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Thread: Three Cheeses

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Three Cheeses

    So, while I know that this is a dicey subject for some of my friends on here, I wanted to open a thread about the kinds of men who are usually attracted to CDs. Now, I know that many of you are happily hetero and happily committed to wonderful relationships. However, it is a fact that most of us who go out into the real world dressed must often contend with interactions and advances from interested and/or curious men. This can be useful background information for any CD who goes out into the real world.

    In my experience of interacting with men over the years, I find that there are three most common types who are attracted to CDs.

    First, there's the deeply closeted CD who doesn't have the ability, opportunity, or courage to be a CD and therefore lives vicariously through CDs that he may encounter or chase after. These are usually the most boring and obnoxious guys, because they are persistent yet unexciting, and they want to tell you all about how they, too, love to wear panties or nylons or whatever, etc. No thanks.

    Second, there's the guy who is open-minded and genuinely finds you attractive. These are the unicorns. They are far and few between, but they are definitely out there. Usually, he is an older man who is much more secure about his identity and orientation at this point in his life. I have met and dated some fantastic gentlemen who fit into this category over the years.

    Third, there's the perv who sees a CD as a walking sex toy and just wants to have sex. They are turned on the minute they see you and would want nothing more than to use you for their gratification RIGHT NOW. These guys can range from amusing to annoying to quite dangerous. I have been approached by this type at all hours of the day, in vanilla settings like a pharmacy or bank, and while I was dressed modestly and fully blending in. They have great CD radar! Unfortunately, these can be the most common type - motivated and emboldened by all the stereotypes about hyper-sexualized and promiscuous CDs and transwomen in the endless porn universe.

    Talk amongst yourselves, ladies...
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 10-04-2021 at 11:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I haven't spent as much time with CD chasers as Monica has because I'm not into males. But, one thing I found in common with most of them is they r interested in oral sex.

    Getting it, not giving it!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    I am a people person, and love getting out, you nailed the 3 types, however there is a Fourth type, The openly hostile, they seek out CD/TG to harass and intimidate . Usually they are with 2 to 4 other people and create a pack mentality to harass, belittle and at times assault any CD/TG in public or on social media. I've think they have a hidden attraction to us, but because they are in public with friends they feel the need to openly deny what they don't wont any one to find out about.
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  4. #4
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Hi, docrobby, you are correct. Unfortunately, much of the information that men receive about CDs revolves around porn and, therefore, they often expect us to be submissive, willing and eager participants in their gratification fantasy. It's actually quite astonishing how bold and aggressive some can be.

    Hi Kelly. That fourth type is out there but in my years of interactions and travels, I have honestly encountered very few of these. That's why I did not include them. I also agree that many who fit this description are usually younger and may be motivated by secret desires that cause internal conflict. This makes this kind of person highly unpredictable and dangerous in an isolated setting. If you ever encounter this type of person, make yourself as conspicuous as possible and seek out public spaces. They are outliers and the general public will not condone their behavior. They know this and will leave you alone. Again, in my travels I have only encountered this type of person maybe two or three times, despite having hundreds of interactions in all kinds of places - urban, rural, small town, overseas, etc.

    (EDIT: This is a good time to insert my PSA about not going out on solo walks at night. Cis women do not go out on solo walks in the dark for a very basic reason: it leaves you with few exit strategies if you were to ever encounter a hostile, aggressive or violent male.)
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 10-04-2021 at 11:39 AM.

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    Member Charlotte Haynes's Avatar
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    What about the ones who tell you how beautiful you are, and then after you have satisfied their lust, shake you firmly by the hand?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Interesting analysis Monica. I have not run into group 1 as of yet, but definitely the other two. Oddly enough, I have had women try to defend my honor a couple of times before I even had a chance to respond. Not all women put up with it. Unfortunately, the Internet does not help us. Just Google for crossdressers and look at all the porn hits. It kind of hurts our image.

    As for your PSA, that is spot on. It is temping for a newcomer to go to isolated areas. Definitely risky. I have done it when younger myself, but no more. Since I go clubbing a fair amount, I have found the safest entry to be to take Uber or Lyft so I can be dropped off and picked up right at the front door. The owner of the bar I was at this week asked me if I wanted to wait inside which was very nice indeed. I can not imagine that walking out to a remote and dark parking lot at 2 AM would be safer. It is good to keep bringing this up for those new to venturing out.

