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Thread: An outburst from a new member.

  1. #26
    I NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Hi jujudreaming. Welcome to the forum!

    I sure do hate to hear that your wife isn't accepting of your dressing..... Myself, along with other members here, I'm sure can relate. I'm divorced and I've worn pantyhose for practically my entire life, didn't get into heavily CD'ing until just a couple of years ago. However, I've always had a desire to CD, I just couldn't do it when I was married, because my ex-wife didn't even accept me so much as wearing pantyhose, she hated it, let alone accepting CD'ing..... However, there was once while I was married, I had a night away from my ex-wife and had a chance to go to the store and buy makeup, a dress, shoes, a bra, something to stuff the bra with, then to another store for a wig. I had stayed in a hotel room that night, because my ex-wife along with some of her lady friends were throwing a Mary Kay party and, of course, "no men allowed" so that's why I had to stay in a hotel room for the night. So, I took full advantage of that night and got all dolled up, just for a little while and went out in public. Granted, this was YEARS ago and I don't have any pics of that, unfortunately. I had also shaved the top half of my chest, as well as my arms and legs before going out CD'd that night, (my ex-wife already knew that I shave my legs and wore pantyhose). But before going to bed that night, I cleaned off the makeup as best I could, but didn't get it all off and when I got home the next morning, of course she noticed my hairless arms and top half of my chest, as well as some remnants of makeup and she confronted me on it..... I came clean with her and told her what I did. That was one of the worst arguments that she and I had, because it did NOT go well with her at all..... I mean, I can understand because when women want a man, they typically want a 100% MAN, not a girly man, or a crossdresser. Now of course, I mean no offense to that, but it's typically the truth.

    But anyway yeah, that's why I can relate.
    Last edited by Kimberly A.; 09-15-2021 at 03:30 PM.
    My YouTube channel: Kimberly A.

  2. #27
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    No man can ever compete with the biological urge to have a child. I have seen it far too many times, how the very existence of a relationship was purely to produce offspring. After that, your usefulness is spent. I watched in sadness as a shy friend was swept off his feet and engaged before he knew it. Three months later his fiance was pregnant. He seemed bemused the whole time, just along for the ride. After the baby was born he too joined the discarded husbands club.

    Please please stick up for yourself because it does not sound like anybody else is.

  3. #28
    Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jujudreaming View Post
    the problem is that she is super resistant to leaving the child with her grandmother, with a nanny even worse, who knows, maybe she is the one who is putting up barriers, I have complained several times that I want to just go out with her. As my daughter was never alone with other people, she also resists. I know I'm here making a lot of excuses, but there are some things that also happen.
    I have to ask. Which grandmother? Your mom or her mom?

  4. #29
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    A lot has been said here by a lot of experienced people and knowledgeable people. But I feel at this point there are a number of conflicts and you x-dressing may not be the main one in the big picture. I agree completely with what VTVicky says and recommends. But to me it appears that you both need to see a therapist. I realize that will be difficult to do as I suspect your wife will not be very willing to do that. But after 52 years of marriage sometimes we found there were things that appeared to be good all around and yet on a deeper level it was not. Conflicts are inevitable; you are different people and marriage does not magically create good vibes. Communication, as others have said, is the key to finding compromises that are satisfactory to each. I sense that both of you tend to be fixed in your positions and you need to loosen up and understand each other. A couples or family therapist would be a good choice who can help you to learn the art of open communication between man and wife so both are operating on the same level and perception of the relationship.

  5. #30
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Once upon a time, on another site, someone posted that their spouse went from approval/participation in the poster's kink, to absolute refusal.

    Poster, upon prodding, provided other details. There were other issues, along with the kink/fetish to deal with in the relationship.

    Commentators presented a slew of suggestions, to which the Poster knocked each one down for various 'reasons' that were logical. To them. It soon became apparent that the Poster wasn't interested in any solution, but rather vindication that they were justified in their behaviour and were seeking moral support to encourage their selfish actions.

    Now I am NOT saying that the OP of this thread is engaging in the same sort of self-justification, but I am definitely getting the same vibe.

