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Thread: Iam having a problem...

  1. #1
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    Iam having a problem...

    I haven't fully dressed in about 8-9 years...long story, but for valid reasons of health with my wife.

    My wife recently passed from long-term illness.

    We spoke in detail about how I would live going forward after she passed away. We knew that the likelihood was there.

    Told her that I would be staying home mostly, and probably spend 4-6 days as a female/woman/girl pick your term.

    Also said that I wasn't looking to date or find someone else to have a relationship with.

    I just want to live as a female/woman etc....

    Here's the problem....I want to sit down and start doing my makeup and practicing the skills or techniques that have gotten rusty over the last 8-9 years.

    However, I can't bring myself to do it. I think the issue with me is I'm afraid that I won't be able to achieve the look I want to have and end up looking like an old hag or worse...ugly.

    Any suggestions on how I can get it going again??? I know its crazy, but it's becoming an issue for me.

    Guidence please!!!

    Thanks

    Steph

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Really sorry for your loss! I would go schedule a makeover with a reputable makeup artist. Find out now how good you can look and then go home and build up your skills until you recreate the same look.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    The best I can tell you is to practice when you have no plans to go out. That way there’s no pressure to get it “right” and if you screw up you know nobody is going to see it but you.

  4. #4
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    Stephanie: I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope your out look on your life moving forward improves and you find the skills necessary.
    SuziH

  5. #5
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Believe me, Ive planned to go out at 7pm, after washing my makeup off several times, finally got the look I want about 9pm, and sometimes gone out not thinking its perfect. Just keep practicing and experimenting with different foundation etc. My biggest problem is always my eyebrows. PS a bottle of wine whilst getting ready helps, lol

  6. #6
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    We all go through the phase of learning what works and what doesn't.

    All you can do is try, be prepared to fail and know that with practice you'll steadily get better.

    What I would say, and this is from personal experience, getting your foundation matched in-store can be a game changer. Having done it some years ago I realised that I'd been using foundation that was too light so more towards the clown end of the spectrum.

    They'll also match blusher and lippy to give the best colour combinations. As I say, game changer.

  7. #7
    Member Linda K.'s Avatar
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    Stephanie - By the looks of your avatar, the re-learning curve is going to be pretty straight. You'll be just fine! Love the outfit by the way!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss, love. I would recommend that you find a makeup artist to walk you through an initial session and dispel any fears or questions you may have. It's not a lot of money but definitely money well spent.

  9. #9
    What a great life
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    Stephanie, That was how I felt and I'm sure a lot of girls the same. First right tools to do the job. Go to a good cosmetic and have them match your color you need and skin care products very important . Go home and practice remember less is more. Once you start getting it you will feel so much better. My makeup artist told me when you get up every morning put on your makeup in a week you will have your look you love. She said cleansing and night cream is the most important part of healthy skin to get your face looking and feeling soft its true. Trust me Jeana

  10. #10
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss.

    We all want to look fabulous. I'm sure most of us are also disappointed at times by the reflection in the mirror.
    I still suffer that image issue, but mostly have gotten over it. I'm not doing this for anyone or everyone else, I'm doing it for ME! It's how I feel much more than how I look to others. I've accepted the fact that I'm older, a little out of shape, a little wrinkled and not that pretty gal I was in my 20's.
    But that's ok.

    I'm still me and it's me I care about. Don't let those issues stop you from being and enjoying who you are.
    Wear something pretty every day !

  11. #11
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    I thought the same thing as Linda. Just go for it. The pink fog will take over and you?ll be on your way back. Probably quicker than you thought. Keep us in the loop as you progress.

  12. #12
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    If you want a suggestion to get the flow and pink fog rolling again, put on a bra. After that your natural instincts to dress should kick in.

  13. #13
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Steph, when you're ready, there's no time like the present to move on with your life!

    If looks r as important to u as they r to me, a 78 y/o? Just do what I do to create a look in the mirror u like.

    CHEAT! I use every trick in the book to look attractive and sexy!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    Everyone's got good suggestions here and I appreciate your input.

    I use to have my makeup down pretty well. My wife and I use to have a "girls night out" once a week, with her going out to a friend's country bar where she knew the owners and I would go to Nashville to a gay bar where I had a small group of other girls.

    But the wife got injured back in 2013 and she couldn't go out anymore so I stopped going out since she couldn't.

    So I stilled femme up around the house to some degree but not with all the makeup etc because it was more work than I needed to do.

    As I said before, she and I spoke about life for me after she passed and she was OK with my idea of being female most of the time.

    Now that I am trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with my new life I have this block...not sure if it's because I have aged 8 years or if my skills are so rusty I'll end up looking like a clown or I just think that it's too much of a PITA to sit down and do all that it takes to get that right look.

    I've gone out the past several months and spent over $400 on all new makeup. Did it once time about a month ago and it came out better than I expected but in the pictures, I didn't like the way I looked.

    So I guess I might take one part of the makeup process like apply primer and then foundation with a sponge and work on that until I get it right...then work on brows and lips and play around with eye shadow and liner until I get it where I am happy with it. I've got a bunch of Youtube videos downloaded and I can use those as a tutorial.