    Sandi

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Charlotte, that's a whole other story. That sensation of guilt and shame that can overwhelm an insecure man after the fact can prove dangerous or deadly to an unsuspecting CD or transwoman. As humiliating as that can be - and it can be terribly humiliating even after the fifth or fifteenth time - you count your blessings when the post-incident clarity ends in a handshake or an abrupt goodbye. I don't want to get into details because most of our friends on here will never get that far into the weeds with another person. Anyone who has questions can feel free to inbox me! [JUDGEMENT-FREE ZONE]
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 10-04-2021 at 01:50 PM.

  8. #8
    Cpl Klinger Impersonator ellbee's Avatar
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    Putting a label on people or putting them into a certain "category" isn't always the best. We are all individuals.

    Yet at the same time? Yes, there can be patterns & such, as you come across a large-enough sample size.


    I do agree with the analysis of the 4 types discussed, for the most part.

    But dare I say? There may be a *fifth*!


    It may not pertain to every CD'er, or even all the time, at that.

    But sometimes there are some men out there who are initially attracted to what they believe to be a GG who they have never seen before. The female visual cues are there, drawing the attention... They like what they see.


    Upon continued further inspection (i.e., checking them out), they feel something may be a bit "off" -- but not sure exactly what.

    Then it eventually dawns on them...

    "Wait a sec... Is that a *dude*?? Nah, no way. Couldn't be."

    Or is it?


    They can't help with the attraction -- yet at the same time, also the confusion & wondering.

    Perhaps they've never really been in such a situation before. This is really throwing them for a loop.

    1.) They're not sure if it's a GG, a CD'er, a TS, etc. Still trying to figure that out, from a distance.

    2.) And if the focus of attraction actually *is* a non-GG? "OMG! What does this mean? Am I gay or something?? "


    I do feel bad for this type. It could be their first real-life experience of something like this. And it can really mess with them, at least for a bit.

    I don't believe it's the "fault" of the CD'er, who is simply living their life, out & about doing something as a "normal" person would do.

    But, here we are.


    Good chance that this type will keep their distance & won't approach, as they try to process what exactly is going on -- outwardly in this situation, as well as in their minds.

    Guessing they'll probably be doing so for a while, long after the focus of attraction has exited the environment.


    And now that I think about it? This may not be a true "type," after all... Perhaps more like a "pre-type"?

    IOW, this real-life experience of theirs may very well lead to going down further into this world -- eventually potentially turning them into one of the 4 main types as discussed above.


    Perhaps?

    But this type of guy is definitely out there. And TBH, they're kinda cute, in their own little way.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Hi Ellbee,

    Thanks for your input. I agree that there are some men who might fit into that category but it has been my experience that most who engage in that behavior pattern are trying to hold onto their "Plausible Deniability Get-Out-Of-Jail" card in the event that they are somehow outed. That's just my personal experience. Now, I'm not saying that a man might be genuinely confused and befuddled by a gorgeous 20-something tiny, size 00 beauty. No doubt. But it's safe to say that none of the ladies in this forum fit into that category.

    Again, these are just comments based on my personal experience and not meant to contradict or minimize the experiences of others.

  10. #10
    Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I think most GG would agree with your analysis, Monica, of the three types. Most GG's have experienced all three types, hopefully with #2 the most frequently, although as you suggest that is also the rarest type. The important thing here is how we, as out-and-about CD's or TG's, respond.

    I have always felt that in socio/sexual relationships, the woman was always in control. The male is the pursuer. The woman is the pursued, the prize, with the capability to accept of reject the advances of the male. I don't know if most GG's would agree with this, but that is always how it seemed to me.It's important to realize that we, now as CD's or TG's have that control and capability. And that knowledge should help to keep us safe as we enter, with tenuous footsteps like myself, into the community. In short I suppose, that's part of how it feels to be a woman as well.

    Of course, then there is the #3 group. These are predators. They see the relationship as predator and prey, and act that way. It's important to know the signs to avoid dangerous situations. And if you find yourself there, get yourself out immediately, call management, mall security, the bouncer, whatever. It is yours to do, and I think a collective responsibility to keep our community safe.

    In short, be able to as best as possible recognize what type we are dealing with, and act accordingly. This thread should go a long way to promoting that. Glad you were able to put it into words for us to discuss, Monica.

  11. #11
    Cpl Klinger Impersonator ellbee's Avatar
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    Monica,


    Well, I will say in response, never to underestimate the undeniable power of cluelessness & apparent blindness of horny men with a few alcoholic drinks in them, looking for some action, surrounded by a bunch of gussied-up GG's who are "working them up" even further, in a semi-lit environment like a vanilla hetero bar/nightclub where the expectation of seeing someone from the TG community is near-zero.


