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Thread: How many times do I have to get busted?

  1. #1
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    How many times do I have to get busted?

    I must get caught with makeup out, jewelry out, clothes out, closet door open, some makeup still showing, smelling like my wife's perfume, pictures on my phone... and it goes on.

    Why is it still an issue? I am not throwing anything in my wives face trust me. I am doing the DADT thing per her request.

    I would think by now she can love both sides of me and not just the male side. I am not talking about sex but as friends.

    I really think she would like it. But that is her choice for sure.

    Natalie

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    I would think by now she can love both sides of me and not just the male side.

    Natalie
    Here in lies your issue...
    There are no 2 people inhabiting one body - unless you have MPD and even then you are still one physical being. There aren't sides there are behaviours and themes of behaviours.

    If I get drunk and screw up I can't blame drunk me - even if I don't remember it. I'm responsible for getting drunk. And you're responsible for "dressing like a girl" and whatever else you get involved with.

    You can't expect her to accpet that your rationalisation as it's a nonsense. Conversely, it's not on you to provide contentment to someone that doesnt completely love you either.

    Guess you guys have to weigh up the options. Personally i don't mind a blazing row here and there.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Natalie,
    Some of the accepting wives that I know say that their husbands make CDing fun for them (the wives) too. If it can be some kind of outing that she enjoys, maybe she can have fun with you en femme. Perhaps suggest a casino, play or concert, hotel stay in another town. Use your imagination. Then, don't make the outing all about you but about both of you getting dressed up. You may want to stay away from the bars unless she is open to that. NOT shopping, grocery store, walking in a park - those things are just all too common. For a woman, it's not fun to just sit around looking like a girl, going to the grocery store (boring!), or walking around in heels.

    You know your wife best, so maybe nothing will work with her. Just try thinking out of the box and see what her reaction is.

  4. #4
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    I agree with Char. I just spent 4 days in New Hampshire with my wife. She loves hiking, so we hiked in the mornings. I stay in male mode for that, it's just easier.
    Then it's back to our motel to shower and change. For me,, into girl mode. We go for dinner, and then stroll the village shops before heading in for the night. We even met a tg friend for dinner one night.
    ....And we both got what we wanted....
    All and all, I spent way more time in girl mode, than boy mode. And the plus side.... wifey said she likes me better that way lol.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Nathalie I don't understand. Do you mean your wife said she wants no part in it but nevertheless you would like her to catch you dressed and made up? I'm confused.

  6. #6
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    I am not trying to get caught. But she is adamant that she wants no part of this. I will comply .

  7. #7
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Obviously your not trying to comply very well or you stink at hiding, or both! If your like most (including me), your wife did not sign up for this and should not be held responsible just because you think she should like it. Mine will never like it and it is what it is.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    How many times do I have to get busted?

    Unfortunately, it's until you learn that you wife does not want to be a part of it.

    Like Karren's wife, my wife will never like it and it is what it is.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    I understand you try to be careful. Having said that there are times when something will be left lying in the wrong place.

    The good thing is that your wife knows these things belong to you. Imagine the scenario if she assumed they belonged to another woman.

    All you can do is apologise and say it was not deliberate. This may help soften her attitude a little.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  10. #10
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    The first time my wife found some of my stuff, she called me at work about it. I told her that we could talk when I got home.

    I seriously evaluated whether I would be in more trouble admitting that I crossdressed or if I should lie and tell her that I had an affair. I told the truth, but it wasn't pretty.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  11. #11
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Natalie, I'm confused here, just as Diane is. What are you actually saying? I take it that your wife doesn't want any part of your crossdressing, and doesn't even want to know about it. So even if she never sees you actually dressed, she still gets upset if she sees (or smells!) any reminder of your dressing.

    The key question is whether you're being careful enough to hide these reminders from her. If you're telling yourself "What does it matter if I leave clothes and jewelry around, leave smears of makeup on?" and the rest of it, you're still upsetting your wife if she doesn't want to see these things, and you need to clean up properly before she's around. Or maybe you just need to be more careful about not leaving things around and need a "checklist" of things to take care of after dressing.

    Or is it that she has a habit of walking in on you and trying to "catch" you? If so, that's her problem, not yours. How is she seeing these pictures on your phone? Are you showing them accidentally, or is she snooping on your phone? Does she respect your boundaries? "Don't Ask" is her half of the DADT contract. If she doesn't want to see, she shouldn't be looking. However, there could be other problems. For instance, does she have a habit of coming home at unpredictable times? If so, you could ask her to call or text you when she's on her way so that if you're dressed, you have time to clean up.
    Last edited by Lori Ann Westlake; 07-28-2021 at 03:19 AM.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    I am not trying to get caught.
    Ok, the "I must get caught" phrasing was ambiguous to me. I understand now. But considering a few past posts I wonder if these evidences you leave here and there aren't what is called "Freudian slips". Maybe you are more or less unconsciously playing a game. Be prudent, judging by the testimonies in these forums, these things typically backfire, sooner or later (sooner is better). Do you talk to your wife about these mishaps? She may be in great pain because of them.

