Therapy...

[Bea_]

After some non-CD trauma over the last few years, I finally sought out some therapy early in 2021. We discussed the other issues that had been extremely traumatic and had made some headway, but it was clear that there would be very limited success without discussing my "other wardrobe". It took probably four of five sessions before I was able to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to discuss the fact that "half my wardrobe was from the woman's department". That revelation took her completely by surprise but she did make me feel safe to discuss it fairly freely. I have felt all along that my inclinations to choose my clothes from the "wrong" department were mostly a result of some relational issues that had made it to PTSD level. Once the door had been opened, I've had no inclination to even want to close it.

One thing that came out of the early revelation of my style choices was that I had one item that seemed to represent myself to myself. That item was a string of faux pearls. I ended up wearing the pearls during an early session, but it made me feel too vulnerable at that point. At my last session, I put the pearls on in my car before I got to the appointment.

Early in the session, she mentioned the pearls and asked if there was "anything else". I pointed to my pink socks and awkwardly admitted that I was wearing a bra and panties. It felt like an appropriate answer to a direct question, but at the same time seemed like TMI. It didn't occur to me to say it at the time, but other than my button up shirt, everything I was wearing was marketed as "women's clothes". Ultimately, it was not particularly awkward and we talked openly about how I felt about my wardrobe.

We revisited some of the other issues that had brought me to therapy in the first place to make sure they'd been dealt with sufficiently. Overall, they had. Now, I'm ready to deal with the personal issues of being a closeted crossdresser and how it complicates everything.

I'm relating all this just to get to a few questions.
1. I am much more comfortable with a female therapist than I can imagine being with a male therapist. Does that hold true for anyone else?
2. I've read her on the forum of others who've gone to therapy sessions dressed. My style is man-in-a-dress with no inclination to appear to be a woman and I'm sure I'd go in androgynous mode. Does anyone else have experience in that situation?
3. I've been going to my therapist for about 5 months and it is getting to be expensive. How long have others been in therapy before the issues were dealt with adequately?

EDIT: My third question did not make it into my original post. I did want to point out that I have a Medicare supplement that will pay if I use a Licensed Social Worker but not for a Licensed Professional Counsellor. I did not realize that when I started with my LPC and really did not want to go back through the most vulnerable issues with someone else. If anyone else is on Medicare, you might check before getting into this situation.

[BustyOlivia]

I would love to afford a therapist and I think being able to be dressed with them would be helpful to truly get to that side of me. If u feel comfortable then I would try it. If not then getting to be your feminine self in front of another person will be an experience in itself

[Gi Gondin]

Hi Bea, I had 4 different therapists in my life, all related to the 2 times I divorced. All started because of the difficulties I was having. Only in the last one, a middle age lady with a focused in music based therapy, I disclosed my crossdressing. I even showed some pictures after my first full makeover and felt completely at easy with her.

Regarding your two questions, I am pretty sure I would never disclose that if it was a male therapist and I never considered going to a session dressed. After your post I tried to figure out why, but failed.

I know therapy is usually expensive but can be extremely helpful in the journey of self discovery. you may adjust for frequency and reduce cost in other expenses to keep it going until you find yourself capable to keep advancing by yourself!

Good luck in your journey!

[CharlotteCD]

1. Yes, I specifically sought out a female counsellor. I don't feel comfortable being feminine in any way in front of males. It's a vulnerability and masculinity thing.
2. Can't comment as I am transgender.
3. I've probably spent ?900 on my sessions so far. I can justify this because I can spend ?200 a month binge eating, so if therapy stops me eating that week, it's basically paid for itself.


If I were to say my main issue with therapy it'd be this:

I can make all of the progress in the world in accepting myself during those sessions. I can attend dressed if I wish. I can openly admit that I am trans, that it's OK, and that I want to transition.

Once I leave that session however, the world hasn't made that progress. My wife has not made that progress. I am still trapped in my closet.

All feels a bit "If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

[Aunt Kelly]

1. Yes, I am much more comfortable with a woman therapist. The skill and knowledge that make for a good therapist are not gender-specific, but it is easier to relate to women in that scenario.
2. I did, but I am definitely not a MIAD, and honestly don't get that whole thing. If you and your therapist think it might be productive, why not?
3. Many health insurance plans cover counseling. Many providers will offer a sliding scale.

[Bea_]

If I were to say my main issue with therapy it'd be this:

I can make all of the progress in the world in accepting myself during those sessions. I can attend dressed if I wish. I can openly admit that I am trans, that it's OK, and that I want to transition.

Once I leave that session however, the world hasn't made that progress. My wife has not made that progress. I am still trapped in my closet.

All feels a bit "If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I definitely feel that. At this point, I'm hoping that therapy can help me to accept and deal with the reality you describe.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

3. Many health insurance plans cover counseling. Many providers will offer a sliding scale.

I'm sorry that my third actual question did not come through when i posted. My medicare supplement does cover therapy with a licensed social worker but not with a licensed professional counsellor. I chose my therapist before that fact became clear. We'd already gotten to some vulnerable areas that I didn't want to have to go back over with another counsellor so I'm still paying out of pocket. I'd like to get to a point that I feel like I could just go in occasionally, but I'm not there yet.

[April Rose]

1)The first time I tried therapy I interviewed male therapists, but I ended up going with a female.

