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Thread: A Man's Touch

  1. #1
    Member Christie Camelle's Avatar
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    A Man's Touch

    As I get older and the testosterone drops, I find myself daydreaming more and more about being fully female. My circumstances prohibit that from ever becoming my reality, sadly. Still, the desire to be curled up next to "my guy" watching a movie or whatever makes me feel almost deprived.

    I recall the first time I ever went anywhere fully en femme with people around. It was about 8 years ago to my cousin's house for a "Halloween costume test run". We've all done that, right? It was him, his wife, and the GG I was dating at the time. She knew about me and was my first ally. Anyway, in a moment of silliness, I sat on my cousin's lap and snuggled for a couple of minutes as we all sat around a firepit. We chatted and had a few good laughs. My cousin is a little taller than me and burlier than I, but not very good looking. It was in no way insestuous or sexual, but it felt kinda normal. It was sweet.

    That night was a private turning point for me. I think I have mentioned here before that I am a dual-gender macrochimera. I have two people in my head and lately, I (Christie) am getting mentally stronger than my brother (Chris). My parents were sure I was going to be born a girl or fraternal twins. My dad even named me. Apparently, the male me absorbed the female me. There used to be a t-shirt that said something like "My parents went to Hawaii and all I got was this lousy shirt". I make the joke that my parents were supposed to have twins and all I got was this lousy body. *laughs*

    I have been married twice (neither ex knew about me) and have had many girlfriends, two of whom knew/know and were/are supportive. What I have never had is a boyfriend. And as I creep up in age, the desire almost feels like a need. It isn't necessarily a sexual need, although that is in there. It's more the cuddling and being pampered and treated like I have always treated the women in my life. I live alone so I am able to be "me" pretty much when I need to. I often sleep snuggled up to a big body pillow. My current girlfriend knows everything about me, even my desires... More or less. Out of respect and dedication to her, it will never happen, though.

    Sometimes, the feeling is so strong that it almost feels like a death has happened. My boyfriend/husband passed away and I can't replace him. It gets me thru the night, I guess. And that empty space inside will never be filled. I live with it.

    Anyhoo... I guess I just needed to get it off my shoulders to others who might understand. Thank you all, my dear virtual friends and sisters. Much love!
    Last edited by Christie Camelle; 05-05-2021 at 10:58 PM.
    ” I'm hell on heels, say what you will ”

  2. #2
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Fascinating. Thank you for sharing such deep feelings. Though to a lesser degree, I too have always wanted a "boyfriend", even before I acknowledged crossdressing. I am bi, so that falls in line. I agree the hug, and touch of someone bigger and stronger than me is nice.

    Julie
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

    C'est la vie CD

  3. #3
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Christie, thank you for sharing your thoughts and the pattern of your interaction between two sides in a chimera situation. That is a very difficult condition to have. In a support group I was in back in 2012 a person who was also a chimera came and talked to us. Many of us seem to show that pattern of switching or gliding back and forth and I feel it strongly, yet we are not chimeras, at least not confirmed as such. So I do have a sense of what you feel as I have similar feelings.

    Your feelings, dreams and desires are completely understandable because as a chimera there are many of the bits and pieces of two people in one person and each of those people, if they had become fully developed rather than merging, were of two sexes, two identities, two different genetic assemblages that being in one body need to get along without destroying each other. And it makes perfect sense that hormone shifts due to age would alter the equation that defines the total you.

    Perhaps it is best to not fight the shifting that is occurring and explore all that complexity even more deeply while maintaining your principles. However, apparently not being a chimera myself, although I have certainly wondered about that possibility, it is hard to come up with recommendations that would fit you. But I certainly can feel your discomfort and understand the "confusion" that naturally occurs in such a situation as yours. Defining yourself must be a very difficult problem and you have my deepest support.

  4. #4
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    This may not be helpful in your self denial state of mind, Christie, but:

    I have met countless T's at very many T friendly events and venues. As a result I've not only met, but have been hit on, nicely, by a number of male "Admirers".

    I have no interest in sex activities with men as I'm straight. Yet, I have occasionally found their polite, but friendly, insistant attention to be quite flattering and tempting!

