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Thread: Dam, how bad does it get

  1. #1
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Nov 2006
    North West UK

    Dam, how bad does it get

    My 21 year old daughter has found out about me dressing, had to happen one day, but omg how embarresed am i. Crying as a type, want the whole world to swallow me up and crush me into nothingness

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    bloody hell, how do i deal with this ???????

  2. #2
    Member Molly Wells's Avatar
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    Jan 2008
    Houston, TX
    A while back my daughter came home unexpectedly and caught me dressed. It was an embarrassing moment and I was certainly concerned about the potential fallout as I have an unaccepting wife. My daughter and I were able to speak soon afterward and she said she was surprised but assured me of her love and to keep it between us.
    I suggest that you look for an opportunity to talk to her soon and all you can do is be forthright with her. Hope that love prevails.


  3. #3
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Jun 2017
    Central Fla.

    How do you deal with this? You just do. There is no other choice, really.
    Hold your head up as best you can. Say "Yes, this is me." and carry on with life as usual.

    Besides, it's not like she found out you're a serial killer, or worse yet, a fan of the wrong football team!

    I have to ask: "how did she find out, and what was her reaction?"

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
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    Jan 2010
    Send her a note with an offer to talk about what she has learned. Then the ball is in her court. Be prepared to tell the truth, whatever that truth may be in your case, as best you know it.

    Other than that, another day will come and go. Life will go on and with it every day will bring changes, welcomed and unwelcomed alike.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 07-03-2021 at 07:47 AM.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member jenna116's Avatar
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    Sep 2012
    lower right part of US
    Agree with the PPs that its time to have a conversation with your daughter. She's seen you and there is no un-seeing that. Give her the whole story and answer all her questions truthfully. It could be the start of a stronger relationship with her.
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  6. #6
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
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    Nov 2020
    I have a daughter about the same age that doesn't know yet, her finding out is probably my greatest fear. I think about telling her almost every day sometimes even wishing she would find out by accident like yourself. When you speak to her make her feel assured that she hasn't lost her Father, but instead has gained access to a side of you she never knew, that's how I plan to approach it when the day comes.
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  7. #7
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    As the others have recommended, discuss it with her. You're embarrassed. She probably embarrassed too. I'm sure she does not know how to approach the subject.

  8. #8
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Michigan USA
    All you can do is try to talk to her - you raised her she should be the strong woman you think she is

  9. #9
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    Embarrassment is understandable. If you feel able can you fill in the blanks as to the circumstances to her finding out. I'm assuming you were dressed and she saw you so what was her and your, immediate reactions?

    If it was a fleeting encounter, she saw and walked away then I suspect she was part embarrassed, part shocked. I also suspect that she's having the same problems as you as how to approach the subject in the future.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  10. #10
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Not enuff details, Debs. Did she catch u? Live with u?

    A had to tell my then, 19 year daughter who lived me. As she almost caught me several times. She disapproved!

    We worked out am arrangement so when I dressed? She knew when and where and could avoid seeing Sherry. And, I could dress without fear of being caught again!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

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  11. #11
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    I'm guessing she had a bad reaction to the discovery??

    Communication. Talk to her and don't hide from it. It won't go away.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  12. #12
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    May 2015
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Mmmmm a bit unfirtunate but dont get too down about this, as soon as you can you must have a full and open talk with your daughter. I have found out that it is mostly women who do not have a problem about with ones dressing. I n my case when "Bobbi" needed to be 24/7 it was time to tell my kids via email at that time because my son's visit was iminent. he was not impressed!! , my daughter on the other hand was so happy for me and when she came over to visit I talked in greater depth with her and one thing she said, which made me smile was " I always knew there was something there"!!. By the way she had never seen me dressed at all prior to this.
    So when you get the opportunity talk openly and keep nothing back.
    Good Luck!!
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  13. #13
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    Dec 2015
    I told my daughter a little over a year ago, she said "No big deal" she seemed to be OK with it.

    Now last week my wife told me that my daughter said I should seek help for my dressing.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
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  14. #14
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Sep 2005
    Catskill, NY
    The cat is definitely out of the bag at this point.

    You have two choices:

    1 - Deny, deny, deny. Good luck with that one


    2 - Calm down, arrange your thoughts, and ask your daughter to sit down and discuss the issue as adults.

    Since you have provided no details on HOW she found out about your crossdressing ( did she catch you?, hear a rumour?, told by your S/O?, find something and leap to a conclusion? ), it is difficult to give a specific answer. BUT if you are sure she knows, then just pull up your big girl panties and face the music.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Violetgray's Avatar
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    Jan 2007
    Baltimore, Maryland.
    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    I told my daughter a little over a year ago, she said "No big deal" she seemed to be OK with it.

    Now last week my wife told me that my daughter said I should seek help for my dressing.
    I agree, I feel like we could all benefit from at least a few lessons in makeup

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Debs , Just be sure to keep the lines of communication with her, >Orchid**00**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

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  17. #17
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Mar 2021
    Is this really so terrible, Debs? Your wife knows already, so why not your daughter? Do you have any indication that your daughter is hostile to your dressing? Many people report that adult children (unlike some wives) are quite accepting.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    New England
    Quote Originally Posted by Debs View Post
    ...had to happen one day.
    Yes, it had to. That day has arrived. Don't feel sorry about anything. Chin up and carry on. It's a bit late for any other strategy.

  19. #19
    Member SissieScott's Avatar
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    May 2021
    Not enough info..... How did she find out? Easiest way is if she lives at home , have an honest and open conversation with her. Or even if she lives at home or not, possibly send her an email explaining yourself. The worst thin IMO would be to do nothing.
    Our daughter is 27 and lives 1,000 miles away, but she is coming home at the end of the month for a week. I am contemplating telling her while she is home, instead of her finding out by mistake or second hand which would possibly make it worse. I'm not too worried though.... my wife hates pedicures, so all growing up going for pedicures were a Father/Daughter thing, and she always loved that she could pick out my nail color and I was *forced* to wear it!......Little did she know........ Her fist response will probably be "Does that mean we can go SHOPPING"??!!!
    "Out of ALL the thing I have lost, it's my mind that I miss the most"

  20. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Hey Girls, why are we using the term caught and all that it implies. Debs never referred to the occurrence as "being caught". We really need to think hard about the terminology we use.

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