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Thread: The issues with not going out as Kimmy, until I do. (AKA: Acting feminine in public).

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    The issues with not going out as Kimmy, until I do. (AKA: Acting feminine in public).

    Okay ladies, while I do not post a lot any of you who have read my posts may remember that I am mostly an at home dresser. With Halloween and the month of October being the time when Kimmy comes out to play.

    Well, this left me confused and in an awkward situation over Halloween weekend. The event my wife and I went to was outside, and we were separated at one point. I spotted her talking to a gentleman who was dressed as (or just looked a lot like Guy Fierie from Food Network). I went over her way and she introduced me... I automatically went to shake his hand. Then remembered how I was dressed. I immediately started to check my handshake since I didn't believe that my normal firm, double pump shake was appropriate. But, I had already started the motion. In a moment of pure WTF do I do now I ended up lifting my hand limply with the palm down. He lifted his to touch mine with just as light of a grip... It was really awkward feeling.

    So I guess my question is this... How many of you practice, or even take notice of how to perform actions that we do daily as a man, but should modify when dressed as a female? I already practicing walking, do a decent job of eating daintily. But wow, I have a lot to modify yet it appears.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Kimmy,

    A big part of blending in is getting the mannerisms right. The way you dress, your makeup, your figure can be perfection but if you then walk like John Wayne the illusion is lost.

    That's why there's so many posts about the importance of observation. Watching what GG's do. How they walk and stand. How they carry a bag. Hair flicks ('allo 'allo for UK gurls)*. If you've got longer nails that effects things like getting coins from a purse or type on a smartphone.

    As with a lot of things it's concentration and practice. I find it now second nature. It's as if a switch gets thrown so be assured, it will come with time.

    * 'Allo allo was a brit sitcom set in occupied France during WWII. Heir Flick was a German officer.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Kris Burton's Avatar
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    I practice walking all the time, whether en femme or not. I'm not sure if its practicing anymore but more like I have changed my gait and posture, a good thing. I must work on sitting down, keeping legs close together so no one looks up my dress, even when not wearing a dress. No manspreading allowed. And smoothing the back of the imaginary skirt as you sit.

  4. #4
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Kimmy, my wife is always on me about mannerisms, especially how I walk. She will critique my walk and tell me how to change it, etc...
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #5
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Hi Kimmy,

    I've been observing them for so long I do them without thinking.
    Yesterday I was chatting with the starter at the golf course.
    I was able to gracefully move out of the way, talk, and gesture with my hands.

    Marion

  6. #6
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    I am an in-home dresser. It's been a very long time since I have interacted with fellow humans; Like you on Halloween. I only wear dresses; no pants at all. Having observed my wife and women in general for decades most of the mannerisms seem to have some necessity. How would a woman get into a vehicle wearing a dress? I have seen over the years several times when a woman in a dress has entered her car foot first. It looks totally awkward. I, and most women still down and swivel feet. Or whisking away the stray hair from face? Or smoothing skirt at the butt when sitting? Crossing legs at the knees and not the ankles. Keeping legs together and not sitting with legs apart. Those things and others seem to come from some necessity; Not bunching up the skirt when sitting; not showing the panty, etc.

    But, the walking in heels. Yikes, dead give away. I have watch with amusement at the mall when a very obvious inexperienced teenage girl is wearing very high heels. Totally awkward. Walking in heel outside the home is probably the most challenging movement. In-home, it's short steps. Outside, it's is destination walking from point A to point B. To have more control of that mannerism I stroll with a wedge that eliminates the narrow heel. There is an art to walking in a spike or narrow heel; Not so much with a flat sole wedge with a low rise.

    For me, other than the walking in heels outside the home, it seems the subconscious has taken over. "Oh, there is a physical reason to do this or that." Some of the mannerisms may be generational. I hardly ever see your girls drinking from a cup or mug with pinky finger held away from the rest of the hand. That never made sense to me.

  7. #7
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Not a problem for me, Kimmie! Because of Covid I simply do gentle fist bumps no matter how I'm dressed!

    However, I do a lot of hugging with other T's dressed. Never occures to me to hug people except relatives in drab!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Linda K.'s Avatar
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    For me, it is like light switch. I am a musician and if I don't have my guitar in my hands, I can't think about how to play. Once I put the strap around my neck and feel the guitar in my hands, it becomes a no brainer. Same thing with cooking. I can think about how to make a certain dish all day, but once I am in the kitchen, it all becomes natural for me. I am trying to become that way when I dress. I am already starting to notice changes in my posture, my walk, my attitude. Like a light switch, I just automatically go into the mode that I am in. When I am in guy mode, I want to be in guy mode, it too is part of who I am. My problem is the girl in me wants more time and really doesn't want to switch back! Is my gait different? It sure feels like it. Is the way I take my seat more ladylike? It sure feels like it. I have had women shake my hand just like a guy does and I didn't think twice about it. Don't worry over it too much, I learned that here on this site. If you feel it was wrong, make note of it and be more conscience of it the next time you go back into your girl mode. Before you know it, it will be automatic for you!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    Thanks for the input everyone. I guess practice makes perfect. One or two of you talked about my biggest issue. Man spreading. I cannot stretch my hip flexor and abductors enough to manage it both gracefully and painlessly. 5 minutes after sitting down and trying to hold my knees together the abductors in my inner thighs cramp. So I tend to stand when dressed.

