A "Strictly at home" CD asks--- "Is it 'exciting" out there?"

[MarinaTwelve200]

As a "strictly at home or" "closeted" CD, I have only been out in public dressed on a couple of "Acceptable" occasions. Once for a Halloween Party (where I won the costume contest, BTW) and another time for a "Womanless Beauty Contest" at Church. You can bet I had a real "Buzz" out of the situations ---and an interesting mixture of other emotions to boot. (But fear owing to the social situation, was not one of them). I was thinking about this this morning and a question came up in my mind. You CDers who go out regularly, how do you FEEL when doing it? Do you get a "buzz" or "high" or do you just feel somehow "normal"? Is any "high" "quasi-erotic" or is a a kind of dangerous "thrill seeking" effect?---Or do you just feel like "you"? I would suppose one one feel differently depending on our different reasons for CDing, but I am curious about the reasons people would actually go out in public, dressed for no special event or social activity. As for myself, I prefer to stay home and experience feelings of total "relaxation" and "separation" from both manhood and myself in general, along with the combined " highs" of an erotic buzz and "feeling pretty". I also find it fun to experiment with makeup and photography---just to see how DIFFERENT I can make myself look, which give me a feeling of accomplishment. -----However, the very prospect of going outdoors and exposing myself to the public horrifies me-----But I can understand it for those who like that feeling of FEAR and get off on it.

[Julie MA]

Marina,

Like many, my outings have evolved over time. It began with challenging myself to go out, just to see if I could do it. Those early outings had a mix of fear, thrill, and comfort. The more I went out, and learned that it is not that hard, the more comfort took over, especially in familiar, and accepting places. I also learned that in those places, most people just go about their business, either unaware, or just being polite humans and not making a fuss. I am still not sure if the extra glances I get, are because they know I am CDing, or if I am just looking harder for those that notice. In other words, "It's not them, it's me.". Going out is fulfilling, feeling like the part of me that has been suppressed for so long, is finally free to live and just be.

Julie

[Sandi Beech]

For me, it has been really exciting going out, but then I pretty much only dress up for clubbing, which is not all that often. It is fun to have a few drinks and go dancing. Certainly there is nothing wrong with staying at home as I did that for a long time. Some of us, docrobbysherry comes to mind, love to go hang out, meet new people, have a few drinks and dance. For me , once I got out there, there is no going back to staying at home. It feels like a wasted effort to spend 1 to 2 hours getting all prettied up with no one to see the results of your efforts. But I totally understand why some would never want to go out. I am just saying that about myself.

Anyhow, yes it can be very exciting. Some outings better than others. If you look at my last picture post, that was one of my best outings to date. Very exciting. Great memories.

Sandi

[sara66]

The first few time was a complete rush. Fear and adrenaline fueled. Now it is much more relaxing than anything else. Just an ugly old lady out shopping. Sometimes it is fun to freak people out. They try not to be shocked when I speak(no girl voice in me). Most people either don't care or don't notice. I just try to blend.
Sara

[Jillcder]

Yes very exciting to dress in public in the past I was happy just dressing and spending the night in my hotel room but now after many outings I find it nearly impossible to dress and not go out. Fortunately the thrill remains my only concern is how to handle my outings after retirement.

[Cheryl T]

It's changed a lot since the first "real" excursion.
The first time I thought all eyes were on me. It was fear of recognition and not much in the way of excitement.
Then we joined a group and they went out all the time. The fear slowly morphed into something of a thrill knowing I had this secret and of course being dressed to the nines all the time.
Now, well it's changed again. As the song says "The Thrill is Gone". It's not that I don't love going out, but it's no longer stealth it's just me. I no longer dress to be the epitome of femininity. You wouldn't notice me in a crowd by my clothing or makeup or anything. I'm just another woman out doing average things and it's just what I always wanted to be.

[docrobbysherry]

Marina, I go out dressed a lot. But, only to specific, nite time, social activities for the most. Like Sandi said. Bars and clubs with friends r fun and exciting! And, folks r ever more accepting of trans in my experience! I get no sexual thrill from going out. But, definitely an adrenaline rush now and then!

I find going out to boring vanilla venues dressed by myself, like shopping, dining, etc. to be time consuming, distracting, and down rite stressful!
So, I just don't do it!

