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Thread: In denial!

  1. #1
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Exclamation In denial!

    Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!

    Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".

    So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?

    Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!

    Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?

    Please keep all comments Clean!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 06-07-2021 at 08:54 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    LOL!! I don't know! I am definitely not in that crowd!
    I enjoy CD'ing in ways we can not discuss here, The fetish side of it, plus I simply like to dress up too.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Hah. This is perfect. As they used to say during the analog telecom era, "more hangups than the phone company."

  4. #4
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Doc, I'm happy that your libido is still going strong. Mine is not. That is one reason the sexual element in my dressing has declined. I'm more relaxed about my cding too, now that the guilt feelings have disappeared.

  5. #5
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    For some the word fetish has a negative implication, the same is true for the word crossdressing. Some crossdressers are fetishistic, others are not, it's kind of like, "90% of men masturbate and the other 10% relieve themselves". Semantics, maybe, I leave it up to you!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  6. #6
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I don't think posters here are in denial. I think all of our experiences are different.

    Doc, you like going out in a full body suit. You are clearly in the minority here, but it's what suits you. That doesn't mean it suits everyone else.

    And let's give the CD equals being gay a rest, please? That's been false since day one. Every survey suggests the majority, or at least plurality, of male CDs are married heterosexuals.

    Surveys suggest maybe between 3 and 5% of the population identify as gay or bi, which means roughly 95% are heterosexual.

    We don't wish to be outed because there has existed a stigma of being a CD, regardless of sexual orientation. People used to get arrested, not that long ago, because they were crossdressing. Many of us grew up in that era, and those lessons are hard to forget and equally hard to overcome.

    Most men tend to have sexual thoughts and it's my firm belief that virtually every man has a kink (just look at the wide variety of porn covering every topic). Dressing, for some (like me) has at least a partial sexual component. For others, dressing may not be their primary kink.

    But it has virtually zero to do with being gay or being perceived as gay, and such posts are incorrect and should not be spread on these forums.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Sherry,

    Your comment;

    Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more" overlooks one big factor.

    When many of us started out we were hormone filled adolescents and just about anything associated with the female form could provoke a response. A desire for sexual gratification. However as we move forward, get both better at and more comfortable with our dressing, while at the same time getting to a steady state with out hormones, those primitive responses fade away.

    That's not to say that there aren't those here who do have a passion for certain items as you describe and there a certainly some who either fantasise about a relationship with a man or move on to engage in one. I've no empirical evidence but my gut feeling would be that the percentage of gay CD'ers will be in line with the general population.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  8. #8
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I would agree that many of us...most of us...made that powerful adolescent connection between women's clothing and sexuality. I had recollections of a curiosity about women’s wear that predated adolescence, but I can’t say with certainty that my early recollections are particularly accurate nor much different than other youngsters’ curiosities about gender identities and roles. But it seems to me that to derive sexual pleasure from women’s clothing qualifies as a fetish. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

    And in the years that followed my teens, I know I excused my behavior as a harmless kink or some continuation of the adolescent fascination that might one day fade. Later, I have at times viewed my behavior through the lens of sexual addiction and alternatively as a repressed need for gender expression. My mental state had a lot to do with whether I viewed my behavior as pathology or identity.

    To this day, I can’t say I KNOW anything with confidence that either of these is correct.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 06-07-2021 at 04:15 PM.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    I heard and read several CDers looking for or having had sexual relations with men explaining that they did not consider it a gay experience if they did it dressed. This means that the definition of homo and hetero sexuality probably varies from one individual to another, and makes me think twice before drawing conclusions when someone writes about this notion. For some crossdressers there is obviously a strong attraction for emulating a woman to the extent of sexual experience as a heterosexual woman, and I assume that since they are emulating a woman psychologically speaking, they don't live it like a gay experience per se.

    As for me, dressing always aroused me to varying levels, from slightly troubled to excited, because that is the way I'm wired, feminine clothes and the line crossing do this to me. But it never was the main reason for dressing, and is even less since I bought a wardrobe and went the full nines, being more concentrated now on getting the look I am striving for than anything else. Really, getting dressed is a job now.

  10. #10
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    We are all different, Doc. It is not one size fits all.

