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Thread: How does your SO support, or better yet, encourage your CD?

  1. #1
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Feb 2020
    Sac Valley

    How does your SO support, or better yet, encourage your CD?

    My last query was "successful", i.e., 3 pages of responses, so I thought I'ld take another stab at creating a subject that others might read as a lengthy and comprehensive library of good personal experiences.

    I'll start it off: For me we've moved from "don't do this" to "don't show me" to "ok, I'll play show me."

    Our practice is to end the night in relaxed mode. She'll get into comfy clothes and if I'm pre-occuppied with something remark "hey you haven't changed yet".

    Today this practice is described as "nightly eye candy". What an encouraging comment.

    I'm not a good story teller. So many here are much more skilled in telling. So

    What's your story?
    How does you SO encourage your CD experiences?
    Last edited by char GG; 06-04-2021 at 10:08 AM. Reason: Not needed

  2. #2
    New Member Misiokaku's Avatar
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    May 2021
    Hello SirDonna
    I am not crossdressing "typically". For me it is all about the hair. I am 39 and dreamed of having long girly, then feminine hair for my whole life. Well after 11 years I finally told my girlfriend. My SO found out about my "hair fetish" maybe 8 years ago and I told hair the half truth and started growing my hair. She didn't like the fact and I liked my long hair but it wasn't what I wanted. Last year we had severe problems but one thing I told her was the whole truth about my desire to to have hair like... A typical woman, long, styled, colored, layered just beautiful. I cut my hair prior to telling her. Since I know my own hair will not be what I desire I bought a! Very expensive! Wig... But just beautiful. She helped me to choose it. first she was not convinced and confused but after lot of talking she now fully understands a knows that this is a part of me and I told her with hair like this I feel like myself finally. Now I have ordered the next one and again she helped me to choose and also this one was very expensive but she knows how important this is for me and for her it was also kind of a priority. So now I can't wait for the next one. I wear the first one as often as possible in my free time... Just at home. To small city. But I told her that for a longer vacation somewhere away I want to go with the long hair. And she was accepting but the pandemic crossed my plans. So right now no new plans.
    I also told her about wanting to have earrings. so this is something I want to try when the new wig arrives, but just clip earrings. I also told her about maybe wanting to "try" women clothes but this was a little bit too far. Maybe I will get back to this topic one day. But as of now with the hair I am happy!!

  3. #3
    Member Charla's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    South Virginia
    It’s not so much CD as it’s acceptance of my transgender state. I came out to my wife about 2 years ago. She agreed to my throwing out all my male underwear and gave me recommendations on panties and jeans and bras. She’s been accepting of my HRT regime and the weekly routine of washing bras and panties. We’ve done mani and pedi sessions together.
    Last edited by Charla; 06-04-2021 at 06:20 AM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
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    Jan 2010
    My SO story doesn’t end well, so I won’t repeat it again here.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 06-04-2021 at 02:17 PM.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2010
    She puts up with me/she, but absolutely no encouragement/participation. I asked for a small favor at a most tender moment. NYET! Not happened, not likely gonna happen...

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member kayegirl's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    West Yorkshire England
    Well, not exactly encouragement, but my wife knows. I have no male underwear whatsoever, wear nighties every single night. All of my clothes are kept in plain view, the only items that are not are my forms and wigs. She knows that on the days when she is at work, I will be full enfemme, even leaves notes asking Kaye to do some shopping or domestics. Most of my day to day clothing is from the ladies side of the shop, BUT, and it is a big but, she has no desire to participate at all.

  7. #7
    Member Gi Gondin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2021
    Great topic SirDonna! I believe SO support is crucial to achieve our potential, not only in crossdressing, but in many aspects of our life? work, spiritually, family relationships, hobbies, study goals, etc?

    I have an amazing girlfriend and have told some experiences we had together. But I?ll share a new detail of our relationship that will show her encouragement.

