Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: The guilt, Do you do this?

  1. #1
    Mature Member sara_also's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Southern Utah
    Posts
    1,061

    The guilt, Do you do this?

    I have a very accepting spouse.(98%)

    Sometimes I feel guilty of being dressed. There have been times that my other half says its ok to stay dressed girly, but I get changed back to male. I feel guilty that we cannot do things

    that we would do if I were male.

    Just wondering if any others have had those feelings? And have not dressed out of guilt.

    Sara Also

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    21,398
    My thought is that perhaps you could try reframing the guilt by giving yourself some credit for being considerate of your wife. And maybe someday being dressed won’t inhibit the two of you from going out to do enjoyable things together.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    France
    Posts
    781
    Sara, I never felt guilty for dressing, but I know it's a common remark some dressers make. What kind of guilt are you talking about exactly?

  4. #4
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    Central California
    Posts
    951
    Guilt is never helpful. See if you can redirect those emotions to a positive outcome.

  5. #5
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,720
    A few times in the past, but for the last several years, never. These days I feel weird if I’m not wearing breast forms.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

  6. #6
    Member RylieCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    nwohio
    Posts
    290
    I feel the guilt too. My wife doesn’t want to see “it”, but knows that this is who I am and that it is not something that will ever go away. I feel the guilt when I have to hide it, change before she gets home or by not telling her what I am doing if I am dressed. My DR said that my wife and I had the understanding tha she doesn’t want to see it so I am not lying or doing anything that I should be guilty about

  7. #7
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    NEPA
    Posts
    9,182
    I wouldn't call it guilt per se.
    Early on after I came out fully to my wife she told me I could dress whenever I wished and it wasn't necessary to tell or ask her about it, just do it. I did and there were times when she would say she was going shopping or something and I'd ask if she wanted me to go with her. She would say, "no, you're dressed, I don't want to take away from your time". I told her it wasn't an issue. Since I can dress anytime I desire I can change, go with her, then change again when we get home. That way I could spend more time with her and that's become our standard.
    Now I'm dressed daily so much of the time I just finish my face and go with her, no need to change.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  8. #8
    Member Charlotte Haynes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    273
    Yes, I feel guilt and a little selfish at times. My partner is accepting and encourages me, but I shut her out a bit while dressed. My dressing is a private thing and I like to dance and sing and pose etc. If I could just do the chores while en femme or sit and watch a film with her, I would feel less selfish.

  9. #9
    Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    157
    Something like guilt. I was very guilty about feeling I had to hide my crossdressing from my wife. It kept me from dressing for fully 25 years. When i started again, came out to her almost immediately. "The talk" went well, we have a workable arrangement, and I feel much better.

    Still. even though I do not crossdress around her, I am very aware if I am doing crossdress "activities" - looking at dress catalogs online, and the like. I do not want her to "catch" me doing those sorts of things, although she has...feels very strange, not guilt exactly more like I am "pushing the issue."

    Truth be known...it just happened...just a few minutes ago, as I finished this response! Guess I'm not yet completely over the sneaking around feeling. Very unsettling, but I'm trying to get past it this time.
    Last edited by Kris Burton; 08-30-2021 at 01:43 PM. Reason: added information

  10. #10
    Member SissieScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    120
    Not anymore,....I used too, but it's to the point she expects it, and asks if everything is alright when I don't. I still want to give her husband time too. This is MY 35+ years of *baggage*, not HERS. HOW do I expect her to be 100%, with my baggage when I haven't even figured out 100% my own!

  11. #11
    Junior Member Larissa Cassandra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    60
    Even though my wife is supportive and knows I enjoy dressing, sometimes I feel a little guilty for taking time away from our relationship. She doesn't participate or help me (except for occasional compliments or suggestions for my outfit or makeup), so there's the time I'm getting dressed and made up (more or less an hour or so, depending on how many outfits I'm trying on and how much experimenting with makeup) and also the time after I'm dressed that we can't go out anyplace. I haven't ventured out in the world as Larissa yet, so I would have to take the time to change to drab, but fortunately I usually dress in the evenings when we don't have plans to go out anyway.

    So Kris, I'm curious to know whether your wife actually says that you're pushing the issue or appears in any way irritated or annoyed when she "catches" you doing some dressing related activity?

  12. #12
    Member Kris Burton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2021
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    157
    Quote Originally Posted by Larissa Cassandra View Post

    So Kris, I'm curious to know whether your wife actually says that you're pushing the issue or appears in any way irritated or annoyed when she "catches" you doing some dressing related activity?
    I think a lot of it is coming from within me actually. Even though we've had "the talk" I still feel I have something to hide - is that guilt, shame,fear of pushing too fast - don't know really. I'm trying to get past it, and spoke to my wife about it yesterday after I made the post you read. She restated that none of it bothers her although she does not want to see me dressed or participate with me in those kind of activities. I'm OK with that - and now that it's out in the open I can proceed. If she sees me posting here or looking at a Penney's dress catalog, well...I guess we're OK. so full speed ahead...hopefully guilt free, and that's very good indeed.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,362
    That is a very good point about how time consuming this can be and how it can take away from "together time."