  10. #10
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    In male mode, my wife is always complaining that I am standing like a girl or holding something like a girl so I have to try hard to not act like a girl around here. But when she?s not around.

  11. #11
    Junior Member JustJennifer's Avatar
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    If your wife introduced you as her husband, the cat was already out of the bag, so to speak.

    I've never thought to practice different handshakes for different modes. Handshaking seems like such a dude thing to do anyway. (One great thing about covid is I haven't had a shake a hand in ages.) Years ago I learned in a seminar (led by a woman) that the best handshake for anyone is to squeeze with the thumb, not the fingers. Politely firm, but avoiding the macho bone crusher that men always seem inclined to do.

    I practice my walk on video nearly every time I dress. And it still needs lots of work.

  12. #12
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    I find behaving in a feminine way comes naturally when dressed. My shoes remind me to take small steps. My breast forms bra and firm control shapewear remind me to hold myself in a girlie way and walk like a woman. Practice makes perfect! Sitting down,walking,getting in and out of the car. All these are dead giveaways if you slip up.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I observe more things about women's motions lately than before, and get a pretty good idea of what, it's just a matter of practice. My biggest question is really one that doesn't really matter. I'm in the vehicle with the door closed, how to place my feet and legs when driving in a dress/skirt? Obviously, one foot on the pedal, but what about the other one? I took note of my male postures and they are very un-lady-like.

  14. #14
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I tried to resist but it is adductors on the inner thigh, abductors of the leg are mostly the two smaller glute muscles.

    Man spreading is natural as the male pelvis is tall and narrow versus low and wide for women (as a general rule). Some men, such as myself, go against the grain and have wider pelvises which allows thigh over thigh leg crossing and ability to sit knees together without difficulty. Some women have more masculine pelvises and have trouble with these things.

    So for most CDs it is just a matter of willpower to keep those knees together!

  15. #15
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    My wife has always commented on the way I drive. Reminding me to close my legs and not to put the heel of my foot down. A woman doesn't want to ruin the back of her heels

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member kimmy p's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    I tried to resist but it is adductors on the inner thigh, abductors of the leg are mostly the two smaller glute muscles.

    Man spreading is natural as the male pelvis is tall and narrow versus low and wide for women (as a general rule). Some men, such as myself, go against the grain and have wider pelvises which allows thigh over thigh leg crossing and ability to sit knees together without difficulty. Some women have more masculine pelvises and have trouble with these things.

    So for most CDs it is just a matter of willpower to keep those knees together!
    Sadly I know that, but in my rush to type I messed it up. That will teach me to post without reading and editing myself.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    I go out dressed all the time and I automatically go into feminine mode, I don't have to even think about it, it just happened over time.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    My recollection of etiquette is that a man does not present his hand to a woman first, but rather waits to see if the woman offers her hand. So, you did it right instinctively?at least in accordance with my old fashioned notions

  19. #19
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimmy p View Post
    Thanks for the input everyone. I guess practice makes perfect. One or two of you talked about my biggest issue. Man spreading. I cannot stretch my hip flexor and abductors enough to manage it both gracefully and painlessly. 5 minutes after sitting down and trying to hold my knees together the abductors in my inner thighs cramp. So I tend to stand when dressed.
    One of my worst errors when 1st going out was sitting with my legs open. For which I was corrected by other dressers quite often.

    So, I began forcing myself to sit with one leg crossed over the other like women do. It was quite difficult and unnatural at first!

    But, now it's become automatic for me whenever I sit. In fact, I have to remind myself NOT to sit like that in drab now!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  20. #20
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Sorry, but in my profession, I expect a "firm" handshake appropriate from any GG I meet professionally. I don't do a "limp wrist" or "cold fish" handshake. I use the same handshake in both male and female mode. But, neither handshake is an arm wrestling contest.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  21. #21
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    I must say I don't particularly practice mannerisms as much as think about them and let them surface organically in my presentation.

    I have experienced situations in which I was so comfortable I "forgot" how I was dressed, then realized it and had a nice quiet chuckle of satisfaction, but I'm never totally unaware of it due to the satisfacion I'm feeling, as if I were vibrating at a different frequency. It's hard to explain.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

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