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Thread: Married CD-ers: How much does your Spouse know?

  1. #51
    Junior Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    Women DO dress for women. We men don't care. Hell, they could show up naked and most of us wouldn't mind a bit.

    And my wife fully knows that, even if she rarely shows up naked. (sigh)

  2. #52
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheHiddenMe View Post
    Your assumptions are inaccurate and insulting to many on this board.
    It takes more than a question on a forum to insult me. A lot more.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy View Post
    Women DO dress for women.
    So despite 3 women, and adding my self there which makes 4, you are still insisting that they DO? Wonderful. The same way that crossdressers dress for men, right?

    Quote Originally Posted by OrdinaryAverageGuy View Post
    We men don't care. Hell, they could show up naked and most of us wouldn't mind a bit.
    Speak for yourself, not for men. My experience says otherwise

    Everything that Reine said, ditto.

  4. #54
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Off Topic, but I find it very interesting how easy it is for some people to invalidate others experiences, while claiming that their own experiences are the true facts.

    4 women say "No, that doesn't happen." Others say "It does." So whose life experience takes precedent? Is it not fair to say that we don't all know the same people, and that both viewpoints are valid? And, just for the record, I don't recall saying "All women...", or "All Cd's...", and If I did, then I misspoke.

    If ten of the people who responded to this thread went to the same restaurant, and ordered the same meal, you would get varied reviews. Some might say it was the best they had and that the service was A-1, and the price reasonable. And some might say the food was awful, the service terrible, and the price astronomical. So who is right? Who is wrong?
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  5. #55
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Jodie, dressers here are speaking on behalf of women, and the only 4 persons concerned (GGs) who responded opposed what was said (this assumption that women dress for women, to compete or whatever). Scientifically speaking, the experimental facts are not backing the theory so far. When you speak about "life experience", it is a woman's life experience, right? In which case, to answer your question, yes, I consider that what women have to say about their own life experience beats, by and large, what us, dressers, have to say about it. Do you not agree?

  6. #56
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Diane, let me see if I have this right. Bear with me, I'm stupid.

    Four people with a certain anatomy can speak on behalf of ALL people with a similar anatomy, and therefore, any other point of view is invalid, if made by anyone with a different anatomy. Is this correct? I am asking, because I wish to learn.

    And if it is correct, then I apologize for wasting everyone's time.
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  7. #57
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    Everything, literally, that you need to know on the subject was in Reine's post. TLR, self-assured women don't. Women who have self-esteem issues for whatever reason for whatever amount of time might occasionally do. Sometimes even self-assured women might dress for attention but only when they are looking for a sexual partner. But ALL women dressing to impress women? Absolutely not. Never ever. It is always centered around sexual attention. Your restaurant metaphor cannot apply. Hence why the vast majority of women think that all crossdressers think like us. If I were you, I would pay particular attention to what Reine said about sexual feelings towards men, when dressed. My binary brain is convinced that any anatomically male person that gets attracted to another male, whatever the circumstances, is at least in some way bisexual. And if they have such thoughts, exactly as Reine said, it should be tested (when single). Gay only when dressed is just a justification, imho. Which is unnecessary, homosexuality is not illegal in the fortunate times we live in the west.
    p.s. on the point you made in your second paragraph, the answer is yes, it is invalid. No man can speak with the authority of a woman on what it means to be a woman. The same way that I can't speak with the authority of a doctor on health issues. That I can't speak with authority on what it means to be a man, especially when my experience extends to just wearing trousers. The clothes don't make a gender, no matter how many times it gets repeated here. Still does not make it true. And I am sure the mods will think that I am being too harsh or aggressive, you did say you want to learn though.
    Last edited by confused_cathreen; 09-23-2021 at 11:09 AM.

  8. #58
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    @Jodie Cathreen answered you. To address a specific point you raised, the higher legitimacy of a genetic woman's point of view lies not in her anatomy, but in the distinct life experience that stemmed from this anatomy. Sure, one woman's experience doesn't represent all women's experience. But it still is far more relevant in my opinion than that of a male (CDer or not) looking at this from the outside. And please don't say things like "I'm stupid". It is only damaging the conversation and I really don't think I patronized you in any way, I just tried to lay out some observations. There was no intention to hurt you.

  9. #59
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    ... Because, she couldn't let everyone see her in the same dress at all three events. Meaning other women, because most guys are pretty clueless about these things.
    Sorry but you've got it wrong. This is just taking pride in one's person, which is more about not wanting to look poor or shabby, in the sense that wearing the same outfit to several events is an indication that you can't afford more. It's like not wanting to be seen in tatty shoes or a jacket with worn out and tattered elbows, or not wanting to drive around in an unfixed car that has suffered a fender bender. Or not wanting your front planting bed to become overgrown with weeds. These things might not be a priority for everyone (male and female), but they are for some people (male and female). Your example has absolutely nothing to do with dressing for women.