    Altho sex is on the minds of most, some older ones have only wished to treat me like a lady. Simply to take me out, spoil me, show me off to friends, cuddle publicly, etc. (I am 77).
    I think in a more urban, open minded local, u would find opportunities to explore your fem side with men who would treat u kindly and respectfully!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 05-06-2021 at 04:35 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I find most men absolutely disgusting!

    I have thought about it and the big hairy man is a total turn off, but maybe a lean smaller built guy with a nice swimmer's body. I think the term for them is "twink".

  6. #6
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    A friend of a friend of mine is gay and has made it clear that he fancies me something rotten. He will hold open doors, help me with my coat and generally be quite chivalrous. I will honestly admit I find the attention to be quite flattering while having zero sexual interest in men. It is perhaps because that it is infrequent that I find it welcome, if it were a regular occurence I feel I would tire of it quite rapidly. As it is, his actions reinforce the the deep seated feelings I carry about with me, just as surely as the dress and makeup do.

  7. #7
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    I have thought about it and the big hairy man is a total turn off
    I agree with you first statement. I just don't find any men attractive.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
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    I too find most men unappealing. However...

    Many years ago, I was in charge of my employer's phone communications, along with a lot of other responsibilities. One day, there was a problem I couldn't fix, so I called in a telephone repair order. So, a guy shows up...yeah, a telephone repair guy...how stereotypical huh? Never before in my life had I ever even begun to think about having physical relations with another guy. But this guy...he caused a reaction in me, inside of me. I couldn't describe it to myself even if I tried. I was professional and polite, but I had to excuse myself when I could.

    The next morning (Saturday), I was in a grocery store mulling about the feelings I'd had the prior day, and thinking to myself, "I wonder...?" And here I am surrounded by what the world has to offer in the form of Mr. Saturday Mornings in all their scruffy beards and sweatpants. That shut down that thought _really_ quick! hahaha

    Still, I like to think of myself as 99.9% hetero...except for that .1% in case Mr. Telephone Repair Guy ever shows up.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Lately, I do not want anyone to touch me!

  10. #10
    New Member
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    Med are disgusting, i have no idea why women put up with us.

  11. #11
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Attention and validation are exceedingly powerful forces. That our society has been taken over by social media is just one example of the absolute power of attention and validation. Those of us who strive to look or feel like women may, at some point, enjoy these forces coming from a man. Whether or not you are physically or sexually attracted to a man is irrelevant. The fact that your presentation as a woman is somehow appealing to a man can easily trump your intrinsic hetero fears. That's OK. Enjoy the moment. Carry on.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    The idea that there are straight crossdressers who aren?t gay or at least a bit bi curious is still hard for me to comprehend. I can?t imagine wearing dresses and lingerie and not ever entertaining the thought.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JulieC View Post
    The next morning (Saturday), I was in a grocery store mulling about the feelings I'd had the prior day, and thinking to myself, "I wonder...?" And here I am surrounded by what the world has to offer in the form of Mr. Saturday Mornings in all their scruffy beards and sweatpants. That shut down that thought _really_ quick! hahaha
    My wife and I are unusual in that regards. We rarely, if ever go shopping for anything sloppily dressed. I might hit the hardware store in the middle of a project in grubby jeans, but that is the exception. If we need to run for groceries, or maybe to home store to get items for some project you will see me in block high heel boots, men's jeans and button up shirt. (I don't dress out of the home, other than my passion for women's boots) People that shop looking like they just crawled out of bed make me crazy. Take a little pride in your appearance!

  14. #14
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    While I'm not attracted to men the thought of enjoying a "date" is attractive.
    The entire dressing for a nice evening out, being escorted to a nice restaurant, a lovely dinner and conversation, perhaps some dancing and drinks and then the awkwardness at the door ...
    and the fantasy stops there...
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  15. #15
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    So true Christie
    my female side never really had sexual thoughts for the first 50 years, it was always about being out, shopping, doing normal daytime public stuff, but lately... the thought of being dated by a guy and maybe even bedded isn't unappealing anymore (luckily for me, she's very fussy and she's not actively looking for a date)
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    I'm with Cheryl T.