    Everything that the OP has stated simply reinforces the notion that therapy & counseling is in order, both as a couple, and as individuals. And I am thinking that the child in this situation is also in need of counseling as well.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

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  6. #31
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    "Communication is the key to finding compromises that are satisfactory to each" may not be true in all cases. Communication may lead to a resolution of differences that may lead to a dissolution of a relationship. At #30 Jodie Lynn makes reference to the concept I've called "It's my way or the highway." Sometimes a woman will not tolerate her husband's cross dressing (but can be applicable to anything) and clearly makes that demand known; plain and simple. Or the husband may do as he wants to the extent of openly pushing cross dressing in his wife's face. The union is totally fractured. Yet, each will endure this open hostility for other reasons; social standing, economic, asset preservation, etc.

    Too many times in a marriage it is impossible to get both spouses on board with joint or family counseling. "It's her problem." "It's his problem." We don't know all the facts when these issues are posted on this forum. It's the story from one side. Speculation on our part. Our advice is exactly what you paid for it, as the saying goes.

    If there is joint counseling, as I have stated, the resolution of the issues may be dissolution of the marriage. And, that may not be a bad thing.

  7. #32
    New Member
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    I have to agree with all those that say communication is very important and that counseling is very necessary in order to determine if or how your marriage future will work

    For those who want their wives to accept their femininity, how does this play out in the bedroom. Sexual compatibility is a big part of any marriage and many here have announced their desire to openly express their feminine side. I seem to think that this would be quite a blow to wives who thought of their marriages in the traditional sense and are suddenly faced with the prospect of have sex with a new ?personality?

  8. #33
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    "Communication is the key to finding compromises that are satisfactory to each" may not be true in all cases. Communication may lead to a resolution of differences that may lead to a dissolution of a relationship. At #30 Jodie Lynn makes reference to the concept I've called "It's my way or the highway." Sometimes a woman will not tolerate her husband's cross dressing (but can be applicable to anything) and clearly makes that demand known; plain and simple. Or the husband may do as he wants to the extent of openly pushing cross dressing in his wife's face. The union is totally fractured. Yet, each will endure this open hostility for other reasons; social standing, economic, asset preservation, etc.

    Too many times in a marriage it is impossible to get both spouses on board with joint or family counseling. "It's her problem." "It's his problem." We don't know all the facts when these issues are posted on this forum. It's the story from one side. Speculation on our part. Our advice is exactly what you paid for it, as the saying goes.

    If there is joint counseling, as I have stated, the resolution of the issues may be dissolution of the marriage. And, that may not be a bad thing.
    As I said in an earlier post on this thread, communication is one of the 4 C's in a relationship.

    The following is NOT directed at Stephanie47, but she allowed me an opening to express some thoughts on the matter.

    Someone earlier made a statement about women wanting a relationship merely to have children, and the men were 'discarded' afterwards. A Statement I find both saddening, and 100% misogynistic. But guess what? Not all women are dreaming about being baby factories! Imagine this scenario:

    A young man meets a young woman, they click, they fall in love, they get married. They believe they have found their 'soulmate' and are in synch with each others dreams, desires and goals. Except...

    ... they never actually communicated those goals to each other. HE wants a house in the suburbs, a white picket fence, 2.5 kids ( Don't ask which .5 of the kid they get ), and a dog. SHE wants to claw her way to the top of her chosen career, make a 6 figure salary, and live a life of luxury.

    BUT, they never told each other. They assumed that their partner was on board with their dreams and goals. Imagine each others disappointment. Is there a compromise here? I don't think so. One has to give up their dream to make the other happy. Counseling will NOT help. One must submit to the others desires, or they must part ways.

    Too often on these boards, I see people post how "she won't let me..." or "it was OK, now it's not... " threads. What I DON'T see, is any form of empathy for HER feelings or comfort. Yeah, sometimes a poster will write a throwaway line about how they "understand' her feelings, but then they run a steamroller over that to whine about how they are being repressed. SHE married you because she thought you were her MAN. Maybe she knew you had a kinky flair, but you were still the MAN.

    Personal Note: When it became apparent to my ex-wife and me that I was transgender, she sought a divorce, because, as she said to me "I'm not a lesbian, and can't be married to a woman." It hurt, a lot, but things progressed, and we are still friends.

    So, the point of this rambling post is that:
    A - communication is key,

    and

    B - sometimes, the best result is to part ways.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

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