I'm in need of some dating advice....

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all!
Well, I may be in need of some dating advice..... First of all, I have said in the past that I am a straight man, but I'm looking for a girlfriend. I'm on a dating site called Plenty of Fish and I don't have any pics of Kimberly posted there, just my regular, male self. LOL

Anyway, I haven't had much luck there as of yet but when I do have a woman who shows interest in dating me, how should I go about breaking it to her that I'm a CD'er? I would be VERY nervous to tell her, especially if I really like her, being in Mississippi and any man doing anything even remotely feminine in my neck of the woods isn't considered to be the best thing in the world..... So any advice would be much appreciated!

[Micki_Finn]

In my experience and opinion, it’s best to be upfront about that in your dating profile. A lot of modern dating sites have in-depth gender options.

[Larissa Cassandra]

I do agree with Micki that the upfront approach is probably best, but it could turn some women off in a knee jerk kind of reaction (especially in conservative areas where CD'ing is more taboo than elsewhere). But if you don't include it in your profile, and you start dating the woman who has shown an interest, you should know early on whether this is someone you want to pursue a more serious relationship with. If she knows you're a decent person, then she might be open to your crossdressing even though it might have caused her to reject you before even giving you a chance. Totally up to you. You might want to try putting it on your profile first. If you get any hits, you'll know right away that any woman who shows an interest has already accepted your crossdressing. Good luck!

[Di]

My opinion follow Mickis advice .
Saves a lot of time and heartache .

Best Wishes



ADD …there are women that would see that as a plus

[Genifer Teal]

I've always felt there's no easy way to bring it up. It's best to be clear when you first meet or in this case on your profile. This way you're not wasting anyone's time.

[Dutchess]

Micki's advice is best ,put it in the profile .

[Gi Gondin]

Thank you for bringing this subject Kimberly. This discussion is one that really matters for all of us that are interested in beginning a honest and probably happy relationship.

Let’s not forget that CD is just one aspect of our lives, a permanent one, but there are many others. I’m stating this to emphasize that RESPECT and TOLERANCE are basic traits that lead to CD acceptance. They do not guarantee but are necessary conditions and they should not be average in this person, they must flourish. If I ever need again (hope not) to find a partner, thats what I will look for in the beginning.

[SaraLin]

Kimberly A,

For what it's worth, here's a thought that I haven't noticed yet.

Why not add a line to your POF profile that reads something like "Not hung up on traditional male/female roles"?

It both hints at what you're trying to say without "dropping the bomb" - AND it adds an element of mystery to your persona.
It would seem that the uptight and unaccepting types would shy away, but the more adventurous or open ones might - just might - think to themselves "Hmmm, I wonder..." and respond.
You could then start getting to know each other a bit - perhaps even holding the reveal until 2-3 dates in. That way you'll both know if there's any interest in taking things a bit further.
But please - PLEASE, do it before the "L" word starts getting used!

[sometimes_miss]

Why not add a line to your POF profile that reads something like "Not hung up on traditional male/female roles"?

See, the first thing I thought of when I read that, was that she'd think, 'Well, great, he'll be more likely to do his share of chores around the house', not, 'He'd most likely want to share my wardrobe!' And I kind of think that's how it would probably be taken, by most women. When they hear hoofbeats, they think of horses, not unicorns.
FWIW, someone at work DID spot my ad that mentioned CD'ing on plentyoffish about 15 years ago. Luckily there wasn't quite enough to definitely 'mark' me as the person in the ad, as the pic in the ad was VERY low resolution as to be quite fuzzy, but she and a couple of other women made some snarky comments about whether I liked parading around my house after work. Over the next few weeks, they kept pushing the comments, and not in a nice way. I kept having to treat it as an absurd idea, and gradually they stopped bringing it up.
So be careful; it doesn't take much in a profile to hint at location, and then height, age, work, hobby preferences, etc., which can all add up to outing you to the folks that you definitely don't want to be out, to.

[Kimberly A.]

Thank you, ladies for more great advice!

I think I've come to this conclusion, though..... I think it's best to wait and see if a woman shows interest in me on POF before I tell her that I'm a CD, rather than putting it on my profile. However, I do think that I should tell her via messaging on POF before we even go on a date and see how she reacts to it. I can think of ways to kind of hint it to her, without saying, "Btw, I'm a crossdresser"..... Like, asking her maybe how she feels about feminine guys?

And yeah definitely, SaraLin, I will FOR SURE do it before the "L" word is dropped! LOL

[char GG]

I echo all of those who say to follow Micki's advice.

If you are up front, you won't have to "break it to her" later. Why waste time with someone who you find out later is not on board with CDing?

