Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 32

Thread: psychology questions, sort of:

  1. #1
    New Member dalearden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Mid Missouri
    Posts
    24

    psychology questions, sort of:

    Sorry for what maybe a rambling question, but I have mulling over a couple different articles I recently read and kind of interested to know if I am just not getting it: So, first I read this article by a professional woman (I won't link it because it was political oriented and that's not were I want to go), it was about her professional relationship with a powerful man. One day when they are alone, he takes her aside and kisses her - apparently this is welcome conduct as she relates it was the beginning of a year long affair. But what got me was she related that while they were kissing, he takes her hand and places it on his crotch. Now...maybe there is more to the story she doesn't relate, okay. But here is my problem, I guess I really didn't date many girls/women before I met my wife - however, I cannot ever conceive that I would have thought, during a first kiss or even later kiss, to take her hand and place it on my crotch! Am I just that na?ve? Is this how many men act? And is this the sexual harassment women (gg or otherwise) routinely encounter?

    Second, I have been reading up on the psychology of crossdressing (I haven't found any real answers sadly). I found one interesting theory though, that suggests that some (not all) cd's had trouble relating to girls/young women during the time boys are supposed to start dating, that they may have trouble objectifying women at that age, so don't get as aggressive (in terms of asking a girl out, making the first move, etc.). So the conclusion was crossdressing was a way of turning this objectification inward, that we dress to satisfy that need. Amway, I see parts of myself in that, as I did not date much and only when in college did I start. And as I go over a few dates in my head, I can see I was very shy, very afraid of being too aggressive as I was so scared of offending, as being seen as "that type of guy" or just didn't read the signs that the girl was interested in physical contact (if only I could go back in time knowing what I know now!).

    Interesting theory anyway. Any thoughts?
    Last edited by dalearden; 07-16-2021 at 10:59 PM.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member kayegirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    West Yorkshire England
    Posts
    950
    Dalearden, I think that you are correct in the first scenario, there is a lot more to the story that the writer does not relate. But like you I cannot conceive of any situation where I would find the answer behaviour acceptable. Sadly it does seem to occur all too frequently, and is the sort of harassment that many women face.

    Now with your second question then I would have to say that the theory just does not hold true, at least not for me. I never had any problems with dating, or with relating to girls and women in any situation. Indeed, when I did reveal Kaye to my friends, the first comment was one of surprise because "You were always such a ladies man". I have always had a greater affinity to women and girls, even in a male dominated background, I had two brothers and attended an all boys school, and entered a predominately male career.
    No I stopped reading up on the psychology of crossdressers.com, or looking for any answers, many years ago. Just accepted this part of me and got on with enjoying life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    40,185
    Hi Dalearden , The First part shows a lack of respect for the woman,

    The second question, I started this program at around 4 years old, >Orchid **oo**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    676
    First part: The man's a pig. I can't conceive any way that behavior is acceptable - outside of a porn video maybe?

    Second part: Well, I was shy and awkward around girls in my teen years - but that didn't cause my CD issues. It's rather the opposite. I was always believed myself to be "weird" because I had the desire to be feminine and I thought that everyone could see it (especially girls!)

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    France
    Posts
    753
    Hi Dale,
    As for your first question no idea I will let our GG members answer. Before a first kiss all kinds of game (visual contact, words) may have taken place and changed the initial conditions so a move like this may be judged different ways. The way you describe the scene, the male takes the lead all along. If that is really what happened, then at first glance it looks like he is forcing her, yes.

    As for the second: when you start CDing around 11, the way back machine is a bit fuzzy and finding the reasons why you started it is a challenging thing to do. I tried for a while and kind of gave up because I came back with more questions each time than answers. I wasn't shy with girls in the sense that I was speaking a lot with them (more than my other male friends) but I was shy in the sense that anything developing into a possibly romantic relation paralyzed me to an extent. The reason for that is that I romanced the story a lot in my head and getting a rebuttal would be a tragedy. This didn't stop me from opening my heart to a few, but only a few years later, and with mixed results But at 11, being physical with a girl seemed out of the question and some very vivid memories from my very first dressing sessions testify that my CDing was clearly an attempt to explore the mystery of femininity, female clothes being the closest substitute I could find, and dressing in them being the closest to it I could be.

  6. #6
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    336
    I?ve wondered about the biology and psychology of crossdressing, and have encountered a variety of theories, and have found no good explanations. Maybe there are multiple reasons we crossdress, maybe it?s just another variety of normal. I?ve give up trying to figure it out and just accept it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,211
    The guy is one of those who think that women are here to serve men - to serve them whatever they want. No respect for women. She should have reported it and had him charged with sexual assault. It is the foundation of the #MeToo movement.

