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Thread: Mqakeing the best of a sad event

  1. #1
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    Mqakeing the best of a sad event

    Last Saturday woke up to find my wife of 55 years mumbling and a right arm with no grip. Quickly realised it was some type of stroke phoned for ambulance. Paramedics confirmed a TIA. My wife is still in hospital recoverd bored waiting for one last scan before coming home.
    I am completely in the closet except for plain womens tops, so this week whilst at home have been able to dress evry day no wig or make up. Have realised the wonderful feeling of wearing a dress with appropriate under things, been lucky no one has been to the door. Wife should be home Monday or Tuesday which will be great, Hidey

  2. #2
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    This is not the time to spring this on your wife, Hidey.

    Better make sure your stuff is well hidden. If you're wearing your wife's clothes without permission, then shame on you. Her things are not to be touched beyond laundering.

    I find your actions a little selfish. Sorry to be blunt, but that is how I see it.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  3. #3
    Junior Member OrdinaryAverageGuy's Avatar
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    If my wonderful wife was in the hospital, wearing a bra would be the last thing on my mind. Hope you don't regret this later.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Marissa Q's Avatar
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    We all deal with pressure/anxiety/sadness in different ways and there are literally thousands of threads here which discuss dressing en femme as a palliative for it. If some members here find Hidey's behavior tasteless in some way, I think a gentle reminder that there are also literally hundreds of millions of people out there in the world that find us dressing en femme at any time tasteless.

    I'm in no way speaking for Hidey's, but there are *plenty* of decades-long marriages/relationships out there that are slogs at best and downright soul-strewn battlefields at worst. Given that we have little idea of the quality of her marriage, who really understands the objective reality of that relationship? I completely reserve judgment here; moreover, I think she deserves a bit of compassion and empathy.

    Hidey: You haven't hurt anyone at all with your actions, sister, and I'm glad to see you had a chance to relieve some of the pressure in your own way. Best of luck to you and your wife in the months to come, and may both your journeys be smooth ones.

  5. #5
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    I want to send you my best and to tell you I've been in an even worse place with my 2nd wife of 26 years dying. There is nothing for you to feel remorse about if you have been a good husband and faithful. She has a lot worse problems than sharing a dress or all of her wardrobe with the Man in her life. This isn't an issue to concern her in her well being but it is for you. That little relief and good feeling in this terrible time is a positive and you aren't betraying her just doing your best to get from one moment to the next. All the nay-Sayers and negative advisors must have never been in a situation that is close too this in consequence. We are all different and I know my wife's clothes were a tie to her during our marriage and especially and after her death. I have never and never will feel remorse for wearing her clothes. See our marriage was so strong that we did share everything, and what was mine was hers and hers was mine. Never feel regret or second think yourself in a bad situation like this, just think about what you are doing at the time and if it helps you cope do it. Believe me life is to short to worry about getting relief when, where and however you can when not harming anyone else.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
    It's worth something just being around to Fuss!

  6. #6
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    I can't understand why members here bash someone's post. In a tough time, Hidey is sort of baring her soul to us. Is this not a support group?
    Personally, I may have been a more frequent poster here than I am. But when I joined, I read so many member posts that were so negative I almost deleted my account.
    Things are mostly better here now. But, if you can't say something nice to someone, or be supportive, why spread your negativity into the universe?

    Hidey I'm sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she can fully recover. In the meantime, be yourself.

    To all, just love everybody!

  7. #7
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    Hidey, hope your wife weathers her medical event with minimal negative effects. As to those who want to jump on Hidey's butt maybe you need to wait until you have been married for 55 years. I can think of worse things to do while waiting for a spouse to return home from a hospital.

  8. #8
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    There is no way I would touch or wear any my wife's clothes other than washing and putting away those she has worn in hospital at any time, I have a very small selection of my own.
    I forgot to say in my first post that this is the first that I have any oppurtinty to dress since before the beginning of Covid.
    There is no way I would bring this subject up with my wife probably Ever Hidey

  9. #9
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Hide,

    As you report it was a TIA I'm assuming that your SO fell short of a full stroke and while that's a good thing I'm sure you'll be aware it's a warning sign that more or worst can happen. I wish you and your SO good fortune for the future.