    Just need to get my motivation going again.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    I am curious what bar you used to go to in Nashville. Have you ever gone to the Lipstick Lounge? I have only been there once. Seemed kind of small but a fun group.

    Sandi

  16. #16
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    Sorry about your Wife. My Wife made me promise never to go outside dressed.
    When she passed 8 years ago, I keep my promise to her. I dress at home every day; and under dress
    all the time. I miss her.

  17. #17
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    Tribe up on Church St. on the left coming from I-65

  18. #18
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    After about 5 years of going out, I am finding less is more. The less I do, the less I can screw up.

    I don't have a heavy beard, and it is part white, so I don't need a lot of foundation. I try to get that on, along with powder, and a little concealer.

    I wear glasses, so I figure people aren't going to see my eyes, and if people are close enough to see my eyes, they probably have already figured out I'm TG (especially if they are talking to me). Therefore, I usually don't do a lot of eye makeup. Brows, mascara, a small amount of eyeliner, some Rouge, and done.

    Then I try not to screw up my lipstick.

    I figure I'm not fooling anyone, so getting my makeup perfect versus good enough isn't going to make the difference and is not worth the extra time it takes to get it perfect.
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie 334 View Post
    Now that I am trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with my new life I have this block...not sure if it's because I have aged 8 years or if my skills are so rusty I'll end up looking like a clown or I just think that it's too much of a PITA to sit down and do all that it takes to get that right look.
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I don't have any "how to" advice for you, but I'm sensing something else that I think might be going on.

    I think that you're not through mourning the loss of your wife yet, and there is probably some lingering depression going on. This could be stopping you.
    I also wonder if maybe you feel that stepping back into full-out femme mode is somehow closing the door on your life with her - and you're just not ready yet.

    I'd suggest that you don't push it too hard or try to force it. When the time is right, you'll jump back in.

  20. #20
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Stephanie, You have my deepest condolences on the passing of your wife. Practice. Start small and build. There are lots of YouTube videos that can help you start.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  21. #21
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    Maybe you could look at women of similar age to set new expectations. Start with a target you can reach. You can aim higher next time.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I think what you are dealing with transcends dressing, make up and the like. Shock and loss are always a part of it, no matter how long you had to prepare. My only advice is to take care of yourself. When it feels right, dress up, practice make up, do what makes you feel good. I wouldn't force it beyond what you want to do. Just follow your feelings.

  23. #23
    Member susanmichelle's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss just hang in there morn your loss and carry on with your life. It?ll come in time. Genna great advice.
    Last edited by char GG; 09-28-2021 at 02:49 AM. Reason: No need to quote the post directly before tours

  24. #24
    Junior Member Stephanie 334's Avatar
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    First of all thank you all for the kind words concerning my wife's passing...

    I've been reading your comments and you are all correct with your comments.

    I've been sitting around over the past 4 months going through all of the memories I've accumulated with my wife over the past 27 years together and 6 additional years we were friends...tons of memories of good times, bad times, and times dealing with traumatic illnesses for both of us. But also what my future is going forward.

    I'm going to just proceed on a day-by-day basis and step by step.

    I've got a bunch of Youtube makeup videos I can look at in my free time sitting around. I'm going to just start from step one and the basics such as foundation and concealer .
    See how they are applied and practice each one until I get it down to where I am satisfied with each step. Then when I get each step done and play around with my own creative applications I'll be hopefully at a point with makeup, not only pleased but skilled with it as well.

    I don't see where I'll be going out to any clubs etc, because age-wise, them days are long gone and far in the review mirror of life.

    Just want to wake up in the morning, and go to bed at night as Stephanie for 2 or 3 or 4 days in a row and then probably need to be my male self for a day or two.

    Some of you girls have your female look down better than 90% of gender females and I have some before and after pics of girls done by professional make artists and yes, that is the keyword...they are artists in doing top-notch makeup. That's what I want to achieve.

    Perhaps some people in my situation of being alone now take up painting, woodworking or whatever interests them now and becomes their hobby or new life's passion....mine will become "face painting"...AKA makeup.

    Let's see what happens...

    Stephanie

  25. #25
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    Stephanie, sorry for your loss. This year my wife and I will have been married fifty years. If she were to pass away it would definitely leave a big hole. She is a breast cancer survivor so there were several years when it was dicey. At 74 years of age, I look 74 years of age. Not much I can do with the gene pool. I am an in-home dresser who does go out for evening strolls. In my younger days I did go the full route of makeup and nail polish. I found that I had as much serenity (probably more) just being en femme. Oh, on occasion there is some light makeup; primarily lip color. I stay away from mirrors with the exception of the full length mirror I can see from across the dining room when cooking. The scent of some light makeup is sufficient for me to feel better than I probably look. I am fortunate that my gene pool has given me light facial hair. I can go without heavy makeup for the entire day; no beard shine. No leg hair. No underarm hair.

    I looked around at the women my age (60-70's) and very rarely do I see women attempting to look like they're in the 20's and 30's. My wife only applies lip gloss when she has a social engagement; nothing else. Once I accepted my age in its entirety, I found life to be more enjoyable. From what I've seen, older women who dress smartly and act their age, get more attention than others.

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