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Thread: Fourth time out - visibility levelled up!

  1. #1
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009

    Fourth time out - visibility levelled up!

    I first went out in August of 2020, and simply walked around the block at about 9pm. I saw two people who were sat on their doorstep having a smoke, in conversation, and we didn't make eye contact.

    My second time out was in May of 2021, where I went out at about 9pm in the car, and only made eye contact with a motorbiker who pulled up alongside me.

    Third time was June of 2021, where I went for a walk around the block at about 11pm, and I felt absolutely on the edge with nerves. I really did feel in danger, even though I can handle myself. Something about being female from behind and in the dark. I didn't see a single person during this walk.

    So, on to my fourth trip out!

    Having recently bough some pride converse shoes, but sending to a friend so my wife didn't see as they're quite "out there" for my normally conservative stylings - rainbow trim, backplate, funky tongue and rainbow soles - today was my opportunity to go and see my friend, collect them, and do a few errands.

    I didn't do a full face of makeup, instead just going to mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and brow pomade. I didn't put my wig on until I arrived at my friends, and was in skinny high waisted black jeans, a green and black patterned top, and my new black heels.

    No lies, I was nervous when it came to getting out of the car and standing in the street to see my friend (I have a cold so wasn't going in to her house), but I owned it. Can't quite believe I stood in a street, overlooked by houses, with numerous people walking past, and nothing bad happened.

    Followed this up by removing the wig, but keeping the makeup, and I switched the shoes out for my new converse. I went into a couple of shops with a hoodie covering my female top, but my female fitted skinny jeans clearly on show.

    Again, nothing bad happened.

    Roll on the 14th where I will go out for trip #5!!

  2. #2
    Junior Member TamT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    You reminded me of my first times outside. All around midnight and with a little panic inside my head. I would always walk for about an hour through some streets or around a small park (and I would sit there for a while to take a deep breath and calm my nerves). Most of the time I left the apartment fully dressed and with makeup, but I wore a windbreaker to hide my clothes and a jockey to cover my wig. If the outfit included a skirt or a dress, I covered them with men's pants. The heels used to be in a bag or in the purse that was also hidden inside the windbreaker, and I changed them after walking a bit, putting them in the handbag next to the windbreaker and the pants that I had to take off to fit into a skirt. Sometimes I could get out in the car and drive a little further, because I was afraid that someone from the neighborhood might recognize me.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    The big fear so many of us have to overcome is "being seen". It can take many hours of tentative sorties out and about, often in the hours of darkness to get to a stage where you start to feel more comfortable. The problem can be that if on the trips out we encounter a lone stranger say out walking the dog ( I got to hate dog walkers) the fear gauge pings back to max.

    For all of us there will be a moment when we cease to care about being seen as going about our business takes on a far greater importance. This is usually also coupled to a realisation that we don't stand out as much as we thought, that not everyone, in fact most, don't pay enough attention to notice and if we dress for the time and place it's far easier to blend into a crowd than hide behind a tree in a deserted street from one other person.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Las Vegas Nevada
    I read this and remember back to those times for me. And how nervous I was. Then I think of the last week even and think wow thay was so long ago and such a different me. Some day you might even apply for a job wearing skinny fit girl jeans and breast forms. Hang in there if that is your desire it gets so much easier. I will say you are more scared and worried then need be really speaking from experience. Bit I do understand it as well.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    Charlotte, congratulations for overcoming your fears.

  6. #6
    Member Lisa516's Avatar
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    Oct 2018
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Congratulations . I have only been out at about 9 pm too walking down the sidewalk.
    As many as 43 percent of all people with gender dysphoria attempt suicide in their lives. dont let yourself become part of that very tragic statistic.

  7. #7
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Happy for you!
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  8. #8
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Central California
    I vote for a busy grocery store. No better way to clear out the worries when surrounded by people who could not give a ......!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    New England
    Congratulations on your progress! Just a reminder to be extra careful when going out alone at night. There are plenty of very good reasons why you will never ever encounter a woman walking around alone late at night. In fact, the only women I have ever seen flying solo late night are fellow CDs. Be careful!

  10. #10
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Spot on Monica, and it was my 11pm trip out that made me understand how scary it is to be out late at night as "female".

    From behind, with my long hair, padding etc, I look like a tall woman. I don't even look unusually tall because there's no context of other people around for comparison.

    When a car slowly pulled up behind me on that occasion, my heart rate was through the roof.

    I'll not do a late night trip again, not as I become more comfortable in daylight and simply owning the fact I'm trans, and so what.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    I'm small for a guy, 5ft 6, 135-140, so it's unlikely that I would attract attention. That having been said I rarely venture out at night; especially to bars. I do think the safest place to go is shopping. But even then I would leave as the crowds begin to thin out.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    its good that you got the late night walk out of your system. I recall taking twighlight walks around my very safe residential neighborhood as a precursor to day walking. As others have suggested, I highly recommend busy places like the grocery or mall for the next adventure.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  13. #13
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    The irony is the safest place to be is when there are lots of people around.

    When someone lurks in the shadows, and appears to be female (or trans), they are most vulnerable. That's why GGs are smart enough to avoid doing it whenever possible.

    If someone is at a place where they are visible to lots of people, they are the safest, because there are people around to see you.

    Several years ago I wanted to see U2 dressed. The concert was in downtown St. Louis. Boy me would have parked downtown and walked to the concert. Girl me, no way. I took the train and walked the block to the arena; lots of people on train and walking to and from the arena. Even if I was outed, it was much, much safer that way (and I had zero issues).

    Charlotte, as you are finding out, people don't really care what you are wearing. I suggest you just rip the band-aid off and just go out wearing the whole nine yards; wig, make-up, clothing, shoes, etc. IT'S WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT TO DO, RIGHT? Just jump in the water and trust yourself to swim.


  14. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Based on your previous postings of your height you're always going to draw a glance. You think your height is not obvious if you're alone, but, it is. The brain retains a lot of information. A person's brain may not gauge the difference between six foot six and six foot four, but it obvious the person is not five foot six. Whatever is in the environment is sufficient to gauge size; a parked car, a tree, a fence. At a minimum you're always going to have some apprehension because you know you're physique is out of place in the general world of a woman. Probably the exception is going to be if your area is hosting a women's collegiate basketball tournament. Sometimes at the local mall I would see a visiting collegiate women's team and they did turn heads. But, it was very obvious they were women because of facial features, physique (tall and slender) and body movements; in their womanly comfort zone. Spending too much time thinking about blending in usually means you're not going to blend in. Am I walking correctly, etc? Thus, the apprehension.

    I think you're going to draw more attention ditching the wig, but keeping the makeup; covering up with a hoodie (head too?) than if you just kept the wig on. Most people are not going to confront you and make a scene. Yeah, the wrong place and a bunch of liquored up guys and there could be some vicious name calling, and, more. That is what transgender women have to deal with all the time. My wife's second cousin is a transgender man. He is blessed with the typical womanly height and weight. When I met him in our backyard I did not know "she" was a transgender man because it had been billed as a "female cousin get together." Even with the manly looking short hair he could wear the clothing society deems appropriate for either sex and totally blend in.

    I hope you can progress on your adventures to a venue where you will not be out of place.

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