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Thread: To Face The Truth...

  1. #26
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Jessica, things have changed so much for me also since back in the day. I've long since given up getting nervous dressing and going out. It's become commonplace. Like when we were out at a club in CM this Sat. nite.

    Yes! The CM I live in! We have the hottest, most popular LGBT friendly club in the OC! It was a trans BDay party for one of our own, Victoria. But, it wasn't at Mary's in Long Beach or in W. Hollywood. It was in CM! And, I was out there dancing among all the 20 to 40 young girls until my feet ached in my hi heels. And then, while standing off to the side watching, a 20 something woman insisted I go back out and dance with her! Brooke. And, things like this have been happening ever since I got my shots in Feb. and began gong out clubbing again, but in the OC!

    People, especially women, r much more than accepting of T's. They're friendly and encouraging! Rite here on the other side of the Orange Curtain!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #27
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    I'm going to try and focus. On what? I'm not certain.
    I'll offer a question:


    Why are you back here?


    Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased you're here.. But how come? 🤨.


    You are familiar with our content: There is peace, and there is conflict. Most of it is the latter. The people that find peace mostly leave to continue with their lives - transitioned or otherwise. I don't see euphoria. Just peace. ( Well, I can think of one person that would probably claim euphoria, but the believability of what they write is 1/x : x → ∞ ).


    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    - I had that opportunity earlier this week. Couldn't be bothered in the least bit.

    - ...my brain has a fond recollection of each and every experience within a female experience.

    - Although the female perspective remains, the experience part has taken a back seat to...life.

    - My perspective is the same but I am no longer chained to a longing for more.

    - I'm simply no longer wrapped up in trying to express myself in that way.

    You're at peace . Consistency. Congratulations! The only way is down! 😐.


    But down there, the fleeting release from conflict can feel like euphoria. Fleetingly. It does feel really good - like the first breath of air after being submerged in water. I can imagine the exhale being missable. But an entire existence of exhale is not possible. I'd take what you have, and I'd run:

    - "I don't want to be unhappy. Got a blue pill? 😐." Link.

    - ""Sometimes?" . . I would take the blue pill! 😐." Link.

    - "This is why the blue pill is also a valid solution." Link.

    - "although I have oft stated that I would take the 'blue pill' ( and I still would... )" Link.



    You've said you do not seek more. That's good because the existence of euphoria looks highly doubtful ( and if weren't, it certainly wouldn't be found here ).


    Or do you miss the conflict? Because by being here without having had the conflict tangibly treated ( i.e. medication, surgery, etc ), you flirt with re-finding it . But in the words of Gotye:


    You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
    Like resignation to the end, always the end.
    So when we found that we could not make sense
    Well, you said that we would still be friends..

    ..But I'll admit that I was glad it was over.




    - L.

  3. #28
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Jessica, things have changed so much for me also since back in the day. I've long since given up getting nervous dressing and going out. It's become commonplace. Like when we were out at a club in CM this Sat. nite.
    There's part of me who says I'd love to join you at this club. Even if only for an hour. Even if only in guy mode. Let me know what you're up to and we'll make it happen!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lydianne View Post
    I'll offer a question:


    Why are you back here?


    Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased you're here.. But how come? 🤨.


    You are familiar with our content: There is peace, and there is conflict. Most of it is the latter. The people that find peace mostly leave to continue with their lives - transitioned or otherwise. I don't see euphoria. Just peace. ( Well, I can think of one person that would probably claim euphoria, but the believability of what they write is 1/x : x → ∞ ).





    You're at peace . Consistency. Congratulations! The only way is down! 😐.


    But down there, the fleeting release from conflict can feel like euphoria. Fleetingly. It does feel really good - like the first breath of air after being submerged in water. I can imagine the exhale being missable. But an entire existence of exhale is not possible. I'd take what you have, and I'd run:

    - "I don't want to be unhappy. Got a blue pill? 😐." Link.

    - ""Sometimes?" . . I would take the blue pill! 😐." Link.

    - "This is why the blue pill is also a valid solution." Link.

    - "although I have oft stated that I would take the 'blue pill' ( and I still would... )" Link.



    You've said you do not seek more. That's good because the existence of euphoria looks highly doubtful ( and if weren't, it certainly wouldn't be found here ).


    Or do you miss the conflict? Because by being here without having had the conflict tangibly treated ( i.e. medication, surgery, etc ), you flirt with re-finding it . But in the words of Gotye:


    You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.
    Like resignation to the end, always the end.
    So when we found that we could not make sense
    Well, you said that we would still be friends..

    ..But I'll admit that I was glad it was over.




    - L.
    There you go again, challenging me...in a good way but the time or two that I have beeped in here since you wrote these words, I have escaped with my tail between my legs having not written a single reply.

