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Thread: Advice about sex and hrt. I promise it?s not graphic.

  1. #1
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    Advice about sex and hrt. I promise it?s not graphic.

    Hello sisters,

    Firstly, I want to be clear that I?m not meaning to open a can of worms about anything explicit. Just general medical questions. Secondly, I will be seeing my DR ASAP. But I just had a very difficult argument with my wife and it?s late so I feel restless about this and am reaching out here in the meantime.

    So when I got married, I was 19 and deep in denial. I thought I was a cis straight man. She was also 19 and she is bi but has never really settled in with that fact she is deeply closeted. We are still married and trying. It?s hard and our future doesn?t look certain right now, but we love each other and we?re trying. Bc of the HRT I am not an effective top at all. This frustrates her. I think right now almost everything about me frustrates her. But this is the topic of the latest fight. I think she has every right to be frustrated. I didn?t intentionally deceive her about my identity, but I made a commitment to her before I had myself figured out. I plan eventually to have GRS but in the mean time, while I still have it, I would rather put it use to make her feel better. I?m fortunate to not have dysphoria around that part of me. I long to complete my journey with GRS one day, but for now I would be happier doing what i can than leaving her unhappy. It?s just that as i am now with HRT the spirit is willing to perform for her like I used to, but the body isn?t able. So I plan to ask my dr if viagra or something similar can be of any use while I?m on HRT and I?m curious if anyone else has had any experience with this. I?d just like to know if anyone has had a dr tell them if it?s an option and if so was it successful. Thank you for reading and responding.

  2. #2
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Hi - sorry you are having difficulties. Every "body" is different and they all respond to things differently and all I can really give you info about is my personal experience. As a review of me, I've been on HRT for 4 years, my E levels are higher than most that I know, I take a large dose of P, and I had an orchi 2 years ago. Things are still "functional," though I cannot remember when the last time was that I used it that way.

    Anywho........

    Before HRT I didn't need to be in the mood, I didn't need to be thinking about it, I didn't need anything but permission, and then I'd be ready. Now I need to be in the mood. If I am not, it's useless, try me tomorrow, lol. Also I don't want to do it the way I used to even though I know I could, it doesn't interest me. Now instead of figuring out how to seduce my partner I want somebody seducing me.

    Physicality is for sure different as well. During the first year of HRT I thought I'd lose any functionality as it became super painful when I wanted it to function. Instead of avoiding that I began to actively force the issue. By using various different vibrators I taught myself how my body has been changing and how to still please myself. As time has gone on it has become so much more sensitive down there that I don't like it the same way I used to, it's just too overwhelming.

    So with the mental issues and the physical issues I have had to be creative in determining how to please myself and my wife, but where there is a will there is a way and we are figuring it out together. Which is a large part of the changes also in my physical relations with my wife. We talk about both of our needs and how both of us can help ourselves and each other. It is not one person's responsibility to maintain healthy sexual relations.

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    Nadine, You?re completely right. It isn?t just one person?s responsibility to provide pleasure. And I didn?t mean to make it sound that that?s the expectation I get from my wife or a pressure I?m putting on myself. We do have an active sex life and we have found other ways to enjoy each other. The reason I feel such an urge to try and do this for her is bc even though it?s complicated, I do enjoy it at times but also mostly bc when it comes to compromising I feel that she?s had to do more than I have. Relationships can?t be based on a ledger like a bank account, but there has to be some balance. I?m grateful for her patience and her grace. I want her to know that and I want to show her that. So of all the things I know she wishes I could do for her, this is one thing that isn?t really costly to me. When she asked me not to transition, that was too costly for me so I transitioned. When she said she missed my old physique, that was too costly for me so I lost weight. But her asking me to please her in this way is something I can handle without derailing my goals or my health. So I?m willing to do it.

  4. #4
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    So I plan to ask my dr if viagra or something similar can be of any use while I?m on HRT and I?m curious if anyone else has had any experience with this.
    Keep it simple and ask your doctor, it might help. Communicate with your wife at the same time on what your goals, wants and wishes after the doctors visit i.e. script filled etc. I was not ready myself to end my lower extremity so I stopped taking my HRT all the while taking a Hims script for more blood supply before the deed with my GG. I plan to start my HRT up again when Im older....
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  5. #5
    Reality Check
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    Obviously, the only way to know if Viagra will help is to try it. Your doctor is the best person to ask, but there are now "Internet doctors" who will prescribe ED drugs over the Internet. This might be quicker and less expensive.

    That said, you are trying to do two things at the same time that ae opposites. You are trying to become more feminine by taking medicine but at the same time, be more masculine by having a working penis. That's not going to work.

    I'm assuming you know this, but there are other ways to please your wife in bed. There are rules on this forum so I'm not going to be more specific.
    Krisi

  6. #6
    Member SarahBJackson's Avatar
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    Ashleymasters, your question about HRT and sex is very timely with me. I started taking spiro 2 weeks ago, and while that isn't very long, it isn't like I've ever been a stellar performer before and now I'm blocking my testosterone. My wife is pretty supportive, but she is also my wife, so at her request, I contacted my doctor and asked for Viagra. Not to get too graphic, but I took the first blue pill last night and it worked. It made me feel great to help my wife feel good . . . finally.

    The problem that we ran into was cost. Viagra isn't covered and the cost of the generic was over $1,000 for 30 pills. The pharmacist looked up GoodRX on her phone and the price lowered to only $15!!! It was well worth it.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    While the op mentioned the possibility of someday having GRS, this thread has become a discussion about male sexual function, hardly transsexual specific. The rules for this section of the forum call for only transsexual specific topics. Even HRT is not necessarily transsexual specific. Thread closed.

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