Best of luck on your search

[Geena75]

Question: how open do you want to be about your cross dressing? Would putting it in your profile effectively "out" you to any number of persons, who would also know your male self and where you live? Just wondering?

[Vickie_CDTV]

In principle, you should be upfront in your profile.

The problem is, mention it in your profile and you will probably never even get your foot in the door, it will drive the vast majority of women away. At least if you get to know them first, and then tell, you might stand a chance.

Of course, you absolutely MUST tell before you get married, have children or mix your finances and assets, or you are setting yourself up for a potential nightmare. (A pre-nup is also a very good idea regardless.)

[docrobbysherry]

I disagree with most here, Kim. If u r in the closet and have no desire to dress in front of anyone? U can do what I do. Tell people only on a "need to know basis". I didn't mention Sherry to any of the girls when I was dating because I never developed a relationship with any of them!

However, if u go out or plan to out as Kim? U may need to tell a woman if and wen you're serious about her!

[Kimberly A.]

Thank you Sherry, that's good advice!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Oh wow ladies, thank you ALL for all of the advice, I really do appreciate it!

So, this reply post is going to be to all, because it would just take too much time and too many posts to reply to each of you individually..... Anyway, I'll start with answering Geena's questions. Honestly, I want to be very open about my CD'ing with the woman who shows interest in dating me. I am a very honest person, I do not like to lie or be deceitful to anyone. Imho, that is a recipe for disaster, especially if you've been dating the person for a while, (let's say a few months) and things get really serious, even up to marriage serious, yet you've kept your secret of CD'ing from that person that entire time. No, I do NOT want to do that, I want to be up-front with her from the get-go and not hide anything. Also Geena, putting it in my profile really wouldn't "out" me to anyone, because I don't know anyone else who is on Plenty of Fish and no one that is currently on that site knows where I live.... Well, I do have the town that I live in on my profile, but of course, not my address. LOL

Now, to reply to JenniferR..... Thank you as well for your advice. However, I absolutely, positively will NOT lie about the amount of money I have, the car that I drive, or where I live, or lie and tell her that I'm expecting a big inheritance. If a woman can't like me for me, regardless of how much money or stuff that I own, then she is clearly not for me.... Women like that, imho are gold diggers! LOL And as the Beatles sang, "Money can't buy me love!" LOL

Now replying to all of the rest of you..... Like I said, it was all very good advice but of course, I got mixed advice from all of you. Some of you say "Yes, go ahead and put into your POF profile that you're a CD, be upfront and honest about it". while the rest of you say "No, wait until you're dating a woman for a bit, then come out to her as a CD". Honestly, I have mixed feelings about that myself. While yes, I DO want to be honest and up-front about my crossdressing from the get-go so she doesn't find out about it later on down the road, then it disgusts her and she breaks up with me, I'd rather tell her right off before things begin to get serious..... Does that make sense to y'all? It does to me. LOL

Although I know that the decision to include my CD'ing on my POF profile is ultimately up to me, I did come here to ask for advice and I'll take every bit of it to heart.

Somtimes_miss, WOW, what a long post! LOL However, I did read every word of it and I appreciate your advice as well, which of course is not bad advice at all..... I do like the idea of maybe finding lesbian women to hang out with, go to a gay bar with and MAYBE finding a straight, or even bi woman who would show interest in me. Problem with that is though, I don't know any lesbian women who live close to me, or any lesbian women at all, for that matter..... Well, except for my land lady she's gay, but she's kinda getting up in the years and she's just not someone whom I'd wanna hang out with. LOL Also sometimes_miss, back when you read that book in the 1990s, women (or men, for that matter), were not as accepting of gender-fluid people as people are now. And tbh, I'm not sure if I identify as being gender-fluid, because 99.9% of my time is spent in my normal, "male mode". I've also said that I do not identify as being part of the LGBTQ community at all. Some of you might disagree with that, that's fine, but I think that's a personal choice, regardless of what society wants to label me as. Anyway sometimes_miss, I do believe you are 100% correct when you say that finding a woman who would accept her man as a CD'er is few-and-far-between, I do also think that more women are more accepting of it than they were back in the 1990s. I also thank you for the "good luck" wishes, I AM gonna need it, you're not wrong about that! LOL

I also like the idea of gradually easing her into the fact that I'm a CD, rather than just pretty much shoving it in her face and be like, "Btw, I'm a CD, so now what do you wanna do?" LOL But on the other hand, like I said, I believe in being up-front about it from the get-go, or maybe asking her how she feels about crossdressers before I tell her that I am one.

