Broke the golden rule - didn?t dress to blend!

[Lily88]

I?ve only been out a few times and always followed the best advice I?ve got on here about dressing to blend with the setting you?re in.

At the weekend I ventured out to the supermarket in girls jeans, jumper, coat and ballet flats (along with wig and mask of course!) and passed dozens of people without even a second look. Someone might have noticed but nothing obvious even when a supermarket assistant came up and pointed me to a checkout.

That was a massive confidence boost and I got a bit carried away so back home changed into my leather skirt and kitten heels. Wow was the result different! Within a minute of leaving the house was DEFINITELY noticed by the first two people I passed and both properly stared. In hindsight while I didn?t think the skirt was too short or the heels to high they certainly looked completely out of place in our neighbourhood in the day.

No harm done (except wondering if any neighbours recognised me!) but a lesson learnt. Still can?t believe what an absolutely massive different it makes though!

[candykowal]

Lily, I suppose most of us has been there one time or another, it just part of the right of passage.
I found out how to present civil by a mother who wouldn't allow me to wear my feminine clothes if I got dirty, had a boo-boo, or didn't wear the item as made.
I learned to properly sit in a dress, not to slosh, bite my nails, twirl my hair.
She pointed out ill mannered girls and why you should do this, or that, and NEVER show too much.
She said you need to not give the viewer too much to look at so that they could use their imagination to fill in the gaps.
Those girls in mini skirts leave nothing to imagine and they are trashy looking, not worth the time of day!
So many of those scenarios throughout history coupled with the curious on-looker only fuels the stares and on looks.
But that is just society sister, you might have actually inspired a fashion designer for the 2022 summer collection, or a lapidary to make a stone high heel.
So don't fret, life is just too dang short!

[Krisi]

So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.

[Lily88]

So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.

I think my surprise was how easily that line is crossed! I wasn?t wearing my microskirt or 6 inch red patent Mary Janes (they?re strictly for home!) The skirt was dark leather a little above the knee and the shoes were matte black 2 inch pumps so in my mind I was just on the conservative / blending side of the line but actually turns out I had massively crossed over onto the stand-out crossdressed side!

I did look great though?

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Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.

Ah I?m in England but sadly the order of the day here is trainers and jeans too - unless on a night out which I haven?t tried yet!! Ballet flats to do seem to be making a bit of a comeback though which is nice?

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It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.

Early thirties - where does that leave me?

[Maid_Marion]

I find that socializing is much easier dressed as a woman. Seems I intuitively know how to interact with others as a woman but not a man.

Marion

[Sherie]

I don't understand what drives me to dress and go places where people see me but it's a powerful and I'm a very closeted CD. With that said my biggest fear is to be out somewhere and an adolescent teenager, or intoxicated girl, boy or worse a small group and be outed and with one of them walking or following me and pointing saying hey everybody that's a guy dressed up like a girl, with other people around. A real recipe for disaster that could escalate badly. and without saying be recognized.
Like any female that's 6' and 200 lbs. I strive to be attractive and present a complete package. My first wife refused to go out of the house without putting her face on, I always thought well???, now I spend 45-60 minutes doing the same thing. When someone sees me in a normal public place, I don't want them to see anything other than just another attractive female wearing the appropriate clothing for where I am and that could be jeans, skirt or whatever. That's what drives me to do more. AND Yes I go to safe but appropriate places and wear 3" heals, hose, 4-5" above the knee skirt, corset for shape, with form fitting top, quality forms, 60 min makeup, my hair is 5" below my shoulders so I spend 20 min on my hair with plenty hair spray, a some jewelry and love it.
Point being different clothes for different places just like every other normal female.

[Karren H]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

[kinky_caitlin]

I totally agree with Karren. Life is way to short to fit in with other peoples opinions. Also since we are already breaking societal norms, why worry about being "societally proper" ? any female clothing we put on is already against being societally proper to begin with. So why not enjoy it and wear what you want.

[docrobbysherry]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

When I want no one to notice me? I've perfected "dressing to blend". I go out in drab with nothing female showing. It works perfect every time!

Like Karren said, Sherry wouldn't be caught DEAD dressing to blend!

[Pumped]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

It depends on you tolerance to attention. Some people thrive on attention, some people just want to blend in and not get noticed.

[Stephanie47]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

I totally agree. Not one pair of pants or any garment that looks like it was co-opted from a male fashion look. Each to his/her own. That being said, any time I wear a dress it is one that will blend in with other women wearing dresses. Yes, dresses are a rarity in Wal-Mart. However, when I am out for an early evening stroll it appears as if I am returning home after a day at the office. Tie of day also comes into play. I do see many women wearing dresses at Target or Fred Meyer grabbing something on the way to work. If I had an inclination to go to church on Sunday I would not wear a mini-skirt and fishnet stockings.

[Krisi]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

"The point" is different for each of us. Personally. my "point" is to be taken as a woman by everyone who sees me so it's important for me to dress appropriately for the time and place.

For others. the point may be to wear stripper heels and lots of jewelry and makeup. In most cases, this will draw attention and they will be recognized as crossdressers, but if that is their "point", that's fine too.

