Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: Q 4 Those who dress with SO

  1. #1
    Member Aka_Donna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Sacramento Valley
    Posts
    490

    Q 4 Those who dress with SO

    This are questions for those who dress while living with SO.

    1. What is your verbal patter BEFORE dressing:
    ======================================
    A- not invading space questions, like
    do you mind?0
    would it be ok if...?

    B- affirmation questions, like
    I need to change
    I'll be back in a moment

    C- silent, like
    just disappear and then reappear with no comments


    2. What effect has the verbal patter BEFORE dressing had for you:
    ==========================================
    -- made easier
    -- made more difficult
    -- no change
    -- another comment

    3. What is your pre-condition with SO?
    ========================
    -- knew before got together
    -- discovered during life together
    -- DADT
    -- other

    4. How long have you been able to dress freely with SO?
    ==================================


    Thank you in advance for sharing as much as you can.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Michigan USA
    Posts
    7,977
    B
    No change
    Sort of knew before marriage (had seen me dressed in her clothes)
    10 years freely dressed with her

  3. #3
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Southeast WI.
    Posts
    2,624
    C sometime B
    no chance
    told her after we got married
    20 years

  4. #4
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Posts
    232
    Q1. More like B, I'd say: "I feel like being Lori today, this afternoon, this evening," whatever. Sometimes C, in the sense that if my wife is out for a while and I'm at home, she might find me as Lori when she gets back. Luckily she's very accepting. She thinks it's fun. But I'm not Lori all the time. I'm "her man" most of the time.

    Q2. "Made easier" I suppose is the best answer. That's mainly because it seems natural to communicate. What you've called an "affirmative" answer still gives a partner an opportunity to comment, or raise an objection if necessary. So if I were going outside to work on something, say, it would be natural for me to tell my wife that. The same applies to "becoming Lori."

    Q3. Explored and discussed early during life together.

    Q4. More decades than I'd like to say!

    Quote Originally Posted by mbmeen12 View Post
    I dont understand the "survey" and relevance in helping you/us? Working on your degree and please expound?
    I wonder why you're asking, mbmeen. All questions like these are interesting and informative. The only difference is that these questions are more structured than most, which can be an advantage. Since SirDonna is described as "mostly retired," that seems a bit late to be working on a degree. My question for SirDonna is whether these thoughts were prompted by the recent thread Marriage before the tell. We hear plenty about DADT relationships, having to hide dressing from wives, and disasters following discovery. We don't always hear enough about those who can dress fully with their wives and SOs.

  5. #5
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    1,171
    Before answering, I'll say that I'm in a PARTIAL DADT situation. This means that Panties and nighties are OK. Anything else (or more) is something she doesn't want to see.

    But for the level of dressing I actually do around her, the answers are below.

    1. Sometimes she'll say "why don't you go get comfy" (meaning change into my nightie).
    Other times I just go change.
    If it's especially early in the evening, I might say something like "I'm going to go ahead and change"

    2. It's Just informative, I guess - about the same as "I'm taking the recycling out, anything you want to throw in?"
    Though it is nice to hear her suggest it. It means to me that she is OK.

    3. She knew before we got serious about being together (probably 4 or 5 dates in).

    4.What little I do with her around, I've done all along. That's about 20 years.

  6. #6
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    16,149
    1 Just normal like every day

    2.same answer

    3. Knew before, dated as Sher and Di

    4.Since the very first time meeting


    IMHO I think since we started as Sher and Di, it was not something new , not something different we could be ourselves , no stress over dressing because that was our normal.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


    Administrator

  7. #7
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    B
    no change
    -- knew before got together
    Since meeting
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,764
    Q1) I dress when I feel like it and there is an opportunity. My wife is supportive, so whenever I do dress I don't preamble it, I just dress. I'll be doing so here shortly, after I take a shower.

    Q2) Not directly relevant in my situation.

    Q3) My wife knew about my crossdressing before we got engaged. A few years before her, I'd dated a woman who was completely unaccepting. I decided to not accept that sort of attitude again, and vowed to immediately break up with anyone who was not accepting. After my wife and I had been dating for a couple of months, I told her about my crossdressing. It was far enough in for her to know me, but not so far in that it would be tragic if we broke up. She took it well, and bought me pantyhose a couple of days later. Been together 21 years, married 19. Like Jenna below (editing post), my wife appreciates some aspects of this. For example, I'm fine with spending hours shopping.

    Q4) See Q3; since two months in to our relationship.
    Last edited by JulieC; 05-11-2021 at 08:24 AM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jenn A116's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    lower right part of US
    Posts
    1,717
    Q1 A. I feel like its a courtesy to let her know. Please don't interpret this as asking for permission though, we've covered that ground and she is ok with it.

    Q2 No change.

    Q3 She knew before we got married. In fact, before we even got engaged. She says one of the things that she likes about me is a certain softness in my manner.

    Q4 Married 24 years now
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,544
    I dress most evenings, so she has grown to expect it. No words need to be spoken. Some evenings I don't dress and she looks confused!

    We were "no way!" Then DADT for a while, then heck with it, just go ahead and dress! It was a slow transition.

