When I was a child, I would dress up as a cowboy, pirate, etc. During those playtimes I realized I was just a kid having fun playing pretend but I enjoyed the break from reality and immersed myself into those moments. I liked being a cowboy or a pirate.
Being much, much older I still recognize the fun of make believe. I'm a man and I identify as a man. However, it's still fun to play make believe for a few moments
Diane - I too have difficulty with being called her/she and I am still grappling with the idea. I sent a PM to someone outside this site and mentioned my issue with it, not sure if I should be calling someone a girl or woman and if they will take offense to it. I asked how that person would feel if I called them a girl and they were okay with it. So I got to thinking, I don't think anyone here has any ill intentions when using those terms so I just roll with it. I don't take it personally, I actually take it as a compliment. It means that I am doing the right things to present myself as a woman for when it is time for me to step out on the other side of that doorway and go out into the public.
As straight forward and honest as ever Doc, it's one reason why we love you. For me I relate to my self as Jane dressed or not, despite being in the closet, others call me by my male nomenclature. We are all simply who we are and over time hopefully we learn to except and just live our lives for that reason. My perception and understanding of who I really am took well over half a life time to realise. One minute I was definitely trans the next simply ( If you can call it that) a CD. Society and we our selves too often try to attach labels. Don't, unless there is a specific need for one, just try to be who you are and get on with life.Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
I've been here for many years. And, I've seen countless CD's become trans. Then, eventually vanish from this site. Because they're too busy living as females to be bothered with us "wannabees" anymore!
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Diane, While I like being really referred as Jamie, she, her, if that's not for you that's fine. There is a whole spectrum of crossdressers and no one can define you, other than you.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
Diane, I am with you. I do not identify as a female, the female persona Chantal is mainly used for social media and anonymity when meeting people I do not know. The friends and family that do know my male identity is welcomed to us my male name or he/him while I am crossdressed if they are comfortable in doing so, if not then they would use the female persona and her/she. I am good with strangers using he/him/sir (prefer it), just feel weird when they self correcting themselves and saying sorry for doing so.
DianeT What an interesting thoughtful post, i think it's great you are really thinking about this but as the years go by the point of seeking a definition of who i am in regards to wanting to present as femme or a woman started to stop because maybe i just fused it together. i dunno. but transgender in the traditional sense never felt ok all the time and as does being a crossdresser. i guess whilst i have euphoric presenting a woman in the world i have also felt equally at peace with myself in my male form or whatever, it's a part of my identity but it doesnt have it's own box it's not compartmentalised so much as it appears to be for some people. i never really cared much about pronouns either when dressed, solong as people are cool with me and how i am i dont mind. i also get the assumption that we all seek to be transwomen i remember when i was in my early 20's where i did feel some pressure to define myself as a trans person. I do however think it is a journey just some may get to their destination earlier than others and that depends how much space that person has to find themselves or hell even create themselves. i guess im just ok with being whatever i am and it seems like you are too. this is the important point everyone should ask themselves,if one is happy where they are at. i hope that made sense.lol
Diane, this is a wonderful topic, thank you for staying it.
I totally understand where you're coming from. I thoroughly enjoy wearing bras and panties. That's really all I need. This site, though, has made me consider a lot of "what ifs". There are a lot of things discussed here that I think I would like to try. But I also consider my wife's thoughts and feelings and as a result I'll probably never fo most of those things.
I'll continue what I'm doing because I enjoy it and I think I'm much calmer. And I'll dream about the rest.
Although I sometimes wish that I could be a female, the reality is, I am a male and always will be. I dress as a woman quite often and try to look and act like one as much as possible. Wy wife doesn't call me by a female name or refer to me as a "she" and nobody else knows about my little "hobby".
There are members here involved in all ranges of crossdressing and even beyond. Don't feel alone.
Krisi
Somewhere along the roads of life I lost the concept of maleness and femaleness (if that's a word). It really pisses me off when I hear a young woman or girls thinking her options in life are limited. I have been chided over the years for not being some sort of domineering male. I find that funny because I've done some things I know for sure they would run away from. So what happens when I don my female garments? Mentally; Nothing. I am happy to be a male. If I was born a female I'd be happy too, although I would not have liked being been born in the 1940's as a female because of societal limitations thrown in the way of women of the 1950's to 1970's. I saw that crap heaped upon my wife of fifty years.