    On top of that I am kind of offended by your post. I have the desire but I have no ability to have sex anymore, thanks to prostate cancer treatment. Nothing works!! Thanks for reminding me of my inability. I think Helen and Hidden Me said it best in their posts.

    I might add that it has nothing to do with being Gretchen Marie. For some of us it is not about the clothes, not about the being gay, straight, bi or preferring goats, or the multitude of other things people do in private. For me it is about being as much a woman as I can comfortable do without creating reverse dysphoria.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I am definitely in the “not any more” category. As a younger man there was definitely an arousal factor to wearing certain things, but I think that was primarily because it was “safe” to channel those urges into sexual energy instead of confronting how I actually felt about my gender. Once I got those feelings worked out and that what I really wanted was something beyond “simply sexual”, the arousal from dressing subsided.

    I do have to agree though that there are some here who are in deep denial about their dressing being a fetish. Maybe it’s the generally negative connotation of the word “fetish”?

  12. #12
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I am on another form that is specifically for high heel wearers. Many of the members there wear women's clothing. If you bring up crossdressing they go crazy and state it is simply a "fashion choice". They are not cross dressers. I believe there is a lot of denial there too!

  13. #13
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Sherry, Nothing wrong with my libido, but I no longer dress for sexual satisfaction as I did when I was a teenager.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    docrobsherry,

    No denial here and I have dressed since I was five or six, way to young for it to be sexual. I have never dressed for sexual satisfaction.
    We are all different and dress for our own reasons, all of them valid.

    Let's not get into all the possible reasons for wearing a latex suit, even one with nice boobs, and a full face mask.
    Can you even get excited in that thing, especially in the summer heat, and does that even count as cross dressing??? LOL

    Love your insights and pointed comments, just a little devils advocate here to roil the waters...
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

  15. #15
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    So back in the stone age when I was a young teen with raging hormones everything was sexually arousing including wearing women's clothes. Today, it's more about balance. My Male and female sides tend to balance each other out.

    Now, if you want to throw sexuality into the mix.... growing up sex and sexuality was something we never discussed. My parents were not open about it and they were very uncomfortable talking about it. It was also a time where if you were AMAB, you were supposed to marry a nice girl, have 2.5 children and live in the suburbs. Exploring your sexuality and/or gender would be a deviation from that path and would likely get you arrested or committed to an institution ... Or worse, have your Italian mother lay on the guilt so thick it would be decades before you could break free from it.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  16. #16
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    We are all different, Doc. It is not one size fits all.

    On top of that I am kind of offended by your post. I have the desire but I have no ability to have sex anymore, thanks to prostate cancer treatment. Nothing works!! Thanks for reminding me of my inability. I think Helen and Hidden Me said it best in their posts.

    I might add that it has nothing to do with being Gretchen Marie. For some of us it is not about the clothes, not about the being gay, straight, bi or preferring goats, or the multitude of other things people do in private. For me it is about being as much a woman as I can comfortable do without creating reverse dysphoria.
    Gretchen, I'm sorry about your and others here loss of sexual function.
    But, this post wasn't directed at u. And, I never said, nor meant "all" dressers! As I approach 80, my parts don't work like they did when I was 45 either. But, having sex is an entirely different matter than being turned on! And, it' so obvious that many here seem to bend over backwards denying that they r.

    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Sherry, Nothing wrong with my libido, but I no longer dress for sexual satisfaction as I did when I was a teenager.
    Not my point at all, Jamie. But, u admit it did! So, did dressing as a male ever arouse u? It never has for me, in my entire life! And, unless there is NOTHING about dressing, the way the clothes look and/or feel, a favorite item or items, etc., etc., that excites u anymore? Maybe u have issues with sex and dressing, or may be you're protesting too much?

    Quote Originally Posted by ShelbyDawn View Post
    docrobsherry,

    No denial here and I have dressed since I was five or six, way to young for it to be sexual. I have never dressed for sexual satisfaction.
    We are all different and dress for our own reasons, all of them valid.
    -------------------------------------
    Love your insights and pointed comments, just a little devils advocate here to roil the waters...
    My post never mentions satisfaction because it's NOT about that at all, Shelby. It's about people claiming nothing about dressing excites and stimulates them "anymore".
    R u claiming that, too? Because it is my belief that very many here r occasionally turned on but don't wish to admit it. And, I'm just curious why?

