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Thread: Dating

  1. #26
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Thanks for your input Dutchess. I have had one guy that was an engineer working in Dubai. I blocked him right away. I also get frequent friend request on Facebook from army and air force generals, retired and working for the UN to feed the hungry, heal the sick an$ work to bring about world peace. I denied two request today from suspicious characters. I am not sure what the old fashion way of meeting is.

  2. #27
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    The old fashioned way is just what you mentioned above , through friends, work or other activities PLUS you do alot of community work so you are out and about alot which is a great thing . I think you will meet someone who is of like mind since things are starting to open back up.
    You've got alot going for you !
    IG : Knightress Oxide

  3. #28
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Dating as a transwoman can get tricky, especially if you are unsure about the "reveal", if you are pre-op. For myself, as a pre-op woman living 24/7, I am always up front about it in order to give the gentleman the opportunity to bow out gracefully.

    If I underwent GRS/SRS, I honestly don't know if I would give out that information without being asked. In a way, I think it would be obvious that I wasn't born as a cis-woman, being 6 feet tall with size 12 men's feet. Although that hasn't stopped several men from chatting me up at work. And NO, I haven't accepted any invitations from customers! I am not overly eager to become someone's "bucket list" item or a one night stand!
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  4. #29
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    I have thought about Kim?s question about being the one to reach out. I just seems to me that eagerness can be misunderstood for promiscuity. You need to understand that I have clearly stated in my profile that ?I am a post op trans woman.? And, as I have said already, not all men even know what that means. However, after reading my profile, if they show interest then the elephant becomes visible, hopefully.

    If it seems that I repeat myself in these posts, it is because I am not sure, at this point in this thread, that new posters are reading all of the comments and understand what this is about, meeting men, not sex. This thread is about really dating men in the real world as a woman with a chance of finding, perhaps, a life partner. I do not want this thread to become about hooking up, big surprises, etc.

    All that being said, I did not have the date yesterday with Terry the banker/ investment guy. He messaged me to say that he would get back to me about where and when after previously agreeing to meet for lunch. Having never met he had not earned the right to put me on hold like that. After a couple of hours I messaged him and said that I had a lot going on and I didn?t think I would have time for him.

    I have only met four men at this point. Of the four only one would I see again and he has actually suggested that we do just that.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 06-26-2021 at 05:13 PM.

  5. #30
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    One in four is probably a reasonable ratio. In a city the size of your home town there are likely many, many more yet to meet. You?ll probably find the right one.

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dutchess View Post
    The old fashioned way is just what you mentioned above , through friends, work or other activities PLUS you do alot of community work so you are out and about alot which is a great thing . I think you will meet someone who is of like mind since things are starting to open back up.
    You've got alot going for you !
    Do people still meet by being introduced through mutual friends? I know it is how my parents and many family members met, and it is how some met when I was younger. I mentioned it to a group of both older and younger people and they all looked at me like I was stark raving crazy. It seems perfectly sensible, it has to be safer and have far better odds of finding someone compatible than trying to meet completely unknown strangers online.

  7. #32
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    I have not and will not meet an unknown stranger from an online site. In every case the online connection leads to much additional contact by text messages, phone calls, exchange of pictures and possibly emails.

    I have no place of work, activities have not resumed and introductions through friends is a long shot. Most relationships nowadays begin online through social media or dating sites.

    The world has changed a lot in recent years, especially in the last 15 months. Many people work from home. Even those who have returned to the workplace have not resumed interacting with colleagues like they did in the past. When I was crazy busy with activities, church, rodeo, habitat, it was very rare to meet someone and go on a date afterwards. I could count them on one hand.

    There are no simple answers. I have actually not asked a question. Dating these days is a challenge for anyone and everyone. Even teenagers have been home schooling in the past year, unable to socialize except by . . .social media. Anyone?s application of reason or past experiences may or may not be of any assistance.

    I am appreciative of the input here so far. I will continue to update and share my experiences and what I learn. Maybe it will help someone down the road.

  8. #33
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    Do people still meet by being introduced through mutual friends? I know it is how my parents and many family members met, and it is how some met when I was younger. I mentioned it to a group of both older and younger people and they all looked at me like I was stark raving crazy. It seems perfectly sensible, it has to be safer and have far better odds of finding someone compatible than trying to meet completely unknown strangers online.
    Yes they do but like in my case that is how I met my late darling Kat , was through a friend I knew from here . The difference being is that the world is alot smaller , most of us are online so My friend from here is from Boston , I was in Corpus Christi and Kat was in San Francisco . We made the effort to meet and for us it was ok to re arrange things. I wanted to leave Texas anyway so it worked out .. She introed us on a facebook thread we were talking about Lilly Pulitzer fabrics so totally non sexual /dating . We started as friends( I was totally smitten though ) Kat was completely out then as well .
    I met my ex husband that way also through friends in a UK based classic rock MSN group I belonged too,he was not IN the group but was friends in real life with two of the mods there .

    These are just examples. I am a VERY FREE ( CANNOT emphasize that enough ) spirit and realize this wont work for everyone or at least not on this scale . I got on that plane in my yoga capris with one duffle bag and flew 5000 miles to The Netherlands when we eventually met 9 months later .
    IG : Knightress Oxide

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member Dorit's Avatar
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    I just joined OKCupid. I wrote my real age of 74 and that I was a transgender woman. I added six recent photos. Within three days I received 71 likes within 50 miles of Tel Aviv where I live! Is this normal? I am not sure how to proceed, but I am learning.

