Hello. I don't know how to start even. (English is not my native language and it is a little harder for me expressing certain things. My apologies if i say something wrong)

I'm 44 years old. Crossdressing since 13 or so. Single. 1'70 mts and 55 kgs. Long hair.
I have been able to manage my situation more or less without problems around my family and friends until now. Sometimes in an easy way, sometimes with more complicated "lies" in the process.
But lastly, around the last year, "the urge" to crossdress is quite different. Or at least, it is what it seems. I just need it because I feel right when i'm using women clothes. And it is not a sexual thing at all. When i'm at home in my "girl mode", i'm relaxed, i'm in peace and i'm happy. (Not jumping around like a bunny but you know, smiling) xD

When i'm using male clothes most of time i'm sad, serious, without energy we could say. I hate the hairs growing every day in my beard, for example. And more things but that details aren't important now.
I see women everyday in tv, in the streets, in internet and, all i can think is that i'm jealous of them. Their bodies, their clothes, etc... It's crazy, i know, because i like women.

And here is what i scares me the most. What if am i a potential transgender person? Or is it just another phase provoked by the fact of thinking continually around the same theme and not having for example a girlfriend or wife? Because the truth is that being single is not a problem for me. Never have been in fact.

Said this, i have been thinking a lot and i'm very tired of the situation. I could never do anything that makes damage to my family and that is out of discussion.

I don't know what to do. Really.

I'm resigned to this life and i can assume it. Because not all the people have the strength or capacity to make certain things. And i think that i'm very confused at this moment.

Well, crossdressing is my way of life until now. I just want to be happy and not hurting anyone beloved.


Sorry for the extrange message. I don't know very well how express what i feel these days.


Best regards and have a great day there. Thanks for reading.