Thinking about HRT at 46 - Need your opinion

[romicd]

Hello

My name is Romina, I am 46 years old and I've known that I am trans since I was a teenager. I was raised in a very conservative environment and I had to learn to be a man in order to be accepted in my community. And I did, for decades I was a very masculine and became a "ladies man" but I always knew that, inside of me, I was a woman.

After my last divorce (been married 2 times with no kids) I felt the need of paying attention to the real me. I started experimenting with crossdressing, with new LGTB friend and little by little I began accepting myself.

In the last years my dysphoria has worsened to the point of not been able to lead a normal life. Even though I have been doing progress in my "transition" It has been very difficult to focus on work and to figure out what is what I want in this life.

I have been considering HRT for a long time and I think that now I am ready BUT, before embarking in this journey I need to know if I will ever pass as a woman. I know that this shouldn't be important but it is for me because the thought of transition to the point of no return and not been seen as a woman gives me anxiety and deepens my dysphoria.

Most of the people that had seen me as my real self have given me a good feedback but, since I also had some bad experiences while in femme I am not sure if the positive feedback is because they care for me or because it is true.

I am uploading a couple of pictures of my real self and I would like your honest opinion, even if it is a bad opinion

I am 5.01 and my body is pretty small, I have small hands and my shoes size is 7 and long hair which is good but I still not sure about face, arms and shoulders.

Would you be so kind to comment in my aspect and tell me if you think that I have the chance to pass?

I have been visiting this site for years and it has been a source of hope for me and this is the first time that I write in the forum.

Thanks to all

[kimdl93]

Obviously, one should hesitate to judge another persons appearance or ability to pass, especially based on photographs. I would, however, observe that you have no glaring reasons for concern. You are slim, relatively lightly framed, no enormous male shoulders, arms or hands. Nothing conspicuously masculine about your facial features either, from what I can see.

[romicd]

Thanks for your advice!!

I loved the part of:

"I would put your sense of well-being at the heart of the decision. The rest will follow "


However, I think that having an honest assessment of where am I and my passing possibilities could help me go through this process with more confidence and make better decisions.

Thanks again

[Aunt Kelly]

I have been considering HRT for a long time and I think that now I am ready BUT, before embarking in this journey I need to know if I will ever pass as a woman. I know that this shouldn't be important but it is for me because the thought of transition to the point of no return and not been seen as a woman gives me anxiety and deepens my dysphoria.

I will say it again... For most of us, by far, "passing" is a myth. If you went through puberty as a male, you have been left with a selection of physical cues to your biological sex, e.g. height, skeletal structure, body/facial hair, etc. No matter how much HRT and surgery you may undergo, there will always be some cues that will give you way to any keen observer. Oh, I am not saying you can't "blend". Even my big ol' self can usually avoid attracting enough notice to get "clocked", but it will happen at the drive-thru almost every time, because of my voice. But here's the thing...

It's OK. No, really. You do not have to "pass". Most people will, even once they tumble to the fact that your trans, will (for lack of a better term) play along. Even if they're not accustomed to dealing with someone like us, they will adhere to the social contract and treat you as the woman you clearly are, because that's what decent people do. Oh sure, there will be the occasional asshole, but they're usually harmless, especially in a crowd of decent people. It's amazing, how quickly they begin to stand out for the boor they are.

I can provide no better illustration of how that "social contract" thing works. A while back, a friend (also trans) and I were on a road trip, returning from deep west Texas. Our route took us through Mason, TX, a stereotypical small, conservative, cattle country town. The high-school's male athletes are know as "Punchers". It being around lunch time, we decided to hit a barbecue joint that was right on the highway. It being hunting season, and a Sunday, the place was filled with hunters and the after-church crowd. I will never forget the gape-mouthed expression on the hostess as she first looked (way) up at me, but she quickly regained her composure and then... a smile. I can't say for certain that it was mirth or excitement at having a real live TS in her restaurant, but it was genuine. We were treated well by the help and ignored by the rest of the clientele.

I could go on and on about passing and the mistaken notion that it is in any way necessary to a successful transition, but you will discover that for yourself as you learn that it's not pulling off a successful masquerade, but being your your authentic self that really matters.

Besides, you skinny b**ch, you look great already.

[Dorit]

This is such a sensitive subject. I started HRT four years ago at 70 and have since done a complete medical transition. "Passing" is very important to me. I have learned over the years that "passing" is a spectrum and it depends on the other person. While I pass 99% of the time, there is always the trans sensitive person that can read me. So I say to myself; "So what, I am trans!" From your photos I can see that you are trans, but I believe the vast majority of people out there would not. What I am trying to say is you look good and I don't think that you would be misgendered in public. You would definitely pass as a woman.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

I am kicking myself for thinking this way for so long before I dove in. You can give HRT a shot and see how it makes you feel-it's not like it's an instant process believe me!

[Angela Marie]

At 67 and with a wife, chidren and grandchildren, transitioning is not a option. If I were single and childless and younger I would seriously consider transitioning. But only after therapy and medical advice on the effect of hormone therapy. I am a lifelong exerciser so I am super conscious about my health. Like youI am slim and petite, about 5ft 6, 135-40 pds. So that is an aesthetic advantage. It is something to approach cautiously with the best available information.

[Maid_Marion]

Passing is more about your overall impression. You already have a feminine body. What is likely to tip people off are your voice, mannerisms, and walk. A feminine voice enunciates clearly with a lot of modulation to convey meaning. Women are often second class citizens, so the ability to convey meaning without actually saying something in exact words is very useful. Men can be more direct and use fewer words. My mannerisms are instinctive. I'll interact with someone and realize what I've done after the fact. A female presentation makes it so much easier to interact socially, even if they know my gender at birth, as my actions match my appearance. Otherwise a cognitive dissonance results.

Marion

[natasha]

Im 57 now, and have been on hmones for over 10 years. No I can't pass, and am not "out" to anyone other than my immediate family. If for nothing else the hormones have helped me cope with things far more better than when I had "T" running through my veins. For me it was the best decision I ever made.

[Katya@]

If it helps your thinking - when I started HRT, my goal was transition away from male, not to arrive to female. In that, hormones have helped. To pass - not exactly. It's a combination of hormones, electrolysis, voice therapy, and I may need FFS to really pass (waist up).
From your photos - I think you look less masculine at the start than many of us.

[Emptyeyes]

Passing is a rather complex view of oneself, but I would say it's up to the integrity of the execution from those who will assist you in your transition.

For me, I wouldn't say that being called a mixed sex hybrid growing up was offensive to me, but I've felt that being made fun of for looking hopelessly baby faced and not so masculine, again facially, can play in my favor once I get facial feminizing surgery. I've been on hormones for 2 1/2 years and I've noticed that my breasts and hips that I've developed in puberty have interesting results through HRT.

For you, if you decide to go through with it, I wish you the best.

[Jeri Ann]

You have not mentioned ever having lived for any appreciable amount of time as a female.

You also have not mentioned counseling. A qualified gender therapist will help you sort out your gender issues.

Also, seeking advice from an online forum should not even be part of your decision making process when considering such a profound life change.

Even though you have mentioned "doing progress in my "transition", This thread seems to be mainly about passing.

Threads in this section need to be transsexual specific as per forum rules.