  10. #35
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Dorit, what I have discovered is that many, if not most men our age do not know what ?transgender woman? means and will not bother to find out. Add to that the fact that many men respond to the pictures on your profile and not your information.
    71 likes in three days is not unusual at all.

    Did you join for free? If so, they can see your stuff but will only be notified of their views or likes but you cannot respond. You must pay the dues to really join the site.

    Out of hundreds of men wanting to meet me I have only agreed to meet four men. All four dates were for lunch at busy places and went well. The first two were nice, good looking guys but not necessarily a match. The third I actually thought was a match but a couple of hours into conversation revealed that we were polarized in ideologies. It could never work. It broke my heart to end it.

    The forth guy turned out to be a real nut case. Several hours after returning home he sent me a disgustingly obscene and degrading message. I had to report him to the dating site and block him from my cell number. He was ticked off because the date didn?t result in having sex.

    I do not know if the various dating sites have different cultures or not. I am sure that there are some decent men who try using the sites but it seems that most expect to hook up on the first date or soon after.

    For several weeks I have been in a holding pattern. Many men have indicated that they want to meet me but I just delete the messages. I am sure that I will meet more but the rigor of sorting through all the hits on my profile is too much for me right now. I have other things to do.

    Be careful, be smart and good luck.

  11. #36
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I met 4 different guys years ago, and made it clear, No penetration sex. Met one of them twice, but he id not wan to meet anymore. The last guy i met was mean. I no longer meet men.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  12. #37
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    My six month subscription to a dating site expires in a couple of days and I will not renew at this time. It has been a learning experience to say the least. I have learned that most men in Texas of my generation have no idea what a trans woman is. The few that do are focused primarily on that. What I had hoped for, and still do, is a genuine relationship where sex is not the goal and physical attraction is not the driving force.

    In that six months I met eight men and went on 14 dates. Four of the men became infatuated with me right from the start. I do not want to be the object of infatuation. At the very least I had hoped for maybe a friend to do things with, a companion for dinner or a movie, maybe my plus one when I have an affair to attend. If, in time, we became friends with benefits that would be ok too.

    So far it has not worked out that way. There is one guy left to meet. We have been communicating for a while and have switched from messaging through the dating site to email. He has given me his mobile number, home number and address. He respects my reluctance to offer my number at this point. I have explained to him that I have had to block several guys.

    We meet in three days for the first time. It seems that we have more in common than anyone else I have meet so far. He lives a distance away, maybe an hour and a half away.

    I am cautiously optimistic.

  13. #38
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Good luck! One decent guy out of eight sounds about right?

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member Dorit's Avatar
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    I too let my three month subscription to a dating site expire. I had about 120 guys "like" me, most in their fifties. While very flattering, I soon realized that they had only looked at the photos and not my profile! I did have one very good date, we were together four hours; dinner, ice-cream, walking around Tel Aviv. We agreed we would text about getting together the next weekend. When that day came, he very politely and sensitively wrote that after a week of indecision he decided that he did not want to continue the relationship. I need some time off before I try again.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    I am just starting to get into dating as my new, female self. I have a profile on one dating site, but have it clearly stated there that I am not quite ready yet to actually date. I may join other sites when I am ready to accept offers.

    A female friend of mine recently introduced me to two nice, single and unattached women, both of whom are either lesbian or bisexual, and both seem open to dating me. I?ve been to dances and karaoke nights with both those ladies, together with the friend who introduced us and her boyfriend. They both like to spend time with me, and both fully accept me as a transgender woman who is interested in other women. And both ladies agree they wound like to meet for an initial platonic ?conversation and getting to know each other better? type of first date , some time fairly soon!

  16. #41
    New Member AndrogynousBandy's Avatar
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    I've always had bad luck dating people, especially since I've always end up doing all the work, in order to keep them in my circle. One of the con biological traits that was past down to me was an all or nothing attitude in catering to people. I've always gotten left behind due to them getting far more out of my help, then tossing me aside.

    I think I'm better off embracing a lifetime of solitude, honestly.

  17. #42
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    I have a pansexual friend. She really doesn't care about the gender of her partner. They can be of any gender according to her. She is afab, and describes herself as queer. Those people do exist, albeit they are a minority.

  18. #43
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    My six month subscription to a dating site expired on November 3. I met eight men from the site but could have agreed to meet many others. I was just not impressed by their profile information. One of the guys I saw a second time, another I saw two additional times and one I saw three more times.

    None of the guys were my type. I am not even sure what my type is but I will know when I meet him, hopefully. Not only that, it is difficult dating in Houston because it involves a huge geographic area and none of the guys lived closer than an hour away.

    Even after my subscription ended I continued dating some. The last date was with guy number six, I believe. He was my plus one to a huge rodeo kickoff party.

    None of the dates resulted in physical intimacy, btw. What I would like first and foremost is a meaningful relationship, even if it is just friends. Romance and intimacy may follow with the right guy.

    In the meantime, my life is busy. And, I like my independence. More than likely I will try another dating service someday but for now I am ok.

  19. #44
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    Hey Jeri Ann,

    What happened with the guy you mentioned in October? That sounded a little promising.

    Good luck, and when you least expect it, you'll find someone worth hanging with. If course no one will be perfect, so you choose which compromises are acceptable.

  20. #45
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Hey Meghan, Jack is the one that I saw twice. He lives two hours away, a very difficult two hours. He is a nice guy but really not a close match for me. Too conservative, if you know what I mean. He did give me enough roofing materials for the 8x12 storage building I am working on.

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