Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: I Just Told Her....

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2020
    Posts
    44

    I Just Told Her....

    My wife. We'd been drinking. I said that sometimes I like to dress like a woman, and she said, "So you're gay?" I told her the contrary. I was about to puke that I even tried to tell her this stuff. She thought it was a joke -- we drank some more whiskey. Maaaaaaan. This sucks.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Right now I guess she thinks it's a joke, but you have to wonder. I'm hoping she asks me about it tomorrow.

  2. #2
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    332
    She probably will eventually, but just go with it since you've now taken the first step. Good for you for getting it out there.
    Be the best you, be the true you.
    That said, I love faceapp so much I change my avatar daily

    https://giphy.com/gifs/l0MYEWpv7Ue0RFVaE/html5

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    21,342
    There is no good way to introduce this subject, but doing it while drinking is among the more regrettable approaches. Earlier today you posted that you had just purged and now you’ve told her…I don’t know if the time sequence purged then told or told the purged.

    If it is the latter, and you purged after telling…and you just want to be a normal dad, then I would suggest getting some therapy. It may not make the desire go away, but you may be able to learn techniques to diminish the compulsion.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 07-02-2021 at 09:21 PM.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    austin texas
    Posts
    620
    When I told my first Wife she freak out then told all my male friends . she left with my son. but that's another story. oh i was a mechanic by trade that didn't go well at work either . My second wife told me she didn't know what i needed but she would try .well she helped me dress then she told me she cant deal with it .i have stayed loyal i have been with this woman for 42 years and to this day I'm in a dadt . she knows i love to dress but only when she is not around. but now that we both are disabled i don't see me getting to dress and I'm pissed about it I helped raise her children as my own i give her any thing i can but she cant deal with me or this. I wish she knew how important it is to my happiness. she doesn't care i try to dress when i can but i find its not enough. but how can you talk to a person that wont let me talk about it to her. now i have grandkids and a great grand son life is so short i don't know what to do :hugs that's why i love this site we can share

  5. #5
    Member Miel GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    226
    Laurie please take your courage with both hands and initiate a serious discussion with your wife. Leaving things as they are could harm your couple because you cannot know what is in your wife's mind after your "drinking" discussion. It could be a difficult moment for both of you but you put the subject on the table... Hope the best for you and your wife.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    France
    Posts
    755
    Laurie, I sure understand the temptation to spill it in a rash moment because you want to rip off the bandage rather than slowly lif it (and probably because alcohol and big revelations aren't generally a good mix). This doesn't change the fact that you blew it big time with your SO, since if you love her then you must get prepared before coming out. Look, nothing is lost. Train commando style for next time, and before the next attempt try answering the two questions below. If one of the answers is "No", then turn back and prepare more.

    1. I read the fine manual : How to tell your partner
    2. I'm sober

    Like Miel said the gears in your wife's head probably started spinning even if she doesn't necessarily show it. Just think what you would be thinking if she had opened up to you with a similar line. So it's possible you don't have that much time to set things right. If I were you I would like to be prepared in case the next discussion would be initiated by your SO before you even are ready to tell.

    And if you tell, brace yourself, because it's probably a very bumpy road ahead and the utmost patience and kindness towards your SO's questions and moods will be essential for success (and even with that success is not guaranteed). The fact that you told isn't instant forgiveness for all sins nor a ticket for breaking your dressing free and entering unlimited pink fog. It's just the beginning of the reconstruction of a damaged relationship (because of the broken trust), and if all goes as planned it will probably take years, or forever, to mend it. Be extremely honest and patient, and be very, very loving. Because if your wife stays with you, it means she loves you very much too, sticking with a man that suddenly became a stranger to her, out of a love that used to be for another man she thought she knew well.
    "There's one thing I don't understand. The thing that I don't understand is every [bleep]-ing thing about crossdressing." - The Blimey
    For those who consider telling their SOs, read this fine manual first: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

  7. #7
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    2,650
    So, how's the hangover?
    Put on a Happy Face.

  8. #8
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    14,646
    Please read what Meil and DianeT wrote and read the post how to tell your partner. ( Diane gave you the link)

    Please do not NOW say now I was just joking
    Be brave ….read up on how to explain….again the link you were given,
    You must have wanted to tell her from your posts of late,
    Do not play games, that will make it much worse after she does find out.
    Your saying that why drinking ….will just make her guard up.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    22,460
    Laurie, bad news! U haven't really told her!

    Good news! Now, that u know what to expect u can woman up and explain it to her the rite way!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2020
    Posts
    44
    Two days later -- it's like nothing happened. It's so weird. We watched "Luca" and had a discussion about being trans, and today -- the biggest thing -- my sister-in-law (who majored in the same thing as me in college and knows all the same people) said a girl that I dated in college was now a trans man. And my wife said nothing. I really think she thought the whole thing was a joke. It's really freaking me out.

  11. #11
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Sac Valley
    Posts
    174
    Often the SO will take more time to process all this as it is like driving down a strange road with no GPS and no map and no sign posts.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,538
    Maybe it's time to have a "real talk". Don't expect her to bring it up.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    40,187
    Hi Cindy Lou , Just go slow and don't overwhelm her with this, >Orchid**OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  14. #14
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    8,324
    I believe it was our third date. I was waiting for her in the Living room with the TV running.
    She came up to me ad asked if I was ready, Sure I said, I just want to see that dress again.
    It was a Commercial with a Lady in a Ball Room Gown. She asked me; You mean that one.
    Yes I said. Then she asked me why; I said that I wished I had one like that.
    A week later she asked me if I had any dresses. No I said, jut a few skirts. Silence.
    Next week we are at my back yard for a cook out, Of course it has to rain. So we grab our
    plates and run for the Kitchen and safety. She then ask's, me to put on one of my skirts.
    With some reluctance, I did. When she see's me wearing a skirt, she say's is that all.
    Yes that's about it. Well we can do better. And so she did, and we where married for 19 YEARS
    Until the Angles came.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    2,650
    Quote Originally Posted by char GG View Post
    Maybe it's time to have a "real talk". Don't expect her to bring it up.
    Char is right on this. Your wife has not forgotten and now that she is aware, she will established a position after some thought. The problem for you is the question of what information is she going to mull over in the meantime. I would suggest that making sure she has accurate information to form an opinion on is likely to provide the best outcome. If you leave it to chance, and her information comes from negative and inaccurate sources, she may have a very negative result. Not that you have to be in her face, far from that. But she needs to know the truth to form a true impression.
    Put on a Happy Face.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    21,342
    Others have observed that you have posted several threads within hours of each other, and its apparent that you are struggling with yourself. My suggestion is that you get yourself to a competent, experienced family therapists, preferably an experienced gender counselor. There are too many issues swirling around here.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State