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Thread: Anybody mourn their lost youth?

  1. #1
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    Oct 2009

    Anybody mourn their lost youth?

    I've had a feeling of sadness recently, and my counselling helped my pinpoint some of it.

    I regret not saying something sooner, and I regret that I didn't grow up as a female. I miss the youth I could have had, the experiences I could have had, the clothes I could have worn, the teenage years of fun and excitement, the 20's where you start to figure things out.

    Equally I didn't have a male 19-24 either because I was hospitalised and socially isolated for the majority of that time. I miss what I could have experienced there.

    For sure, it wouldn't have been all good times and great experiences - I was bullied anyway, so I would definitely have been bullied for being trans, but I miss it anyway.

    It's gone now. I'll never be a woman in their 20's.

    Anybody else go through this feeling of loss?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Nope! Not a chance! For a woman, life is more than pretty clothes. In my twenties I would have been expected to be servient to a man. Of course, my twenties started in 1967. Then, if you were a woman you were expected to knock out babies and cook dinner, etc. Frankly, if I was a woman I'd opt for now and be in my 30's and early 40's.

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    South Western PA
    Nope also... 19-24 was my college years and I had a total blast. And still graduated. Then got married.... moved to the Appalachian Mts and went to work in the coal mines. Does not get any better than that? Lol. By the time I was 30 got back north of the Mason-Dixon Line so everything was good... still is.

  4. #4
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    Sep 2017
    South Mississippi
    Nope here also. Didn't know about Sidney back then. I've had a good life with few regrets.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    Austin, TX
    Only to the extent that I catch myself looking at really cute outfits on line only to realize that it's the Aeropostale site and all those cute dresses' are on girls about fifteen meaning that there's no way in HE(Karen, can I borrow a couple of hockey sticks?) that they would ever look good on my 40(in hex) year old body.

    I do think that if I were 20 today, I'd give a lot more consideration to transitioning.
    I am Me and Me is OK!


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    I am sad from time to time about not being a teenage or 20 something woman. I occasionally run into something that I'd love to wear, but would look completely inappropriate on a woman in her 50s...yet completely appropriate for a 20 year old woman. I'm drawn to such clothes sometimes as sort of a "missed youth", as it were.

  7. #7
    Claire M Claire M's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    I actually do miss it... somewhat. In the later 1960s there was no Internet or much information about crossdressing, gender or sex for that matter readily available to a 13 year old kid in a strict Catholic environment. So every high of joy I felt slipping into my sister's clothes was usually overshadowed by a mountain of guilt and shame. I was pretty sure i was the only boy wearing girls clothes and was destined for a lonely life of daily casual sex encounters in public bathrooms with other men dressed in leather (according to "Everything you Wanted to Know About Sex*, But Were Afraid to Ask)

    So if I could do it over with what I know now I might have enjoyed it more. Plus when I was 15 ... even when I was 30 I had great hair which i would have let grow and with my fair, slightly feminine facial features I would do a lot more dressing, a lot more fem time, and a lot less purging.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Funny, I was just texting back and forth with a GG friend about emerging as transgender in later life. I have so many things to be grateful for in life, so I would never mourn the life that made those things possible. At the same time, I admit that looking back Life might have been better for my family and myself if if the cycle of repression, denial and depression had not discolored my perspectives over the years. Honestly, I wasn’t a terrible person, but if I had one wish, I would use it to be a better person. Alas, there are no do-overs.

    Same kinda applies to physiology. What I really miss is younger skin, tight muscles and greater stamina. I am doing ok for someone of my age, but the last decade has been tough on my skin, especially along the neck, jawline, hands and upper arms.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 06-01-2021 at 06:12 PM.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Nov 2019
    Southeast US
    I wish I could be back in my twenties but not because I missed out back then. Like Stephanie said things were different way back. If I had the ability to do what I can do now back when I was 20, I am not sure how my life would have turned out. It is an interesting thing to ponder.


  10. #10
    New Member
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    May 2021
    Yes I do. My regret, however, only goes back to my 30s. I wish I would have come out earlier to my wife. Granted, it may not be that she would've been as accepting then. I spent a good number of years hiding myself from her. I sometimes feel guilty for not trusting her, my wife and life partner, more. We will never know, now, how that discussion would've gone or what lifestyle changes it would've brought about. I regret not giving us those opportunities. This is life, and Doc Brown is a fictional character. All I can do is make the most of the time we have together and love her as she loves me.

  11. #11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Younger Yes, But you can not turn back the clock. At 74, I wished that I had more mobility, Would love to travel more.
    But I have Agent Orange, and can hardly walk. So Younger O' Yes, But those days are gone.

  12. #12
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Mar 2020
    Central California
    My biggest wish is that in my 20's I did not get married.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Charlotte , I had a wonderful childhood growing up and I had a wonderful life with myWife
    of 57 Years, at 78 I am enjoying my Senior years now, >Orchid**OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  14. #14
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    Not at all. I didn't pass as an adult in my 20s. And society had issues with me being a little bit different back then.