    As for your comments regarding how I dress? I'm simply going to address your, (probably intentional), errors.

    "Let's not get into all the possible reasons for wearing a latex suit, even one with nice boobs, and a full face mask.
    Can you even get excited in that thing, especially in the summer heat, and does that even count as cross dressing??? LOL"

    I hate latex, period. I wear silicone breast plates, not full suits, out. I wear face masks, not full head masks! And, I am NEVER turned on by myself when I'm out dressed. Nor do I think about sex unless I see or chat with an attractive GG! Or, a T so feminine looking and acting I see a female.
    There, see? I'm not gay but I give a crap if u, or anyone else thinks I am!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 06-07-2021 at 09:43 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  17. #17
    New Member Jamie1980's Avatar
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    It is an odd experience for me because I have two goals in My efforts. (1) To try and look better than other women and (2) To get men, on other sites to appreciate me. Good? Bad? I am not sure I am concerned but I am happy.

  18. #18
    Cpl Klinger Impersonator ellbee's Avatar
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    Busted!


    Is it sexual for me these days? Sometimes.


    I started dressing well before puberty, at around 5-6 years old. Probably would have been earlier, if I had a sister.

    Not exactly sexual then, or at least in the traditional sense.


    I also had my very first, umm, "male puberty experience" when I was like 12 or 13. Wearing a pair of hose with a tight DIY skirt (made from a pair of my shorts). Just laying on the bed, sensually rubbing my legs together. Felt really good... Then it felt *really* good!
    Also scared the crap outta me, as that was the first time *that* happened!

    Definitely more of a sexual component when I was a teenager, for sure.


    Things started changing in my 20's. It was still sexual, but to a much lesser degree. By then I was going the whole 9 yards (full outfit, body-shaping, wig, make-up, hair removal, etc.). Damn, I was a total hottie.

    I was also venturing out into public. Before that, it was always behind closed doors.

    During this time was also my first seriously trying to answer the question, "Am I a TS?"

    For a while I felt it was a very real possibility, which was really scary to me. Lots of confusion, followed by lots of introspection.


    In my 30's, pretty much the same... Though *waaay* more socializing while en femme. She took over my life, day & night. Still sexual sometimes? Sure. But it was much more than that.

    Had a week off from work, for example... Spent literally 24/7 en femme. My home was also turning into a kick-ass bachelorette pad. When running errands, I wasn't *fully* dolled-up -- but close enough. Most GG's don't exactly glam it up all the time, either, LOL. During this era, I had my 2nd soul-searching contemplation of whether I was TS or not.

    I should add, this was also when I had my first (and only) sexual relationship with an openly-gay male who was already in a long-term committed partnership. I was basically his mistress, LOL. Though to his dismay, I would only allow myself to get intimate when fully dolled-up.


    By my late 30's? I was burnt-out, I guess. Lots of new changes in my life, and the dressing just completely disappeared. Had I "peaked" with all this? Sure seemed that way. Maybe I finally got it "out of my system"?


    Anyway, after like a 5-year hiatus, it was calling me yet again. I was cautious, but it was also a lot different by then. Very rarely sexual. Much more of my own version of a MIAD, both publicly & privately. If someone had to slap a label on me? Probably non-binary. Who knows, doesn't really matter.

    The only time these days it *does* get sexual? After spending a day fully en-femme. And that only happens once in a blue moon, nowadays. The other 99% of the time I'm simply guy-moding it as a MIAD? Does nothing for me in that way.

    Nope, it's more about being the person I am, on the inside. Presentation isn't everything. "Her" relating to other people, no matter how I look on the outside, is a much more satisfying facet to this.


    Just being myself, is all.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Well, Doc - I can't speak for anyone but myself, but your questions are interesting, so here goes:

    Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!
    Not so much denial, as just plain "don't really know"
    Growing up and living in the male role, other men don't hold any romantic or sexual interest for me.
    But when taking on the female role, I have to admit that I sometimes find myself wondering what if. BUT - only as a "girl". M-MIAD still holds no interest.
    Besides, I have never had a really strong sex drive to begin with, so - who knows?
    If I were to try to define my sexuality, I guess I'd have to say hetero (interested in the sex opposite of what I am at the time), with a strong dash of lesbian thrown in (I still like women when I'm femme). About the only thing that doesn't interest me is male-male. Not sure why not - just "no thanks".

    Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".
    It's like eating ice cream. The more of it you get, the less of a treat it is. Unless you try new flavors, it gets pretty much an everyday sort of thing.
    I wear panties and nighties daily. that's the "limit" for open usage in my marriage. They're just my regular clothes these days. No thrill, no excitement. Just my stuff.
    But I still like shopping for or at least looking at something new to add to the closet. It's a minor thrill. Not a big one, and not really sexual. Just something new.

    So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?
    acknowledging reality.
    Age, prostate surgery, etc. have lowered my libido even lower than before. That's life. I'm Okay with where I am.


    Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!
    Not me. My biggest issues with panties is finding ones that still look nice but can accommodate the "extra cargo"


    Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?
    You mean besides the fear of being socially shunned, beaten up, losing their jobs, or perhaps even killed? Gee, I can't imagine.
    Times are changing, but there are still a good many dangers associated with all this. Besides - many of us are still living with the indoctrination hammered into us in our early lives. That stuff doesn't just go away.

  20. #20
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    I have been on other crossdressing sites where there is lot more sexual discussions and i would guess a majority of the cd posters are into men or other cds. They appear to have generally a much younger crowd compared to this site. Could just be a generational thing.

    Just an observation.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    This conversation reminds me of joke that goes something like this. There are two kinds of liars, those who say they have never masturbated and those who say that they quit.

  22. #22
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a t-shirt i saw ( I'm not gay but $20 bucks is $20 bucks) lol

  23. #23
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    The first problem is that we have this bad habit of characterizing autogynephilia (AGP) - I think that's what we're talking about here - as a fetish. I'm as guilty as anyone in that regard. It's not a "mere" fetish, but a sexual orientation like heterosexuality or homosexuality. Calling it a fetish is an attempt to trivialize it as if it were just a quirk. AGP is a sexual orientation that runs parallel with heterosexuality in various degrees. For some it consumes their entire sexuality and for others it's just an occasional fantasy. Nobody asked to be AGP and nobody can quit anymore than you can quit being gay or hetero.

    A lot of the rationalizations I read here become clearer if I replace AGP with heterosexuality. For example: When I was about 5, I realized I "liked" girls in some strangely different way than I liked boys. I thought some girls were pretty and I never thought that about boys. There we're certain ones that I wanted to be close to and I wanted them to like me back. I didn't know anything about sex so I didn't fantasize about that. I guess that "proves" that my strange attraction to girls had nothing to do with latent heterosexuality. To further prove that my attraction to girls has nothing to do with sex, now that I'm in my late 60's, my wife and I don't have sex nearly as often as when were young and writhing about like crazed weasels. In fact, I think I enjoy her company even more now and we have grown closer over time. That could only mean that all those years I was having sex with her or the others before her, I could have been having sex with a ham sandwich and I would still have enjoyed female company just the same. Somehow I don't really believe that. I think that my romantic attraction to females is an outgrowth of an underlying physical attraction rather than the other way around. That doesn't mean that my relationship with my wife is just about sex anymore than just about companionship. AGP is similar for me. When I was very young, it was fun and exiting to fantasize about being a girl. Around puberty and continuing into middle age, it became intensely erotic fun. Now in my dotage, it's still fun and relaxing but I rarely "finish" anymore (too much work!) Sometimes I dress up just for the fun of it and don't feel any particular erotic drive attached to it. But I don't kid myself about the underlying sexuality of my desire to do it.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Doc

    I don't think we are in denial.

    I think the issue is more related to the content here. This is a support forum.

    As anyone who has broken the rules will tell you. There are a lot of things we don't allow.

    I would say there are a lot of people who may not be members here are more than wiling to explore there sexuality in other places.

    Also not everyone is as open about there choices on an open forum.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  25. #25
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    That reminds me to thank u and all the other Mods for keeping this site the way it is, Shelly. I believe it's popularity is the direct result!

    I also want to thank u all for putting up with my often over the top directness and allowing posts like this to exist here. I wouldn't have dared breech a subject like this 10 years ago!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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