    As for the theory it does not make sense. Many of us prefer the company of women and tend to identify with women more than with men. For me, I adored playing with girls and merely accepted playing with boys because that was expected. I wanted to be accepted as one of the girls. Of course, that was not going to happen because at a young age there is little realization of anything having to do with identities. A boy is a boy; a girl is a girl. Even in playing if the game involved some version of playing house I was expected to play the man's role. I did but I did not like that. I never liked playing boys team sports.

    There are some really good, modern theories of how gender reversal (complete or partial) occurs, but there are no explanations that are perfect or conclusive. It is a very complex behavior and crossdressing is usually simply an expression of something far deeper and more complex going on in the person's mind, whether the crossdresser is male or female. Studies have also shown that the number of women who engage in a form of crossdressing are just as common as men. But women can easily get away with it because it is more acceptable for women to wear men's clothes; the reverse is not acceptable. Double standard. But women tend to adapt and can wear clothes that appear to be similar to men's clothes but are made to fit a woman's body. Pant suits instead of dresses, for example. T-shirts and sweatshirts are actually a bit unisex unless there are printed patterns of flowers and the like on the ones that are intended for women.

    Put in extreme terms, men are expected to dress male and that is that; women are far more free. But us who are more non-binary mix and match a great deal; I do to a limited extent and I don't get much flack; in fact I think a lot of women like it while a lot of men just frown or intentionally ignore me. Fine with me. I would rather hang out with the girls anyway. The strong posturing and aggressiveness of men in groups really irritates me. To me, just be yourself. Not everything is a competition and nobody needs to prove that they are the bestest of all. But some women like that.

    An interesting, just announced fact is that there are more women who live with other women in more than roommate situation than men who do that with other men. And a lot of those newcomers to the woman-woman relationship were married and left their husband because they turned into domineering pigs that the wife found intolerable. All of the hypermasculine fad is sometimes destroying marriages and driving some women into the arms of other women who know how to show affection and are looking for the same thing.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,536
    ..... it was about her professional relationship with a powerful man.
    Sadly, sometimes I think that men who believe they are "powerful" think and act differently than other men. Look at recent history of high profile TV/movie/business personalities who have lost jobs, wives, status, all because they think they can get away with behavior that isn't acceptable.

    For your second comment: I really don't have an opinion. It seems there could be as many reasons as there are CDers.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,576
    1st question: Sadly yes, many many men behave this way and this sort of harassment is normal.

    2nd question: I’d have to say it wouldn’t apply to me because my desire to be one of the girls predates my desire to be WITH one of the girls.

  10. #10
    Member BethanyCross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    184
    On question 1. No question in mind that it was unacceptable behavior. On the other hand, why did the woman not reject the man at that point? Given that it was the beginning of a long affair, there might have been non verbal signals that told the man that the woman was receptive to that behavior. I am pretty clueless when it comes to non verbal communication.

    On question 2. I started crossdressing when I was 6 or so. No notion of sex at that time. Like most of us I have no clue why I wanted to wear my mother's dress even though it was way too big for me!

  11. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    12,379
    Question #1; I suspect there is more to this story than being told.

    Question #2; My interest in women's clothing predated any interest at all in girls. If my memory is correct I was still a single digit kid. It was before puberty set in. It also had no sexual component. I loved the feel of my mother's nylon lips and nightgowns. Personally, I don't believe anyone knows why a man starts cross dressing.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    720
    It is not just men, I am very shy around women. I did not have my first real date until I was 28. During our first kiss the girl I was with had my hands all over her, but I didn't mind.
    Sara

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    537
    You aren't providing enough context about the article. Some women find it exciting to be treated in a degrading manner, or fantasize about such treatment.

    Regarding your hypothesis, like many of our friends here, I started dressing long before I was into girls. Later, when I was into girl, I was very successful at it as a child, as a teen, and later as an adult. None of that changed my desire to look like a woman, to be a woman, even if only for short periods of time.

  14. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,257
    I think we've well established that point 1, we don't have enough info and/or the man is a pig. I think a LOT of men are pigs, so the latter fits for me. I would never pull such a stunt.

    To the second, I started dreaming of crossdressing around age 4, started dressing around age 8. I started dating just before age 16, but I wasn't aggressive about it at all, and dated the same girl all through high school. I joined the reserves out of high school, and went off to college. Going to bootcamp changed my approach to life in general. From that point forward, I had no trouble dating at all, never spending more than a month without a girlfriend. So, for me personally, I don't think it maps.

  15. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    306
    I cannot imagine being the man in the scenario you relate in your but my take on the issue is that the men who do wouldn't if it didn't work for them often enough to continue the behavior. It seems that the author writes herself in as the passive participant, but I don't buy it at face value. I know that it is less prevalent, but women can be the aggressor too. You hear about young female teachers having sex with minor boys often enough to see that it's all part of reality. And, certain women use sex to their advantage at all levels of society. Unfortunately, other women pay the price when certain men assume ALL women are one way.