When I first started dabbling in my mother's clothes I felt disgusted. I heaped self loathing upon myself. I did not fit the mold of a manly man/boy. It took a lot of self examination to become comfortable with who I am. If I were to just wear a dress and otherwise look life a guy in a dress that would not sit well with me. I view it as insulting to women and specifically my wife. My wife asked "Why would a guy wear a bra when he has nothing to pack into it?" Whatever motivates me to do what I do? I figure I have to do it as best as I can. I never look like a slob in male mode. Why would I look like a slob in female mode?
I have always said a person should not box himself or herself in with describing oneself with a single word. Talk in complete sentences and paragraphs. If you're uncomfortable with yourself; change. If I am comfortable with myself; leave me the heck alone. In the past there were some "militant" types on the forum with whom I sometimes had contentious words. I am glad to see they melted away. I have opinions on many things and they are intended to be my opinions. If a person does not agree with them that is alright. It's just a matter of mutual respect.
Quick remark : when I said I feel weird being referred to as a she, it's not in a negative sense. It's weird, but it's a gentle and respectful thing to do on your part. Please keep doing it (my wife will, too), as I'll keep doing too with you (I did a lot of mistakes in PMs when I began as a member here as that part wasn't natural to me. I have gay friends but never had trans or TG ones so had to learn).
@Crobeson I understand the desire to create a persona. We are beings with imagination and curiosity. And it can make the experience more intense. After all it’s all about how you want to live the experience, and frankly the sky’s the limitAnd it’s nice that you feel kindness and acceptance here. That means that this forum is serving its purpose.
@Kris Burton I agree with the therapeutics of crossdressing. It’s impossible to explain to people who don’t dress, but it’s really making me happy a good while before I do it, then while I do it, then for a good while after.
@Genifer Teal You have obviously reached what I would call your point of low potential energy, where antagonist forces are in balance. I would like to find one for my wife and I, that would be less hurtful for her and still fulfilling for myself. Currently it is more a compromise, but one that is working so far.
@Linda K. Female pronouns and names feel weird to me because when I see my wife typing "Diane" or "she" in a post (that "she" person being virtual to her since she's never seen me dressed), I feel like she is writing about another person. But my wife and other members here using female pronouns are just being respectful and following the etiquette here. So, while it feels weird, I must say that it also feels nice to be treated nicely.
@Docrobbysherry As a matter of fact I read countless stories of the inevitable transitioning of CDers. It frightened my wife (like a good many others). I did a lot of research and introspection on the subject. The result is that two years after my coming out strictly nothing has changed in my desires and way to dress, so I just hold this as a non universal truth. It concerns some of us, and some others not. If there is no driving force, chances are there will be no move. For example, I would be much surprised if a trans friend on the forum declared to me that she never saw it coming.
@OrdinaryAverageGuy I very seldom felt judged here for being a CDer, the overall impression is of acceptance and support. It feels weird to to be among the "girls"
@Sandy Beech, I fall in the category for whom escapism, as some call it here, actually works and soothes me. But I share this feeling of loneliness you describe, for other reasons. Mind you, a little less since I started this thread. So you may want to start your own thread "Club, not numb"
@MartineCD I like the gender non-conforming concept. There's an element of freedom when I switch to female presentation. I once explained to my wife the process of dressing up, making up, putting on accessories, wig, heels, earrings, etc. Each of these steps breaks a taboo of my boy education. The preparation is a long sequence of getting rid of some chains one after another (if a GG is reading this : consider putting on heels, a girdle, a bra, as breaking chains, how is that for a paradox. But it actually is breaking a taboo. It is liberating. Of course it may also be exciting. But the element of freedom is very defining as far as I am concerned. As I put on one layer after another, I am symbolically peeling off social barriers from my psyche, one after the other, the more I dress and make myself up, the more I am bare as a being. I understand this as the reason why I totally feel myself when dressed, despite the theatrical stuff it involves. Actors sometimes tell similar things about acting in a costume. It is liberating and allows them to be more natural).
