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Thread: Does the missus seeing you en femme burn your man card?

  1. #26
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Mine has never seen me dressed. And I would not want her to. Obviously she considers me a man. In her mind, all men lie and I lied so therefore I must be a man. Personally I think we all got out man cards under false pretenses. Like lying about your age to get in the military. Lol.

  2. #27
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    I guess I don?t really know. We?re still intimate, I still do most of the typical male chores with a few not so typical mixed in. I underdress daily, dress when the mood strikes, refer to her as my wife , and most of the time she refers to me as her husband.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  3. #28
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    Although I am no longer married, I wanted to chime in on this topic as it relates to how my ex-wife viewed the subject...
    My crossdressing consisted of nothing more than only wearing pantyhose. She caught me numerous times and absolutely hated the fact that I wanted to wear nylons. She would berate me and constantly bring it up during certain conversations or disagreements throughout our short marriage.
    She would question my manliness and called me every name in the book. Even though my dressing desires were limited to wearing pantyhose, she would refer to me as a drag queen, a fairy, and many other unwarranted labels. She definitely felt that I was less than a man in her opinion.
    We eventually divorced. Despite the fact that we had other issues (we married young and really weren't compatible), she specifically stated that the reason for wanting out of the marriage was due to my penchant for wearing pantyhose.

  4. #29
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sabine Janus View Post
    Are you viewed as less of a "Man"
    Not at all. I see the CDing as just one facet of my SO. It doesn't take away from everything else he is.

    If you want to reduce it to concrete fundamentals, my SO has the anatomy of a man, he has a man's voice, and he is bigger than me. He also has the same personality and character traits that he has always had, along with the same thought processes about a multitude of things, and the same interests in a wide variety of things. The clothing he wears occasionally is only a small part of it.

    I can't say for sure, but I suspect the members who believe their wives feel they are less of a man might be projecting their own thoughts onto their wives. A wife may generally dislike the idea of CDing (this is common) without thinking her husband is "less" a man - because men in general are not just one stable thing that they can be more or less than. Not every man is supposed to be a John Wayne (or whoever) type of macho - actually, very few men are - and not every woman goes for that anyway. There are many different types of women who are attracted to many different types of men.
    Reine

  5. #30
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    Not at all. In fact, after all these years of marriage (27), it has improved our sex life. At least once a week I get fully dressed and we enjoy each other the way a married man and woman do. Except we do it with the man completely dressed like a woman

  6. #31
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    I don't think my wife sees me as "less of a man" since I came out to her, but she clearly (as in she simply tells me) experiences a disconnect between me as she knew it and this mysterious person disguising as a woman. She can't make it into the same person and for a few months after the reveal was often looking at me with a cryptic gaze which told a lot about her perplexity ("what is this stranger in my bed? It looks like my husband, walks like my husband, mansplains as my husband, but is it my husband?"). The reveal also damaged her libido, but from what I understood from our conversations the loss of trust is the major cause, not the vision of me in drag. Besides, she never saw it. But she can imagine it, so, it may also have a bearing. Complex stuff.
    Last edited by DianeT; 09-24-2021 at 06:25 PM.

  7. #32
    Senior Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
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    I haven’t lost my man card but several years ago my wife decided she was uncomfortable seeing Danielle in person or photos. She explained it was difficult and sometimes a little disturbing seeing her husband look and act so much different and that it was hard to put the Danielle image out of head when we were being intimate. I wish she felt differently but I can live with her decision and as a little positive I have considered her request to be a bit of a backhanded compliment about my Danielle transformation.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    When I told her she wanted to see where it was going. She agreed to buy me some of my own things not to stretch hers and for some reason she wouldn't allow me to buy anything pink. This went on for years, she never treated me any different when dressed of not. I believe the pink was to femine for her to handle for some reason, a few years later I guess she seen the dressing wasn't that bad and she came home one day with a pink bra and panty set almost like an exceptness. She always seen me, not that there was a second person, she never even minded me dressed during sex, it was just remove the wig because the hair was in her face. She never treated me different

  9. #34
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    It did for me; while discussing it with our therapist, my wife admitted that she felt that 'I lost something', after discovering that I was a crossdresser. While initially she was trying to accept and deal with it, it turned out that subconscious attraction can be destroyed by knowing that there are significant things about a male that aren't very masculine. The subconscious attraction to our mates is based on an image we create about what we know of them; destroy or alter that image significantly, and the sexual attraction can easily be gone. Once the sexual desire is gone, so can the romantic love, and once that's gone, she will feel the need to find a new, sexually attractive partner, and it won't be us. Then the relationship can be all but over, passion wise, anyway. Oh, sure she may still care for your a great deal, the same way she cares about her siblings, uncles, parents, children. But the sexual desire can be gone. And once that's gone, there's usually no coming back from it.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #35
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I don't think my wife thinks I'm less manly. She still sees me do all the traditionally male things around the house and out with the boys. I'm certainly more manly than her ex-husband who didn't know which end of a hammer to use. The only thing my wife has stated she doesn't like about my crossdressing is the lack of chest hair.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  11. #36
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    I totally agree with sometimes_miss. My wife and I went through a period of rough times after "The Talk." She went through all that "if I had know, I would have not married you," etc talk. Really hurtful stuff. "Tell me how you really feel" would be appropriate for the conversation. Unload on the guy. Not all men are "horny *******s" on the prowl looking for a sex object. Throw out too many hurtful words and you'll find in the end you really cannot walk them back. My wife tried to gloss it over by saying it essentially would have been two-faced to dump me when I accepted her before and after she revealed her secrets. She has more she has not revealed. You think those secrets have not affected her personality. What else is she not telling me? So I accepted her revealed flaws while dating, and, many more after the "I do's." I think a lot of guys would have told her if they had known, they would have not even considered tying the knot.