    It's the idea of being on a date - with me as the female half, is very appealing. It's not about sex. It's about being seen, treated, and feeling like a lady. It's the little things I'd love, like having the door held for me, holding the chair for me, compliments on my hair or outfit or whatever, MAYBE even a little light flirtation - but it's not necessary.

    I have a GM friend who fully accepts my feminine side and if I were able to get a "kitchen pass" would almost surely be willing to do to dinner with his adopted sister (me). But I don't see that ever happening. My wife would have a major fit at the very idea of me leaving the house dressed. To go out on a "date" - even a friend date - would be ten times worse.

    I can understand her point of view and would never do it to her. But the dream persists.

  17. #17
    Junior Member Denice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star01 View Post
    The idea that there are straight crossdressers who aren?t gay or at least a bit bi curious is still hard for me to comprehend. I can?t imagine wearing dresses and lingerie and not ever entertaining the thought.
    Yeah. The thought has crossed my mind
    I'm a man. I like being a man. I also love wearing women's clothing. It's my way to show honor, respect and solidarity with them.

  18. #18
    Lacy Lacyfem's Avatar
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    I fully understand your feelings as at one time my dressing was just for me and my being as attractive as I can mostly for me. That changed awhile back when I realized that my sexuality was changing also as I more and more wanted to be attractive to a man, not all men of course and I think our ability to put ourselves out there now on the internet has definitely helped change how I think. I still find women attractive and so love admiring them when they are dressed well and don't find men attractive as a male but when dressed and I become Lacy it's hard to explain but I then do find men attractive but not all men again. As in real life we are not attracted to all of the other sex anyway so finding the right man is a challenge and I've managed to find a few boyfriends now that Lacy can enjoy. 99% of women want to attractive to men so find it interesting for those here who love emulating a woman have no interest in being attractive to them as again it's part of being a woman. As it doesn't mean you have to sleep with them but when a man finds me attractive I've succeeded in becoming the woman I love being inside and out.
    Lacyfem

  19. #19
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    I think the term for them is "twink".
    A 'twink' is a young, effeminate male, who generally assumes the 'female' role in a homosexual relationship.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  20. #20
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    The term "twink" is short for twinkle toes. We used that term in the 50's for wimply men!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  21. #21
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    A twink is definitely not swimmers physique, that's for sure. A twink would be 150lbs, not the 190lbs and ripped of a swimmer.

  22. #22
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    I'd much rather dress up and be found attractive by a lesbian!

  23. #23
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    Christie-
    It has always been my observation that one's natural instincts are always the best choice. With judgement, do what you naturally feel. Don't force anything, but slowly move in the direction, either backwards or forwards that is most appealing to your senses, Thinking and re-thinking things always helps.

    For me, I want to look like a woman, to feel like a woman and enjoy all of the lovely experiences and pleasures that a woman desires. One cannot abstractly appreciate the depths of feelings involved.

  24. #24
    Junior Member AndieB's Avatar
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    I've always been a little bi-curious but have never really acted on it. But as I've slid into my 30's, I'm finding myself fantasizing more about being with a man -- mostly on dates and being treated as a lady, but I won't deny I've thought about the other stuff too. Like others, I also find most men disgusting as well, but I can certainly tell the handsome ones apart from the others. I hope this doesn't offend anybody, but I find beards absolutely disgusting along with lot of body hair, so if I was ever involved with a guy he would have to be very well groomed for sure. But on the other hand, I don't know about living with a guy either...

  25. #25
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    I know exactly how you feel and think about it a lot.
    I have a few male cyber friends, a few I have met, who get me thinking about being their girl friend if my soulmate leaves me.
    It was a part I never fully explored when I was living as a girl in college.
    Sure I dated a few guys but mostly it became awkward as they were pretty immature.
    Being with a mature understanding guy who just want to have someone to cuddle with, love, and pamper is very appealing to me too.
    It would complete the full circle I experienced in my youth.
    I would think another crossdresser who has lost the desire to dress would be the ultimate boyfriend...what a couple we could be!
    I do love my wife and nothing would compare but having that complete understanding and being the one pampered is a nice desire.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

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