    Also, you claim that most guys are clueless about such things? That's not true either. Crossdressers, gay men, and women don't have the monopoly on noticing what other people wear. Believe it or not, there are many observant men out there. And there are also lots of women who cannot remember what another woman wore the last time she saw her. I know, because I am one of them. Clothes are not a priority for me (they never have been) ... they are utilitarian. I know what I'm supposed to wear for certain events - for example, fancy restaurants, business meetings, hanging out at the local beer hall, and going to the beach all require different outfits - and I dress accordingly, but once the outfit is on I forget about it. And I don't pay attention to what other people wear unless their outfit is way out of keeping for the event, for example wearing tattered jeans and a paint-stained top and flip-flops at a wedding. In other words, being observant (or not) is not tied to gender or sexual attraction.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    ... I find it very interesting how easy it is for some people to invalidate others experiences, while claiming that their own experiences are the true facts.

    4 women say "No, that doesn't happen." Others say "It does." So whose life experience takes precedent?
    I challenge you to ask all the women you know (not just one or two) whether they dress for other women or not. The majority consensus will be "No". And setting the record straight when you make false assumptions about GGs is not invalidating your experience, because you have not been socialized as a GG.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    ... I don't recall saying "All women..."
    You said exactly this:
    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women.
    ... which implied women in general. Unless you think that the GGs on this site are not representative of women in general?
    Last edited by ReineD; 09-23-2021 at 03:14 PM.
    Reine

  10. #60
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by confused_cathreen View Post
    So despite 3 women, and adding my self there which makes 4, you are still insisting that they DO? Wonderful. The same way that crossdressers dress for men, right?
    Speak for yourself, not for men. My experience says otherwise

    Everything that Reine said, ditto.
    Make it 5 and that makes it every GG in this thread so far telling you . As the thread is about how much your spouse knows…..but we read an opinion about GGs that is off base, it is hard to let that stand unchallenged.

    Speaking of this thread let us get it back on topic RIGHT NOW

    How much I knew , was told before meeting, and we discussed everything from there on out.She hid it with first wife and did not make that mistake with me. I had a choice and I jumped in both feet .I had a thing about hiding, keeping secrets from a former marriage ( gambling ) made it clear deal breaker for me . In our case made for a very intimate relationship, it was our thing .


    Back on topic
    Last edited by Di; 09-23-2021 at 06:54 PM.
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  11. #61
    Junior Member Virgin1A's Avatar
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    I agree Hidden, I dress for myself having started when I was about eight or nine. I have zero interest in attracting men and would be horrified if I did (unlikely). I was married for forty years. My wife was ambivalent about my girly side but was happy enough to pierce my ears and do my hair from time to time.

  12. #62
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Few things are sillier than a mansplainer in a dress. When a woman says women are/do X because of Y, I tend to believe the woman.

  13. #63
    Aspiring Member jjjjohanne's Avatar
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    My wife knows "everything". She know that matters, meaning if she hears anything, it wouldn't surprise her. She dislikes that I am a crossdresser and does almost nothing to support it. At best, she allows me to do the grocery shopping while dressed pretty. But, it seems like that has almost stopped happening.....
    On a different front, she went on a date with me and permitted me to wear shorts and pantyhose a few weeks ago. Nothing significant happened.
    I am a man who presents male and wears feminine clothes.

  14. #64
    Member Charlotte Haynes's Avatar
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    I asked my partner and she said she dresses in a way that she hopes would impress or outdo other women. I tend to wear male clothes and shoes that I hope would give a favourable impression of me to other males. Not in a gay way, either. As to the original question, this is the only time that I have asked my partner her view on a post on this site. She does not know I am on here or other sites.
    Last edited by Charlotte Haynes; 10-02-2021 at 07:52 AM.

  15. #65
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
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    she knows what she wants to know and i dont ever over step the mark or whatever so she feels like there is no need to have her nose into everything. obviously new developments would be mentioned etc. people dress for other people in subcultures to general fashion we all like to feel cool and they we all have a good look, like everyone! i dont get the argument here tbh.

  16. #66
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    She knows everything. I told her before we wed. The best, but scariest thing I ever did. This was followed by long periods of heart to heart dialogue. Neither of us understands my dressing, but it is..what it is. She not only accepted my dressing, but has been the source of help and advice. Occasionally, she will buy things for me. Last week, she bought me some new thigh high nylons. I hugged her. Life is good.