    Now I have the confidence that comes with wealth of life experiences. And I look like I'm in my late 30s, as I've taken really good care of myself and not damaged my skin with excessive sun exposure.
    And some lucky genetics, as my hair looks a lot more like my mom's hair than my dad's.

    I've gained twenty pounds while still maintaining a thin waistline, so I now have an hourglass figure.

    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 06-02-2021 at 11:25 AM.

  15. #15
    Junior Member JuliannaS's Avatar
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    May 2021
    I definitely miss my late teens early 20s. I was often mistaken for a girl. I wore girls jeans, some girls tops (mostly t shirt and tank tops, girls brackets and earrings. I always thought of myself as a girl back then. I think if people were as accepting then as they are now I may have done things differently.

  16. #16
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Why mourn what never happened? It's pointless.

    There is no set age like 20 when something magically happens.

    Yes, I wish I would have pursued my desires to go out crossdressed earlier in life. I realize now that virtually all of my fears were imaginary. But my only choice is to change my behavior going forward, not bemoaning my past.

    Mourning an imaginary past is self-destructive. It does nothing to get you where you want to be.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Jun 2017
    Central Fla.
    My youth was not a pleasant time for me, so no - I'm not mourning its loss.

    It would be nice to have the skinny body I had back then. It would be more suited to a female wardrobe than the body I've got now.

    Looking back, could I have done things differently? If I'm honest, the answer would probably be "no" when it comes to dressing - but it would have been nice to know that I'd make it though and still be more or less OK.

  18. #18
    Member Gi Gondin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2021
    Charlotte, I believe that all of us from time to time think about our past and what could have been done differently. We must consider that this reflection is done with by a wiser, more experienced person. Given a second chance with the same knowledge we had, we would probably act the same? that?s who we are.

    ?The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only with the falling of the dusk.?

    Be gentle to your past self. Try to take good lessons from your life and apply them in your next decisions.

    Sincerely hope you feel better!

  19. #19
    Gold Member erickka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    in the sticks in middle tn.
    Only in a physical sense. The golden years aren't so golden with two bad knees and lots of arthritis. The 20's were certainly a lot more pain free.

  20. #20
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    Yes all the time I would do things so different

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    It would be interesting to be in my 20's NOW. There are a lot of things I could pull off (growing my hair long, alternating being clean shaven, staying in shape, etc,) that are difficult or impossible at my age. I did what worked in the world I lived in then, which isn't the world today. I can look back with regret and guilt at my past, but it is meaningless compared to how I feel about myself in the now. I have accepted who I am in the now and those missed opportunities or mistakes of my past (some pretty bad) are part of who I am now. I can't rewrite or change my past, but I can use that knowledge and experience to develop my future. It doesn't mean I can't dream of what might have been, but like the old saying "If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep."

  22. #22
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Charlotte, sounds like you had it quite a bit rougher than most of us. And I can relate to what you are saying. But I don't actually have regrets; it is just that the reality back in my preteen years was not even close to what I wanted. I was a very confused kid, was very reclusive in many ways. Still am in some ways. I was so different from the other kids yet I managed to "fit in" enough that nobody really saw the torment inside me. I got very good at hiding the girl in me (that was in the 50's).

    The loss of your 19-24 years is very significant. That is a critical development time that defines so much of who we become as an adult. I was in university and I did well, but there was always this feeling of "This really isn't what I want!" Intellectually it was not very difficult, but emotionally it was a disaster.

    Now, entering my late 70's, those years are just viewed as "whatever; we can always change course." Looking back, on the whole, it has been a good life and you can't undo what was done 50 or 60 years ago. 'Eyes forward, don't look back, be more your dream now because you don't have much time left. Enjoy it.' It is my perspective now and since I came to grips with the life long gender issues 9 years ago and understand I am a blend and a good deal about how that probably happens life is much better.

  23. #23
    Paula Paula_56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    I am surprised that many have no regrets and don't mourn the loss of their youth.

    I envy the choices young transgender persons have today.

    When I was their age the term transgender had not entered the lexicon and people were arrested for being Gay or wearing women's clothes.

    People who transitioned were rare and fodder for tabloids

    I regret not having the courage to transition.

    I've always wanted to be a women, a wife, a mother.

    I would have relished the opportunity even with all the foibles and misogyny.

    Gosh if I had it do to over again!

  24. #24
    Member LydiaL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Albuquerque, NM region
    I do not mourn lost youth.

    Before internet and not living in a highly populated area, my earlier explorations enfemme were entirely solo. Many of my generation that did explore alternate opportunities and lifestyles succumbed to AIDS. So no reason to be sad that I avoided that fate.

    OK, will admit to one regret. That many of the skirts and dresses in my closet now only fit my former skinnier self.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Jennifer in CO's Avatar
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    Jun 2004
    Rocky Mountains
    do I mourn it? Do I sometimes miss it?...oh heck yeah. Between 19 and 24 were interesting years. Graduated college, got married, transitioned at the request of my wife, you know...normal things...

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