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Thread: Crossdresser or something else?

  1. #1
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    Crossdresser or something else?

    I understand the way I believe to be true crossdressing is a lifestyle,for a day week or how ever long you can..And that it would be relaxing and feel good to just get away from our male sides..
    Is getting dressed in panties or negligie for the sexual fetish and then reaching sexual satisfaction and hiding your things until next time considered crossdressing...?Or does it fall under a different heading??Hope the question makes sence...Missy

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    According to the rule book - Wearing clothing of the opposite sex no mater what the purpose is technically crossdressing.

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    Thank you Karren.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    I agree. If you wear the clothing intended for the other gender you are crossdressing. Plain and simple, although some people will say they are into fashion and wearing the clothing simply because they like how it looks. IMO, they are in denial.

  5. #5
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I go with the "technical" definition of "Cross dressing" (at least the one I grew up with) That a Crossdresser is basically an otherwise "straight male" who is attracted to the wearing of female clothing. I do not think Trans people, those who "identify as female" or Gays fit the crossdresser definition.---Yes, they might also CROSSDRESS, but a crossdresser is a "whole 'nuther kind of animal" with our own set of many different reasons for doing so.

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    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Go with Karren's ruling. I believe she has a copy of the orginal crossdressers rule book. Might even be one of the contributing editors of the book.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

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    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    @Marina Curious as to why a gay man could not crossdress?

  8. #8
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    Cross dressing is a behavior. It is not who you are. The motivations/reasons for cross dressing are so varied that its really your choice to apply or not apply any lable.
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  9. #9
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    I have to agree with Karren. Cross dressing only implies wearing the clothing normally associated with the opposite sex. The OP introduces motivation which probably bring forth a discussion of creating a subset, fetish dresser. Karren stated "no matter what the purpose." When my granddaughter raided my closet and took (with permission) my flannel shirts because they are comfortable and it was the current fashion she would fall into a strict definition of cross dressing, but, is she a cross dresser? Or when my daughter bought a pair of male shoes because they were more comfortable than female shoes and a lot less expensive was she a cross dresser? My granddaughter also would buy young men's jeans rather than young women's jeans because they fit better. She was one of those young girls/women who had no hips. In these cases these women may be wearing the clothes of the opposite sex, however, were they cross dressers? Enter the difference in definition between cross dressing and cross dresser.

    When I raised the issue several years ago that Pumped stated (#4) it ruffled some feathers/plumage.

  10. #10
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I love Karren's and Kim's answers. One act of cross dressing doesn't make one a crossdresser. When the act is repeated as a habit, that's another thing. There's an amount of how often one cross dresses (whether just one article of clothing or much more) that makes a difference. Every day is nice if possible! Sometimes some of us have to go for months or even years without CDing in order to keep it a secret.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  11. #11
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    It is crossdressing by definition. But more accurately that behavior is "transvestic fetishism".

  12. #12
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Diane T-----Many Gay men DO crossdress but there is a difference between the ACT of Crossdressing and A CROSSDRESSER (or transvestite). Gays are Homosexual-- attracted to the same sex. and might identify with the opposite sex in some cases. The term "Crossdresser" is to differentiate an otherwise "straight" individual who gets pleasure out of dressing in female clothing. There is a difference. It refers to a person who as a person who does not Cross-dress out of a side adjunct of identity or sexuality. as do most Gays or trans folks. Although it may be possible that a gay might Crossdress for the same reason a straight person would (fetish, S/M, or escapism) not connected to his sexuality.---------------------It's important to make the distinction . Crossdressers do if for entirely different reasons than Gays or Trans. This would be a big factor in psychological counseling or research. First, we must differentiate between the NOUN and the VERB. And second It is an unfortunate terminology in it self that Crossdressers don't have their own term---Yes, "Transvestite" is more clinical but is often associated with a particular KIND of Crossdresser. (Mostly hetero-fetish based). When we discuss such things it is important to define our terms as a LOT of confusion exists when dealing with these once taboo subjects.
    Last edited by MarinaTwelve200; 09-19-2021 at 04:03 PM.

  13. #13
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Definition of cross-dressing: the wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex
    From Merriam-Webster dictionary.

    If you wear clothes designed for the opposite sex, by DEFINITION you are a crossdresser. You can be straight, gay, or bi.