    For more than 10 years she meticulously prepares new years resolutions and have them written down by december 31st. Since we have been dating, she asks me if I want to participate in some resolutions and I have for the last 3 years. She takes this process very seriously and checks and works towards this goals in a weekly basis. There are usually from 7 to 12 goals, varying from weight goals, academic, financial and leisure. Just for example this year we have a minimum 130 days of reading for at least 30 minutes, at least 130 days of exercise, etc?

    But what made this year very special is that we have a separate list of new years resolution for Gisele. That was her idea and I loved. We discussed things that we would like to achieve by the end of the year and put this list below. I cannot be happier with my girlfriend and in love with someone so special. Its like she reads my mind and knows me better than myself. Very thankful.

    Gisele?s new years resolution - 2021

    1. Have a full enfemme trip
    2. By a breast plate
    3. Reduce waist by 3 inches
    4. Have little oscillation in Giseles interest to dressup. ?No blackouts?
    5. Finish hair laser removal treatment.
    6. Exercise focused on getting a more feminine body. (Waist, butt, hips,?)
    7. Take a self makeup course.

    Its a short list but for me is very important. We check at least 2 times por month and already have nailed 2 and 7. Have 3, 4, 5 and 6 ongoing as expected. And for number 1 we?re waiting for covid recedes to plan this trip.

    As always I hope that this helps to inspire others and bring some joy!

    Keep safe,

  8. #8
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    May 2006
    Southeast WI.
    My wife has taken me on a roller coaster for over 40 years. "show me" To "lets go out shopping (dressed)" to "stop it" to "It's ok" Now repeat this 10 times in 40 years that is my wife. (life)

  9. #9
    Member SissieScott's Avatar
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    May 2021
    My wife has taken me make-up and clothes shopping, she has bought things for me, I wear nighties to bed, and there have been times she has asked if I will be sexy and waiting for her when she gets home (like this morning ).
    Going shopping with her is great because I can get her input on stuff that looks good on me, and stuff she may want to see me in.
    "Out of ALL the thing I have lost, it's my mind that I miss the most"

  10. #10
    Junior Member erica2054's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    new york
    Same problem. I get no support

  11. #11
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    May 2010
    My ex wife was very much like Connie's wife one minute taking me shopping the next ridiculing me for being a CD. My current wife was very slow coming to acceptance but once she got there she has been wonderfully supportive, shopping online for me, going out as girlfriends to shows, shopping and lunch.

  12. #12
    New Member
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    May 2021
    My SO tolerates it. Never any encouragement, no helping in anything.

  13. #13
    Danielle cdinmd206's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    Southern Maryland
    My now ex SO was tolerant at first and even bought me my accessories, like purses, ear rings, jewellery and would do my makeup. After a few years she did not want to go out with me to clubs anymore and I found out she was having affairs. After the divorce I found out she thought I was messing around with other CDs and that is why she was stepping out.

  14. #14
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    The encouragement I receive is in the form of constructive criticism.
    When we shop for clothes or I wear an outfit I will be given her honest opinion whether positive or negative. It's never a put down, just simply her opinion and why it looks good or not.
    I do the same for her in all cases.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  15. #15
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Mar 2020
    Central California
    support? Just barely tolerates it is more like it.

  16. #16
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
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    Dec 2019
    My long response was lost in the posting because I had to sign in again. Short version, she has bought makeup for me, shopped for dresses and underwear. She has shared with me some clothes she inherited. Only a few fit, but her willingness to give them to me is encouraging. I can dress at home when I want. She still does not understand, but she knows it is still me under the clothes so she is fine with it. I am so fortunate to have had her in my life for 50 years.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Orlando, Fl
    My wife buys me cloths, panties shoes, makeup....etc. Basically when she's shopping for herself she always has Joyce in mind as well. She once ordered matching night gowns for us. Pretty awesome!. If I stay in my man cloths after we are finished with our day for the evening. On occasion she will ask "aren't you going to put your night gown on?" If I'm wearing something that was hers she refers to me as a bitch if she feels that I look better in it than she did. (she's just joking around) She will also give me her honest opinion if something looks bad or good.