    I have been dressing with her for maybe two years, not really sure.

  11. #11
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,622
    1 - A
    2 - No change just making sure I have time and we are not expecting company
    3 - She knew about my dressing before we got serious very early in the dating process
    4 - Since 2008
    Jill

  12. #12
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,444
    1. At first it was "I'm going to be dressed when you come home"
    Then it progressed to "Is it ok"
    Now I'm nearly full time and most of the clothing I wear are feminine.

    2. It was more of a courtesy to her when I would say something. Now it's so accepted it's just natural.

    3. She discovered after being married for 10 years.

    4. Now it's been nearly 20 years.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  13. #13
    New Member CallMeHeather's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    Portland, OR, USA
    Posts
    28
    1. I really only dress when we are going out together, or when we are hosting guests, so I guess the answer is C? Like, there's no discussion- I'm GOING to dress.

    2. n/a

    3. I told her early in our relationship. (Was tired of hiding my painted toes!)

    4. For as long as she's known (nearly the entire relationship). But again, for us it's a weekend thing- still takes me 60-90 minutes to get fully done up, so I don't do it unless we have somewhere to go or someone to see.

  14. #14
    Member Aka_Donna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Sacramento Valley
    Posts
    490
    Thank you all for your responses. And no this is not part of a research project. It just seems that a hurdle in moving from DADT to daily/nightly dressing is the transition and I was looking for wisdom from those who have been there. Background is that before this year dressing was a hit and miss thingy with both of us having issues adjusting to it. This year started dressing more at night and now, i.e., this spring, it happens most nights. One issue I had to deal with was the SO reaction to the appearance change. Some of my down moments I took any comments as asking permission, but it was more than that. As a member mentioned, now it's more on the same level emotionally for both of us as, well I'm taking out the garbage. Be back in a moment. Guess I started with the A- not invading space comments, and moved to B-affirmation comments when disappearing to change.

    I still don't feel comfortable changing in front of SO, but don't really care. This has been a great year and mostly nightly dressing to relax with SO is a beautiful and wonderful experience.

    I suspected others might struggle with this journey and so hoped posing the question and your all responses would help at least one kindred spirit.

    Cheers

  15. #15
    Member SissieScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    120
    Q1) Sometimes A but for the most part on those days I am already dressed before she gets home and other times she even asks me to dress or we help each other dress.

    Q2) no change, but sometimes enhances it, especially if she suggests it, or like the other day she surprised me with an outfit she KNEW I would like, but also something she wanted to see me in. <3

    Q3) She new within the first couple weeks of our relationship. We were both sick of living unhappy lives in unhappy relationships, and not willing to waste each others time.

    Q4) We've been together since 2/27/2004..... So I'd probably say since April 2004 I wanted to make it very clear that I was unwilling to hide it any longer. With that being said, it actually ended up solidifying our *bond*. She knew ALL of me....and I knew ALL of her......No more crosses to bare or secrets to hide....... Well until my wife was ill and my MIL would help during the day while I was at work....and the day she folded the laundry basket full of my *unmentionables* I forgot to take upstairs!

  16. #16
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    68
    B - I just say I am going to slip into something nice. My darling wife knows what that means.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    The OC
    Posts
    746
    I just tell her I want to bring Joni out for a bit. She's never said "No".
    Jon

  18. #18
    Member ambigendrous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    San Jose, Ca, USA
    Posts
    328
    I simply say 'I'm going to get comfortable" - sometimes my wife will start it with "Why don't you go get comfortable?"...
    Ambigendrous
    Wealth should not be measured by how much you have, but by how little you need - anon

  19. #19
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    I am with Di on this,its just a normal way of life now, my GF knew I dressed before we became "an item" so to speak. If there is gardening or something like that to do then I will tell I am going to change other than that dressing, undressing together is just a way of life.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  20. #20
    Member Cacique82's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    Mid-West
    Posts
    124
    1. What is your verbal patter BEFORE dressing: I'm in between A/B, I usually like to ask but she's told me numerous times she's ok with it. I guess the idea of her being ok with it is still exciting-still in a bit of disbelief.
    2. What effect has the verbal patter BEFORE dressing had for you: -- made easier
    3. What is your pre-condition with SO? -- discovered during life together [told her years into marriage]
    4. How long have you been able to dress freely with SO? Around Three Years

  21. #21
    Member Gi Gondin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2021
    Location
    Brazil
    Posts
    189
    1. No common pattern. Usually she asks me to put something more sexy or more comfortable. That?s her cue. And usually complains that I?m not surprising her enough. I have been puzzled why. Why I?m not taking every single opportunity to express myself when the person I love and live with is so excited and supportive. Help me on that.

    2. It makes a lot easier.

    3. Told her 2-3 months into our relationship.

    4. Been together for 4 years.

  22. #22
    Member steffigirl37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    225
    1 A. Mostly, I feel she deserves the courtesy. Although there are times when I say "I really need to tonight"

    2 B Much easier

    3 B Both of us never really understood who I was. After many years of frustration and anxiety, acceptance fulfillment prevailed.

    4 +/-30 years

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State