The first problem is that we have this bad habit of characterizing autogynephilia (AGP) - I think that's what we're talking about here - as a fetish. I'm as guilty as anyone in that regard. It's not a "mere" fetish, but a sexual orientation like heterosexuality or homosexuality. Calling it a fetish is an attempt to trivialize it as if it were just a quirk. AGP is a sexual orientation that runs parallel with heterosexuality in various degrees. For some it consumes their entire sexuality and for others it's just an occasional fantasy. Nobody asked to be AGP and nobody can quit anymore than you can quit being gay or hetero.

A lot of the rationalizations I read here become clearer if I replace AGP with heterosexuality. For example: When I was about 5, I realized I "liked" girls in some strangely different way than I liked boys. I thought some girls were pretty and I never thought that about boys. There we're certain ones that I wanted to be close to and I wanted them to like me back. I didn't know anything about sex so I didn't fantasize about that. I guess that "proves" that my strange attraction to girls had nothing to do with latent heterosexuality. To further prove that my attraction to girls has nothing to do with sex, now that I'm in my late 60's, my wife and I don't have sex nearly as often as when were young and writhing about like crazed weasels. In fact, I think I enjoy her company even more now and we have grown closer over time. That could only mean that all those years I was having sex with her or the others before her, I could have been having sex with a ham sandwich and I would still have enjoyed female company just the same. Somehow I don't really believe that. I think that my romantic attraction to females is an outgrowth of an underlying physical attraction rather than the other way around. That doesn't mean that my relationship with my wife is just about sex anymore than just about companionship. AGP is similar for me. When I was very young, it was fun and exiting to fantasize about being a girl. Around puberty and continuing into middle age, it became intensely erotic fun. Now in my dotage, it's still fun and relaxing but I rarely "finish" anymore (too much work!) Sometimes I dress up just for the fun of it and don't feel any particular erotic drive attached to it. But I don't kid myself about the underlying sexuality of my desire to do it.