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Thread: In denial!

  1. #26
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Reminds me of a t-shirt i saw ( I'm not gay but $20 bucks is $20 bucks) lol
    Now thats funny

    Doc that's why we support you and each other here (friends, brothers and sisters) but sometimes some just disagree, some agree and others just disagree to just disagree.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  2. #27
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    It seems to me that many don't want to admit that they have sexual feelings for women's clothes because they're married. It's hard enough to get a wife on board with crossdressing. Yet letting a wife know the whole truth about sexual fantasies and fetishes is often stifled.

    I've met CDs that have been married for 50+ years that won't let their wives know anything about their CDing. They are absolutely sure it would lead to divorce. While others get their wives to go along with the CDing but have to keep sexual escapades a total secret.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  3. #28
    Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!

    Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".

    So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?

    Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!

    Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?

    Please keep all comments Clean!
    First of all, there's an international element here. I'm English and being from the NE, let's say my thought process can be a little robust.

    Crossdressing is classed as a parphillia and on the scale of what is considered the normal range of sexuality.

    Fetishism is very specific, attached to an item, including items you'd never think of as sexually alluring, or act (BDSM).

    Is crossdressing fetishism? I guess it's a personal opinion. But looking at the two threads on this, I see a range of answers.

    Some items of clothing may well cause arousal, some not. I admit I like stockings and garter / suspender belts and find them sexy (on women as well as me), but I also have practical reasons in that tights / pantyhose are clammy and uncomfortable around the crotch for me - hold-ups dig into my legs. But would we find those items arousing on women as on ourselves?

    My start was seeing how items of clothing looked on women and wondering how they'd look and feel on myself. That unlocked it for me. I think many can relate to that statement.

    At that stage, as a teenager just about anything gets you going so I think you need to take the teenage years with a pinch of salt. Looking at others, some started before puberty so how are they fetishists?

    After teenage years, is it linked in with sexual arousal? It can be it's easier to become sexually aroused under the right situations and that might include crossdressing (noting women dressed up can find it easier to become aroused too). But crossdressing doesn't necessarily cause arousal (same with women dressed up) and I can continue to function dressed up without the act being all consuming or even my mind thinking about being dressed when I'm doing something else. I can be aware of being dressed while concentrating on something else, while concentrating on something else and it not get in the way.

    This is where I see a big difference with fetishism. With full-on fetishists (and this includes women), it's all about the act when engaged in it. Fetishists from what I see are not engaged in other activities except perhaps acts that help act out the fantasy while engaged (an example, dressed as maids and doing nominal domestic duties - not me before you ask - just an example). They're not functionally engaged in outside or unrelated acts.

    There may be some crossover or fuzziness at the boundary, especially in instances where you might dress up with the intention of committing a (consensual) sexual act. But do I dress up normally with that specific intention?

    The answer is no. It's a compulsive act though enjoyable one as it makes me feel better about myself. And as I've already said, I'm continuing to function as a human being and the act does not stop me functioning. So to me, it's not a fetish. Certain items (stockings for example as already said) as said may be sexier than others, but that's a brief thought while getting changed in or out of female clothes. Once dressed or undressed, that is not the focus of my thoughts.

    If women's clothes, especially dressier ones were a fetish, then I'd expect some women to be having similar issues.

    How can the same items become a fetish simply because a member of the opposite sex is wearing what is not normally expected of their birth sex?

    To summarise, I dress up because I need and like to, but not normally or specifically for it to be a sexual act.

    That's as honest as I can be.


    Sue
    Last edited by Mackem Sue; 06-09-2021 at 07:46 PM.

  4. #29
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    Myself, I am as Happy as a Clam when I can put on a skirt. I only dress at home, but when I do, it just feels right.
    I am 74 and Handy caped, but I am under dressed all the time. I love it.

  5. #30
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    Fact is most women say that certain clothes, lingerie make theme feel sexy and / or more feminine. In other words, certain clothes can turn them on to one extent or another..
    Given that females do not haves a penis that gets erect when sexually aroused, does not mean that they are not sexually turned on.

    BTW, I had prostate cancer years ago, had my prostate removed, and I am now mostly impotent.
    So now, no erections but but I can still get sexually aroused.

    In any event males and female have always dressed differently for the most part.
    That is because female clothes of a given era make females feel more feminine and male clothes make males feel more masculine
    In other words, "it just feels right"
    Humans are sexual beings after all. :

    Keep in mind that male / female brains are determined in the womb... and do not always match the the physical sex
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 07-27-2021 at 10:20 AM.

  6. #31
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?
    Complaining - really want more testosterone (or viagra), would love for my manhood to reassert itself every time a see a pretty woman. What's the point of having a monster between my legs if it takes an atomic bomb to get him started.


    Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!
    PANTIES? A decent skirt and a low-functioning manhood means I don't NEED panties

    Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?
    I'm open to options (sex is sex, and it should be fun for everyone involved), found the right woman 5 times, just haven't found the right man yet (or maybe it's just not my thing - NOTE: I have held a gay mans tool "experimentally" decades ago as I was questioning if being a "CD" meant "GAY" - it didn't, and he was left frustrated)

    Hope that helps answer your questions.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  7. #32
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    Of course, both males and females can have their fetishes.

    I have known females that seemed to not even own any pants....... they always wore skirt or dresses
    Can this be considered a fetish? I don't think so.... as it just feels right to their female brains to not wear pants . .
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 06-10-2021 at 11:46 AM.

  8. #33
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I’m not so certain that we have great wafts of members in denial. Absolutely there are some but mostly it is true that when you start dressing to go out the sexy factor drops precipitously. I don’t think there is any shame in having a kink in anything that causes no harm and I would say the vast majority of us started out getting turned on by wearing women’s unmentionables. However, I think that the forbidden factor plays into that a lot and so it’s natural once the clothing becomes a means to an end rather than the end itself that you can truly say it is not a fetish.

    Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.

  9. #34
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Mackem Sue, this thread is NOT a debate about what is or isn't a fetish. It's about being turned on. And, I think you'll agree fetishes r all about that, too.

    Angela, u bring up an excellent point! When u r dressed and feeling sexy is that arousing? I can only answer for myself. For me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no.

    If I'm going out for the evening, definitely not! If I'm just coming home, often yes! But then, it's always so late and I'm too tired to do anything about it!
    U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #35
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    At 73 it's not about sex it's about dressing. Sometime it comes up but not enough that I care about. When I was younger yes but not now.
    GLENDA
    I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

  11. #36
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?
    Feeling sexy because I'm wearing something that looks good on me certainly can lead to situations with my wife! (And vice versa) But I don't consider this to be different to anybody getting in an elevated mood from a boost to their confidence. In other words, I'll look in the mirror and think I look great that day but don't immediately feel the need to bring anything to a conclusion. I feel amazing in the dress but I'm wearing the dress because I'm going to the opera or a party and not because the dress turns me on, which I think is the distinction.

  12. #37
    Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Mackem Sue, this thread is NOT a debate about what is or isn't a fetish. It's about being turned on. And, I think you'll agree fetishes r all about that, too.

    Angela, u bring up an excellent point! When u r dressed and feeling sexy is that arousing? I can only answer for myself. For me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no.

    If I'm going out for the evening, definitely not! If I'm just coming home, often yes! But then, it's always so late and I'm too tired to do anything about it!
    U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?
    I think I've answered in the wrong thread. Sorry!!!

    Sue

  13. #38
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    I would say I am not in denial, but I am not american either. None the less, i had to navigate through a lot of questions to finally just enjoy what I am. I got rid of the labels, I had sex with trans, men and girls. Didnt like it with men, so now i know ! Need to separate your sexual orientation from your romantic orientation. That helped me.

  14. #39
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Nickie, I'm not sure I understand? To me sexual orientation and romantic orientation both mean the same thing. The gender of the people we're attracted to and have sex with.

    Maybe u meant the difference between sexual orientation and your own gender presentation?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    An assumption that broad falls squarely into the realm of projection. My preferred wardrobe is sexual in the same sense that a night with the SO in a five star hotel/resort. It sets the stage but isn't the main attraction. I feel sexy in the things I choose and sometimes my body responds. But, I think back at all the photos I've taken over the years and in almost every photo session ends up with me revealing my manhood to the camera (on a totally private patio). There were very, very few erections in the photos. If anything, the clothes tempered the testosterone in a way that I like. The photos are of a man who is comfortable in claiming 'feminine' items for myself while still being totally masculine in mindset.

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Nickie, I'm not sure I understand? To me sexual orientation and romantic orientation both mean the same thing. The gender of the people we're attracted to and have sex with.

    Maybe u meant the difference between sexual orientation and your own gender presentation?
    No, imo those are really different. You can live a sexual experience without romance, you can live a romantic moment without sexuality. But that is my opinion

  17. #42
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    I can honestly say that just dressing hasn't turned me on since I was 14 or 15. As far as that being afraid of being thought if as gay nit really any consideration. I was a pubescent teenager and nearly every thing turned me on then. I also have identified as bisexual and admitted as much if there was a need for the person to know. In other words I didn't hide it but didn't advertise it either.