    Why am I still here?

    Let me name those who have been here, left a lasting impression and departed to who knows where. Or not. I don't want to leave anyone out but they are all special in their way.

    I don't want to be that girl. The person that 2 or 3 people here might think about from time to time wondering "where did she go?"

    And if I wasn't averse to something clicking and bringing all I knew back into the forefront, I wouldn't be here at all.

    Which brings me to a momentous event from several weeks ago. I received a message from Erica letting men know she'd be in town for the first time since prior to the pandemic. Shall we get together?

    Duh! Of course we shall. And we also invite our friend Diana and her partner Tim.

    Diana, I could write pages about her. A makeup artist by trade who saw my mug wandering around a San Diego-area Macys and the next thing I knew, I had an appointment for a makeover. Fast forward, she became a true friend...and a dear friend to many in these pages. We went to Vegas for DLV. That is where we all met Tim who didn't miss a beat with all of the crazy trans action going on around him.

    Erica was gracious in emphasizing I could show up in whatever mode I chose and for that I am grateful. Strangely (or not) it never crossed my mind to go in girl mode although in hindsight, there is a smidgen of regret not making that effort. The four of us had a wonderful dinner and then it was goodbye...until next time.

    Friendship transcends this whole gender thing. I am blessed to have the support of so many terrific friends.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  4. #29
    Banned Read only
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    Jack Kerouac would be proud.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member
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    the sirens beckon..

    28D9DCB5-4E27-42AA-8C2F-778E0E0A044F.jpg

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    I don?t know your degree of gender conflict and i won?t presume. I?m also not offering up my path as a solution to that conflict, if any. I?ll only say that my intense skepticism that human happiness was a real thing has been seriously reduced by living openly and transitioning*. I?m not talking about moments of joy. I?m talking about being a bit lighter?about the reduction of that sadness?of that longing. In my intensely over analytical mind, the cost/benefit ratio definitely didn?t pencil out.

    And then I jumped, because I couldn?t take it anymore. And I found I greatly overestimated the costs, and greatly underestimated the benefits. I?m so much happier now I keep waiting for the transition related disaster to strike. But your journey may be totally different.

    namaste. I think I may go to DLV next year. If both of us do, let?s try to meet up for a glass of wine. We can talk about precious things

    *i believe the definition of gender related transition is subjective to the individual, not defined by the high council of transiness or any other group think.
    Last edited by Nikki.; 10-23-2021 at 09:11 AM.

  6. #31
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    @Sara Jessica:

    Thank you for the reply 👍.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    There you go again, challenging me...
    Sorry. The mic was free 🎙️ . I didn't realise it was on ➿ .


    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    the time or two that I have beeped in here since you wrote these words, I have escaped with my tail between my legs having not written a single reply.
    Yours is not an often seen route to peace - hence my interest 🤔. It's probably also difficult for you to explain how or why it works. From the outside, it just looks like magic 🪄🎩🐇.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    I don't want to be that girl. The person that 2 or 3 people here might think about from time to time wondering "where did she go?"
    Based on what I wrote, you can probably deduce that if you would have disappeared without reply and never came back, you would have had my support in absentia, knowing you were at peace 🖖.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    And if I wasn't averse to something clicking and bringing all I knew back into the forefront, I wouldn't be here at all.
    I think if I were in your position, I would most likely be frightened to analyse it or lean on it, lest I break it with questioning thoughts or a too hard push.. Like that butterfly you can't see because it's in a box, but if you open the box, it would die. Belief in the unexplainable to remain intact probably differs by each individual based on past experiences.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    Strangely (or not) it never crossed my mind to go in girl mode although in hindsight, there is a smidgen of regret not making that effort.
    Well, if you *truly* wanted to, that's one thing. However,...


    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica
    Erica was gracious in emphasizing I could show up in whatever mode I chose
    I don't know Erica, but I can think of a very good reason to say that.


    If she was aware you had since found peace in a different mode to what she knew you as, she might have been happy for you to be in whichever mode that is. I know I would.

    I would hate it if somebody showed up in a mode contrary to their truth contrary to how they are happily living daily solely because they think it would make me happier 😢.


    I know some full-femme members here would not like to be seen with others whose truth lies between the binaries and would welcome or try to enforce a binary presentation upon them. I would not want to perpetuate that upon another. That's exactly what the wider society has done to us - hence why we sought support in the first place. Very astute move on Erica's part to make that comment 👏.


    Pleased you had a good time! 🙂. Long may your peace continue! 🕊️.


    No more questions 🤐🔌.. your honour ⚖️.

    - L.
    Last edited by Lydianne; 10-23-2021 at 12:23 PM.

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