Married CD-ers: How much does your Spouse know?

[Jodie_Lynn]

I see a lot of threads in the X-dressing section, things about dating, and kissing, and exploring life as a woman, and it makes me wonder.

A lot of threads involve the CD-er 'going on a trip' and getting all glammed up while away from their normal environment. Does your spouse know? If not, how do you explain taking a full set of luggage ( for all your girl things ) for a few days away? Most guys will stuff the essentials into one suitcase. Do y'all think that your wives are oblivious? Or stupid?

IF your wife knows that you crossdress, does she know that you fantasize ( or at least think about ) being in the arms of a man, dancing, kissing, and going to bed with him? I know, I know, you may never in a million years actually DO that, but you think about it, don't you? It's one of the aspects of dressing pretty, isn't it? I mean, WHO, are you dressing up for? Yourself? Ok, fine. If you stay in your room, prance around, take a few pics, and then >ahem< 'relieve the tension', that's your business.

But, if you take the time to look and dress womanly, and go out on the town, what are your expectations? Especially if one goes to a club, or bar. By those actions, aren't you dressing for others? To be admired, desired, and even >gasp!< lusted after? Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women. Unless they are single and looking for a mate, THEN they dress to entice & seduce men.

Soooo, how much do you THINK your spouse knows ( or suspects ) and how much does she ACTUALLY know ( or fear )?

[Kris Burton]

Jodie...you sure got a way of driving these issues home!
I'm still pretty new to all of this, but the inner workings of my mind I am finding interesting to say the least. I've come out to my wife, so she knows I'm following a CD path. The areas you are talking about here actually came up in the conversation.She asked why I am doing this, and before I could explain fully she said "So you want to feel sexy?" I agreed, she hit it on the head, and seemed to understand. So I guess she gets it...up to a point
My persona is not at the point where I would go out yet, but I want to, and if I do, I must say yes, I do fantasize about being hit on...by a man. In real life, not a chance, but as Kris and in fantasy land..yeah, that would be a peak experience. I've read a few threads about folks that have actually had this experience and I am intrigued, living vicariously through the words I am reading. If it were to ever actually happen to me in reality (and i do hope it does!), I don't know how I would respond. In my fantasy, I respond with enthusiastic abandon. I might just want to live out that fantasy!
Now that part I know she doesn't realize and there is no need to reveal it at this point. It's all just harmless fantasy, right? Isn't it?

[Julie MA]

Jodie Lynn,

My wife knows about my bi-sexuality, and my cross dressing. She doesn't understand either, and does not want to.

I remember meeting a nice lady in Albany a few years back. That's the type of details she does not want to hear about. Although I did tell her that I was meeting a friend from this forum.

Julie

[gwencd158]

Woman are more perceptive than you think. She has known for many years my desire to dress, and even participated a little many years ago. Now I just get her sarcastic comments — I always knew coming home after a business trip that she would stare at my eyes. Mascara, even washable, dyes your eyelashes black. She has even made comments like she hoped I was not dressing up or wearing makeup on trips. I don’t think she knows the extent of my stash, but over the years has made comments leading me to believe she knows I have a stash, and/or I borrow her clothes. Believe me - they know if you are stretching out their stuff. And many times, after I have borrowed an item, that same day or next day she is wearing it! Almost as if she is telling me, yes, I know you pulled this from the back of the closet! As far as the other part of your question, nah.. I practice my hobby alone, everything else stays in fantasy land.

[Vikky]

I have had an interest in CDing for most my life but it really started properly late in life. Bought a few things (bra, forms, dress, top etc) and soon realise I needed to this more often and one day set my wife down and started to explain. Needless to say she couldn?t understand but didn?t didn?t want to know after that. So its DADT here.
However, she is willing to wash items for me and even bought some clothes, maybe in the hope it would soon tire of it. No way and its still DADT. She watches TV, I dress ? as right now.
Vikky

[DianeT]

The wanting to be seen and desired by men (whether in reality or in fantasized accounts that missed the Writers' Society section and ended up in the MtF), the longing for sexual interaction with males, these things seem more ubiquitous here than I expected in a forum where a majority seems irritated by wives asking questions about the sexual orientation of their husbands after they discover or are told about the dressing, that same majority being prompt to assure that CDers are mostly straight (or at least as much as the general population). I agree it may not be always the same persons, but clearly there is an overlap. The fact that these fantasies and encounters happen while dressed as a female is then given as a reason to not consider these experiences as homosexual ones (they would be "technically" but not spiritually). I don't say this argument doesn't deserve some thinking, but for a non-dresser at least, let's agree that it is a stretch... If I was a wife concerned with my husband's sexual orientation in relation with CDing, and ventured in these forums (remember they are public and quickly come up in a Google search about crossdressing), boy, would I keep asking the orientation question...
So, maybe we shouldn't be surprised when the wives do. I know I had to answer it after my coming out.
Answering the OP, my wife knows everything I do when dressing. And I mean everything, including my erratic watching of Supergirl episodes.
However I don't go out so it's not like I could write a book...

