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Thread: Broke the golden rule - didn?t dress to blend!

  1. #1
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    Broke the golden rule - didn?t dress to blend!

    I?ve only been out a few times and always followed the best advice I?ve got on here about dressing to blend with the setting you?re in.

    At the weekend I ventured out to the supermarket in girls jeans, jumper, coat and ballet flats (along with wig and mask of course!) and passed dozens of people without even a second look. Someone might have noticed but nothing obvious even when a supermarket assistant came up and pointed me to a checkout.

    That was a massive confidence boost and I got a bit carried away so back home changed into my leather skirt and kitten heels. Wow was the result different! Within a minute of leaving the house was DEFINITELY noticed by the first two people I passed and both properly stared. In hindsight while I didn?t think the skirt was too short or the heels to high they certainly looked completely out of place in our neighbourhood in the day.

    No harm done (except wondering if any neighbours recognised me!) but a lesson learnt. Still can?t believe what an absolutely massive different it makes though!

  2. #2
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Lily, I suppose most of us has been there one time or another, it just part of the right of passage.
    I found out how to present civil by a mother who wouldn't allow me to wear my feminine clothes if I got dirty, had a boo-boo, or didn't wear the item as made.
    I learned to properly sit in a dress, not to slosh, bite my nails, twirl my hair.
    She pointed out ill mannered girls and why you should do this, or that, and NEVER show too much.
    She said you need to not give the viewer too much to look at so that they could use their imagination to fill in the gaps.
    Those girls in mini skirts leave nothing to imagine and they are trashy looking, not worth the time of day!
    So many of those scenarios throughout history coupled with the curious on-looker only fuels the stares and on looks.
    But that is just society sister, you might have actually inspired a fashion designer for the 2022 summer collection, or a lapidary to make a stone high heel.
    So don't fret, life is just too dang short!
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  3. #3
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

    I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

    If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.
    Krisi

  4. #4
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

  5. #5
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Just imagine that a short skirt gets attention! - the sole reason short skirts were invented in the first place.

    My objection to all the continued blend or burn argument is that you can easily avoid dressing like everyone else (ie, blanding) and still wear skirts and or dresses designed for casual/daytime. Everybody wins. I realise that there are people here (who do not even really go out) that think if you are not wearing jeans then you obviously must be wearing a micro mini and stripper heels as how can there be any other options?!

    I salute all the girls who defy the fashion police and go out dressed like a person with an independent sense of style. Look nice and maybe persuade a few more to not think the lowest common denominator is the pathway to happiness.

    So while normally a leather skirt seems a bit much for sorting though the lettuce, luckily there are THOUSANDS of skirts designed for a more casual look. Dressing to a higher standard is admirable!

  6. #6
    Lady in Waiting
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    I totally agree with Karren. Life is way to short to fit in with other peoples opinions. Also since we are already breaking societal norms, why worry about being "societally proper" ? any female clothing we put on is already against being societally proper to begin with. So why not enjoy it and wear what you want.

  7. #7
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    So, you didn't "dress to blend"..... Meh, so what? LOL Sometimes I don't dress to blend, but I really don't care. However, I have taken advice from the good folks here and I often do dress to blend, depending on where I'm going. But I'm glad you got a big confidence boost and sounds like you had fun en femme, that's what it's all about! LOL
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  8. #8
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
    When I want no one to notice me? I've perfected "dressing to blend". I go out in drab with nothing female showing. It works perfect every time!

    Like Karren said, Sherry wouldn't be caught DEAD dressing to blend!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  9. #9
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    If you really want to "blend", try a grey wig! I'm not really kidding on that one, I have to say almost everyone I ran into just ignored me or didn't really glance my way much. I'm on the larger side and wore a 2" heel, making the end result over 6' and 250lbs, not the prettiest little package but I work hard at looking good!

    The clothes do make so much of a difference. This weekend I had 4 days to be me, went so much farther than I could ever have hoped and I do believe I was able to blend or let's just say "not really noticed", sliding towards "nothing to see here". Each day was a bit different, classy but casual, and as long as I could come close to a feminine walk and not talk, no one turned to watch in Panera, Macy's, the main mall, Target, etc. I even hung out in Panera and came close to a woman when refilling my drink, she did look twice when leaving but by that point I didn't care. From there I went to Target and spend about 45 minutes shopping in the women's sections, lost my nerve at going into the dressing room (next time!). I did settle on some shapewear which didn't have a tag, so what to do? I wanted it so I screwed up my nerve, waited for no line at a register and just strode up to the young woman to check out. My voice is maybe medium but there was not a hint of anything other than pleasant customer service as she took care of my order.

    To everyone who is hesitant, JUST GO FOR IT! No one really cares that much about you either way, except for perhaps family and friends, so get a few towns over and go have a great time.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
    It depends on you tolerance to attention. Some people thrive on attention, some people just want to blend in and not get noticed.