    What you sow, you shall reap. A woman may show a lot of disdain for her husband to the extent the guy wonders "Is this the woman I married?" On this forum too many times I read stories akin to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. How many times will a husband tolerate having his nose rubbed in it before he loses the passion for his wife? It works both ways.

  12. #37
    not quite silver yet Emma Leigh's Avatar
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    Mine found out by accident ie she caught me and at first she was supportive even buying me stuff but she certainly did not treat me the same as she had before and eventually I think it got to her and she asked me to move out ..so to answer your question Yes seeing me en femme did burn the man card in my case

  13. #38
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I know for sure my girlfriend does not see me as "less of a man" since I came out to her. Which was a phone conversation after the second date. Basically I said "before we go any further I want to tell you something".....
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by CharlotteCD View Post
    My wife has never seen me dressed, but just knowing has made me less of a man to her.
    That is so sad.
    I put this question to my wife, she said she fell in love with me because I was different from other men. She likes the fact that I am more feminine.

  15. #40
    Member Larissa Cassandra's Avatar
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    Wow, Luna, that's very cool! I've had a similar situation with my wife. We've known from the beginning (22 years) that I have lots of feminine traits and she has many masculine traits, so that's probably why she's been so accepting and supportive of my dressing. But she's never come right out and said specifically that she likes that I'm more feminine. So you're luckier than I am!

  16. #41
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    No misses since 2004 and no SO since 2008. No your "man Card" stay with you even if you have operations, just the strength, and wear and tear, on the "man card" is reduced. Some think they can lock it away just like they did before they did with their "fem Card" till they switched. I kept my "fem Card well locked u for about 50 years.
    The reason for this is that you still have the memories.
    Last edited by Leslie Mary S; 09-30-2021 at 05:41 PM.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  17. #42
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    Well... I guess, one interesting way to play it:

    If you wife decided SHE wanted to cross dress in the same way some do here? Wore a binder, packed a sock down in her pants, put on fake facial hair, plaid shirt, men's jeans, workboots, tried talking and acting more like a stereotypical man.... would you see her as less of a woman?

    I don't think mine ever saw me as less of a man. But then I'm also not too sure WHAT she ACTUALLY thought because she was so hot and cold over it.

  18. #43
    Member Alexis00's Avatar
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    For my ex-wife, very definitely. She knew I cross dressed before marriage so that wasn’t the issue.

    She learned she was not physically able to have children, and that was devastating to her (and us). Even though my swimmers were not the problem, as the relationship collapsed she became very mean about my dressing.

    Didn’t help matters by taking some provocative lingerie pictures she found (“Who are these for - your boyfriend?”), and going out to clubs a few times while she was away.

    She said many really mean things (which hurt me) but in fairness she was dealing with that devastating news. She quit her job and moved away and the divorce was part of a new start to life. She is doing much better now.

  19. #44
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    You don't have to even be married. If you are single and tell a woman you are a crossdresser, to her your "man card" goes up in flames, and you are "friend zoned" forever.
    Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 10-04-2021 at 07:10 PM.

  20. #45
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    My wife never questioned my masculinity, but as years went on, our intimate relations declined. I ascribe it to my growing interest to fulfilling my desires to dress and be a woman.

  21. #46
    Member Vale's Avatar
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    In my experience degrading the man card, while not inevitable, happens often. I have lived a scenario similar to that described by SometimesMiss with my first wife. There can also be a parallel degradation to your spouse?s internal wife card. For example during marriage counseling prior to the divorce, my ex said ,? He doesn?t need a better half, he already has one inside.? We obviously did not manage these complex psychological issues very well. I am trying to do better now.
    Cheers,
    Vale

  22. #47
    Member Jade P's Avatar
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    My wife thinks I have burned my man card. I am married and my crossdressing has friend zoned me forever!! I think my man card has changed color from blue to a purple or pink color.
    Last edited by Jade P; 10-09-2021 at 05:48 AM.

  23. #48
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    Without any doubt. She said she could never unsee what she saw, never get the image out of her mind and never see me the same way again.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  24. #49
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    I told my wife before we wed and she said, ?big deal?. To her, I?m her husband who happens to enjoy the comfort of wearing women?s clothes. She doesn?t understand how I find underwires and hose comfortable, but I do. She?s been a great help in my progress. I always follow her recommendations.

  25. #50
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    NO! It's just that simple if you are a man to begin with. A man in a dress is far better than a sorry excuse for a husband that is so disconnected that he is a adulterer, drunk, burden, and maybe just a meal-card.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

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