    Will the GG's there be "fooled"? Nope.

    Will some of the guys there be, even if only temporarily? Absolutely.


    Heck, putting the shoe on the other foot, even *I've* been one of those guys I just described above! You'd think I, of all people, would "know better."

    Apparently I didn't.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    This is a good time to insert my PSA about not going out on solo walks at night.
    Monica, thank you for adding that quote.

    So often, I see CDers here, especially new ones, talk about their post midnight solo walks in deserted areas/parks/streets/cemeteries. That is so dangerous! My thought is that is where people hang out that don't want to be caught or have something to hide. Not a good idea for a CDer to run into those types. It is rare that you will find a GG in that situation.
    Last edited by char GG; 10-04-2021 at 02:43 PM.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Thanks, Char GG. Speaking as someone who has made more than her share of poor decisions over the years, I cannot stress enough how much I shudder when I read our friends describing their solo walks in the dark, especially in desolate neighborhoods, parks, etc. Being alone in the dark is an invitation to disaster. I would rather (and can speak from personal experience) be in a crime-ridden, post-apocalyptic-looking urban neighborhood surrounded by people (plural) than take a chance walking in a dark park or desolate area by myself.
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 10-04-2021 at 02:52 PM.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Probably a fair characterization, although I suppose there is almost infinite variation in between. I have been fortunate not to have more than a couple unwanted overtures. The overtures I wanted came from several surprisingly attractive women?go figure. Of course, I was married at the time and had to pass. Darn the luck!

    Totally agree on the matter of late night walks in dark places. Horrible idea that in part may account for some of the some of the sad outcomes experienced by transwomen. For those who are just venturing out…go to a gay bar with well lighted parking and if possible in a group. Remember there is safety in daylight, busy venues and numbers.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 10-04-2021 at 03:22 PM.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Kim,

    Yes, there are endless variations but these are the three general archetypes I have consistently encountered over the years. Curiously, I haven't had many instances where women came onto me. I have, however, made more than a few female friends while out and about. Fantastic times!

  16. #16
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    I can think of at least two MORE "types" some "gays" usually looking beyond your appearance and thinking you are one of them and very insecure types who are insecure around REAL women.

  17. #17
    Member XemmaX's Avatar
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    oh yeah during my time i have come across the third kind for sure those are usually the people who turned up to cd nights here in berlin when i used to go to them and thinking it cant only be about sex. kinda crazy but at least they know what they are looking for as no one wants to experience the 'omg i just slept with tranny moment' as that really is scary. lets also not forget that all these people for some reason identify as 'straight'.

  18. #18
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
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    Interesting thread Monica. As for me, since I've only properly been into a bar dressed a couple of times - reported on here , I've not had chance to encounter men. In fact it seems quite the opposite, I seem to encounter women way more easily than I would in normal attire, which I feel, like Sandi, is a bonus prize. However, I can think of three occasions when gay men have taken a liking to me when I've been in bars, two of those times when I've been suited up and handsome after work. If I go into a bar alone, I'm usually open to conversation with anyone who finds me interesting and can be overtly charming if I so choose. In all cases, I misread their interest and they started to become a nuisance and I was forced in the end to give a straight "back off!". The time that sticks in my mind the most was in Copenhagen. After the event, the man's companion told me he had been drinking with him for years and he'd never for a moment seen any sign of homosexuality! That same evening in the same bar, I then met a young women who invited me on to another bar with her. I showed her photos of me in girly things. At that time, I'd never gone out en femme; I could do much better now, thanks to this forum. Anyway, she wanted to drink shots and unfortunately, I got very drunk. Well, to cut a long story short, I misread her signs as well and she ended up telling me to back off! I remain ashamed of that incident to this day. I also distinctly remember arriving at the airport on the train after sleeping right through my stop and feeling extremely ill.
    Coincidentally, I'm back again in Copenhagen for a few months, and I was out shopping with my partner at the weekend and we found ourselves in an outlet shop. I bought a glorious sexy pink rusched skirt and a brown top to go with it, But otherwise I have left all my CD stuff in Vienna. And now she's talking about going out to a bar or nightclub as two girls, something she's never suggested before. So I'm glued to my smartphone searching for a blazer and other accessories so that we can make it happen.
    As a final point, several ladies have mentioned the dangers of going out at night for those initial forays in the wrong clothes. Those of you who have been here for two or three years might also remember that I was one who did precisely that - also reporting it here. Thinking back now after having arrived at a point where I am able to go out in daylight - albeit not in total comfort, I could not have done it without first building my confidence at night. Is there an alternative to that? Because I can't think of one. Other than going out very early after the revellers have gone home and staying out through dawn. Even my inspiration seems to be most comfortable like that.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 10-05-2021 at 02:02 PM. Reason: your are not allowed to post pic/videos of someone else

  19. #19
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    So, while I know that this is a dicey subject for some of my friends on here, I wanted to open a thread about the kinds of men who are usually attracted to CDs. Now, I know that many of you are happily hetero and happily committed to wonderful relationships. However, it is a fact that most of us who go out into the real world dressed must often contend with interactions and advances from interested and/or curious men. This can be useful background information for any CD who goes out into the real world.

