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Thread: Anybody mourn their lost youth?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member josie_S's Avatar
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    I totally do Charlotte, though I'm not sure I would say I mourn it. I think you really got robbed by being hospitalized during those same years so mourning is appropriate. I just wish I wasn't so hung up back then on what others might think--I wish I would have just enjoyed my life guilt-free. I also wish I still had that body! but I don't mourn it. Maybe you are just now catching up to mourning what you lost? Grief is weird...and you look great now!

  2. #27
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    As that great philosopher and baseball legend Yogi Berra once put it "Youth is wasted on the young". Kind of goes along with his other sage observation that "Nostalgia ain't what it used to be".

    To a large extent, I agree with that assessment, and I do have some regrets about doing (or not doing) certain things that in hindsight, I would have done differently. But that is one of the benefits of age and the wisdom gained from life experiences - both good and bad.

    Do I miss my youth? Yes, of course. Would I trade it for what "life" has taught me and how it has shaped me into being the person who I am today? Not a chance...

  3. #28
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I try not to dwell on the past. When I do I always get stuck at 17, an age where I made several decisions which altered the course of my life. While I have no regrets, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I were 17 again with the knowledge, insight, and wisdom I have now. Would I make different decisions? Who knows?
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  4. #29
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    I've had thoughts about what if and I've given it a lot of thought. I do honestly believe that life is easier as a male. Maybe that's just my male brain talking but unless I could do a pre-birth gender switch
    I prefer to be a male gender explorer.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  5. #30
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    When I left home for college, I considered transitioning. Briefly. That was a long time ago, a very different time, and my family was extremely conservative. The only trans people I had ever seen were hairdressers and prostitutes with broken family ties, and that didn't seem very appealing to me. I often wonder what life would have been like for me had I gone down that road. Very often.

  6. #31
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    I have often wondered what being a woman instead of a man could have been like, and always decided that putting up with male crap and childish behaviors would have been too much for me to bear and I would probably have transitioned FTM or been a lesbian to avoid that. I often pity my wife for having to put up with me and sometimes wonder why she sticks with me, but am glad she does and to have been born a male.
    In my teen years and twenties I wrote a lot of short stories. One was about a guy being transmuted to a woman as a second chance after being brutally killed. The woman in question immediately seeked a female SO not a male. I can't decide if choosing that path for the character was a consequence of my heterosexuality or of my recurring consternation with the behavior and immaturity of some of my male friends of the time, especially the kind who loved to be in clans or to prove one dumb way after another that they actually were men.

  7. #32
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Lost youth, hell; I'm scratching my head wondering where late middle age went to.....

    Seriously, though, Charlotte, you being hospitalized for so long at so young an age was a real tragedy. That is the time when many young people have the experiences that lay the foundation of their adult lives. It is reasonable that you should mourn it.

    Just don't spend too much of your energy on it. The memories that will comfort you later on are born in the here and now. What you do in the present, right now, matters.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  8. #33
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    Since started transitioning? Absolutely, at various levels all the time. Agree with the idea that I wouldn’t want to give up what I’ve gotten over the years as a man but otherwise mourn lost youth, 20s, 30s, 40s and most of the 50s.

  9. #34
    Member Maria_mtf's Avatar
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    100% see where you are coming from and I agree. I am only 33 but already feel like I have lost so much time where I could have presented more as my true self. Problem is I am still wasting time in the closet even now!

  10. #35
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    Maria, get busy living. Now. You are so very young. A full decade younger than I am and probably up to three or four decades of our friends on here. Go for it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maria_mtf View Post
    100% see where you are coming from and I agree. I am only 33 but already feel like I have lost so much time where I could have presented more as my true self. Problem is I am still wasting time in the closet even now!

  11. #36
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    The grass is always greener ...

    Sure I would love to have had all the support and resources when I was 18 that the girls have now. I'm certain that had that been the case my life would surely have taken a different path. Unfortunately we can't turn back time.
    I would have relished not having to suffer all the shame and guilt as well as the fear of discovery and the pressure to be "like other boys". But dwelling on what might have been doesn't help me now. I focus on what can be yet.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  12. #37
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I began dressing in my 50's, Charlotte. So, I missed dressing in my actual 20's by quite a bit.

