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Thread: Kind of regretted going out this morning.

  1. #1
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
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    Kind of regretted going out this morning.

    I should have stayed home. I decided to dress up early this morning and go for a walk. I thought a walk in a fairly secluded area at 5:00am wouldn't be a problem. I decided where I would park but when I got there there were to many lights, so I just drove through the parking lot. I didn't race through, just drove through slow. I went about 1/2 a mile when the police lights came on behind me. I really did not want to talk to the police dressed fully as a woman. I got my license out of my purse. He walked up and was polite when he addressed me. He asked if I had an argument back at the parking lot. I said no, I had not talked to anyone. He then said so why did you leave when you saw us. I said I didn't see them. He said there were four police cars. I said I didn't see them. He took my license and went back to his car. Another police car pulled up and he got out of his car and went to the other police car. They talked about me and I heard something like yup full up. He came back and handed me my license back and said, well have a better rest of your night.FaceApp_1623496739709.jpg

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hey Janet,

    It may seem counter intuitive but there are a lot of posts about places to go dressed up. Unfortunately many of us go to secluded places in the middle of the night and what happened to you is a good reason to avoid such places. I am not criticizing as I had done the same thing in years past. Now I would not go that route. I only go to places with a lot of people, bars and clubs mostly but also malls, etc.

    I feel like there is a lot more risk in a secluded location than in locations with people. Anyhow you made it out unscathed so that is a good thing. Hopefully you will have better luck next time.

    Sandi

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    Ok, you were stopped by the police who were curious/suspicious of what was going on.

    They were polite and respectful.

    You told the truth.

    They returned your documents and wished you well.

    Seems like it was successful in that your confidence should be increased. Did you really expect to pass? Next time you go out you'll be more confident if there is an interaction with anyone.

    It could have been worse, you could have locked your keys in the car at a mall in the middle of the day! (Yup been there, done that! Forgot to get a picture with the AAA guy!)

    Cheer up and keep moving forward.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Funny how driving through a parking lot in considered suspicious behavior!

    It probably wasn't the time to do it, but most parts of the USA you would not have needed to give them your ID as you had not broken any laws. Generally the police have no right to stop you and ID you unless you have been suspected of breaking the law, and driving through a parking lot certainly was not illegal. Too bad a bad cop would try to come up with something. This isn't 1940's Germany where they can stop you and ask for your papers! I can understand why you would not have pushed the issue dressed.

  5. #5
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    To some of us it seems sensible to go to secluded places to be out when we are not ready to go public. That seems sensible but it really is not. Secluded places is where some people that are up to no good go because, well, they are secluded and they do not want to be seen or caught.

    Here is a helpful rule when going out. Ask yourself, "Would a woman do what I am thinking of doing?" If the honest answer is no then don't do it. Ten years ago in my area the general rule was - To be safe do what a woman would do and then double it. Very restrictive and perhaps not so necessary to double it these days, but if you are going to effectively be a woman then be a woman when it comes to safety.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I have to agree with the rest of the ladies. Secluded/isolated places put you in danger, not just from people who think you might be up to something nefarious, but also from those nefarious people. You don’t have to go out in a crowd, but there should be SOME people around for your own safety.

  7. #7
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    Yeah, I agree with the majority. We all know that bad things happen after 10pm, and the police are understandably curious of anyone moving about at that time of day. Ironically, one can attract a lot more unwanted attention by trying to avoid it.

  8. #8
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    So you "kind of" regretted..... So you.. "kind of" didn't? 🤔.

    Quote Originally Posted by Janet Devon View Post
    I should have stayed home.
    I wonder whether you would have been more satisfied if you would have driven to the parking lot, walked a couple laps, then driven home, seeing and driving past absolutely nobody. I mean,.. there's a reason you leave the house.

    Would that have fulfilled it?

    The cop experience certainly did.. maybe not ideally.. but it did. In a few weeks, you'll probably be thankful for that part of the outing both for your safety and ( as Linda said ) for your development.

    - L.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    Smile

    I have be going out in public as female frequently lately. I usually go out in mid morning to very early evening to go shopping or just to walk around town etc.
    I always go out during daylight hours

    During the very early morning hours or after dark, the police are out looking for someone to stop.
    it you go out where there are not many on the roads or parking lots where you are going, you will stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.

    So, go out when the general public are there in abundance and no one will ever pay any attention to you as you will just blend in with everyone else. .
    Also, always obey every speed limit.

    I you ever do get stopped by the police, in most state there are no laws ageist CDing. So, just give your license and registration and and keep calm
    Keep in mind that cops have seen it all and most just want people to be honest with them..

    For those who think that they may not be able to pass....
    Keep in mind that not all females are beauties and some are even masculine looking
    Female come in many body types. I have known females that had man size hands and those who had they narrow hips for a female....for examples.
    So, when going out, you must have the attitude that you are just wearing the same lingerie and clothes that other female wear.... and you are not doing anything out of the ordinary.
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 06-12-2021 at 03:02 PM.
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  10. #10
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
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    Don't let the pink fog obscure your spider senses. Most people would have seen 4 police cars. One is defcon 1, two are defcon 2, four are defcon 4 there is some police action in progress. Time to abort.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    If you walk dressed into a large hall with 20 people in it all 20 will see you. Walk into the same hall with 200 people and still only 20 people will notice you.