    Talk amongst yourselves, ladies...
    Well, maybe in your world "it's a fact" but definitely not in my world.

    I've been out about 500 times over the last five years and I've been approached by men twice, to the best of my memory. Once was on a commuter train and the other leaving a casino at one in the morning.

    If you are at places that encourage interactions--like bars--you are likely to get interactions. It's more of a target rich environment.

    If you are trying on clothing or shopping in women's departments, you are a lot less likely to encounter men. I've also been to restaurants, a couple of concerts, and multiple casinos too, and zero approaches by men.

    Part of my purpose of posting on these boards is there are lots of non-member visitors who read our posts who are trying to gain their confidence to dress or go out. Suggesting that if you go out that you are going to be approached by men on a regular basis can be extremely frightening for those non-members.

    So I can't comment on the categories you mention, because I haven't encountered them.

    As to nighttime walks, I agree 1000%. Don't do it.

    The irony is the more people that see you, the safer you are.

    I decided to go solo to see U2 at an arena in downtown St. Louis. Been to the arena (and the nearby baseball stadium) tons of time at night. Park car, walk to arena/stadium, no problem.

    No way I was going to do that in rock girl mode. I took the Metrolink train. Lots of people on train, lots of people walking from train to arena. Yes, lots of people to see I was a CD, but lots of people to make sure I was safe.

    I didn't have an issue.
    Last edited by TheHiddenMe; 10-04-2021 at 10:00 PM.
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  20. #20
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Oddly, I've come across Type 2 the most, my favourite was the guy who ran out from a restaurant which he was renovating to ask me out, very polite and earnest. He did, however, annoy me a little after I turned him down by saying "I hope you find what you're looking for" - I wasn't looking for anything, I was just out for the day! Never have I seen a Type 1 but there have been a handful of Type 3. I have also had talks with random guys who start chatting about various things but never make any attempt at asking me out, I always assume these are fellow dressers.

  21. #21
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    You forgot the main type. CDs who are attracted to other CDs. There seems to be a lot of cross pollination going on at those T-conferences and T-Bar events. Not that I would know from personal experience. I only know what I read on the Internet.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Hi Stevie. I left those out because they're not men. They're CDs and they come with their own set of rules and regulations. 😂

  23. #23
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I have not been approached by men because I have not been out very many times and when I have been out it was in broad daylight either in the local shopping mall or on crowded city sidewalks in the tourist part of town. And I have always been dressed conservatively, not trying to attract attention. If I was approached by a man in a "romantic" way I would probably be shocked and not know what to say. But, I'm not interested in being with a man so I would have to find a way to say "No" and move on.

    I see the thread took a left turn at some point to the subject of walking around at night, dressed. I have posted many times on that subject. It is a very bad idea. Not only is there the risk of being accosted by someone who wants either your money or your body, there is the risk of having the police called on you or just being stopped by the police if they see you. While it's not illegal to walk around at night dressed as a woman, it's unusual and something they may want to investigate. There are men who dress as women and provide sex for money.
    Krisi

  24. #24
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    I totally agree with staying out of potentially dangerous places; closed parks, cemeteries, strip malls, etc at 2 AM. If you're going to go out en femme for an evening (not 2 AM) stroll, maybe you should check it out en drab before going there. What do you observe? What kind of people do you encounter? In an urban residential neighborhood there is a lot of activity occurring in late fall and winter when the sun goes down at 5:00 PM. Use common sense.

  25. #25
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    Hi Stevie. I left those out because they're not men. They're CDs and they come with their own set of rules and regulations. ��
    Last I checked CDs were men - albeit, men trapped in men's bodies. Otherwise, in what sense are they crossdressers? Also, the difference I see with your type two and type three chaser is whether or not the attention is desirable. He's a unicorn if you desire the attention or a creep otherwise.

    BTW, attraction to CDs, TGs, TSs, Femboys, Futanaria, sissies, etc. is known as gyneandromorphophila (GAMP.)

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