    Transvestite is synonymous with crossdresser. Trans for opposite and vestige for clothing (Latin).

    There are many reasons why people crossdress, and there are SOME negative connotations with the terms crossdresser or transvestite, but the terms themselves are pretty simple.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

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  14. #14
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
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    I find this a very interesting question in respect of society and our partners' view of cross dressing. I for one, and perhaps most of us, do it for sexual pleasure. But I suspect many if not most of us would not admit that, either to our SOs or to any other acquaintances with whom we happen to be open about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200 View Post
    Diane T-----Many Gay men DO crossdress but there is a difference between the ACT of Crossdressing and A CROSSDRESSER (or transvestite). Gays are Homosexual-- attracted to the same sex. and might identify with the opposite sex in some cases. The term "Crossdresser" is to differentiate an otherwise "straight" individual who gets pleasure out of dressing in female clothing.
    I don't agree. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with transvestic fetishism. A transvestite can be gay, straight or bi. We actually just had a gay man post that likes panties. He described uncontrollable urges to wear them. He is a gay transvestite.

    Crossdresser does not differentiate an "otherwise straight" man at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200 View Post
    Although it may be possible that a gay might Crossdress for the same reason a straight person would (fetish, S/M, or escapism) not connected to his sexuality.---------------------It's important to make the distinction . Crossdressers do if for entirely different reasons than Gays or Trans.
    Unless you're referring to drag performers, who get no sexual satisfaction from dressing, this is not correct. All crossdressers, gay or straight, dress for sexual satisfaction.

    Trans do dress for entirely different reasons, I agree. They have gender dysphoria.

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTwelve200 View Post
    And second It is an unfortunate terminology in it self that Crossdressers don't have their own term---Yes, "Transvestite" is more clinical but is often associated with a particular KIND of Crossdresser. (Mostly hetero-fetish based).
    Disregarding drag performers and transexuals with gender dysphoria, all crossdressers are transvestites. They all have a fetish. If you disagree, I'd love for you to provide me research describing a type of crossdresser that doesn't do it as a sexual fetish.

  16. #16
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    I think this would fall under the fetish cross dressing. But certainly ot is cross dressing. And to be clear I don't have a problem nor do I wish to shame anyone for what they do. Just my take on the situation. Take it with a grain of salt as they say.

  17. #17
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Unless you're referring to drag performers, who get no sexual satisfaction from dressing, this is not correct. All crossdressers, gay or straight, dress for sexual satisfaction.
    Again, I posted the definition of crossdressing, and NOWHERE does it say it's a fetish. You are 100% wrong. For SOME CDs, there might be a fetish component. For many, there is none. The two are not synonymous.

    Drag performers are crossdressers, by definition. It's a very large umbrella. They are wearing the clothing of the opposite gender. And they very well COULD get turned on by dressing.
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TexasLegs View Post
    Crossdresser does not differentiate an "otherwise straight" man at all.

    Unless you're referring to drag performers, who get no sexual satisfaction from dressing, this is not correct. All crossdressers, gay or straight, dress for sexual satisfaction.
    I agree that crossdressing doesn't differentiate between gay or straight.

    I don't agree with you point that all crossdressers do it for sexual satisfaction. Many dress just because they simply enjoy it.

    I dressed this afternoon and had a quiet evening with my wife. After she went to bed I stripped down and now and just lounging around in my undies. I haven't had a sexual thought all evening. Many of us find CD'ing to be comforting. Personally I kind of blur the lines because I can dress just to hang out around the house and other times it turns into a sexual thing. It depends on what I wear and usually I decide what to wear knowing the out come.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheHiddenMe View Post
    Drag performers are crossdressers, by definition. It's a very large umbrella. They are wearing the clothing of the opposite gender. And they very well COULD get turned on by dressing.
    How many drag performers have you talked to? I've talked to a 8-10. None of them said they were excited by dressing. One actually told me, "Oooh, breasts are gross."

