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Thread: The thing i feared most, I did to myself today. Hell to pay the rest of my life.

  1. #1
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    The thing i feared most, I did to myself today. Hell to pay the rest of my life.

    I write to my older brother who is in prison, and he and his twin have been critical on me all my 67 years, but i have mercy on enemies, and try to make peace and forgive. We are all getting old, but my family are immature, stubborn judgmental people. An admirer online has loved my photos and video as Alice, and lives 170 miles away, and i decided to write a hand written letter and then type it out on email. I decided to not meet him, and told him a lot of my secrets , and how i love to dress up as the very tall lady i would have liked to have, and other personal things. and why i do not dress much anymore and will quit sometime. Unfortunately, i got the letters mixed up, and sent the letter intended for the admirer, to my brother in prison!!!!! He wil have a fit and call his twin, and he will tell my sister who lives with him, and i will never hear the end of this the rest of my life or their lives!!!!!!! And i go down there to help keep up my late fathers property they live at!! I will be torn apart mentally and emotionally by them, and they hate gayness and trans and all non hetero norm things. This is my very worst nightmare come true.. Hell on earth for now on. I have not dressed in months, and am not up to it anymore. They have always had me under a microscope for anything, and always rub it in, when they find out things. Oh have i done it this time. The wrong people to find out the nitty gritty details of my secret!!!!
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-05-2021 at 02:53 PM. Reason: delete post
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  2. #2
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    I always think that things happen for a good reason, Alice.
    Let's see what happens.
    Best of luck,
    Gale

  3. #3
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    Why in god's name would you work on two letters so different in nature and intended audiences at the same time?

    What's done is done. No point worrying about it until someone responds. I don't know your folks and how you relate to each other, so I can't comment, but the advantage of being honest is you don't have to keep on hiding the truth. Who knows, your siblings may even surprise you. Either way it will probably not be boring.

    Good luck and be more careful in future, unless you want to get caught.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  4. #4
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    Alice its extremely annoying when people are judgemental of others without thinking about the consequences and your mental state, if they can be that bad to you do you realy need them in your life, I truely hope all things turn out well for you.

    I have a sister who told lies about me to my Father, I was quickly backed up by my other Sister in the end I haven't spoken to the liar in twenty years and my life goes on without her.

    The very best of luck

    Julie

  5. #5
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I wonder if I can call the prison and ask the mail room there to not deliver the letter, or return to sender. I will try it.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Yes, it could be that i am too harsh and judgmental, and a hypocrite at at times too. I think this is true,

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Patience, I wrote them at different times, but made the mistake of putting them in the same notebook after tearing them out of it. My eyesight is not too good, and hada senior moment not looking closely enough/
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Alice,

    If indeed the cat is out the bag then perhaps it's time, should your worst fears come true, just to say to hell with you all, I no longer care what you think, it's my life. Simply face it out and if they want your help maintaining the house either keep their opinions to themselves or find someone else to do the work.

    They may be family but it seems from what you've written they show scant regard to your feelings so perhaps it's time for an ultimatum. Play nicely or keep your mouths shut.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Jenny Elwood's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that Alice. Especially how badly they treat you. Hope things turn out better than you envision.

  8. #8
    Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    Hi Alice, I just wanted to send good thoughts to you in what must be a stressful time. I can’t quite understand why someone in prison should feel able to be judgemental to someone who isn’t but I know that is the way the world is. What ever the next few weeks bring, remember that you are who you are and have every right to be yourself. I’m sure your sisters on here will be here for you if you need a listening ear (reading eye?) Best wishes.
    Last edited by JennyMay; 06-04-2021 at 09:15 AM.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    The truth shall set you free. It will be terrible, and then it won't. And you will be free.
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 06-04-2021 at 07:51 AM.

  10. #10
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Once he finds out why not go visit him enfemme in jail? Just to rub it in that you are free to do what ever you like and he isn?t.

  11. #11
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Alice, now it is out.
    I think you are very kind writing him in prison.
    But you said worst people on earth in describing them, And you have written about them before don’t let them keep you in prison there making.
    You are caring thoughtful and doing nothing wrong. They are bullys and in prison.....why should their opinion even matter?
    In my age I bowcutout any negative scum right out of my life .
    I also tried being the peace maker ....for these types they only want to lord someone over you when they are the ones lacking.
    If either of them answers with anything negative I would write them off. They are hopeless.
    And geese who is in prison...not you.
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  12. #12
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    I don't know if this will apply but here goes...
    Being in the south, I've known a lot of families that held anti LGBTQ beliefs, that is until it is someone in their family. Some of them disown the person, however, some alter their beliefs. They become a bit more understanding, because they know the person in question and maybe are able to piece together all those pieces of the puzzle. I hope,for your sake, your family will be able to piece together your puzzle and accept that you are who you are, a wonderful, giving person. Best of luck.