    The same for going out. If you're the only person somewhere in the dead of night then you'll stand out to the likes of police. Drug deals going down? Why are you there? Next time go in daylight when there's lots of people about and hide in plain sight.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  12. #12
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
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    Thank you to everyone who replied. You are right and I was...well dumb. You are right I was trying to not be seen but be out of the house. Any vehicle driving in a parking lot that late would stand out. Next time, if the next time comes...daylight in an out of town location. My job does take me out from time to time.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Don't let one little slightly upsetting episode put you off from going out dressed, yes in hindsite 5.am in the morning will draw some notice but it ended alright, put it behind you now and look forward to the next time
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  14. #14
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    The ladies who responded here have given you plenty of good advice, Janet, and it certainly behooves you to keep that in mind for your next outing.
    Last edited by char GG; 06-12-2021 at 09:08 PM. Reason: Your comment would be more appropriate in a PM

  15. #15
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    One more point.

    Even if someone who is clerk in a store might suspect that you might be a male, chances are they will not say anything
    The reason is, like I said females come in all types and they do no want to make a scene if turns out if it is indeed a real female..... because they would either get fired.... or they just do no care either way .

    So, if you are reasonably passable, there in nothing to get paranoid about
    Last edited by Barbara Jo; 06-13-2021 at 12:16 PM.
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.

    "....And it's only the giving that makes you what you are" - Ian Anderson

    "It's all right now, I learned my lesson well..... You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

    "It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong." -Thomas Sowell

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    Your glasses are very cute! I have a pair like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    It probably wasn't the time to do it, but most parts of the USA you would not have needed to give them your ID as you had not broken any laws. Generally the police have no right to stop you and ID you unless you have been suspected of breaking the law, and driving through a parking lot certainly was not illegal.
    The police thought they were involved in some kind of domestic incident or disturbance of the peace that had taken place earlier. Legally, they were allowed to pull her over because they had probable cause she was involved, it wasn't pulling over someone at random.

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    Hi Janet , That sure gets your heart rate up doesn't it. >Orchid**oo**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

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  18. #18
    Junior Member fiona de wilde's Avatar
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    My best advice for girls who want to go outside: take a dog. I am walking the dog each night and nobody cares about a women walking her dog. She has a reason to be outside. Mind you, if you don't like dogs, find another way...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Linda E. Woodworth View Post
    Ok, you were stopped by the police who were curious/suspicious of what was going on.

    They were polite and respectful.

    You told the truth.

    They returned your documents and wished you well.
    I can't imagine what your intentions were not how you were feeling at the time, but I have to agree with the above perspective.
    As harrowing as that might have been for you, it was probably "just another day at the office" for the cops.

    Be safe

  20. #20
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I know it sounds like a good idea to go to quit places to walk around but this was one of the lessons I learned here. I would also go to quit forest areas of walk down quit commercial streets till someone posted here how dangerous it was and maybe consider somewhere where if something happens I could be seen. Well the good thing is lesson learned.
    Im happy for you that the police were very polite and didn't leave you with a bad experience.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Barbara Jo's Avatar
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    Also, if you go out when there are no other people around , like after dark etc, you risk getting attacked and /or robbed.
    As the the old adage says.... 'There is safety in numbers"
    Happiness is not a future condition. It is a Present state of mind.

    "....And it's only the giving that makes you what you are" - Ian Anderson

    "It's all right now, I learned my lesson well..... You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Ricky Nelson

    "It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong." -Thomas Sowell

  22. #22
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    The same thing happened to me in 2005, at night in a small town, cop was very professional, respectful, just wondered why i was driving nervously .
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 06-13-2021 at 09:12 AM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    It probably wasn't the time to do it, but most parts of the USA you would not have needed to give them your ID as you had not broken any laws.
    Like Janet (the OP), I too live in Indiana. In this state, you are required to provide identification upon demand. There's no perfect state. There's lots of things I like about living in Indiana. This isn't one of them. C'est la vie.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you had to endure that situation. However, please understand that most law enforcement officers are trained and conditioned to assume that a man dressed as a woman in a secluded area at an odd time of the day is either a prostitute or a weirdo. Either way, you are probably going to get interrogated to a certain degree.

    This is a recurring theme in this forum. CDs who get dressed up to go on solitary walks in the middle of the night or in the wee hours of the morning. Breaking news: no woman on the planet behaves this way. If you see a woman at 5am, she's in running gear going fast along a route that is usually highly visible. She's not slinking around in the woods or down a secluded path.

    Be careful!

  25. #25
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    It seems like something was going on in the area you were in. Nothing to do with you but the police didn't know that. They stopped to question you and you were acting nervously. This compounds the situation. How are they to know otherwise? They an act on their instincts. It's a shame for all parties involved. Never easy to do but always better to cooperate and not seem nervous. If you have to it's probably better to explain the nervousnessm

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