Greetings, gurls. I am new to this site and somewhat new to the journey of accepting myself in the identity of crossdresser.
I enjoyed straight and gay relations in my youth and for decades identified as bisexual. I only accepted the gay identity about 20 years ago, while in my late 40s. Similarly, while I have worn women's wear randomly for decades, I have only in the past five years or so embraced the crossdresser identity and stopped the purging and denial. Self acceptance is everything, and wish I had crossed that bridge decades ago. I can only wonder where I would be now if as a youth I had been out to myself and to my family as a homosexual and a crossdresser! Instead I lived a secret undercurrent of hidden shame and self rejection.
I still find myself on the fringe of this community, however. It seems like most crossdressers are straight and enjoy long and healthy marriages to women. Part of me wishes that I could live that life, but at this point in my life I only date men. The man I have dated for the past year and a half knows that I am a crossdresser but is uninterested, so I never dress when we are together. I am okay with dressing when I am home alone. I do not yet feel the urge to dress every day.
I also am feeling on the fringe of this community because I am quite comfortable being masculine even while dressed. I have no interest in looking, feeling or acting feminine. I have facial hair and have no interest in shaving any part of my body, or wearing wigs, makeup, jewelry or perfumes. I just like wearing the clothes. When I put on a bra and a dress at home, I wonder why I do not do this more often, yet when I am ready to leave the apartment I am more comfortable wearing drab.
Are there any other occasional crossdressers here who relate as gay and thoroughly masculine even while dressed in femme wear?
CeCe