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Thread: I'm seriously considering this.....

  1. #1
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    I'm seriously considering this.....

    Hey y'all!
    Of course, a lot of you read my post about dating advice and I received a lot of good advice from y'all, which I very much appreciate. Anyway, sometimes_miss suggested that I perhaps befriend a lesbian and ask to tag along to a gay bar to see if I could meet a straight woman who wouldn't mind dating a straight male CD'er..... Well, I don't know any lesbian women around here, but that did get me to seriously consider going to an LGBT bar, while fully dressed and see what happens, or if I like it, or to try and meet a straight woman there.

    But, I would be extremely nervous going to an LGBT bar..... I mean, I am straight man and I wouldn't want any gay or bi guys hitting on me, (not that I have a problem with gay or bi guys, I just wouldn't wanna be hit on by any of them). So, I guess maybe I'm looking for a confidence booster here to be able to go to an LGBT bar while dressed? But on the other hand, it would give me something else to do, rather than just doing the same, boring stuff that I always do when I go out dressed, like out to eat, then shopping at Walmart or something. LOL Also, I know that chances are, I would be accepted at an LGBT bar, (MAYBE), because while I am a CD'er, I'm still a straight guy.

    So, I would like to know..... Who all here, who is straight men but of course, CD'ers and have been to an LGBT bar? How did that work out for you? Was it enjoyable for you?
    Last edited by Kimberly A.; 08-31-2021 at 04:14 PM.
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  2. #2
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    I have been to a gay bar while dressed as a girl. I had no problem being approached by guys and had a blast dancing with the girls! I've always had a great time!

  3. #3
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    Gay men are generally not interested in crossdressers. I was generally left alone (even ignored) when I went to the gay bars. Unless there are specific trans chasers there, you shouldn't be bothered.

    The odds of finding a GG at gay place who will be into crossdressers is very, very low though. Lesbians are not attracted to people with male bodies, and bi women tend to want their partners to be gender conforming (something I learned the hard way.)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I would say go for it because:

    1. If you meet someone as Kimberly, there is no need to spill the beans about Kimberly - no stressing about when should you bring it up the topic of crossdressing.

    2, if nothing else you might make some friends.

    3. Even if you do get hit on by anyone you are not interested in, you can always say you are not interested in any relationships now and leave it at that and nobody is offended.

    4. If you do not know anyone there, you have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

    My 2 cents worth.


    Sandi

  5. #5
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    This may be only semi-relevant, but I've always wondered what kinds of men are "trans chasers." Not gay men, as Vickie said above. Not truly straight men either, presumably. That seems to leave Bi men, or those who are bi-curious, covertly or otherwise. I suppose an experience with a CDer lends the illusion (at least) of relations with both sexes at the same time: "the best of both worlds." As to what "kind" of sex they're looking for, I guess I dare not ask that question! The answer might be too confusing.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
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    I did meet a lady at an LGBT bar and she had seen me dressed up a number of times. One night, I went there in male mode and I got to get to know her and we ended up dating for over a year (well and truly over now). From the point of view of "when to tell any prospective partner", I certainly hit the jackpot. She had only met me while dressed up initially and I was able to get dressed at her place. Not that she was specifically chasing a CD person but she had lots of drag queen friends but it just worked out that way.
    So it can happen but I don't know the odds of a straight Cd'r and a straight woman being in the same place at the same time at an LGBT bar and sparking a relationship (not because of the cd aspect) but it did happen

  7. #7
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I have several GG friends, but I met them in normal places.

    I'm not sure there are LGBT bars. There are gay bars, and a handful of lesbian bars (the number I have read is 21 lesbian bars in the US, and they are dying out). It's pretty much an either/or proposition. There are LGBT friendly places of course.

    I think the advice of sometimes_miss has about a .001% chance of hitting; befriend a lesbian you don't know, go to a lesbian bar that doesn't exist--in Mississippi at least--and hope she has a friend who is willing to date a CD. In the words of SpongeBob, "good luck with that."

    The statistics say the plurality of people these days meet on line. I would think the percentage of kinky people meeting on line is even greater than for vanilla couples.

    Get on line, find the right website, make a profile, and cross your fingers. You have a better chance of having that work than your current plan, IMO.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

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  8. #8
    Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I agree with Sandi, I say go for it. I would not go with any expectations, but keep an open mind. Might be fun and that is good. You are clearly interested, so it is an experience you should have. Don't pass it up!

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    You're WAY over thinking this, Kim. I've been to a lot of gay bars and clubs. If guys approach u in a crowded bar, which is NOT likely, (unless u r in a trans club and those r very rare), simply say u aren't into men and off they'll go! Looking for someone who is. If it's a very uncrowded bar they may stay to chat until a more interesting person comes in.