[Cheryl T]

My wife knows everything.
She has for nearly 20 years. We go out together, we've vacationed together as women, we've done everything together. As for fantasies, we've explored them, but they don't involve others.
We shop together and discuss clothing all the time for both her and I. She always critiques my outfits and I help her with her makeup at times. We wear similar sizes in some things like shoes and tops and essential have one wardrobe in those areas.
There are no secrets, there is no hiding.

[Ruby62]

My wife knows all. I made it a point to let her know while we were dating. It didn?t seem fair to withhold something as huge as crossdressing. We do not go out together as we are in a small town and there is a high percentage we would see someone we know.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I will have been married fifty years in a few months. In the beginning on occasion I wore a nightgown and hosiery for bedroom "kinks." We bought nightgowns and hosiery together. After our first child was born she ask that it be toned down a little. When she discovered I had bought my first bra we had "The Talk." The end result was a deep dive "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." That was circa 1983. Not a word since. No snide comments. Nothing. Once in a while she has found a garment. She'd fold it and put it out of sight on top of the dryer. She found the browser open to this site. I suppose she knows more than I think she knows. In the beginning she told me it was alright if I joined a support group; none was to be found. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe, although it is stored in a double stack of Xerox boxes in plain sight.

Fantasies are just that; fantasies. If one does not act upon those fantasies, then no foul. I'd rather have those fantasies than the dreams and recollection of my time in combat as an infantryman in Nam. I'm sure most women fantasize about "hunks" bedding them down or remember old boy friends.

When I went out of town for business it was a rarity, but, I did take a weeks worth of fem clothing along. I femmed up after work and enjoyed my time in the hotel room. I was and am not out in public with the exception of an occasional evening stroll. I have no desire when dressing to "prance around, take a few pics, and, 'relieve the tension.' I never have in the past, and still don't. Frankly, the way you describe cross dressing seems to be probably what more wives think their husbands do than what actually goes on. Perhaps, the impression is made because many of the postings here and elsewhere have that ubiquitous hotel look; stale carpet, air conditioner, escape routes posted on a door, and security latch on the door. My wife has nothing to fear. Maybe that's why we have been married fifty years.

I am content to be femmed up and leisurely read a book in my living room and sipping a cup of good coffee.

[Rachelakld]

I started crossdressing at the age of 4, because the girl next door was pretty and I wanted to be like her, not "to get a man"
Anyone else here, start at the age of 4 or 5 "to get sex from a man?".

Okay, I wore my sisters Tutu and was seen by my whole family, soon after my mum allowed me to wear female pyjamas (age 6) and at the age of 12 she got me a night dress (long t-shirt with a pretty picture on the front) - non of these things were to get me a man.

Being male gave me privilages when it came to career (military), but the female within still wanted a life.

I know quite a few gays, who go to bars to find men, but NON of them dress as females

It's actually easier to "get with a man" when your dressed as a man - I saw reviews from a gay club, so many gay men "complaining" about crossdressers attending when they just wanted a man.

[Kris Burton]

I'm really sorry to see that this thread became a flame battle. Personally, I took Jodie's original post with a light heart, and responded that way...so I'm quite surprised and yes, disappointed. Hostility limits participation and invites further hostility. That is all.

[Natalie5004]

My wife knows I dress. She has seen my clothes in the guest room closet. She is worrying I am spending too much money on a second wardrobe. She want me to look like Johnny Rose. I prefer to look like a cross between Alexis and Moira.

She has not seen me yet. But I dress almost every day she is at work, shaved legs all the time, painted toes, longish hair. So, she knows and probably would expect to see me in femme if she just drops in during the day.

Natalie

[Karren H]

My wife knows but does not want to know. Or wishs she did not know. Or both. she has noticed my breasts are getting larger but she thinks it is due to my pituitary condition, which it is not. And does not know I have lactated more than a few times. I have tons of fantasies which she knows nothing about and I have not shared here or anywhere, yet!

[char GG]

MOD NOTE/WARNING

Stop the back and forth bickering. If you want to respond to each other, take it to PM and don't cause the thread to be closed because some don't agree with each other. Anything else about the disputed topic will be deleted.

[TheHiddenMe]

MOD NOTE/WARNING

Stop the back and forth bickering. If you want to respond to each other, take it to PM and don't cause the thread to be closed because some don't agree with each other. Anything else about the disputed topic will be deleted.

Duly noted.

Also, please cite your references for the "5% of the population is gay/lesbian or bi".

