I find if they are loud about it they are trying to draw attention to you and you are a guy dressed as female.i have asked a few like that and normally I get you are a man.
I find if they are loud about it they are trying to draw attention to you and you are a guy dressed as female.i have asked a few like that and normally I get you are a man.
I think I agree with Lori Ann. If unsure, just drop the gender address (sir, miss, etc.) entirely.
But - without seeing what the OP looked like at the time, I'm guessing that the greeter's quick glance saw what looked like a male to her, and she just automatically said the "standard" phrase... probably without a second thought. She was most likely looking to whoever was next and repeating the same thing.
Personally, I'd say "shrug it off and move on." I doubt the poor girl meant anything by it.
Unfortunately, you're going to get this 😢.
The world isn't ready for you yet. The gender-on-sight crutch will take some time, but if your presentation was true to your gender identity, then that doesn't mean it's you to change. You are helping the paving of the way for the future ones. It is going to be rough.
Some full-femmers here will use this to justify trying to binarify you. For me, this our biggest and most egregious failure in this community. They are presenting themselves true to their own identities, while trying to deny that to you.
It isn't all bad news though. Some paving stones are being laid by others: Harry Styles in a dress was on the cover of Vogue, and Mark B has been featured in Interview Magazine. I wonder whether the binary preachers here can say the same.
( Check the gallery for your inspiration - March 5th ).
- L.
Lydianne,
You make some very good points. It is always disheartening to read posts telling others how to dress or that they need to look a certain way because people get confused and aren't smart enough to figure it out or, better yet, if one doesn't pretend to be a woman, it somehow hurts their "cause". If someone wanted to present as a crossdresser or as nonbinary, what about that cause? Do they even get (or need) one?
While shopping in a thrift store the other day I saw a man in a clearly feminine floral blouse. His other clothing was nondescript. Can't imagine anyone confusing him for a woman or addressing him as such. But what if he was wearing a little makeup and a wig? Would that entice a double take?
Sadly, there probably aren't enough crossdressers to make a difference.
Excellent point, SaraLin! How much time or opportunity did the greeter have to study anyone's appearance in detail?Originally Posted by SaraLin
It's different from facing a sales assistant across the counter, where she (or he) has the time and opportunity to observe us during the course of a transaction. It's different even from seeing another person in a store, idly wondering what sex they are if it seems unclear, and taking a moment's trouble to look at them for clues either way and make a probable assessment. Just as you said, this greeter had neither the time nor the opportunity to do any such thing. She was forced to make a snap judgment based on a brief glance, and was already looking at the next person.
Most people in retail have migrated towards saying "have good one" to remove all thought from a mechanical pleasantry. If you were intentionally dressed MIAD, then that person was technically correct in calling you a Sir, even though they would have been better off with "have a good one."
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Also, some people can be intentionally harsh. There's this one restaurant that I used to love to frequent, until they hired a new server who would constantly call on me as "buddy" or "boss" when I was clearly and unequivocally presenting as Monica. I mentioned it to the manager once and he just shrugged, so I stopped going there.
You said yourself you were in "man in a dress" mode, what did you expect? And I don't mean it in a derogatory way, because I present the same way as you, making no presence about being female. FYI, I use the men's washroom when out.
Very reasonable and very well said.
Thanks for all your replies and the great insight. I think ?there?s 2 sides to every story ? and leave it at that.
We may get better acceptance by answering to sir no matter how we are dressed. Wearing a dress with wig and make up does not change who you are in my opinion.
I went into a Lowe?s a while back dressed female from neck down. The employee in the tool department asked I I needed help and used sir. It did not bother me in the least because he was looking at my face, not my body which is what I would expect. At least he was trying to assist me.