    I'm such a blessed person

  18. #18
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    After the "big talk" my wife has been very supportive. I am quite sure that she may not fully understand why I have this desire but then neither do I. We shop together frequently. When shopping we find things that we believe the other would like. My wife buys me things on occasion. My wife chooses not to see me fully dressed with a wig and make up but does not mind me showing her a new item on me and how it looks. We have agreed on my dressing boundaries and to that extent my wife is mindful of asking when I might want a "Teri" day. Like others have stated I feel I am very lucky to have such a wonderful thoughtful wife.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    My wife and I go shopping together, other than heels we have yet to find anything in a store for me, but we have looked. One trip through DSW that had one heck of a sale and we both left with 5-6 pairs of heels each. I had to wonder whet the clerk though while ringing up two different sizes?

    The other day while I was dressed, my wife plopped down on my lap and told me to pucker up and applied lipstick to my lips.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    I consider my wife very supportive from the sole fact that she didn't run up the hills when I spilled it out 36 years into our relationship. Granted, she won't buy me heels* or want to see me dressed anytime soon, but I honestly couldn't care less about these things and am so happy that she simply did her best to cope with the blow and keep our couple afloat (without cutting me out from the dressing either). She is a very brave and very loving soul.

    -- EDIT --
    * That's not entirely true. She once bought foundation makeup for me, and gave me a khol pen too. And that was shortly after the reveal. She also frequently asks me if I need anything when she has discounts on makeup (she tells me she feels "weird" doing this. But she does it).
    Last edited by DianeT; 06-06-2021 at 08:40 AM.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    Sep 2008
    East Yorkshire UK
    hello SirDonna,
    My wife supports my dressing by washing my clothes and not asking questions when I have been shopping.
    I am so lucky!
    luv J

  22. #22
    Long Isnad, NY BLACK STOCKINGS's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    Shirley, Long Island, NY
    Well I am now an older CD (68 years young) My wife is great with my dressing. I have to show her my outfits when i dress which is almost every day when I get home from work. A am able to buy what ever I want which is out of control with 300 pairs of shoes around 100 skirts, 60 tops, and at least 200 dresses. If I do not get dressed one day she asks why I din not dress. She loves the way I look. She also suggests what outfit to wear sometimes as she picks her favorites. The only thing she hates is most of my stuff does not fit her. I even have purchased 2 of an outfit one in her size and one in my size so we can be dressed the same. She also can not figure out how I walk in 5" heels as she has trouble with flats. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.
    Just a girl fronm Long Island, NY .... always looking to meet others from my area.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Nation's Capital
    I think I'll use Kate's response to help me respond

    Well, not exactly encouragement, but my wife knows.

    My wife knows, she tolerates me, but she doesn't encourage or support me. Unless encouraging me to leave the house in male mode and find someplace to change away from the house.

    I have no male underwear whatsoever, wear nighties every single night.

    I still wear male underwear every day, except for those rare times that I get to underdress. And if I do underdress, I would have to find time alone to do Steffi's dainty laundry.

    Nighties, no way. After the talk, she bought me new pajamas. The men's flannel, cotton, plaid nightshirts that I'd been wearing for years were apparently too femmy.

    All of my clothes are kept in plain view, the only items that are not are my forms and wigs.

    All of Steffi's stuff is hidden in boxes in my office. I even have a storage locker for the overflow.

    She knows that on the days when she is at work, I will be full enfemme, even leaves notes asking Kaye to do some shopping or domestics.

    Yeah, right. I she caught me fully en femme, there would be hell (and maybe even a lawyer) to pay.

    Most of my day to day clothing is from the ladies side of the shop, BUT, and it is a big but, she has no desire to participate at all.

    I have plenty enough women's clothes to wear all week long, but I can't.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  24. #24
    Junior Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
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    May 2021
    Deleted by Teresa
    Last edited by Teresa.Smith.VA; 07-21-2021 at 12:35 PM.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Hi Donna,

    My wife is far from encouraging when it comes to me expressing my femme side. She supports me by putting up with it. So far she has never said a word and I am never sure whether she notices anything or not. Her silence is deafening and it makes me very uncomfortable to talk about the subject with her. It's the elephant in the room.
    - Robin

    Because life is too short not to.

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