    In a public place, u shouldn't ever have to worry unless u get wasted, then temp and tease a guy on purpose! And, it doesn't sound like u will!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Member Gi Gondin's Avatar
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    Lgbt venues are our favorite places to go, dressed or not, for a number os reasons. I?m not sure if those reasons hold for where you live, but here they are:

    - they are somewhat cheaper than non-lgbt, specially parties and dance clubs;
    - they are safer regarding trouble (fights and jealous-based confusion); drunk hetero males are a lot more aggressive;
    - never been hit on by guys while dressed.
    - diversity is always welcomed and cherished;
    - could be only a feeling, but people seems always happier;

    We follow many instagram profiles of those venues and choose where to go based on parties themes and special events.

    I agree thats a chance to find someone that would be interested in you in such a venue. At least here in Sao Paulo, you will find many GGs independent of their sexual orientation in a lgbt venue for many reasons. But I would go for fun, not to find someone.

    Have fun!

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    A gay bar is a great place to be yourself simply because the people there are very accepting and open-minded. Full stop.

    As has been stated a million times, gay men are generally not into crossdressers, with the occasional exception of the guy who may be feeling extremely frisky by the end of the night and just wants to get off with whoever. Lesbians are not into crossdressers, either. You won't be accosted, assaulted, harassed, or anything of the sort in that environment, and that's a very positive thing. One more thing to keep in mind: we aren't 20 anymore. You may be very attractive but in a room full of people half your age, and trust me on this, you won't be one of the beautiful people drawing all the attention. Ever. And that's OK. So, don't overthink this and just walk in prepared to have a great time. I have had great times at gay bars for years and have seldom if ever had a gay man or lesbian woman make overt advances. I have made a lot of great LGBTQIA friends at those venues.

    However, I have had plenty of straight appearing men at plain vanilla bars and restaurants, stores, supermarkets, etc try to seduce me (and even succeed) all the time. Some are true gentlemen, others can frisky and bold, more than a few are jerks or pervs who assume that your non-conforming gender presentation is a signal for promiscuity.

    Here's the thing. You are going out into the world presenting as a woman. Women are hit on, stared down, accosted, and sexually harassed all the time. It's not right, but it is the way of the world among far too many men older than, say 30 years of age. It comes with the territory of presenting as a woman, whether you are a CD or an actual woman. You deal with it politely or forcefully, depending on the situation, and carry on. Just as women do every day. No harm done. That's all.
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 09-01-2021 at 06:29 AM.

  12. #12
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly A. View Post
    Hey y'all! ....So, I would like to know..... Who all here, who is straight men but of course, CD'ers and have been to an LGBT bar? How did that work out for you? Was it enjoyable for you?
    I never had too many problems at a gay bar we would go to but I did get asked if they could buy me a drink or if I could use some company.
    I was polite and firm...hold my hand in a stop manner and say No....and thank them for being kind.
    Sometimes while we are on the dance floor with a CDer friend, a guy or two would come up to dance with us, look you in the eye to show you they are interested.
    I just smiled and did my best to be coy and not come on to them...they do get the message and leave us alone.

    Never had a problem in either venues but by far, the lesbian lounges were the best!
    Me and my friend Mark (Marge)at Forestview Lounge...


    As long as you're firm and say you are not interested, the guys pretty much leave you alone.


    But by far, my fondest memories are going to a Lesbian bar! Everyone is so accepting and if you get hit on, it's a girl!
    The boies there are very flirty and curious too ....and if I was to ever to be single again, I would look to a Les Lounge to see and be seen.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  13. #13
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I have gone to a number of LGBTQ?bars and met some very nice, accepting people, including several straight and/or bi women who were clearly and openly interested in me. At the time I was married and had to decline, but darn it was a surprise.

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    My first ever trip out was to an LGBT bar and it was great. I understand the trepidation and felt it myself in the lead up but if the experience taught me anything it was that I was overthinking things.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    I too have gone to known gay clubs/bars. I've never been treated of felt too out of place. However, I wasn't looking to find anyone. It was mostly just to be out. I did socialize as it happened. If you are looking for a friend or S.O. I found my wife at the theater when I auditioned for a part in a little theater. She was the stage manager for the play and we hit it off from the start. So the possibility of meeting someone is found in all different surroundings. I really lucked out!

  16. #16
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I think you’ll have a good time at a gay bar. They tend to be very fun and accepting places. However, I don’t know that it will help in your dating efforts directly. You say you’re straight and I assume that means you want to meet a woman. That’s where the hang up is. You’re not going to find a ton of straight women hanging out at gay bars, and when they to, it tends to be with the specific intent of avoiding the dating scene.