    As for home alone and dressing; knowing your wife is in safe hands and hopefully with no ongoing effects of the TIA, taking the time to dress more fully seems a logical thing to do if it helps you cope with a stressful situation. Stay calm and carry on.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Hidey, I'll admit that my first thought on reading your post was "Why aren't you at the hospital sitting at her bedside???"
    but I immediately remembered - "Oh yeah, COVID. They won't let you."

    I hope your wife recovers fully and that the two of you have many happy years ahead of you.
    But it IS nice that you were able to have a little "me" time too, after you knew she was going to be OK.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Hidey, I agree with SaraLin on her original thought. Hopefully your wife continues her recovery and she comes home soon. I think some CD fun is absolutely ok and much needed.
    Crissy

  12. #12
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    This is the problem at times I find when writing something here is I don't want to drag a story on and get into so many details. I don't know the whole story, I understand your point. Your wife is in stable condition and you don't mention if your going to the hospital or not but I don't believe we want to read about your full day's schedule. In my opinion your telling us in a short and not so detail of your whole day that your wife is in the hospital in stable condition and your indulging a little.
    I see nothing wrong with that as long as your not ditching her at the hospital or not paying attention to her because you want to stay home and dress. I don't believe that is the case and there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of a not so life or death situation. Enjoy the time you have and most of all hopefully your wife will be home soon and have a full recovery.

  13. #13
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    I visit every afternoon for as long as the present regulations indeed I have stretched every afternnoon so far. On my way now.

  14. #14
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    First of all, I hope your wife makes a full recovery. One of my greatest fears is having a stroke and losing my mobility or ability to think, speak, etc. I have know folks who had this happen and I'm not sure I could live that way.

    Second, I wouldn't take that opportunity to be wearing her clothes while she is in the hospital. I would be too worried about her for that. Crossdressing is important to me but not that important.
    Krisi

  15. #15
    Senior Member Marcie's Avatar
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    Hi franlee, I have recently gone through the same situation as you. My wife passed away a few months ago. i find a little comfort in wearing her bras and under clothing, it makes me feel closer to her. yes I am a crossdresser and have been most of my life, she was unaware of this but we had a wonderful marriage of 45 years. I see nothing wrong with expressing your inner self when the opportunity arises, even if it relates to a very sad situation.

  16. #16
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    I would never wear any of my wife's clothes have a small supply of mine own mostly from Charity shops

  17. #17
    Member Rileyaz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcie View Post
    Hi franlee, I have recently gone through the same situation as you. My wife passed away a few months ago. i find a little comfort in wearing her bras and under clothing, it makes me feel closer to her. yes I am a crossdresser and have been most of my life, she was unaware of this but we had a wonderful marriage of 45 years. I see nothing wrong with expressing your inner self when the opportunity arises, even if it relates to a very sad situation.
    I lost my wife 19 years ago. I found great comfort in wearing her clothes (the ones that fit). Especially her nightgown when I went to bed and her robe in the morning.

  18. #18
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I think wearing your wife's clothes afte she has passed away is far different than wearing them while she is in the hospital in a serious condition.
    Krisi

  19. #19
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    I can't see anything wrong with what you are doing, your are visiting you wife, properly and kindly so having some dressing time alone at home, as i see it is a stress relief for you, a comforter during this very hard time.
    I hope she comes through this alright
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  20. #20
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    Happy conclusion. My wife has returned from hospital today tired and weak but othrwise well no bad effects from her mini stroke fortunately. Hidey has returned to her closet and is hoping to stay there for a long time. Thanks for good wishes, Hidey

  21. #21
    Member ronny0's Avatar
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    As the Forrest Gump movie said, Shxx Happens........
    Yes as others have said / suggested your partner doesn't need a life changing event on top of her medical concerns.
    I can grasp that you might want to EXPLODE onto the new frontier in all your glory as a new found freedom.
    STILL you need to stay as you have always been, to be able to help your wife recover.
    SO let's flip this EVENT....... How would you feel if you had a stroke, then came home to find your wife was now a completely different person than the one you thought she was.
    IMO if you care about her, or if you EVER cared about her, You need to keep everything as calm and tranquil as they have ever been.
    Last thing she needs is to fear that her life partner is not the person she thought he/you was when she went into the hospital.
    If you now or EVER cared about her, now more than ever you NEED to have her return to a life that she feels is loving and stable. NOT dump onto her that you all of a sudden want to open up to be a '$whatever'. You need to help her recover and return to the life she has accepted as the norm.
    That being said, if your desire is to now make some dramatic life changing event in your life. IMO forget about that until long after she has fully recovered.

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