Married CD's that came out to wife

[Kelli_cd]

Steffi, your last line strikes with me. We were married about 20 years when she told me the same thing.
That started me thinking about my life and nurturing my own happiness.

[luuv2dress]

for me it wasn't so much as coming out it was a just told her what's going on in my life we had been married for about 4 yrs but together for a good 18.
I contemplated it for a long time having times where I said todays the day and it never happened because I got way to nervous about the possible outcome.
but one day sitting at the table I just said I need to tell you something and spilled my guts. At first she thought it was a joke because I'm the prankster but after some minutes she understood I was serious. She had the normal are you gay, do you want to be a woman questions etc etc and I explained to her from when it started to the current day in a quick but point driven synopsis.

She's been understanding and caring about it all and doesn't hold it against me. I provided her with some resources that I had previously gathered. we chatted some more and I made it clear if you have any questions just ask me, if I go to far where it makes you uncomfortable to let me know, and that if and when's she's ever ready to see Tiffany I will make it happen. We also agreed to keep this away from our young child for now and that I'd do everything in my power to not let her see me fully dressed until she's ready. I gave her time to process it all.

since that time she's asked a few questions which is good, she knows I wear panties most days and she's fine with that stating its just clothing you're not killing anyone. She's even borrowed a few things babe you have any knee highs? babe you have any mascara? yep! sure do in the drawer take what you need was the answer.

I would say its made the marriage better, the stress relieved that day from not having to constantly hide things and knowing she wasn't going ape shit was enough for me to be better in our marriage. I can move about now without worry, although there are limits I'm fine with them.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Karren;

Just curious, what would you do differently ?

Kelly

[Geena75]

On the point of "lying" there is a lot of comparison with "hiding." Now, suppose this: A married guy has a friend he meets occasionally, a woman. They do not engage in sex, but do hug and kiss. Primarily, they are friends who enjoy each other's company. The guy doesn't tell the wife, after all it only happens once every month or two. He insists that, if asked, he would tell her everything. How does this stack up to lying?

[DianeT]

Since you both agree, now, suppose this: A married guy has a friend he meets occasionally, a woman. They DO engage in a lot of furious sex, do hugs, kisses and sample the whole range of Kamasutra positions. Primarily, they are lovers who enjoy each other's body. The guy doesn't tell the wife, after all it only happens once every month or two. He insists that, if asked, he would tell her everything. How does this stack up to lying?

In my opinion, the murky aspect of making a difference between hiding and lying is that it can take you anywhere, and justify anything.
Now I can give you my own, very simple way of knowing when I am lying: if I am 'hiding' a piece of information to my wife that I know would probably upset her if she found out, then I am lying.

But frankly, call it hiding, lying or frolicking around the heather, it doesn't really matter. Because when it comes out, voluntarily or not, the only important thing will be the broken trust. And whatever word you used to characterize your dishonesty will make no difference in the amount of damage. At that point, if your wife calls it lying, you will have to decide between acknowledging her feelings or sticking to 'hiding' to justify your behavior. I did the latter for a while, then switched to acknowledgement. Honestly, I still think that I have been hiding not lying because that is how I felt at the time I did it. But that is my problem. My wife's problem is that I have been lying to her, that is how she feels it, and that is a word that explains the damage I did to our couple. And I am here with her to talk about the damage. So I talk about lying, because that is how I can connect to her and start solving things together. When I say that 'I lied', I acknowledge that I did something wrong and it is the beginning of a path to honesty. When I say 'I lied' today, it sounds much more true than 'I hid'. It doesn't discard my old 'hiding' feeling from back in the days, but how I feel about it today, seeing the damage I did to my wife, is simply 'I lied'.

I hope it makes sense. These things are not easy to explain.

[Katya@]

Hi! I rarely check the CD section of the forum. I have transitioned socially and have been on cross-sex hormones for 4 years. The topic of coming out to your partner never gets old, and typically, it is just the beginning, and only the first talk of many. I first came out as CD few months after being married, 17 years ago. I still think of this that I feared she would not marry me if I told her before. Two kids were born later. Then I came out as non-binary, and now I would call myself a trans woman. I think our marriage has survived the transition for 2 reasons. First, we sorted all other issues through marriage counseling before. Second, I was moving slowly by taking into account where she is at and adjusting the course and pace without ever slowing down though. So many years later, we still have hard time to have discussion on how my transition has affected our family but next week we finally going to start seeing a therapist together to discuss the transition and sexual life, that too was affected by my transition. One thing I want to do is Facial Feminization Surgery, but this topic has been in the air since February, as she is not ready to talk about it. We will, but I'm OK with a delay.
We are friends, love each other, and both are happier today than 17 years ago but it is marathon, not race for both of us. And yes, kids are fine with female dad. Good luck. PM me for questions!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

In my opinion, the younger married cd has a greater chance of some form of acceptance by a wife. Older married cd?s that come out late in life to their wives have difficulty & uncertainty. I truly wish you & your wife peace with your decision.

[Elizabeth Marie]

My wife, now ex-wife for reasons that have nothing to do with my being transgender, found my small stash of lingerie a little more than a year after we got married. I was able to convince her that I was a crossdresser, and not having some kinky affair. After a tear filled (both of us!) afternoon and evening, she agreed to stay married if I saw a therapist who could "cure" me. After I had several individual sessions with the therapist, we had 2 or 3 joint sessions with him, and she had a couple individual sessions, he was able to convince her that it was nothing that could be, or needed to be, "cured" and we were able to work out how to navigate through it.

My point is to not hide this from your wife, to be upfront about it as early in the relationship as possible, and be open to marriage and individual counseling. It may mean the end of your marriage, but it's better for you not to live in fear of being caught, and better for her to know exactly who her husband is.

By the way, my ex and I had 22 more wonderful years after that, and she was comfortable enough with it that she would surprise me with clothes and nightgowns she found on sale that she thought I would like, even though she never wanted to see me as Beth.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Hi Rebecca, I came out to my Wife about four years after we got married, shortly after the birth of our second child.

Luckily it didn't ruin our marriage and in some ways it make it better as she understands me better now. She's been accepting to a point and tolerates me shaving my chest, back and legs and she's even accepted me having my ears pierced. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to see me dressed though, she says it would mess with her head.

Me having more female attire than mens attire can sometimes cause friction but we get through it.

[KarenCD334]

I came out to my wife after we had been married 36 years. We are now working on 48 years. So, I guess telling her wasn't the end of the world.
She doesn't like to see me fully en-femme and doesn't like me leaving the house en-femme. But, somehow, I continue to dress and I continue to go out of the house fully dressed.

I came out to my wife when our daughters were in their teens. I'm pretty sure my youngest knows and she can't keep a secret so who knows.