    As far as shyness around girls being a cause for crossdressing, I'm guessing it may play a part for certain males, but it would seem to be a more minor cause. My inclinations came decades after marriage and raising children. It came about suddenly after empty-nesting and a major relationship crisis. I cannot see any of the shyness you mention being a factor.

  16. #16
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Mid-Atlantic
    Posts
    303
    Another human here who also found the need to bend my gender before puberty.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    6,895
    On part one, Obviously the guy is a jerk and has no respect for women and most likely never did.
    On part two, When I was in my teens I was very shy around everyone. I started trying my mothers things, and I mean everything, at around 11-12. I do not think one thing has anything to do with the other.
    That question seems to be the one that none of us can pinpoint as to the why, maybe Char is correct that there are as many reasons as there are CD’ers
    Crissy

  18. #18
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,703
    I believe testosterone tends to bring out aggression in men. And there are other reasons that many men are aggressive sexually and socially. But there are also physically aggressive women out there, believe it or not. I've had experiences with both. And I've also had women expect me to be aggressive because they've learned to expect that behavior from men.

    And yes, either the story or your synopses lacks details. Maybe the man sensed that the woman wanted to be kissed. Maybe placing her hand on his crotch wasn't so piggish but part of a natural prelude to sex.

    Your 2nd question is interesting since I was also very shy (and still am pretty much). But from answers so far, this appears to be a correlation more than a cause.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  19. #19
    New Member dalearden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Mid Missouri
    Posts
    24
    Thank you for the thoughts everyone, lots to consider. I probably have been trying to understand the psychology of "all this" since the internet started, with no luck and no real hope of finding an answer, but I persist on.

    Serious question, if the psychologists have no real answers, does talking to a therapist still help? Thanks

  20. #20
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,348
    I can sure relate to what you say. I was super shy around girls, especially any i would like to date. So, i never went to a prom nor even asked anyone. I was miles behind the other guys socially, like a little kid, and i never dated until well into my 20's and rare, My first real girlfriend sadly moved to a distant city,and overdosed and died. I have never had sex with any women, even when they wanted me to. 67yo now.. I totally get what you wrote about CDing for the unmet needs and objectification.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    2,512
    Quote Originally Posted by BLUE ORCHID View Post
    Hi Dalearden , The First part shows a lack of respect for the woman,
    And a woman with poor self-esteem, perhaps. That kind of behavior sells the heck out of romance novels but its unacceptable in the real world.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  22. #22
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    22,455
    Question #2: I was pretty much a regular male until I began dressing out of the blue in my 50's.

    In high school, my close friends and I were pretty shy. However, I was sexually active with my high school girlfriend. And, my college girlfriend. But, it wasn't until I found success in the real estate business that many women came on to me. There's something about successful men that attracts pretty women! But, after a number of unsatisfactory one nite stands?

    I went back to my high school technique of having to feel a connection to a woman to sleep with her. Just lust didn't work well for me. U may attribute that to my "feminine side". But, I'm not sure I even have one!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    676
    Quote Originally Posted by dalearden View Post
    Serious question, if the psychologists have no real answers, does talking to a therapist still help? Thanks
    the psychologists aren't there to give you the answers you seek. They are there to guide you toward finding YOUR answers.

    Think of them as being the right tool for the job - or better yet, a knowledgeable guide who can guide you through the confused jungle of your life.
    They may not know where you're going, or why you're taking the trip, but they know what dead-ends to avoid and can recognize pitfalls before you step into them.

    It really helps a LOT to be able to be able to discuss your deepest feelings and fears with someone who isn't going to freak out or judge you - someone who is "in your corner" when it comes to helping you figure things out.

  24. #24
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,211
    Very well said SaraLin. Therapists are usually not psychiatrists that dig into the very deep causes of behaviors. My youngest daughter is a therapist and one that is well regarded. They have a talent for feeling and seeing a person's pain (empathy) and then helping to alleviate that pain through various techniques based on a general knowledge of the nature of the behavior the person is exhibiting and the issues they have.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member fun4metoo2004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    DFW Texas
    Posts
    503
    I can only add that from my own experience or lack there of while growing up. I never dated in school. I GED'ed out of 10th grade when I turned 17. Prior to that, I grew up in a divorced home with with a mother that worked two jobs. Not much money, very few friends. The high school was in a affluent neighborhood and I was bullied almost constantly. I was raised to respect women, and would never thought of taking her hand and placing it on my crotch.

    The second part of your question,

    I don't see myself as objectifying women. I like the look and feel of the clothes, makeup and how I present when dressed.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State