    42CD9340-7CC3-4786-A869-D236BAEAC61B.jpeg

  13. #13
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    Hi Natalie , You are lucky that you have a DA/DT, Don't abuse that or it may go where you don't want to go,

    >>>>>>>>>>>Orchid**oo**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  14. #14
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    A funny true story... A crossdresser was explaining how his wife had found his stash of clothes in the trunk of his car. He told how angry she was and that she thought there was another woman. He paused and said... "And she was right!" Love and be loved... Beverly

  15. #15
    Member SissieScott's Avatar
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    IMHO it sounds like she wants you to stop completely instead of DADT if she gets upset *catching* you. Perhaps she even sees these instances as *taunts* or acts of *forcible acceptance*. Either way you have to have a very very very open and honest conversation with yourself FIRST.....and THEN your wife, get her true stance, and decide if it's something you can live with. If she says stop, are you willing to stop 100%? If not, just know every time you get *caught* it will be another proverbial "nail in the coffin". Not to mention...."Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned"!
    "Out of ALL the thing I have lost, it's my mind that I miss the most"

  16. #16
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Obviously your not trying to comply very well or you stink at hiding, or both! If your like most (including me), your wife did not sign up for this and should not be held responsible just because you think she should like it. Mine will never like it and it is what it is.
    Karren posted what I would have posted so I will not repeat it. (Actually, I suppose I just did "repeat it").

    I will add though, keeping pictures of yourself dressed as a woman on your phone is a really bad idea. That's a good way for the world to find out.

    If you must keep photos, get a digital camera (they still make those), take your photos with that, move them to an SD or USB card and store it in a hidden place. Delete the photos from the camera and computer.
    Last edited by Krisi; 07-28-2021 at 07:34 AM.
    Krisi

  17. #17
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    Speaking of getting busted... I've had my share of some pretty close calls. One sunny day, I was out in my front yard, in a subdivision among some real inquisitive neighbors to put it nicely. I was doing some gardening and I bent over to pull a weed... and right in front of God and everybody... my big silicone boob plopped out onto the ground in front of me! I couldn't help but see how funny it was so I laughed the whole time I was scurrying to the house before someone spotted my boob! No one saw the debacle so I was not tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail! lol. The funniest time I was ever outed was when I was standing in the living room, in my PJ's, talking with my wife. We were cat-sitting my daughter's little hairless energetic kitten named "Mr. Biggelsworth" (aka. Biggie). We were paying no attention to Biggie (which turned out to be a poor decision on our part! lol)... until he came running up behind me and jumped up on the back of my legs with his claws extended, pulling my loose pajama bottoms down all the way to the floor! There I stood, in my bright red lacy panties just beaming! My wife and I just died laughing! I later kept thinking, what if my ultra-conservative next door neighbors were over visiting! I laughed some more! I am truly a blessed woman (and maybe just a tad bit lucky)... teehee. sooo happy with my new life... Beverly

  18. #18
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Seriously, if she accepts DADT, knows there is a man in her house that wears women's clothing and she is shocked when she runs across the evidence?

    IMO, for a spouse to agree to DADT she has to accept the little slip ups here and there as long as it is not getting shoved in her face. If she can't accept that, then it has gone farther than DADT to like DON'T!

  19. #19
    Junior Member Missy Dawn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but what is DADT?

  20. #20
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    Missy:

    DADT = Don't ask, don't tell

  21. #21
    Junior Member Missy Dawn's Avatar
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    Thanks sweetie,
    Peace and love,
    Missy
    Last edited by char GG; 07-29-2021 at 02:26 PM. Reason: No need to quote the post directly before yours

  22. #22
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    It would BE NICE if it rained $100 bills when we were broke. And, rained drops only after our roof was fixed! But, it doesn't work that way!

    I would BE NICE if we could all fit into size 10 shoes and dresses. And, if your wife wanted to participate in your dressing, Natalie!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 07-29-2021 at 12:16 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pumped View Post
    Seriously, if she accepts DADT, knows there is a man in her house that wears women's clothing and she is shocked when she runs across the evidence?
    Wow. Reality check maybe? There is no "accepting" in DADT, just compartmenting. If she is uneasy about it then it makes sense that she is shocked when seeing evidence. I mean, letting her see evidence every other morning, isn't that a way of rubbing it into her face? There is the occasional mishap, ok, and then there is the "you don't want to see it, well you'll see some all right until you accept what I am", and these are two very different things. Many members here have a hard time accepting that wives CAN be unaccepting, that it is perfectly their right (at least if they didn't know up front). No surprise these members can't see things from their wives' viewpoint and understand why they react a way or the other. But seriously, it's not astrophysics, just 101 mechanics. If something creeps you, you don't want to see anything of it. Dot.
    We are all grown ups who can understand that the world doesn't revolve around our needs and our wives aren't our things, they exist as human beings and have needs too. If you can't pass this notch, marriages will keep going down the drain. Treat them right and with respect and you will stand a chance. Play games and reap what you sowed.

  24. #24
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy Dawn View Post
    I'm sorry but what is DADT?
    Dawn, I confess there were times in the past when I too found myself idly wondering who "Dad T." was. Thompson? Turner? Tucker? An old song even came to mind. Could he possibly be a river?...

    Old Father Thames keeps rolling along
    Down to the mighty sea...


    So if "London Bridge is falling down," is it falling into "DAD T."?

    (This is just the kind of thought that would occur to that late great English humorist, Paul Jennings, whose imagination could take a random idea and twist it into any kind of wacky shape...)

  25. #25
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    DianeT, i think you are right on target. DADT is the ultimate compromise for a wife who doesn?t accept having a relationship with someone other than the person she has emotionally and physically shared life for many years.

    Her ultimate love for me is allowing me to indulge my crossdressing needs in private and continuing to share our lives in the same way after 50 years.

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