@Alice Torn Like you I started buying full attire in my early fifties. Many reasons, one being the thought that it was time to accept myself. I hope you can find a way to think of the dressing in a more positive way and enjoy it again, since you are doing absolutely nothing wrong. It is nice to see that you can enjoy your male self. I think it is very important to accept yourself before thinking about acceptance from others, and it may prove to not be the easiest thing to do.
@TheHidden Love the quote.
@Geena75 Your status and goals are just as fine and respectable as any other, keep barking that tree. I used to dress for so many years with a swimming suit, hose, water balloons and some makeup, very seldom some more conventional attire. I considered I looked like an idiot and hated to see myself in a mirror, but just loved going around the house, eating, lounging, like that. It was just funny and exhilarating. I felt like a total idiot, but an idiot having a good time, it was my thing, and I needed nobody's opinion about it. I matured my attire since, but I am still wandering in the house or lounging, looking at my hosed legs and heels like an idiot and I just love it (now my wife reading this, rolling her eyes).
@Happilymarriedguy Thanks for the kind post. The bouncy feeling, the touch from an arm, that was fantastic. It is to me the absolute non-masculine experience (no, our family jewels do not bounce like that!), so weird, so transgressive. But that was with water balloons. I bought silicon forms since, and they don't bounce. But they look good with the clothes, and that is more what I am aiming at now.
Like you say, hard to hear positive things about CDing. One of the reasons is few people really know it exists, at least the way many of us do it. We are a minority, walking under the radars.
@Cecily I totally relate to the make believe, and the theatrical aspect of it. That is the fun part. I find the dressing troubling, but there's a great element of fun too.
@Linda K. Absolutely. I don't take any offense being called a girl, referred to as she. Like I said it's weird to me, but that is my problem. People doing this are just being kind and respectful and I don't want them to change anything.
@Jane G Agreed, I don't care much about labels either.
@Jamie Thank you. Like I said, I don't mind being called that way. Don't change anything for me. It feels strange, but it is cool too.
"So, I'm a crossdresser. Mmh. What's that thing, again?"
Considering telling your SO? Read this fine manual first: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner
I don't have a female identity either. In fact I don't navel gaze too much about my identity at all. All identities are probably delusional. It's much more interesting to know how others see me. Stevie is my birth name but I admit I'm not that little nor does anyone describe me as a sissy. For me, it's all just a dumb fetish that I neither asked for nor understood until late in life. Up until then I would periodically get OCD about whether I was gay or trans. But now I see it all as a coping mechanism for anxiety/ trauma surrounding my relationship to masculinity. Nothing more to it than that. A little weird but harmless.
Diane, I feel much the same way. No desire to transition, I just enjoy getting my fem on. I sometimes think it would be fun to go full out, dress up and venture through the streets, but I would in no way pass, my walk, the way I carry myself and my voice would scream man in a dress so I deal with reality and dress at home. Luckily I have a extremely understanding wife, we have our dress up nights, and I dress at home as much as I want.
This is a great topic for us to explore. Diane. I also have no female identity. I very much enjoy dressing like a woman at home alone occasionally, whether it is one or two articles of clothing or heads-to-toe femme, but I do not feel like a woman nor do I want to feel like a woman. I am pleased to have a beard and a hairy body, so I have no intention of presenting as a woman or transitioning. I do not understand why people have a hard time accepting that I have no inclinations towards femininity, I just want to wear the clothing in private whenever I want.
Diane - No I did not have to rewrite it. With long posts I always save the text to the clipboard and then paste it into a new empty "Reply to Thread" form. That eliminates the problem with being bounced from the logged in list while you were writing, having to log in again, and then sending the reply only to have it disappear. It is a good practice.
So many great posts in this thread. Crobeson96, I simply adore your reply. You have really caught the essence of the way Gretchen (me) feels about it.
@Princess Chantal You appear to be out to friends and relatives. Congratulations! The only close person who I am out to is my wife at this point. It will probably stay that way.