    But now, 25 years later, I'm still enjoying Sherry's 20's! Why, because I CAN!

    You're as old as u feel and it's your life. U can make it be whatever u want!
    WAK_6947 (595x640).jpg
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #38
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Anybody else go through this feeling of loss?
    No because I was working and working more working...At that early age it was engrained in me but now game on!
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  14. #39
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    One of my favourite films is ‘About Time’. It is a gentle comedy in which the main protagonist can go back in time and change things making them better. One problem that emerges is that changing one thing has knock on effects which changes other things. There is lots in the past that I wish I could change (mostly about my own behaviour) but there is so much about my life as it is that is good and valuable (especially my grandchildren) that I don’t think I’d want to risk changing the past if I could. Life has been a horrible struggle with abuse, depression and anxiety but in the end it brought me to where I am now, and where I am now is good.
    Last edited by JennyMay; 06-04-2021 at 01:24 AM.

  15. #40
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    I've hit the point in About Time where the father could no longer go back because he found out he had cancer from smoking after he'd had children, and didn't want to give up having them to save himself.

    I couldn't go back now because who's to say I'd recover from cancer if I had been on hormones etc. If I went back I'd no longer have my child etc.


    I think I'm feeling somewhat better about it all now.

  16. #41
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    I love About Time and think about that scenario all the time.

    Similarly think about the story in Arrival and how that applies as well.

  17. #42
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    Yeah, if my mom hadn't gotten cancer when I was 9, my children as they are now would not exist today. My mom survived, though she wasn't expected to. Life is dominoes; there's bad and good dominoes, but they all contribute to the overall outcome.

  18. #43
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    Absolutely. With a couple of major caveats.
    1. I wish I knew when I was in my teens and twenties what I know now. I probably would have transitioned.
    2. The level of acceptance and support was what it is today. In my youth and in the location I grew up in there was literally no acceptance or support at the time.

    Emerging as transgender later in life at least for me has been problematic and painful. I have reached a level of total acceptance but no matter what I mourn the loss of what such an opportunity may have yielded.
    Thx for the thread Charlotte.
    I have been circling for a thousand years,
    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

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    https://www.flickr.com/people/170325405@N05/

  19. #44
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    No, I don’t miss my lost youth. Being broke all the time, struggling to make a name for myself, being passed over for promotion in favor of someone who didn’t know one tenth what I knew about the job because I was just the young punk. No.

    I sometimes wish I’d transitioned back in my 20s, but realistically, trans people were less than nothing back then. To say nothing of how women were treated (early 1970's). Ignoring my true gender and trying to play the cards I was dealt was my best option at the time.

    But if I could be 20 years old again in 2021, knowing what I know now, …

  20. #45
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    No! But in your case, celebrate where you are now and where you are going into the future. The truth to yourself will set you freeeeeeee!!!!!!!

    Hugs,

    Allie

  21. #46
    Junior Member Adelina's Avatar
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    I do really wish I let myself out earlier, especially in university when it may have been realistic to be a girl most of the time. That?s life though.

  22. #47
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    My past had so many downs and a few up, mostly dependent on a helicopter Mom, worried I would get beat up and back in the hospital.
    It wasn't until I was in college that I felt free and comfortable being Candice. I would like to go back and live that lifestyle again though I know I hated studying. College for me was too much fun. I got my associates degree and got out...wish I had enough money to transition then, I might be married with a couple of adopted kids who see me as a loving mother.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  23. #48
    Aspiring Member Kathy Leigh's Avatar
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    I just wish we had websites like this when I was younger instead of being totally isolated with being able to talk to other CD's.

    If we only had access to women's clothes like we have on line now back when I was young it would have made things much easier.

    I am just happy now to have a forum where we can talk to each other and show ourselves to our peers in safety and comfort.

    Hugs,


    Kathy

  24. #49
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Charlotte, I can only apologize because anything I say must be virtually irrelevant to your own situation. Since I'm not gender dysphoric, I have no cause to regret the lack of opportunity to be a young woman, However, I do hear what you're saying, and I've heard it remarked before, that transgendered people (male to female) "never had a girlhood," which must be a "missing piece" in anyone's life and development. At least today some (not all) are granted a better opportunity to have something closer to a "girlhood." So yes, I can see how "being born at the wrong time" is a source of regret.