The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum.

[Cheryl T]

There is no Golden Rule.
If you want to be noticed it's just so easy. If you want to be stealth that's easy too.
Sometimes we just want that Rush that comes from showing off and knowing we have gotten everyone's attention. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

[TheHiddenMe]

"The point" is different for each of us. Personally. my "point" is to be taken as a woman by everyone who sees me so it's important for me to dress appropriately for the time and place.

For others. the point may be to wear stripper heels and lots of jewelry and makeup. In most cases, this will draw attention and they will be recognized as crossdressers, but if that is their "point", that's fine too.

The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum.

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

[Krisi]

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

"Nonsense"? That's a pretty strong word and you seem to like to use it a lot, especially when replying to my posts.

Everyone here is entitled to their own opinion and I would like to think that everyone could respect other people's opinions and not insult them with words like "nonsense".

I happen to think that under certain conditions, I will "pass". Who are you to say that I won't? Have you seen me dressed in public? I doubt it. Do you know the conditions where I think I will pass? Again, I doubt it.

I would like to have the freedom of posting my opinions on this forum without the risk of you calling them "nonsense". In return, I will grant you the same respect and freedom.

[Pumped]

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

So you dress in tiny latex miniskirts tight tank tops and thigh high boots when you go out?

I bet you wear what most any woman would.

I think the point here is sure, wear what you want. But if you dress like a hooker you will attract attention. If you like the attention, then fine. If you are trying to blend and pass by unnoticed wear what a typical woman would wear in the situation.

[TheHiddenMe]

If anyone is interested in how I dress when I'm out, there are 22 blog posts here:

https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

Or you could look here:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...archid=9889150

Or here:

http://www.femulate.org/2021/07/some...525365090.html

Instead of telling people what they SHOULD be wearing when they go out, I show people what I wear when I go out, with the idea being if I can wear it, someone else can do the same.

[AngelaYVR]

Just imagine that a short skirt gets attention! - the sole reason short skirts were invented in the first place.

My objection to all the continued blend or burn argument is that you can easily avoid dressing like everyone else (ie, blanding) and still wear skirts and or dresses designed for casual/daytime. Everybody wins. I realise that there are people here (who do not even really go out) that think if you are not wearing jeans then you obviously must be wearing a micro mini and stripper heels as how can there be any other options?!

I salute all the girls who defy the fashion police and go out dressed like a person with an independent sense of style. Look nice and maybe persuade a few more to not think the lowest common denominator is the pathway to happiness.

So while normally a leather skirt seems a bit much for sorting though the lettuce, luckily there are THOUSANDS of skirts designed for a more casual look. Dressing to a higher standard is admirable!

[Kimberly A.]

So, you didn't "dress to blend"..... Meh, so what? LOL Sometimes I don't dress to blend, but I really don't care. However, I have taken advice from the good folks here and I often do dress to blend, depending on where I'm going. But I'm glad you got a big confidence boost and sounds like you had fun en femme, that's what it's all about! LOL

[NjJamie]

If you really want to "blend", try a grey wig! I'm not really kidding on that one, I have to say almost everyone I ran into just ignored me or didn't really glance my way much. I'm on the larger side and wore a 2" heel, making the end result over 6' and 250lbs, not the prettiest little package but I work hard at looking good!

The clothes do make so much of a difference. This weekend I had 4 days to be me, went so much farther than I could ever have hoped and I do believe I was able to blend or let's just say "not really noticed", sliding towards "nothing to see here". Each day was a bit different, classy but casual, and as long as I could come close to a feminine walk and not talk, no one turned to watch in Panera, Macy's, the main mall, Target, etc. I even hung out in Panera and came close to a woman when refilling my drink, she did look twice when leaving but by that point I didn't care. From there I went to Target and spend about 45 minutes shopping in the women's sections, lost my nerve at going into the dressing room (next time!). I did settle on some shapewear which didn't have a tag, so what to do? I wanted it so I screwed up my nerve, waited for no line at a register and just strode up to the young woman to check out. My voice is maybe medium but there was not a hint of anything other than pleasant customer service as she took care of my order.

To everyone who is hesitant, JUST GO FOR IT! No one really cares that much about you either way, except for perhaps family and friends, so get a few towns over and go have a great time.

[MonicaPVD]

Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.

[Natalie5004]

It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.

[Leslie Mary S]

Snip - -Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round. --- Snip

I am sneaking up on the fourth round (It's just two years and 20 days away.)

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And, yes, I wore it out in public. I was the photographer at a Drag Queen Show.

[TheHiddenMe]

Geez, I didn't know there was a rule book.

I like going out.

I like wearing dresses.

I like wearing heels.

If my goal was to dress like most women, I'd never get to wear what I like to wear most of the time.

Yes, pick your spots. No evening gowns to go grocery shopping.

But I'd rather hear what I hear from my GG friend Michelle; her 11 y/o daughter wants to go shopping with me because I've got good taste.

[Helen_Highwater]

Lily,

You also have to realise there's a big difference from walking on the street and being in a busy supermarket. The real test would be to wear the skirt and heels in the same place as the more conservative clothing and then see what the reaction is.