  17. #67
    Member Monique65's Avatar
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    My wife knows I enjoy wearing panties and has even helped pick them out for me. As to the extent of my dressing, I’m sure she suspects but the topic doesn’t come up. Do I fantasize about being with another CD when dressed? Absolutely. Will it ever become a reality? Absolutely not.
    Last edited by Monique65; 10-02-2021 at 12:14 PM.
    Honoring the woman within

  18. #68
    not new anymore just shy VickieBonne's Avatar
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    My wife dresses to impress herself and to a lesser extent, me. When male me dresses up it’s to make me feel confident and impress my bride. Knowing my wife is not lesbian, my cross dressing is to only satisfy my need but hopefully with her seal of approval. She’s not going to be sexually attracted to Vickie but she can appreciate the look and effort I put into it. So, the look I am going for, male me is attracted to. I’m dressing to look and feel pretty. While I’d be happy that a man (or woman) would find me attractive, that does not mean I want to “seduce” men or women other than my wife. Even though sometimes we get amorous while I’m “Vickie” on the surface, it’s her husband my wife is kissing. And, I’m one of those that is not interested in sexual attention from males either way I’m dressed.

    I think there is way too much stereotyping going on in this string. Thanks to the mods trying to keep us on track.

  19. #69
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    My wife knows everything. I'm still new and exploring what dressing like a woman feels and looks like for me.

    I've only just started wearing women's panties around the house, but I've worn panties around the house the past 2 days and love the feeling. It helps that she has been very supportive, and willing to help me find myself in our marriage. We've only been married a month and a half, but we are very open as to what we to experience both sexually and non-sexually.

    And to think it started with kinky sex and porn.

  20. #70
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    My wife knew EVERYTHING!!!! After all, indirectly she got me into finding my "female side". It wasn't exactly what she had planned on but as it progressed to where I wanted to see what it was like to be a female and dress fully she was on board and helped to get me started.

  21. #71
    Member Misty_cder's Avatar
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    My wife of 21 years has known about my dressing after our third date some 30 years ago. She has helped me with purchasing clothing, heels, and make up, and is very honest when she thinks an outfit doesn’t look good on me. We joke I enjoy wearing dresses because she doesn’t. As our relationship developed, she asked I be careful about my reputation in our careers. When we first started, our industry was still very much a traditional men wore men’s clothing and women wore women’s clothing. In today’s all inclusive work environment, I probably could openly blend my clothing, but I’m not ready to start coming out. When we started having kids, my wife did ask me to keep it hidden from them which I had no issues with. Regarding the discussion of dressing for men, I did have a sexual relationship with a guy before meeting my wife, but I never dressed for him. There were times when my wife and I were intimate we would fantasize about me being with a man while dressed, but that is as far as it has gone.

  22. #72
    Junior Member crobeson96's Avatar
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    Fascinating Thread

    I think Jodie_Lynn began a provocative thread which elicited some controversy but read as a whole is fascinating and worthwhile.
    We are a diverse group, aren't we, but we have more in common than differences.
    Think how comforting that is, how powerful - our common interests and loves and dilemmas and trip wires.
    I love this place and find it inspiring and a source of strength.

    - Camilla

  23. #73
    Just another 'Gurl' Kitty Sue's Avatar
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    My wife knows I crossdress. She also knows I am bi. We haven't really talked about our sexual fantasies. If she asked I would tell her. As when I do fantasize I frequently remember the times I was with men or think about being with them while dressed.
    When I dress, since I am married, I am not dressing for anybody but myself. I don't dress for other men or women as I am faithful to my wife.
    Just another man in a dress

  24. #74
    Senior Member Robin777's Avatar
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    My wife has known about my cross dressing since before we were married and that has been 42 years. She has never had any problem with it. I keep it confined to home , as it has been my choice. We shop for clothing together and she has purchased woman's clothes for me when we weren't together. To her it's normal to see me dressed. She has even told me to go dress after I have came home in a bad mood after work knowing my mood would improve.

  25. #75
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    My wife knows everything. Almost. She knew before marriage. She helps buy me clothes and makeup. Sometimes we discuss makeup, etc. I wear something femme most days. On the weekends I can be completely made up. I have some fantasies that I haven't shared. But, not a big deal to me and if she asked, I'd tell her. I have had a bi experience. She knows I went all the way in the femaie role. It wasn't bad, not the bee's knees, so I haven't done it again. Could I? Yes, but probably not. While the fantasy of me as a woman in bed is very attractive, I'm 80-90% straight so if I was to cheat, it'd probably be another woman. I'm considering transition. Would I change over to guys if I did? That's a strong possibility. Once in a woman's body, you know. I don't know, perhaps I'd be a lesbian. So, there you go, I'm ambiguously female. And no one knows the real me, including me, at least not yet.

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