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    @Marina Thanks for your answers. I asked myself the question: if I was gay, what could be my driver for dressing or presenting as a female? When my wife and I were younger and living in the big city we used to have a few gay friends who sometimes crossdressed at parties. The way they described it, it was clearly a sexual game. I did not rate this as crossdressing since it wasn't a personal thing, more games between people. Granted, technically, it was, but in spirit, unless the person would tell me he was doing it also in the privacy of his home as well, it didn't seem to be dressing as we understand it (i.e. a life-defining thing).
    I see the posts above and they're talking a lot about the sexual driver. But when I read some members' posts about gay fantasies or actual experiences dressed as a woman, I wonder if we all have the same definition of the sexual driver. Some are aroused by the idea of being dressed as a woman, some by the idea of being one, and some additionally by physically interacting with a male. I suppose all may, or may not, sexually relieve themselves when dressing alone. So, to me, the sexual relief act isn't much of a clue for finding what type of dressing an individual is into. In my own experience, there is always a sexual driver whether I do or or not, the primary driver for the dressing itself being the attraction to the female look, which is satisfied by the simple act of presenting as a woman, and the relief when it occurs being just an erratic byproduct of the relaxation, whether dressed or not.
    Last edited by DianeT; 09-20-2021 at 12:55 AM.

  21. #21
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    TexasLegs: "Disregarding drag performers and transexuals with gender dysphoria, all crossdressers are transvestites. They all have a fetish. If you disagree, I'd love for you to provide me research describing a type of crossdresser that doesn't do it as a sexual fetish."

    I disagree, Tex! And I should know. Because I'm a fetish dresser! My dressing has turned me on for nearly 25 years.

    Yet, I've been out to countless T girl events and venues over the last 12 years. Met 100's of gays, straights, and T's of all types when out. Do u know how many times I've been turned on in all those years when I've been out? ZERO! Nunca, nada, none! Not one sexual thot in all that time!

    I just seem to enjoy socializing while presenting as a female in T friendly public places. If it was still all about sex every time I dressed I'd never go out again!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  22. #22
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Having started crossdressing at the age of 4. I can tell you it was DEFINATELY NOT sexual.
    It turned sexual at a normal time in a human males life and dropped away as the testosterone disappeared (quite early in my life), while the crossdressing never faded away.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  23. #23
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Stephanie, you raise an interesting point in this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    When my granddaughter raided my closet and took (with permission) my flannel shirts because they are comfortable and it was the current fashion she would fall into a strict definition of cross dressing, but, is she a cross dresser? Or when my daughter bought a pair of male shoes because they were more comfortable than female shoes and a lot less expensive was she a cross dresser?
    What I'd suggest is this:
    Yes, I'd say that technically, they are crossdressing - at least partially, since I doubt they're going to the extent of wearing men's underthings.

    But are they crossdressers? I'd like to say that they most likely are not, and I'd like to suggest a modification to the "standard" definition so that it reads something like:

    A crossdresser is someone who chooses to wear the clothing associated with a person of the opposite gender because that clothing is associated with the opposite gender

    The added words (in bold) are IMO, the the defining difference.
    What do y'all think? too wordy?
    Last edited by SaraLin; 09-20-2021 at 06:10 AM. Reason: bad editing

  24. #24
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I personally have a problem with the definition of "crossdresser." The definition is good and logical so long as the basic concept of gender is binary. In fact, the concept of gender has drifted far into a spectrum like configuration which tends to lead to a conclusion that gender is not binary. Just saying that such definitions rely on the nature of the basic phenomenon of gender.

    I am non-binary and do not see a clear line between male and female gender. To me I see something more like a gradual shift between the two extremes that are at each end of the spectrum where nobody actually lives. Crossdressing is an act of expression and therefore is a verb. But gender is also a verb. It seems to be something that you do and not something that you have which would make it a noun. From there on it can get really complex and sticky. That said, if you wish to follow the definition of crossdresser that is fine - it does not harm anything or any one. I just don't think it is as simple as the given definition makes it out to be. To me the origination of crossderssing behavior must be somewhere in that vast lake of gender variations where boundaries are fuzzy at best. If everybody is different then all definitions must be conditioned on where you draw the line between two things that actually blend into each other which is a logical requirement if everybody is different.

  25. #25
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    If you say you’re a cross dresser, you are one. Even if you’re a guy who’s never worn a single item of female clothing in his life. If you say you’re not, you’re not. Even if you’re a guy who wears dresses 24/7. If you’re confused and don’t know what to call yourself, that’s ok too. Don’t worry about it.

    Me, I’m a cross dresser. I wear skirts and dresses every day, usually all day. I actually prefer the term woman to crossdresser, but it’s just not that important to me. Fetish? No, just my regular clothes.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

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