    That being said, meeting more people is always beneficial. The more people you know the more likely you are to meet someone compatible.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Go for it. The environment will be (at the least) tolerant and respectful. In all likelihood, they guys will ignore you. You're not their type. Most of women will ignore you for the same reason. That said, if you comfortable with the scene at the particular club or bar, you will likely have little trouble becoming a part of it.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  18. #18
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    MonicaPVD, I do very much understand, of course that gay men are generally not into crossdressers, and lesbians are not into men at all..... However, I wouldn't be trying to hook up with a guy anyway as I'm straight! LOL But, my expectations of finding a GG S.O. at an LGBT bar is very, very low, especially after reading what y'all have said about that.

    In all honesty, I just want something else to do when I go out dressed, rather than just out to eat, then shopping around at different places. LOL I also want to go to an LGBT bar out of curiosity as well as go somewhere I'd be accepted and not judged..... I really haven't been verbally judged while I've been out dressed by anyone, but I'm sure some folks have probably mentally judged me if they made me out to be a man. But, I don't care. LOL I also don't expect to be the most attractive person there, or expect to get a lot of attention..... I'm not one who has to be the center of attention. However, if I do come out of my shell some, I wouldn't be at all opposed to just talking with some people and maybe making some friends.
    Also of course, I know what LGBTQ stands for, but what does the IA at the end of it stand for?? That "LGBT" keeps on changing and I can't keep up with it! LOL

    Oh yes, I also know and understand that unfortunately women, whether they're straight, GG, trans, or CD get hit on and harassed all the time and of course, that's not a good thing unless she's a woman who welcomes that sort of thing, but I'm sure that's rare. And yes, I'll be prepared to be hit on, which will most likely be gay or bi guys, (IF that happens) and all I have to do is be firm and tell them "NO", then hopefully they leave me alone after that. LOL
    Last edited by Kimberly A.; 09-01-2021 at 03:45 PM.
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  19. #19
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Kimberly, I have been to many LGBTQEIEIO places and love them. Mostly gay men places. I have met some really nice people and have never had a bad situation at any of them. But, as many have said, gay men are not interested, other than socially, meeting "women" at these places. You are likely to be accepted, or, at least, tolerated at a gay place. I have read, never experienced this, that some gay men resent bi men and CDs because they feel like you are infringing on their turf. Julie
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

    C'est la vie CD

  20. #20
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Wow ladies, once again y'all have given me a lot of good advice, which is very much appreciated!

    It will be my first time going to an LGBT bar, (I am excited, yet nervous at the same time about it, though). As I told Monica, I now do not have high expectations at all of finding a GG S.O. at an LGBT bar. My intentions are to go there dressed as Kimberly, (hopefully I can find something really cute to wear LOL). I also plan to have one, maybe two drinks, then drink something like Coke the rest of the time I'm there, (because I'll have to drive myself back home), so I don't plan on getting drunk..... I also want to go so I'll have something else to do, maybe meet some new people, talk to some people, be at a place where I will be accepted and I can maybe come of out my shell some and just chillax and have a good time! LOL

    But, I don't dance really at all, so if there is dancing available there then chances are, I won't participate..... Besides, I'll mostly be there to just chill and check things out anyway, as it'll be my first time at an LGBT bar. I might feel more out of my place than I want to feel and it might be my first and last time that I go to an LGBT bar, I don't know yet. I'm not saying that I'll totally hate it, not at all, but I'm not saying at this point that I'll like it either.

    One reason why I'll be nervous going to a bar, (in my mind, it doesn't matter if it's a gay, LGBT, or any other sort of bar), is because years ago when I worked security at the hospital in my town, which I'm back to doing again, there were five victims of a violent crime who were brought into the ER all at the same time. They had all been at a bar in the same county that I live in and (I think it was) two people decided to go in there and commit their crime. Before then, I was going to a karaoke bar, (before I started crossdressing), but I haven't been to a bar since then and that's the reason.... Now, of course I know that that doesn't happen all the time at EVERY bar, but that is really the main reason why I'll be nervous to go to a bar again at all.