@Xemmax Thanks a lot for your post, your bit about non-compartmentalization got me thinking. This is just my personal theory, but I don't believe that transitioning is the next step for all crossdressers. I believe that if you transition as a CDer, then you probably weren't just a CDer to begin with, there was something more. However if we take a non-compartmentalization approach like you suggest, this gets interesting. Because I don't think there is such thing as a "chemically pure" CDer. As beings, we are tapestries woven out of a multitude of patterns. If I was closely examined, my chromatography would probably reveal a spike of CDing with traces of gender dysphoria. Maybe I am 1% transwoman and putting on the clothes is enough to reach my balance zone while for others it may take a lot more steering towards female identification. Maybe after all, and to contradict what I said earlier about transitioning not being for every CDer, maybe transitioning IS for every CDer, but with widely varying degrees. After all, how far should a transition go before it can be called a transition? Since there is neither "chemically pure" men and women and everyone I believe is a gender mix, putting these clothes and the rest on maybe just expressing myself on the feminine side of my personal gender gamut, and my own transitioning destination, as modest as it is, and for as short a duration as my dressing sessions last.
In other words, no female identity, but no male identity either. Just my identity.
@Kelli CD Are you out to your wife? If so, you may want to discuss your needs/wants with her, and her limits too. As CDers, we may not always be good judges of our wives' feelings.
@Krisi Thanks for the support, and for sharing.
Last edited by DianeT; 10-22-2021 at 06:13 PM.
No female identity for me. I just enjoy feeling sexy and feminine while dressed up. I?ll wear panties out and women?s jeans now and again. But blouses, skirts are a home thing. Just between my wife and I. I?m very happy where I?m at. Nightgowns at bedtime most nights. I?m very much a man in a dress. I?d consider exploring more with my wife but have no real intentions of taking it further.
Before I told my wife about my dressing I was confused, "why"? What's driving me to do this? Why can't I let it go? When I told my wife she decided not to pack her bags and run but decided to see where it was all going and observe. About a year later she couldn't handle seeing me beating myself up with guilt and always apologizing to her for being that way.
She sat me down and started telling what she found out about me, her first thing was that I love being a man. The dressing isn't something that I needed everyday, it came in phases, sometimes I wouldnt want to for months and then I wanted to all the time. She didn't understand the guilt, in her eyes I wasn't doing anything wrong, there are much worst things I could do and maybe stop trying to figure it out and just enjoy it when I get the opportunity.
That was all the therapy I needed and that was the day I finally found my peace and understanding. I believe that's what I see in you, you found your peace of where you want to be.
I am just a man that likes to wear panties and a bra everyday
@Stephanie47 I don't think that GIAD (guy in a dress, a.k.a. MIAD) is insulting to women, we're just not used to it (like the average population isn't to CDers). As an example my wife has no problem with it. She'd rather have one at home instead of a DianeT. Of course she'd prefer that I wore skirts made for men, not for women. But even skirts made for women, and me keeping my beard, that seems to be okay with her (at any rate a thousand times easier on her than forms wig heels di-de-da-doo-daa.)
@LilSissyStevie It sure is harmless (it harmed my couple because I hid it, not because I did it). I never found it weird however
@Pumped You could probably go out with other CDer friends if that's something you'd like to do but are hesitant to.
@CeCe Agree. I made this thread in part because I grew annoyed of the stances about the inevitability of the road to transition, and wanted to see if I was alone thinking differently. Now I know I am not, we know we are not
@GretchenM Thanks, that takes a weight off my chest knowing that you didn't spend an additional hour rewriting all this
@Cacique82 Nice to see that you found a balance. Thanks for sharing.
@Maria60 Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad that you found your peace too, and that you and your wife be in such harmony.
@Stephj That sums it up in a few words
"So, I'm a crossdresser. Mmh. What's that thing, again?"
Considering telling your SO? Read this fine manual first: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner
I agree just a crossdresser here. That has done it for as long as I can remember. I love the clothes and the escape that it gives me. I will be out doing what is consider manly stuff this afternoon. I write this now sitting in a dress and heels.
I have no project of transitioning. I only like to dress. What about my female identity...I've never try to think about it till now...
I feel like the term that describes me most accurately is "Gender fluid", and that's how I answer those few people who have questions. I make no attempt to pass as female, but I am most comfortable in a skirt and heels. I feel that the look I put together is the best possible version of me and the way I feel most confident.
That's me, and I know it's not an approach that most forum members agree with, or maybe they even disapprove of it. But the one thing most of us can agree on is that you must do what makes you happy and works for you and your partner.
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