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Thread: Confidence or lack of...

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2021
    United Kingdom

    Confidence or lack of...

    I'm relatively new to cross dressing and wonder where I'm going with it sometimes and on occasion despair at what I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, I love it and can feel incredibly sexy. Does anyone else feel the same?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    I suspect every crossdresser feels the same mix of emotions, both at the beginning of the journey and throughout their lives. Elation, doubts and despair are all part of the process. Take your time, delve into your feelings and try new things.
    Our only truth is narrative truth

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    We all at some time suffer from the influence societies view of the LGBT community has upon us. It's getting better but historically society wasn't kind to us. Hence we have doubts about ourselves. The trick is to realise that you're not doing anything wrong.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Ava , It is a Learn as you Go process, >Orchid**00**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Nation's Capital
    I don't despair any more. I graduated from therapy.

    Now, I just love what I can do when I can do it.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Geena75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    The best advice I could give is to 1) RELAX. As you said, you love it, so enjoy loving getting dressed up. At this point, don't make it out to be more than it is. Just do it when the time is right, and enjoy the ride. 2) Take it slow, just one step at a time. I got so excited at the acceptance I felt on this site that I plunged in, then wondered 'what the Sam Hill do I think I'm doing,' then purge and regrets. Take it easy and make the most of each step you take. There are people on the site who do amazing transformations on themselves, and it is easy to feel discouraged at your own efforts. They have had years of practice (and failures, most likely) to develop their abilities and look. Just work at one thing at a time and have fun. At this point, it is the journey more than the destination.


  7. #7
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Don't we all.
    If society accepted it as normal behavior I could accept myself and not have the self loathing days.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  8. #8
    New Member Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2021
    I am very new as well.. I found the courage to post a few pics today and it seems therapeutic, people here respond well. I sometimes look for "me" time that I can get in full dress and makeup.. I feel sexy when I am in dress. I get sad sometimes when I have to go back to my male side. I found I just need to be accepting to both sides of my personality. I have to accept both of them because they are who I am. I think you can be both masculine and feminine and accept both .. at least I hope so

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Ava, it's hard to know where we are going when at the beginning of this journey. There sure are a lot of different pathes ahead. One is for you.
    When you say you despair at what you are doing, what do you mean exactly? Do you feel guilt about dressing or hiding something? Do you fail to achieve something you strive for?
    Last edited by DianeT; 06-26-2021 at 05:43 PM. Reason: patches -> pathes

  10. #10
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    I would say your emotions are quite common. I have run the gambit of feelings that have ranged from self loathing to extreme satisfaction and feeling very normal and happy. Over time and self reflection I have finally become much more accepting of my desire. I still struggle on occasion with why I have this desire but I fret over it way less these days. I am betting that most of us on this forum have very similar experiences.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  11. #11
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Ava, first of all, welcome to this forum. What you are experiencing is pretty normal at the beginning of your journey. It can seem like you are trying to separate out a bowl full of sticky spaghetti and turn it into something edible. You really don't need a goal at this time. You more likely need to find your way through the tangled emotions. Baby steps is likely the best solution.

    It takes time to find your comfort zone and that involves going up some box canyons that lead to even more discomfort. Back up to a comfortable path and try something different. You will be amazed how fast you will see a way forward and find a path that fits you fine. The fact is though, you do not find a path, you create your own path and it is unique to you. How do you create it? Mostly the same way you find a shirt that you like - go try it on. One of three general results will occur. 1.) "That looks like Hell." 2.) "It's OK." 3.) "Wow, that looks fantastic." (And variations on those themes.) Build on that which you feel fits you now while remembering in the background that there may be something even better. Continue that until you find a match that works together as a unit and reflects your inner sense of who you are. Then you are on target.

    We are all different and what works for one may not make much sense to another. That is normal. Take some time to do a lot of reading of various threads here and get yourself up to 10 posts so the door will open wider and you can go into other subgroups where perhaps you will find more possible paths that ring a bell for you. For example, feeling sexy and looking sexy has never been a part of my female-like expression or sense of being. You feel that, though, and that is fine. It may continue or that feeling may soon fade as you go further into this realm. It is a journey that really does not have a goal other than living in a way that makes you happy most of the time. No different than what everybody else is doing. But the details vary from person to person. We are all different and therefore we are all equal.

  12. #12
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    I felt that way a long time ago but those days are over.
    I don't even think about where I'm going, I'm just enjoying the journey.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  13. #13
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Dear Ava,

    I'd noticed that most of the people that comment and answer in your thread had used words as "process " (twice) others called journey, other said "where "I'm going", etc.

    I'm a transexual/transgender woman in "transition" they used that word for people as me, taking hormones to, one day, became to be as a woman transforming my body and my mind.

    It's been a bit more than 3 years since I started in hormones, HRT (hormones replacement therapy,, it has other names too).

    One day I was like you, disoriented,.at the same time full of bad feelings but mixed-up with the enjoyment of doing something that for me, in those days was very sexual. This ingredient added another ingredient more negative than positive, dirty, promiscuity, etc.

    I came to this web actually looking to cross other crossdressers.

    Fortunately I found great people with real stories of success here (you will find a lot of fakes,.like and a lot of excuses too).

    Fory viewpoint what others here call journey, process, etc for me is actually transition but they don't know it. I, for example, started shaving my legs around 40 years ago, I qas a biker, that was my honest excuse. Later I began wearing women's panties, fir my wifes' but soon I start buri g my own ones.

    I didn't know, as some had said here, where I was going. Today I know. I took me a lotnof years to learn, then to accept it about myself. Today all those bad feelings had dissapeared but I had to cross for a dark valley with two suicide attempts.

    I recommend you, first, learn, read a lot, more than this web. Be careful with online stories, webs, etc. So try to get therapy. For me the first therapist was a family one but soon we, both, discovered that wasn't enough. Now my therapist is trans as well, with a PhD on psychology and especially on transgender.

    My life is very different now, no more closet, no shame, guilty, fear or any negative feeling.

    I'm not telling you will be as me one day but my point is first, you're doing nothing wrong. To dress is just an expression of who we are. Men dress in different ways, se more elegant, or relax, or casual, sport etc but when a man dress as a woman is not a hobby, is not a thing, is not a process or a journey but an expression of what is inside him/her.

    Feel free to PM (personal message) if you need or want.


    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
    HRT 04302018 Full time 03/2019
    Electrolysis on face started 08/2019, down there for SRS 06/2021
    Orchiectomy 06/03/2020
    Legal name and gender marker changed 10/26/2020

  14. #14
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Berlin, Germany
    Don't we all but feelings fluctuate about it. Sometimes you feel you hate this side and sometimes if you had food experience its the best. But my advice is stop caring what people think whilst being as nice as possible. If you're new you will need alot of time to figure it all out and what this thing means to you.

  15. #15
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Once you get through those feeling and out the other side, it is a really lovely place to be, happy with who you are and enjoying every second of being a cross dresser, or that is how it worked out for me, took me many years to find that though and a whole gamut of feelings along the way

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