[Kris Burton]

Since I've barely begun my journey, I'm no place near being able to take my persona publicly. But, as I continue, it looks like that is a goal. I find I have fantasies about this - where I would go, what I would wear, appropriate makeup and the like. In the past, I always would look and shop for the prettiest or sexiest outfits to wear at home - now I find I'm looking at good-looking casual attire as well...items that are flattering and feminine and yet appropriate. In short, items that I could wear, get and project the same feminine feeling, and yet be out in the community.

Does that sound exciting? You bet! I'm going to try to get there Some of you describe having gotten used to it...I hope I never do on any level. I'm enjoying all of this WAY too much!

[AngelaYVR]

It evolves from exciting to natural over time but the excitement was a byproduct of the ability to go out rather than the motivator itself. I never experienced any fear! Going out dressed is such an outlet that the pent up emotions that are expressed in many ways with the home dressers are quickly evaporated. Give it a whirl, squirrel, and see for yourself!

[Phoebe Reece]

I am typically out and about as Phoebe around 4 days every month. I do everything from meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner to shopping, visiting museums, bowling, and many other ordinary activities. I wouldn't describe getting out in public so much as exciting as much as being just more fun than doing those same things as my "drab" self. I enjoy interacting with people while dressed femme. I have found that even when people know I am not truly what I appear to be I am always treated as a woman. If crossdressing ever stops being fun for me, I'll quit doing it.

[kimdl93]

Exciting might describe the first few ventures out. I supposed that would apply to every new experience. But after the thrill is gone..then what? Do you and I feel intrinsically different and hopefully better presenting ourselves to the world as women?

In my case, the answer is yes! After the initial rush and after the “thrill” I still prefer being a woman…just being.

[Leslie Mary S]

I started with a Halloween night out, and a Woman-less Beauty Contest too. (didn't win, they thought I was one of the back stage judge's spies). There was a small amount of fear, and a lot of excitement the first time after those starter events. I drove some 7 hours to a retired Hollywood makeup artist who does makeovers, then went straight to my first meeting of a CD club. The members took me in hand and away we went shopping at a very big mall for lunch, to shop, and another make-over since this was the second day, It was there that I bought Clique make-up for the first time. About a year later I went to another meeting for a themed event. I was dressed in a 50's black poodle skirt with Crinolines (petticoats with a white blouse, black on white saddle oxfords. (Still have that outfit) Then things changed and I went back deeper into my closet for over 4 years. I now go to the CDer club more or less monthly. The drive is now about 3.5 hr one way instead of the 7 hour drive one way. There is a small side story about that first 7 hour trip.
So as you can see you do acquire a comfort zone while dressed in public.

[mollymulligan]

I just went out for the first time this summer and can say that it is definitely worth it! I live in a liberal community so it may be easier, but stepping out of the car the first time in a wig, makeup, skirt flats, etc. is not easy. I just held my head high and owned it and met two of the most wonderful girls that helped me relax. It was definitely worth it!

[Asew]

I don't know about exciting. I would describe it more like nice. With a large dose of anxiety at the beginning which is pretty small now that it is normalized. It is nice to be able to wear an outfit I like vs man clothes I hated all my life before.

[TheHiddenMe]

Honestly, it's a hard question to answer.

Part of the process is thinking about/planning my next time out. I can only imagine the comparison is a junkie needing their fix. What am I going to wear? How am I going to accomplish it (often my outings I hide from my wife, so I have to be adaptable getting my girl on or off).

When I'm out, there's a feeling of satisfaction. I like the feel of the clothes, whether it's the bare shoulders of a sundress in summer or nylons in colder weather or walking in heels or a hundred other sensations. I love going to stores and trying on different clothes, and imagining where I might wear something. Seeing yourself dressed in the mirror is addictive too.

I've also made some GG friends so occasionally getting out means a chance to get together with them and talk or eat or do something else.

I've gotten over the fear. Mostly these days it's the satisfaction of doing something I've wanted to do for most my life.

[Leslie Mary S]

MarinaTwenty200, you are lucky to have some friends to ro out with. I who live in a much smaller town do ot have much chance to go anywhere locally because I (guy me) am well known. None of my GG friends want to go out with me.
So Marina, have fun at any place you can go to. I know of three different places you can go.