On the other hand more than once, grocery store baggers have said mam to me when I was in male mode and have zero feminine attributes. That mildly annoyed me but only on the level that they must either be blind or say it so often it is out of habit. Really I do not care though as most of my bartenders will call me something like Honey which I am cool with ; )
Sandi
As others have mentioned why is it a thing that in order to be polite you have to guess a person's gender and state it out loud for everyone to hear? Have a nice day is to me just as appropriate. I get that it came from a previous time but now in these (confusing for some) times why not just leave it off? Many times I can tell the person is saying you didn't fool me. My presentation is reasonably on point. There is no doubt what I'm going for. I occasionally get miss gendered even why I'm not trying. I really don't understand why they still choose male.
This may have even happened at Sephora once. I was so shocked that I was no longer certain of what I heard and just left it at that. My only justification there is that they get a lot of gay clientele. I still think staff at a store like that should be trained better.
Last edited by Genifer Teal; 05-02-2021 at 03:47 PM.
Unfortunately, we live in the world with Muggles and they generally are not up to date on things gender! You are a pioneer, whether you know it or not! It took a longtime for Muggles to give L-G portion their rights in the world! T is taking a little longer! MIADs are going to take a little longer! That said, I suggest that you let it run down your back! I was at J C Penney local store just before it closed! A female SA (young teens to twenties) Said, "Good night, (long pause) Sir!" with much emphasis on the Sir! I just kept going as if she had not spoken! I laughed as her job would be gone in less than a week! That was meant to hurt as the two there laughed about it! I did not take the bait! Sometimes you have to let things go and go on with you life!
Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
I have never, ever been addressed as "sir" when I was dressed totally in femme in public places. I go out as Teresa frequently, both alone and with my wife, so I think it's fail to conclude that people are generally intending to be nice and not offend.
If you were trying to pass or to blend and that was the response, that would be wrong of them to do. However it really does not sound as though you were trying to pass. But it sounds like you really wanted to pass and are upset that you were not addressed as female. So, maybe you should stop dressing as a MIAD and dress to blend or to pass. I am in NO way saying that anybody should do this, I am just suggesting that it sounds like the OP wanted to be addressed as female.
I dressed for many manys years as solely male, and then I dressed for many years in a mixed gender format, and then for many years while dressing fully as me as often as I could without be considered full time. If I didn't care how people addressed me I dressed in a mixed gender format and accepted however I was gendered by others. If I wanted to be addressed solely as either male or female then I tried to give very large non-ambiguous signals.
Don't be so sensitive. She may have been standing there for a long time and was just repeating the same old thing. I have been in places where GG's were being addressed as sir by overworked store clerks. It happens even when I'm trying to blend. I just say Thank you and you too. Kill them with kindness
Lucky.
I often go shopping, fully dressed and get SIR.
Luckily I have a sense of humor, smile, politely thank them and on my way.... I did have 1 sales person who ran after me to apologize over his error.
I just told him "I often make the same mistake", we laughed and we both enjoyed a moment that had I CHOSEN to taken offence, would have been horrible for both of us.
So how was I dressed....
20190713_075838.jpg
Reading other posts, reminds me of the time I got a very "Good day MATE", so in a very deep voice I replied "Good day",
a) it's more fun and less hassle than being offended
b) it's about me having the power to chose what offends me
Last edited by Rachelakld; 05-08-2021 at 03:29 AM.
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Hi Brianne, You did say that you were in MIAD Mode, >Orchid**O
O**
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
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I was looking for a certain bra at a Ross store. I had on a white blouse which showed as I was bent over looking at the bottom row of bras. A woman who I assume was security came up behind me and asked, Do you wear a bra every day. It startled me and I move very fast. As I spin around we are maybe a couple feet apart. The woman was stunned with me in her face saying, YES. Do you have a problem with it. She quivered an, oh no, I'm sorry no worry. I went back looking and she went to the other side of the store.
I agree with Micki, how people can possibly guess your gender preference ? Some MIAD just feels masculine whatever they wears. The only solution for being non offensive/inclusive will be to give up gendered designation. Which is apparently not what you are looking for.
And Brianne, your underdressing is irrelevant in this particular situation (at least I hope !).
Last edited by Miel GG; 05-09-2021 at 03:53 AM.
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