  14. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    60
    For me it is guilt. I know my wife wants a husband and my being dressed takes some of that from her. So, in my mind, I'm being selfish by dressing when she is around. When she is not, it's my time to do what I like. What I want most is to be myself with her but the two are mutually exclusive. Me being dressed almost guarantees no intimacy too. Another price to pay...

  15. #15
    Junior Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2021
    Posts
    81
    Quote Originally Posted by sara_also View Post

    Sometimes I feel guilty of being dressed. There have been times that my other half says its ok to stay dressed girly, but I get changed back to male. I feel guilty that we cannot do things that we would do if I were male.
    Sara Also
    Your wife's 98% acceptance of Sara is so heart warming to hear. As I have said frequently on this site, when I read of such high levels of acceptance of CDing in a marriage I believe it results from a marriage with exceptional levels of trust. You have been honest with your wife about your pleasure in being Sara frequently, and she loves you, as you are. You are able to just be yourself, and your wife accepts you as you are, sometimes Sara, and sometimes her very male husband.

    Your post did raise a question in my mind, because you statement may have implied that you spend a lot of time as Sara, which results in fewer outings with your wife. So, may I ask, just how much of your time do you spend as Sara? I know you are retired and have few demands on your free time.

    Now, to answer your question, do I feel guilty about not dressing out of guilt that I am spending too much time dressed as Teresa.

    I used to feel very guilty long ago even when I would only dress infrequently. Guilt and shame were a major issue with my wanting to cross dress and spend even a few hours as Teresa, most always when my wife was present. This was certainly not justified because my wife has been accepting and supportive of Teressa from day one.

    It took lots of talk-time being honest with my wife about how I felt, and finally I accepted myself as she accepted me and my guilt eventually disappeared. I came to trust her acceptance of Teresa meant that if she thought I was over doing it, she would just say so (always kindly and in a loving way), and I would get back to male mode and join her in whatever she wished us to do.
    Fact: Some members can never post pictures in their feminine finery to support their stories and experiences. Please be understanding and kind.

  16. #16
    Member Debs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    North West UK
    Posts
    190
    I can dress anytime I want, but I know she doesnt like it, so I book nights away with her consent, but that trips my guilt, I alway ask 10,000 times are you ok if I go, lol, but she is fine with it now. She even lets me drive home dressed, but straight into the garage, weve reached a level of arrangement that suites us both, phew, took many years.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    12,448
    I never had a feeling of guilt when it comes to dressing. In my youth I had other feelings; self loathing, disgust, etc. The discussion seems to be geared towards spending time in an activity a wife wishes not to participate in. From what I have read on this forum over the years and elsewhere there are men who can sequester themselves in their homes behind closed/locked door and be en femme; locking wife and kids out. Or, not accompanying a wife on some sort of activity outside the home. Fortunately or unfortunately that's not the case with my wife and I. My mind set has been geared towards having ample time to enjoy the experience. Decades ago it may have been "grabbing at some crumbs of time." When my wife was working at her "whenever" job I would take off from work; vacation or sick day. After I retired and my wife continued to work as a teacher I would have six plus hours a day to be en femme.

    I can understand some degree of frustration on the part of a wife, whether it is shown or not, that hubby does not want to give up his femme time. I think there has to be some enhanced communication. Is the plight of a "golf widow" any different? The weekend comes and hubby is constantly off to the golf course. Or the weekend comes and hubby is slugging down beers with college football on Saturday, and, the NFL on Sunday?

    My personal frustration comes from not being able to have personal time to be en femme. Or, not being able to share this part of me with my wife. I think the entire question comes down to one of "balance."

  18. #18
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,501
    I tried to self-explanatory all those guilty, shame, blame feelings as religious fears of sin all my years of crossdresser but I didn't success. Even after came out to my wife and have the freedom of dressing at home or far from home, it wouldn't even dissipate.

    I think the solution is stop living a double life. Ambiguity is confuse for our brain.

    My reality resulted better than my most amazing dream of being a woman....
    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
    HRT 04302018 Full time 03/2019
    Electrolysis on face started 08/2019, down there for SRS 06/2021
    Orchiectomy 06/03/2020
    Legal name and gender marker changed 10/26/2020

  19. #19
    Mature Member sara_also's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Southern Utah
    Posts
    1,061
    Thank you ladies for all of your replies and comments. Teresa asked how much time I spend as Sara? The truth is only between 4 to six days a month.
    Its really always good to know that no one here is really alone.
    Sara

  20. #20
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Posts
    190
    I don't suffer from "guilt," but I do admit that I've probably dressed less at home with my wife than I might have done if I lived alone. She's been very accepting, but at the same time I wouldn't want to deprive her too much of the husband she married. When I've been away on business trips I've always tucked in a few items for "Lori," and in a hotel room in the evening, either with work to do or nothing better to do, I dare say I probably dressed more often than I might have done at home.

  21. #21
    Member SirDonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Location
    Sac Valley
    Posts
    182
    Thought about this question a lot, and finally decided it's not guilt but more do I look unattractive when dressed. Many clothes but less than 10 that I really feel good wearing.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State