    But then the vast majority of humans were "born at the wrong time" in history anyway, living hard and difficult lives compared with ours--with millions condemned to manual labor for survival and little opportunity to do anything more creative, or for what Abraham Maslow called "self-actualization." So I've got no complaints about our unfairly maligned "Western society," the best in the world for crossdressers among many others. Our own society has "progressed," due to our accumulation of knowledge and technology, resulting economic advances, and the social improvements these permitted.

    With the unprecedented speed of advancement in modern times it's been normal for older people to envy the young for what the older generation never had. This isn't just about crossdressing. It's about the kind of people in my own youth saying things like "You kids are so lucky today! When I was your age"--oh, those famous phrases!--"we had to walk twelve miles to school every day, barefoot in frozen weather and ragged clothes and never got enough to eat" and all the rest of it. So much of this envy is normal in fast-changing times. It's just different issues for different generations.

    Speaking purely for myself, I have no regrets for any "lost youth." I would love to be younger again, better looking, and regain my vision loss due to glaucoma, not to mention a little bit of tinnitus--just "white noise" that I hardly notice--but those are all normal risks of aging that we all go through. If I were young in today's world, could I have done anything different and more enjoyably? Not much that I can think of. As a plain crossdresser, I was plagued with embarrassment and the need to "keep my secret" during my teen years. Yet that was only part of my life, and had I been encouraged by the example of others to go out in public dressed as a girl, I believe I would only have taken limited advantage of it anyway.

    I had fun in my youth, but I also suffered from the normal "teenage angst," not just about crossdressing but all the "usual" things as well: social anxiety, being a nerd instead of a jock, not being the greatest of stars in the eyes of most girls who attracted me, and all of that stuff. Due to various circumstances, I later came to refer to the times between my ninth and twenty-eight year as "my nineteen winters of discontent." These are obvious allusions both to Shakespeare's Richard the Third and to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle's verdict on the shortish reign of the luckless King Stephen.

    Yet "The Sun Also Rises," as Hemingway observed, and Shakespeare went on to say "Now is the winter of our discontent/Made glorious summer by this Sun..." That's how it was for me. and I think only growing personal maturity could have made that happen.

    My life changed for the better as my twenties progressed, when I made advantageous career moves, when I matured and began to accept my crossdressing, and when I got married to my beloved, accepting wife. My youth was as good as any, but my later life was better. I don't believe anything about "living in different times" would have changed any of this. I read somewhere that a survey found that men on average considered themselves happiest at the age of thirty-three, and this was true enough for me. So who needs those troubled days of "youth"? Many of them were fun, but as for the rest, you can keep it! The years afterward were better.

    In fact I'm glad to have been born in the times that I was. Though more problematic for anyone struggling with gender dysphoria, they were happier and freer times in many ways, with children for instance being more at liberty to roam and explore the environment around them at their own will, and without many of the increasing restrictions, neurotic fears (despite the "Cold War") and exaggerated, smothering fussiness that oppress us today (which "Liberty Lori" naturally despises). Gee, people in the past had real things to deal with, like two World Wars and a Great Depression in between! I think many of us older folks born later had more worry-free fun, without being bombarded with so many of the world's woes. For one thing, an older woman friend of mine remarked that "you didn't have to worry about getting a job" in our days. And many other issues besides, such as far less fear of crime, more local community spirit, more stability, less coldhearted anonymity, more warm, natural "organic" human interactions, and others too numerous to name. So even if we never had cellphones and the Internet, and I always had to crossdress in secret, you won't catch me grousing about "walking barefoot to school" without so much as a video game to play afterwards. No time in history was ever perfect, but some have been better than others. and I'm glad to have been born when I was. So no regrets for any "lost youth" here.

    If times are better for anyone struggling with gender issues today, then as Rafiki said in The Lion King, don't worry yourself over a past that can't be changed, and certainly never could have been by anything you could possibly have done differently yourself, in the circumstances. Just look to what you're free to do in the present and the future, and good luck to you!

  25. #50
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I turned 60 recently, so I have been considering my life. There are somethings I wish I had done differently, an ex-wife I wish I had never married, etc.. My dressing is not something I could do anything about. When I dream of myself as female, its at my current age, so I don't look back in that regard.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

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