    One more question for y'all..... Do y'all think that anyone whom I talk to, or who might approach and talk to me, should I tell them that I'm a CD'er? I will be going dressed as Kimberly, after all. LOL

    Oh, one last thing..... I plan on going to an LGBT bar next week while I'm off work, just so y'all know. LOL

    But other than that, I do expect to just go there, chillax and have a good time..... That's what it's about, right? LOL

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Julie, I can understand what you said..... Well, if there are any gay men there who feel like I'm "infringing on their turf", as you say, then what will they do about it? Try to get me to leave the bar? Other than that, gathering what I've read and reading some of y'alls experiences with gay or LGBT bars, I'm sure they'll just leave me alone anyway. LOL
    Last edited by Kimberly A.; 09-01-2021 at 03:40 PM.
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  21. #21
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    You won't believe this! I read this thread again yesterday, and last night I had this DREAM about going to an LGBT night club--which I've never done in real life. The dream was quite "rational," not weird like some dreams. Unfortunately it was disappointing in the end.

    In the dream I'm staying in a hotel for some convention in another city, with a bunch of people--men and women both--members of some organization I'm associated with. It's something I've often done in the past, except that in the dream these people, friendly as they are, are all strangers. So none of them know me back in my home town. And "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," right? So on our final evening a group of these people decide to go to this club for drinks and dinner. Except that they leave the hotel before me, while I'm vacillating over whether to join them, and in particular, dressed HOW exactly? I'm standing on the stairs and find I'm wearing a skirt. It's a blue denim wrap skirt I've had for years in reality. And I'm thinking "Gee, it's only a skirt. It might be unconventional, but, why shouldn't I wear it? Ia anyone gonna take that much notice? Should I or shouldn't I?"

    Anyway I go back to my room, and then I look in the mirror and discover I'm wearing a blouse as well. It's a real pretty blouse, cream-colored and frilly, kind of a Victorian look. Again, I've got one like it in reality. But it's rather translucent, and I can see the outline of the slip I'm wearing underneath. And of course, I'm wearing a bra. So it's not just a skirt I'm wearing, that someone might pass off as a mere eccentricity, or a brave defiance of male clothing conventions. It's a truly womanly look, and I can't pretend otherwise.

    I like it of course, but can I go out like this? What will people think? Another problem occurs to me as I look in the mirror. Above my neckline, I've got no wig and no makeup on, and I'm also sorely in need of a shave, with shadows of stubble darkening my face. It ruins my look. (As for the shoes, I have no idea. The dream didn't show me those.)

    Then something else strikes me. If I'm to go like this, I need a purse as well to carry my keys, cash, credit cards, ID and other stuff. I can sense how good it would feel slung over my shoulder, but I don't seem to have one.

    The final straw comes when I realize that after wasting all this time dithering around, it's probably too late to go anyway, and I've missed dinner. Besides, I don't seem to know where it was they went. So in the dream I never went, because I was ill-prepared and chickened out. It was my last night there too; an opportunity sadly lost.

    At that point I woke up! When I told my wife about it she naturally laughed.

    All this is irrelevant in a way, because it was only a dream and not an actual experience. However, I decided to relate it here in the interest of encouragement. If dreams can have a "moral," this dream had one. DON'T do as I did in my dream. BE PREPARED, and DON'T CHICKEN OUT!

    Oh, and don't forget your purse and keys! Why did "keys" occur to me before the other contents? Keys are so symbolic: the means of escape if things go wrong, and of getting home safely afterwards!
    Last edited by Lori Ann Westlake; 09-01-2021 at 05:19 PM.

  22. #22
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    The first time I went to a crossdresser Friendly Bar I had an awful time because some guy kept hitting on me. I walk away from him and then he found me again etcetera etcetera I finally left. Flash Forward many years I look back at that time and laugh. I've never really had any problems with someone hitting on me that I couldn't handle. The people in Friendly bars aren't vultures anymore than the people in regular bars. I don't know if that puts your mind at ease I'm just saying there's always a few random bad apples but for the most part you'll be fine.. Oh did I mention I was alone that first time? That probably didn't help. Bring a friend and you'll be more than fine. Nothing to be afraid of. Though I'm not sure this story he helped convince you. LOL

  23. #23
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Another suggestion for places to go; casinos. I've been to five or so in three different states. They are almost always open, the women are in all shapes and sizes, things to do (I play video poker), alcohol (or food) if you want it, etc. Aren’t there about 22,000 casinos in Mississippi?

    As to what to answer if someone asks, tell them the truth. They know anyway. The ones asking questions will be women, anyway, in my experience. I always try to be an ambassador for our community.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

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  24. #24
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
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    Kimberly, as I said, the resentment is only something I have read about, maybe even here. I've had only good experiences at gay places. Julie
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

    C'est la vie CD

  25. #25
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Well y'all, it seems that my plan for going to an LGBT bar may very well be a bust. I did a Google search for LGBT bars around me and as it turns out, (so it seems), they are all open only on Friday and Saturday nights, which is when I have to be working..... GRRR!!! Oh well, maybe I can find something else to do?
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

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