Last night my wife asked me if I was going on my Friday drive, I told her I'm trying to cut it back and lay low for a while. She asked me if it had anything to do with what happened last week at the gas station with the girls who were filming me. She said when you fall off the horse you don't shoot it, you jump back on. She knows how much I enjoy that drive, almost like something to look forward to and an excuse to dress up and wear some new clothes. I told her I just want to cut it down a bit.
I couldn't believe my mind wouldn't let it go, I thought I'll go for an hour and bring my wife back dessert and then as it got later I thought I'll go for a little while and bring back my wife a coffee. My mind wouldn't stop looking for excuses to go for the drive, even this morning when I got up early my mind was contemplating if I should go for a drive before my wife wakes up. It's not going to stop until I go and it's not just with the drive. It's even when I want something for my fem self, it has to be done and if it isn't my mind won't rest until I do what I have to do. When it comes to my fem side my mind stubborn as hell.
It's driving me crazy that I can't control it.