2) My current therapist specializes in gender related issues. She allows sessions dressed and has a place to change at her office. I have not done so because I am currently working with her remotely.

3) I was with my second therapist 5 years, and finally felt I'd dealt with everything I needed to. A lot of it not having to do with CD. I am back at it many years later, following the death of my wife. Life is not static. Joy and loss come in different ways at different times. I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this question.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

I know therapy is usually expensive but can be extremely helpful in the journey of self discovery.

Gi Gondin's statement is precisely what my wife and I gained from therapy together.

Her presence in every session contributed to even higher trust between us because we both came to understand my CDing needs better.

Since my wife could see that I had nothing to hide, she was able to focus on what she could do to meet my needs in a loving, accepting way that would make a very healthy marriage even better.

The money we spent was money well spent. The ROI has been enormous.

We were both comfortable with the male professional who never suggested that I attend our sessions as Teresa. I never gave the idea a thought either.

Teresa

[Stephanie47]

You have not disclosed the PTSD non-CD issues. Decades ago when I was floundering around with my (our) cross dressing issues I did not have the balls to contact any sort of therapist. I got as far as looking up one in the telephone book (remember those) and called her. I talked to her for some time and that was it. Too chicken to go further. I was able to toss off the shame and guilt that society threw at me. I did some self rationalization; weighing what I have done over the years against the cross dressing. Sort of weighing everything on a balancing scale. I did finally come to the conclusion I did not need any validation from my wife or anybody else. I accepted the fact my wife did not want any part of my quirk. All I have to do now is deal with societal norms which are really the problems of someone else; accepting people who are not like them.

As to the length of time one may need a therapist. I think it depends on the person and the issue. Yes, health insurance may have a limit or not cover therapy at all. I have issues with combat related PTSD issues. I started seeing a VA counselor in 2010. Since then it has been a session every two weeks; in-person pre-covid; telephone during covid restrictions. I suppose I am in the counseling for "maintenance." I also participate in a group setting with other combat vets. Again, it is a "maintenance" issue among people with a similar issue. The price of admission to my program is the vet has to be a combat veteran.

I have never brought up my cross dressing to my VA counselor. I believe cross dressing has helped me escape some of the combat related PTSD issues. Some vets have self medicated with drugs and alcohol. Perhaps cross dressing is a form of self medicating. There may be some relationship between your non-CD PTSD issues and cross dressing which should not be treated as separate issues.

As to the expense ($$$) that can be an obstacle to maintaining mental health due to limited number of sessions. Perhaps there is a group therapy available for persons with a similar issue. There's a support group for just about anything and everything these days.

[Bea_]

You have not disclosed the PTSD non-CD issues.

The issues were relational and private but I spent almost five years with suicidal ideations that only stopped after an unsuccessful attempt. The fallout from those years and other issues came to a head in January '21. I have never returned to a suicidal state after my attempt, but a perfect storm of unexpected realizations made me desperate to talk to someone and it has been much better after the initial issues were dealt with through talk sessions and EMDR.

I turned 18 a few months after the draft stopped in the seventies. I can only imagine the issues that come from facing combat. God bless.

[Missy Dawn]

1. I have a female therapist and I'm very comfortable with her. I really don't think I would discuss this as open with a male as I feel with my female therapist
2. I'm not going out in public dressed because I'm just starting to explore my female side.
3. I get PTSD therapy through the VA and so there is no charge to me. I went to therapy for many many years before I mentioned my childhood abuse. Thats when I started going to PTSD therapy and it's worked wonders on everything with me. Good luck hun.
Peace and Love
Missy Dawn

[BLUE ORCHID]

There Two kinds of Therapist, The kind that tells you what you want to Hear ,

And the kind that tells your Wife what she wants to Hear,

I know from Experience, >Orchid***)***

[nancy58]

1. I'm much more comfortable revealing my "hobby" to a woman than to a man. This may be my own judgment of myself or it may be "common sense". The three men I've shared this with have been doctors or the rabbi/therapist I originally came out to. The bottom line, though, is that you should choose a therapist you feel comfortable with. "Shields down" is a necessity for successful therapy.

2. I don't normally go out dressed up, but I went to see my therapist en femme once years ago. It felt very empowering to be able to do that, especially since I left my house in broad daylight.

3. I'm lucky enough to be able to pay my therapist out of pocket, and I still see her once a month. I started seeing her in the first year after I came out to my wife -- twice a month for a year or three. I don't remember when I came to accept this part of me but it took a long time. It helped a lot to attend a transgender/CD support group and learn that I'm not done kind of weirdo. A lot of my therapy had more to do with my own non-CD insecurities related to whether I was performing adequately at work, how to deal with (non-CD) conflicts with my wife, etc.

But anyway, gather up the courage to visit your therapist en femme. It will be a good experience.

[Bea_]

But anyway, gather up the courage to visit your therapist en femme. It will be a good experience.

Thanks for the encouragement. I plan to go what I consider to be low key en femme this week. I've been trying to decide what to wear and the logistics of it all. And, my physique feels more concerning than the femininity of the clothes. I was never one to want feminine curves, but I'd like to wear my preferred styles without the gut of a 65 year old geezer.

Typically, I don't go out dressed and I'm guessing I'll leave the house with a button up shirt over my top. I feel anxious and vulnerable, but I am very much looking forward to it.