  12. #12
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
    Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

    I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
    I totally agree. Not one pair of pants or any garment that looks like it was co-opted from a male fashion look. Each to his/her own. That being said, any time I wear a dress it is one that will blend in with other women wearing dresses. Yes, dresses are a rarity in Wal-Mart. However, when I am out for an early evening stroll it appears as if I am returning home after a day at the office. Tie of day also comes into play. I do see many women wearing dresses at Target or Fred Meyer grabbing something on the way to work. If I had an inclination to go to church on Sunday I would not wear a mini-skirt and fishnet stockings.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
    First of all, am not a CDer, and so, don't have a dog in this fight.

    You are correct, of course. Anyone can and should wear whatever they want. The problem is that blending is exactly what a lot of members of this forum want and need; to avoid undue notice. You want attract attention? Great! By all means do so, but please stop denigrating those members for wanting to blend.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Aunt Kelly, Karren and some of us have talked jeans in a tongue in cheek, comical way, for many years on here. It's kind of like, I don like sauer kraut or brussels sprouts.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My style is to flaunt my petite hourglass figure. I've been told that if I dyed my hair I could pass for twenty. My doctor agreed that I was a little underweight and it wouldn't hurt to gain a few pounds.
    So, no, I don't dress to blend in. I try to wear nice rather than edgy clothes. I wear a lot of pink. I'm short so I often wear heels. I get around easily in heels.

    Marion
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 09-01-2021 at 09:13 PM.

  17. #17
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    Aunt Kelly, Karren and some of us have talked jeans in a tongue in cheek, comical way, for many years on here. It's kind of like, I don like sauer kraut or brussels sprouts.
    I do not like sower kraut, Brussels sprouts or women?s jeans. Nothing feminine about any of the three!

  18. #18
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    Snip - -Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round. --- Snip
    I am sneaking up on the fourth round (It's just two years and 20 days away.)
    And, yes, I wore it out in public. I was the photographer at a Drag Queen Show.
    Last edited by Leslie Mary S; 09-01-2021 at 10:38 PM.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    The PINK FOG may seem, at times, to go away, but in fact it just ebbs and flows but does not go away._
    _________________________

  19. #19
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Geez, I didn't know there was a rule book.

    I like going out.

    I like wearing dresses.

    I like wearing heels.

    If my goal was to dress like most women, I'd never get to wear what I like to wear most of the time.

    Yes, pick your spots. No evening gowns to go grocery shopping.

    But I'd rather hear what I hear from my GG friend Michelle; her 11 y/o daughter wants to go shopping with me because I've got good taste.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

  20. #20
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Lily,

    You also have to realise there's a big difference from walking on the street and being in a busy supermarket. The real test would be to wear the skirt and heels in the same place as the more conservative clothing and then see what the reaction is.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

    I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

    If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.
    I think my surprise was how easily that line is crossed! I wasn?t wearing my microskirt or 6 inch red patent Mary Janes (they?re strictly for home!) The skirt was dark leather a little above the knee and the shoes were matte black 2 inch pumps so in my mind I was just on the conservative / blending side of the line but actually turns out I had massively crossed over onto the stand-out crossdressed side!

    I did look great though?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.
    Ah I?m in England but sadly the order of the day here is trainers and jeans too - unless on a night out which I haven?t tried yet!! Ballet flats to do seem to be making a bit of a comeback though which is nice?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Natalie5004 View Post
    It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
    Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

    I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.
    Early thirties - where does that leave me?

  22. #22
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
    "The point" is different for each of us. Personally. my "point" is to be taken as a woman by everyone who sees me so it's important for me to dress appropriately for the time and place.

    For others. the point may be to wear stripper heels and lots of jewelry and makeup. In most cases, this will draw attention and they will be recognized as crossdressers, but if that is their "point", that's fine too.

    The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum.
    Krisi

  23. #23
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    There is no Golden Rule.
    If you want to be noticed it's just so easy. If you want to be stealth that's easy too.
    Sometimes we just want that Rush that comes from showing off and knowing we have gotten everyone's attention. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  24. #24
    Senior Member christine55's Avatar
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    Around here I feel overdressed in just a casual skirt and top.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    An Idea just came to mind we each go to some place public that women shop frequently. Then sit with a note pad of something and record when you start. then make a column for women in dress and another for women not in a dress. then each time you see a woman make a mark in the column that their clothes fits in. when you are ready to leave, record the time. Add up how many, and record each column. now you can figure out the percentage of women wear a dress when shopping. Let the rest of us know your results.
    This should give you an idea what you should were if you want to blend in.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    The PINK FOG may seem, at times, to go away, but in fact it just ebbs and flows but does not go away._
    _________________________

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