[Geena75]

I find my main response was feeling liberated. At home, I always watch to be sure I won't be seen by someone I know, the fear of being "found out." Now I haven't gone out where I would have close contact with others, but I was in plain sight from numerous vehicles passing by. I felt that I looked good, and didn't have a care or fear of who saw me. I still have the intent of getting my look complete enough to go out closer to others and just relax and enjoy myself.

[cdinmd206]

If I wrote how I felt the first time I went out in public fully dressed the moderators would probably ban me for life!!!!Suffice it to say I had a very very good time

[Micki_Finn]

As a drag queen things are a bit different for me. It’s all about empowerment and finding my inner bad b$&@h. I dress to be admired and adored. To be stared at and whispered about. To be the most interesting thing in the room.

[Beverley Sims]

You bet your sweet bippy it is!

[Leslie Mary S]

Showing your age You bet your sweet bippy - Rowen and Martin - Laff In 1963. I always wanted to get painted like Goldy, or tell one liners on the laff wall.

[AshleyClaireSnider]

I'm kind of jealous of open CDers, but I have a hard enough time just leaving the house in general. Maybe the stars will align some day and I'll find a partner or friend that encourages me to show this part of me to the world. I've always felt like cosplaying at some kind of gaming convention would be right up my alley. Combines some of my interests and there would be lot of people in costumes.

[Helen_Highwater]

Marina,

For me it was about the need to fully express my femme side. Four walls became a prison. I wanted to feel the wind against my legs, the sun on my back, to be about to walk more than a few yards from one room to another.

Early sorties, drives after darkness fell, were stressful, scary and exciting all at once. As my outings grew in duration and included daylight hours, the nerves still remained but the determination to do more, the broader my experiences grew too.

A meeting with other CD'ers triggered the biggest change. Up until then I'd never been into a shop. That changed the next day. Butterflies the size of eagles, convinced the store security backed by the mob would throw me out into the street, I stepped inside. And, nothing, no Claxton or alarm bells, no crowd gathering to stare and point. Nerves calmed and soon I was shop hopping, still a little on edge but learning to relax as the minutes ticked away.

So you ask, why do I go out. Well it's because I want to go out just like everyone else does and I want to do it in the clothes I chose to wear.

Yes there's still a little adrenaline rush as I first mingle with the muggles and a smidgen of apprehension but as a CD'er that's good as we still have to be aware of those around us. 99.9% of folks pay us little or no attention but we still need to look out for the one neanderthal.

There's one other thing worth a mention. Albeit a shop assistant or someone queueing to pay, someone sat next to you on a bus or train, engaging in conversation and it being the most normal of things, you the person talking with another is hugely validating. Those are perhaps some of the most satisfying moments making Helen truly exist.

No matter how many reply, it's like parachuting or abseiling, until you've tried it you won't understand it and why folks do it over and over.

[DTelia]

Quick history for context:

• Feelings started at around 4 yrs old. Never intentionally dressed, but always wanted to. Always scared of being caught and the implications of people knowing I had these thoughts.
  
• Shared feelings w/Girlfriend/Fianc??, now wife, but still didn?t fully dress until I was probably 32 yrs old (first time!)
  
• She surprised me w/some purchases and encouraged me to get more into it about 9 years ago, so I took her advice Currently dress maybe a handful times a year (pre-Covid - maybe 10 times a year? During and now - only once or twice.

During this time, I never had a desire to go out, but the walls of the home, watching TV…has limitations - so over the last couple years, Ive wanted to try it. I got close during a vacation to Mexico but I wimped out. Im not sure where to do it, and/or how. I can kinda pass, but since Im not 100 percent there…i.e. my voice, etc…I dont know how to Own It and I think you have too, in order to make it work (my opinion).

I would love to go to a place where they could help me get a little closer to passing - but dont know where. I don?t know recommended locations in Vegas, which would probably be the best and easiest place for me. But I think Im willing to try now.just to do it w/my wife. We’ll see

If anyone has recommendations for makeovers in Vegas area…please let me know :-)

[Angela Marie]

I have been going out for about 15 years. For the first few it was exciting; especially after a makeover. As I got better with makeup the thrill persisted; but I was always a bit nervous and apprehensive. A few months ago I finally admitted to myself, after years of denying, that I truly was transgender. My perceptions and feelings changed. I?m am much more comfortable in my feminine appearance because I realize the feelings are not a result my clothes but of my true sense of self.