The Gallup poll is referenced here.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...are&highlight=

[Stephanie Voorhees]

My wife knows everything 100%. I hide nothing from her. See fully supports me and has even told me she would be with me, even if I transitioned, which I'd like to do, but it's just not feasible.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Women DO dress for women. We men don't care. Hell, they could show up naked and most of us wouldn't mind a bit.

And my wife fully knows that, even if she rarely shows up naked. (sigh)

[Alexis00]

After some previous bad experiences started telling any woman I dated. More than half ended the relationship, assuming I either planned to transition, or dressed to attract men. The first girlfriend I told said what others probably felt, ?I don?t want to date another girl.? A very few were tolerant and really only one liked to play with gender expression.

My now ex-wife happened to know a couple where the husband cross dressed and had been out with them. So she was relatively accepting when I told her and we went out to parties and clubs, mostly around Halloween.

After our relationship started downhill, it became a source of tension. I wanted to express myself more femme, and this started to bother her.

When on my laptop she found some lingerie pictures I?d taken it really set her off. The relationship was already badly broken but she was quite mean about it.

Everyone handles this differently. A former gf and lover I?d like to get back together with has ?friend zoned? me. I really appreciate her support - and she?s been great - but she does not want to be a lover anymore.

[AmandaM]

My wife knows everything. Almost. She knew before marriage. She helps buy me clothes and makeup. Sometimes we discuss makeup, etc. I wear something femme most days. On the weekends I can be completely made up. I have some fantasies that I haven't shared. But, not a big deal to me and if she asked, I'd tell her. I have had a bi experience. She knows I went all the way in the femaie role. It wasn't bad, not the bee's knees, so I haven't done it again. Could I? Yes, but probably not. While the fantasy of me as a woman in bed is very attractive, I'm 80-90% straight so if I was to cheat, it'd probably be another woman. I'm considering transition. Would I change over to guys if I did? That's a strong possibility. Once in a woman's body, you know. I don't know, perhaps I'd be a lesbian. So, there you go, I'm ambiguously female. And no one knows the real me, including me, at least not yet.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I would like to apologize for my horrible comment that men like to see women naked. Someone suggested that women dress for women, others objected, I responded that women could show up naked and we'd be ok with it, and it was off-topic and apparently wrong, men don't like that at all. I am sorry.

I'm fortunate to have a wife who gets me and doesn't mind me wearing whatever I feel comfortable in. She's suggested that I can wear a skirt to the sports bar, I'm not sure how serious she is, but I don't see that happening.

She also offered to take me naked. Pretty sure NO ONE wants to see that.

[alwayshave]

I told my wife before we moved in together, long before we were married. If she would have been non accepting I would not have gone forward with the relationship.

[MonicaPVD]

This is a quite entertaining thread. I would love to believe that my wife knows nothing, but she's much smarter and more perceptive than I am and I have to assume that she has simply adopted a DADT attitude. I don't do anything at home and don't keep any of my Monica things at home, either.

The endless debate over what % of what we do is gay or bi is obsolete in my opinion. You do whatever makes you happy or brings you fulfillment. I don't have to justify the fact that I am a mostly hetero guy who enjoys the company and attention of men when dressed as a woman. For me it's simply the completion of the role and its quite enjoyable. That's all. Whether that makes me gay or bi or extraterrestrial is besides the point. I enjoy what I do when I do it, and I also enjoy being a boring average hetero guy who is married to a wonderful person.

[Krisi]

My wife knows I dress and I occasionally dress when she is around. She doesn't know that I have been out in public a few times when she was out of town.

I don't pack suitcases and travel to go out as a woman and I don't have fantasies of being with a man or even kissing a man.

[Kelli_cd]

She knows that I am a "crossdresser". And I know, just from the way she says that word, that she is not a fan of it. She has seen one bra and panty set. She doesn't know I wear panties every day and bras many days each week.
She also doesn't know how much I would like to have my own wardrobe of women's clothing.
I'm very reluctant to go any further than bra and panties because of her feelings.

[GiovannaBotta]

My wife knows, told her when things got serious and we decided to move in together.
At first she was really excited! Enjoyed, helped me and was really impressed at my mastery of walking in high heels like a woman.
Then I lost my job at the time, everything was on her, and I still wanted to dress like a woman? Too much for her, something switched off in her head about this.
We entered full DADT mode, and she didn?t even wanted to hear about it. She knew that I dressed sometimes, but never talked about it again.
Then we moved to Canada, to a very diverse city and neighborhood? she?s more comfortable now. Knows that I have a huge wardrobe, says that I have good taste in shoes (I have), lets me go to events and dinners with CD friends, she just prefers me to dress when she?s not home. Don?t mind me coming back when she?s asleep?
It?s a work in progress I?d say. I try to keep it respectful, and be mindful of her space. So far, it?s working.