that I can routinely translate the mutterings of frustrated customers into useful action items.

    Watch your coworkers and see the reactions to what they wear.

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 04-23-2021 at 06:26 AM.

  18. #18
    Member Cass42's Avatar
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    First time out with my wife when we started dating,it went good most and and had an issue with a couple people.Said my wife needed to date a real man.The people that took it well said I looked beautiful dressed as female.One woman told us she seen us like any normal couple and had no problems with me being a fulltime crossdresser at all

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member josie_S's Avatar
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    I am not out to anyone besides my therapist, but the first time I got out of the car was to buy gas in San Diego. I was so nervous and such a newbie that I used the hand towels in my hotel room as boobs LOL. I was wearing cute jeans and a great little top and strappy sandals. I was a nervous wreck! but I was also a smoker back then and I was near withdrawal lol so I had to go in and buy cigarettes. The woman rang me up like it was no big deal at all and so I went back to my rental car but suddenly turned around and went back in. I asked the woman if she "could tell" and she laughed a little and said she couldn't--I was OVER THE MOON. She even said my hand towel boobs looked good LOL. It wasnt much but it certainly helped when I went to my first gay bar and so on, ultimately even going to starbucks and to the movies. what a rush!

  20. #20
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    The only times I interacted with humanoids was on Halloween. My first Halloween I was dressed en femme head (blond wig) to toe (black heels) with a long sleeves jade with black floral pattern knee length dress. Of course, my bra, panty and sleep were no visible. I went into a Winchell's Donut House to buy donuts. Another Halloween it was into a Safeway dressed all in black; hosiery, heels and dress. With the exception of my wife I have not had any conversations concerning my cross dressing. No reason to shout from the roof tops!

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member
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    I am not really "out" to my wife or anyone that knows the male side of me. That being said, I have and continue to go out in public as Michelle on my own. The first time was with a lady who runs a crossdressing service here in Atlanta (Phoebe Cross). I had been going to her for years, dressing up but staying inside. I finally decided to go out in public to see if I could pass, so we went to lunch at a restaurant and then out shopping at several stores. I seem to pass so I have been out a LOT more on my own.
    Michellecd9999

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