Now, more about women around here in my neck of the woods being accepting of a feminine man..... Another thing that I've said on the forums here before is, I've ALWAYS shaved my legs and worn pantyhose, even before I became a crossdresser. I dated women whom I told that to and at first, they said that they were OK with it, they didn't mind at all but then later, it was like they did a complete 180 and said they couldn't take it, so they broke up with me. And that's what I'm saying, down here in the southern US, it IS hard to find a woman who will accept a straight man who does anything even remotely feminine, such as just doing something as simple as shaving his legs.

I also wanna add one last thing..... For me, looks or weight on a woman means very little to me. But don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a woman who is gorgeous and sexy in the eyes of the majority of society, but I'm one who honestly doesn't have very high standards as far as that goes. No, I'm looking for a woman who will, above ALL, be honest, loyal, will NOT cheat on me or lie to me. Those are the qualities that I look for in a woman.

Anyway ladies, thank you all again for your advice, I really appreciate it!

[Kimberly A.]

Vickie, you gave good advice as well and I'll take it to heart too..... However, I have to disagree with you when you say that a pre-nup is a good idea. Imho, anyone who wants to have pre-nups drawn up is planning to get divorced in the first place. And IF I ever get married again, it's going to be for the rest of my life, so there wouldn't be any need for a pre-nup.

[chrissyone]

Just a few notes from someone who has been single and around the block a few times. Pre-nups. If you have kids and assets you need a prenup a bigger factor and the the biggest for me is I still do quite a few deals every year and my pre-nup specifically states that wife has no part and nothing to do with my businesses and we file are taxes married and separate. This is all to protect her from a deal gone wrong or the IRS She did consult her own attorney and was told this is the way to protect herself. As far as dating goes you do not put that your a cd in profile go out on dates find someone you like spending time with and I always started the conversation by asking if they have any kinks or fetishes and go from there. Own it make no excuses and be prepared for some rejection but there are plenty of ladies out there. I should mention I am a fetish lingerie dresser especially in the bedroom!!

[Kris Burton]

In my opinion, it's gotta be full disclosure right up front in my opinion...in your profile, upon first meeting, wherever. Anything else is deceptive, and a big time waster for all involved - you might be surprised at the good result if you are totally honest .
Best,
Kris

[Julie MA]

Being too open could put yourself in danger. In our controlled forum here, we often push each other to come out and be open. But, you mention that may not be accepted where you live. Just be open, verbally, once you meet someone.

[giuseppina]

Thank you, Julie. I disagree with most of the above posters advising placing crossdressing in a profile anywhere. That is just asking for trouble with a Capital T, IMHO. That is the primary reason I don't post pictures online of any description for any reason.

I've heard rumours that some dating sites have been known to delete non-heterosexual postings. In their eyes, that means anyone outside the gender binary in heterosexual relationships.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Vickie and Julie, no need to put yourself in a not so good position in the area you live. I feel letting her know after meeting may be a better idea

[lingerieLiz]

Have a few dates with the woman. If you think that you find her as some one you would like to have her in your life and she you. Don't broad cast to the world.

[Di]

Have a few dates with the woman. If you think that you find her as some one you would like to have her in your life and she you. Don't broad cast to the world.

What I-wrote above in my comments ( earlier in your post) is exactly how I would want to know . If would see that in a profile I would think how intriguing.
Just remember the telling her after you get to know each other will be necessary but stressful.Is there a way you can made a Kimberly profile without broadcasting to the world?

If you do not feel comfortable doing that then I like Liz advice above .

[Kelly DeWinter]

I was up front with Jeannie, even showed her photos dressed. She admitted she did not know much about it. She when to the internet and found the good and the bad info web sites on TG people, but she could sift the info well. The first date was watching "Just like a Woman" She asked a bunch of questions and we have been together ever since. The great thing about ten years later is that most of the crappy info on the internet seems to be going away. I'd sum it up by saying.
. Be an open book
. Be specific about things as they pertain to you.
. Give anyone time to form their opinion
. Have your life in order. No one like to be on a slow motion train wreck
. When it come to topics like dressing, going out and transition make sure you don't make up answers on the fly. "Know thy self"
. Don't rush into a relationship, If you end up with someone who will expect you to change or you expect them to change to suit you it won't work.

Oh , I also encouraged Jeannie to come here and see what I have posted, but that was my decision

[lingerieLiz]

What I-wrote above in my comments ( earlier in your post) is exactly how I would want to know . If would see that in a profile I would think how intriguing.
Just remember the telling her after you get to know each other will be necessary but stressful.Is there a way you can made a Kimberly profile without broadcasting to the world?

If you do not feel comfortable doing that then I like Liz advice above .

DI Thanks for the offer, but I'm a natural born male. I grew up around a lot of girls and heard their likes and dislikes. As well as their clothes. Over the years I've come out to many*women many accepted me as a friend.