  18. #43
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NickieWild View Post
    No, imo those are really different. You can live a sexual experience without romance, you can live a romantic moment without sexuality. But that is my opinion
    Thanks for explaining, I think I get it now, Nickie. I'm just too binary, I guess! If I were bisexual I think I would have understood rite away!
    Micki Finn explained it in another thread!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Thanks for explaining, I think I get it now, Nickie. I'm just too binary, I guess! If I were bisexual I think I would have understood rite away!
    Micki Finn explained it in another thread!
    I know what you mean, i worked hard to get ride of those labels, and dont get me wrong, im no better than anyone here. It is just something that i wanted to be sorted out in my life. Knowing that helped my relationship with my SO.

  20. #45
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!

    Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on.
    Just because something turns you on, doesn't mean it automatically applies to everyone else. It's quite common, for people to want to believe that everyone else is just like themselves; this occurs because of a need to feel 'normal', as if one is no different from anyone else, so we project the idea that they really ARE just like us, only THEY are in denial.
    But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!
    I never talk about my panties.
    But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?:
    Because it decreases the number of women who might consider us as mates. Add to that, that I worked in a female dominated profession where guys are automatically assumed to be gay by default, and it just makes everything else more difficult. I don't want to feel the need to be clarifying my sexuality constantly.
    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie Birmingham View Post
    I have been on other crossdressing sites where there is lot more sexual discussions and i would guess a majority of the cd posters are into men or other cds. They appear to have generally a much younger crowd compared to this site.
    'A much younger crowd'. Yes, during the years when males have such an incredibly strong sex drive, that we would get erections while in the middle of a calculus class, oh, that math is a sure turn on! From puberty on, most of us can get turned on at the drop of a hat, for no particular reason at all. So it's no surprise that we crossdressers will also get turned on while wearing girl clothes. Back during those years, I was basically a walking 'erection waiting to happen'. I had crossdressed for many years before I started getting sexually aroused, and yes, when it started happening when I was crossdressing it sure did cause a lot of confusion.... at first. Until I realized that just because the two things happened at the same time, didn't mean they were connected (as another example, I can be hungry and tired at the same time, but that doesn't mean that I'm tired whenever I'm hungry). I was getting sexually excited when dressed in men's clothes, too, without any thoughts of another man at all.
    IIRC, this isn't the first time you've brought up this subject, doc. Are you just trying the 'If I say it often enough, eventually everyone will believe me' tactic? Because that's what it seems like. Remember, I understand why you want to believe everyone feels the same way you do.
    But we don't. Sorry.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 07-27-2021 at 01:11 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #46
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    Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.
    Exactly.

  22. #47
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    Like a lot of other things in a sex negative society, 'fetish' is seen as a dirty word to be avoided and denied where necessary. Who knows how a fetish comes into being? I have an idea, based on my own experience. It's about the emotions around challenging the taboos forced on us by everyone around us, beginning with our own parents. When I first broke through the "Thou Shalt Not Act Girly" taboo by exploring my mom's clothes, I experienced the fear, relief and exhilaration of breaking through, like a kid who just threw out his first F word and then couldn't stop himself.

    But why is this any kind of an issue? Nobody gets a perfect life devoid of anything they'd find embarrassing if found out.
    Last edited by char GG; 08-08-2021 at 06:28 AM. Reason: There are rules for what can be discussed on this forum

  23. #48
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.
    Well, I am not so sure that "feeling sexy" doesn't include a certain amount of sexual arousal. Were else do the feelings come from?

  24. #49
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    "-------------------A much younger crowd'. Yes, during the years when males have such an incredibly strong sex drive, that we would get erections while in the middle of a calculus class, oh, that math is a sure turn on! From puberty on, most of us can get turned on at the drop of a hat, for no particular reason at all. So it's no surprise that we crossdressers will also get turned on while wearing girl clothes. Back during those years, I was basically a walking 'erection waiting to happen'. I had crossdressed for many years before I started getting sexually aroused, and yes, when it started happening when I was crossdressing it sure did cause a lot of confusion.... at first. Until I realized that just because the two things happened at the same time, didn't mean they were connected ------------------------ I was getting sexually excited when dressed in men's clothes, too, without any thoughts of another man at all.-------------------"
    Your point jumped rite out at me Lexi! We obviously r very different because I don't recall EVER being aroused by any of my male clothing!

    So, I guess the question is: Am I the only one who's never been turned on by male clothing? Or, r u the odd one out on this issue?

    How many others out there have been turned on by your male clothing? And, r u straight, gay, or bi? Inquiring minds need to know!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  25. #50
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    Are not females sexual beings as well as males?
    We seem to be skirting around this fact.

    Also there are females who like to dress ultra feminine (given the opportunity) and males who like to dress ultra masculine .
    Are we saying that these people (male and female) have a clothing fetish?

    Humans wear the clothes that give them the most satisfaction . if that were not true, there would be no such thing as "fashion"
    So, IMO a big dose of realty is necessary .

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