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Thread: Advice for Transitioning and Employment

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member
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    I work in a very conservative industry and came out at work in June when i returned from having FFS. I have long hair and my ears are double pierced. Some people use the feminine spelling of my name, some use the masc. I haven’t socially transitioned at work in that i don’t use the women’s restroom, wear makeup or modulate my voice. I do style my hair in a feminine way. I talk openly about being trans. No one seems to care. A few people were a little distant for a while after i came out. now no one seems to care at all.

  2. #27
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    I haven't come out on my job but 10 years of HRT have given a nice pair of B cup breaststroke. I don't try to hide them but it's easier for me since I wear loose fitting scrubs. I don't know how I will come out on my job. I never like to tell people personal things about myself.

  3. #28
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    Thank you, ladies, for all of your advice and encouragement. I have been away from the forum for a couple of months. After having taken hormones for about a month, my wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She fretted over the possibility that our sex life would end as the hormones might decrease my sex drive. She was also concerned that when I was living as Natalie that I became a different person, not as fun, and maybe even a little (b/w)itchy. Despite my objections to the contrary, she even forecasted that I would become attracted to men instead of her. She joined a support group for wives of transgender people on Facebook and the horror stories described on there made the situation worse.

    I love my wife so very much and can not stand the thought of losing her. So I packed up all my clothes and accessories for Natalie and stashed them in a closet. I would have donated them but she would not let me. I stopped taking the hormones.. She keeps saying that she's a terrible wife because she is having a hard time supporting me in my transition. I assure her that she is not a bad wife in any sense of the word. She has even encouraged me to begin my transition again and that she will handle it better this time. I remember, though, how hard she has gone through this in the past and I can't put her through it again. She is an amazing person and does not deserve the torture this puts her through.

    Perhaps one day will come where I can be confident that she can handle this and I can transition then. Until then, I am stuck in a guy's body and will just have to long for the day when Natalie can become her true self.

    Thank you all, again, for your love and support.

    Natalie

  4. #29
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Hi Natalie -

    Sorry about the struggles with your wife. That is difficult for sure. My best advice for you and your wife is to go to therapy together, with someone who is experienced in working with people with a gender variance. That could do wonders. And seriously, this is regardless of what you chose to do with HRT or transition. You for sure have a gender variance and regardless of how hard you try and box it up and put it away, even if you never dress in anything female ever again, this is inside of you and will affect your relationship, especially if you are boxing it up for her.

    What I started to realize about a year ago or so is that there are many things I can do. But often those things hurt me and I think I can just endure the hurt and it won't affect me. Well, I may not always show it to everyone, but it always affects me. Every single time.

    Good luck.

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post
    ...even if you never dress in anything female ever again, this is inside of you and will affect your relationship, especially if you are boxing it up for her.
    I was thinking to write almost word for word response Nadine wrote - to get a couple therapist. My thinking was based on the same argument - if you are going to deny something so important to yourself for the sake of your spouse - it will be undermining your relationship forever until resolved. You will have some expectation for her in return or feel unfair .... until everything will blow up one day. Basically. It's like stashing away a ticking time bomb, and hoping for the best.
    I feel for you and hope you will find a way that works for both you, and is sustained long term.

  6. #31
    New Member AndrogynousBandy's Avatar
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    I would have to go back to the entertainment industry and promotional event gigs, but I expect a permanent career from those this time around. I never really had an ideal career, but this will prevent homelessness again.

  7. #32
    New Member CDLagras's Avatar
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    we dont have to forget our wives who are so supportive and accepting, sometimes we need to place ourselves in their minds and figure out their aspirations and help them chase them..
    if someone in a relationship is transitioning actually everybody who is involved in the relationship is transitioning

  8. #33
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    I met with my therapist just before Christmas and told her I needed a recommendation for a couple's counselor. She said that she would provide that reccomendation after the holidays. The waiting has been tedious and frustrating, but I keep telling myself it's only a couple of weeks.

    In the meantime, my wife has decided on two things. She says that I am going to transition. At first she said that she did not want to be in a sexless marriage and could not decide if she wanted to stay or not. We are going on vacation at the end of Jan. and she said said she would make the decision between now and then. Later she came back and said she was not leaving and that we would just work it out.

    This is great news but it has left me very timid about how to proceed. I want to start hormones again but I am afraid that if I move too quickly it will be too much for her.

    One condition she has put down for me transitioning is that she wants us to move to an area where no one knows us. She feels that the public scrutiny from people we know will be too much to bear. I don't particularly have a problem with that. But it does mean that I will have to find a new house and job. We don't have hardly any roots here so picking up and leaving won't be too much of a struggle.

    Thank you again, ladies, for your support and encouragement.

    Natalie

  9. #34
    Senior Member dawnmarrie1961's Avatar
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    I'm more the jump in feet first kind a gal. You need not be embarrassed about transitioning. The important thing is that, regardless of your status, you are capable of performing the duties required by your employer with minimum accommodations. Work is necessary to life and financial well-being. Don't put off tomorrow what you can get done today. Everybody is scared at first. But the speed at which that feeling dissolves away depends on you. Be yourself. Be honest. You can get through this.
    SAFE. Be SMART.

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by southerngirl View Post
    One condition she has put down for me transitioning is that she wants us to move to an area where no one knows us. She feels that the public scrutiny from people we know will be too much to bear. I don't particularly have a problem with that. But it does mean that I will have to find a new house and job.
    I feel like there is a lot of internal turmoil that she is experiencing, and I personally would not take such drastic steps as selling a home, moving away, changing jobs, etc. just for you to start hormones. Unless you plan on transitioning socially right away, it won't be on anyone's radar other than yours and your spouse's.
    After being on hormones for over 4 years, with my first two years in a stealth mode, I really don't see it as a big deal as far as others being aware. They will be aware only as much as you intentionally want them to be aware.
    I guess you may consider taking this vacation with her and enjoy each other company as much as you can. You want to have a solid foundation to rely upon as you start your transition, if you want to stay together. When you get back, maybe have a conversation with her and tell her about when you plan on transitioning socially. Until then, there is really no point to stress out about what others think.

    P.S. you may still visit an endocrinologist, and do some labs, just to see where your health is at now. After I saw my endocrinologist in May, he noticed me not being confident as far as how it will affect my partner, etc. He ran my labs, and told me to come back in October (then moved to November '17), and even offered to come together to discuss starting hormones. We actually came together and left the appointment later with my prescription for Estrogen. And the rest is history
    Last edited by Katya@; 01-01-2022 at 09:28 PM.

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