  13. #13
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    What Helen and Karren said, if you can't get the letter back. If those folks are as nasty as you say maybe it would be better for you to just not be in touch with them anymore anyway. Sherrii

  14. #14
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I should not have said they are the worst people on earth. That is wrong thing i wrote. What i should have written, was, they are the last ones i would want to know. They are my only family left, and are now in their 70's. I am not quite wanting to totally cut them off, I am HSP and overthinker, and over blow some things too, Actually, things between us have improved some, and the brother still in prison has been better, as 12 yrs in the big house has humbled him some. But, still, if they and sister find out, it would be awful. I am only a very part time dresser, and having health issues now. I slipped and fell bowling and tore my left shoulder rotator cuff a week ago, and very seldo dress now, too. I sent an email to the prison just now requesting they do not deliver the letter, anf that they return to sender or destroy it.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-04-2021 at 08:34 AM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    People only have as much power over you as you give them. If they’re that terrible of people, why have them in your life? Cut them out. “Family” is just an accident of birth and you don’t owe them a thing especially if they can’t respect you.

  16. #16
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Heather, Thank you. Hoping and praying that is the case here. I a sure my brothers have come across gays and other out of normal men in the prisons.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  17. #17
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Sorry about the mix-up, Alice. It's unfortunate. However, don't stand for any bullying about your lifestyle. It's your choice to live as you wish.

    You seem like a very kind and caring person. Please don't let anyone take advantage of your good nature.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Hi Alice.
    Yes you sure let the cat out of the bag.

    I too have done that. All my local kinfolks now know that I Cross Dress and that I am Not Homosexual. I now lead a very private life. Most of my kinfolk have been regulated to DADT status. I can talk to two of my children but They all do not want to see me as anything but as the father they know. Also because of where I live And the general attitudes of my neighbors, I do not go out dressed. I spend most of my time in my fem world within my mobile home and the photo studio I have set up within it.

    I hope everything works out for you much better for you then it has for me.
    Leslie Mary Shy
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    The PINK FOG may seem, at times, to go away, but in fact it just ebbs and flows but does not go away._
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  19. #19
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    You might want to call the prison to intercept that letter, if there is any chance of that happening. If not, then this is still partly under your control. Your family can choose to react any way they wish. BUT, you do not have to tolerate any sort of abusive treatment by your family.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  20. #20
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Truth be known, i should have been arrested decades ago for some bad stuff myself and some friends were doing, after high school. There are some people in prisons who are not guilty, or guilty of little and that is very sad. I know of two men who were in prison falsely accused. I am currently in Facebook jail!!LOL I sent two emails, one fax, a letter, and left 2 messages for the prison. If my brother stil gets the letter, I will just tell them some of the truth. We all have skeletons in our closets. If things all of humans did were open and seen, none of us would be comfortable.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-04-2021 at 02:27 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Alice

    I would says if you get any hassle from the family don't tell them anything they don't need to know.

    They have no right to control your life. As hard as it maybe you may be better off without them.

    All you can do for now is wait and see.

    Good luck
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I have done some dumb things in my life, and then waited for the consequences. I don't think it was ever nearly as bad as i thought it would be. I have my fingers crossed that things will turn out o.k. for you.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    What April Rose said. I'm sorry for your predicament. I can't say I'd love to cut out family members, especially brothers and sisters. But I had to cut out my father for years to protect my couple. At some point you need to protect yourself. You can love your family and yet not want some of its members in your life if they make you miserable. Take care of yourself.

  24. #24
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by char GG View Post
    .....don't stand for any bullying about your lifestyle. It's your choice to live as you wish.

    You seem like a very kind and caring person. Please don't let anyone take advantage of your good nature.
    This is really great advice as I am also like you and good natured. I often am tried at times and I know, it I don't "Nip it in the Bud", they will keep testing my patients.
    If they carry on about the subject in a torturous way, either loose that cancer from your life or tell them off and call em a snitch, that should raise a few eyebrows in there world.
    You really need to move on with this as it will be just hearsay from a couple of jail birds, you could brush it off as nothing to be concerned about.
    In the end, their thoughts and actions are not worth your time...they are just trouble.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  25. #25
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    Help me to understand this, your brother is in prison, his twin and your sister support him but not you? Why would you care what they think. I've had trouble with family (siblings) and sometimes you have to walk away and live your life. Who are they to judge you....Agreed, you seem like a caring and loving person, keep your head high and keep moving forward....

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