How did you tell your friends

[Billie]

I assume some of you took dressing in women's clothing beyond just you, your wife and your family. So how'd you do that?

I have really changed how I dress over the last few years. I went from just panties that no one but my wife saw, to jeans and pants full-time. Toenails panted but mostly hidden to having my nails done 100% of the time. To now, I am just about out to everyone in the world except kids (wife says they know), career and my closest friends and our parents. I took a part-time job, thinking the people I worry about wouldn't shop there anyway and hoping that is the case, but also figured it would force that if they did.

Friends I care about knowing; a couple I am not too worried about, they're more my wife's friends and most likely to be accepting. One couple is more my friends than my wife's, but he is more likely to not be cool with it. He still hasn't mentioned my nails and will walk away if his adult daughter or wife starts talking about nails with me. Both couples we have dinner with weekly and do things together on the weekends.

Someday I'll ask about parents, but right now this is where I am. I feel like I skipped some steps or JUMPED them with taking that part-time job and now I need to go back.

[Stephanie47]

Perhaps I should not be throwing my two cents in since I am not out to anyone. My wife and I are in a DADT marriage. However, I have to question whether coming out to friends is a good idea. I sense there is some apprehension with one friend because he walks away from you when you're engaging in talk with his daughter and wife about nails. Are you sure he does not know already? I am not out to anyone because "outing" myself to others will potentially affect not only my relationship with friends, but, also my wife's relationships. If your wife is comfortable with your idea, then go for it. Tell them. You already run the chance people you know will encounter you at work (Torrid). Are you just going to tell them of your dressing or are you going to be en femme when dining with them or doing things with them? I think most people tend to associate with "like minded" individuals. If I felt compelled to spread my wings I'd find a social or support group. I guess it comes down to "risk vs reward."

[Billie]

It's strange, I am not worried about anyone seeing me out and at work, but I am scared of friends and family knowing. I've been to the Mall, Torrid and even the gym to workout with no one seeming to care aside from a few double takes and a few smiles. I went to the gym kinda hoping I would get a negative reaction, just so I could say it wasn't just my friends and family that didn't like me because of this. I'm also not really letting my friends or family have that chance yet.

[Kris Burton]

I think the bottom line to coming out has to be the answer to the question "Does this person need to know?". Some of the people you are closest to - kids and parents - may be in the does not need to know category. For instance, I have no secrets about this with my wife, and we discuss freely now. However, my femme self was completely closeted over the Thanksgiving break when my adult children were over. No need for them to know. You are probably right saying those that you worry about would not shop at Torrid, but if it is a worry, perhaps you should tell them...it would certainly keep you from being paranoid about running into them at work. However if your main concern is your friends and family finding out,I'd say ask yourself this question, and proceed accordingly.

[kimdl93]

It depends. In some cases I was talking to them over the phone and in other cases I told them by text or email.

[TamT]

I'm in a pseudo DADT mode. My SO don't like it at all, and she have told about my CDing to some therapists as she thinks that all of her problems are because of this, and none of them gave her the solution she wanted to hear. But I still think she need some support, so I've thought about telling some of our best friends many times... but I didn't. I'm not sure if it would be a good idea.

[KymG]

I had a deep conversation with a friend and ended up telling her. She then told another who told another, etc. I believe its five now, but who knows.
Its never discused, i think its seen as a dirty secret or something.
Suffice to say that if i could turn back the clock they would not know.

[Tina81]

I like your "Does this person need to know?" and for me that's no one except my wife. She's supportive and doesn't get uptight if I'm dressed in a dress with high heels, pantyhose, bra and panties. She even bought me a long silky smooth nightgown from Macy's for Christmas. She has a little uneasiness with the wig and make-up because it reminds her of my sister. Anyway, I do feel compelled to tell people I enjoy crossdressing so I'll just tell everyone here, "I love to wear women's clothes and shoes!" Sometimes I just enjoy gazing the clothes in the Chico or Talbot's catalog. I always thought growing up I was a one off. I never realized so many other also enjoy crossdressing. It's great sharing this unique characteristic with everyone here. I don't have to hide here.

[Wendy-Lyn]

I basically haven't, except for a very few. None of them 'caught' me, I simply told them.

I have one male friend who knows, and has known for years. He is gay (and helped me to discover that I was not), and is fine about it. We do not have a relationship but are close friends.

Another friend, a GG, has also known for decades. She will sometimes ask me to dress if she comes over to visit, and will often ask me about the panties I'm wearing (she has often willingly supplied said panties herself). We do have occasional sexual relations. There was another GG friend who knew and participated sometimes, but she sadly passed some years ago.

And I came out to my sister-in-law just yesterday, as I related in my recent thread on the subject.

[Debbie Denier]

The only person that accepted was my mother. I thought about coming out to an old friend but resisted. He made some negative comments regarding drag shows and CDs which made me change my mind. I agree with Kris. Do they need to know? If not and there is a risk of a negative outcome then I think it?s not worth it.

[Maid_Marion]

I had one coworker that told me I ought to update my FB profile pic, but I see no reason to do that.

I get treated better dressing female, as I look pretty good with a 25 inch waist and hourglass figure.
Females are judged differently than men.

There hasn't been any difference in how my neighbors treat since I've started going outside in skirts.

I'm sure the postal folks know exactly whose been wearing all those clothes from Victoria's Secret.
Yesterday I got my new silk PJs delivered in the snow. I got an email that it had been delayed but it showed in my mailbox an hour later!

Marion

[Krisi]

My policy (and my advice to others) is to not tell anyone that I dress like a woman unless they need to know. Obviously, since I live with my wife, she needs to know. Nobody else needs to know so I haven't told anybody else, friend or otherwise.

What's important to rmember is, once you tell someone, you have no control over who that person tells. Your secret little "hobby" could soon be all over town. If that doesn't matter to you (or your wife), fine, tell your friends. If it does matter, tell no one.

[NancyJ]

I have not, and since I am not going to transition, I will not. If my wife chooses to tell a friend of hers for support, that is up to her, but so far she has not. Nancy

[Sometimes Steffi]

I know that this is probably going to sound sad, but boy me doesn't really have any friends, or at least anyone who is a close enough friend who would let me crash on their couch if I needed to. Except for my immediate family, all of my family lives at least 1000 miles away. My wife has friends, but since she doesn't acknowledge me, their is no need to tell her friends. I have no need or desire to tell my professional colleagues.

I have a lot of CD friends, and I know a lot of medical professionals, sales associates, makeup artists and nail techs, etc., most of whom have seen both sides of me.

I do have a 50th high school reunion coming up and I've flirted with the idea of going en femme, but that would result in being outed to all my relatives back home. I haven't decided if I want to do that. But, since I haven't seen most of them in years, who cares. I might not be invited to someone's wedding? That's already happened just because of an event that I decided not to attend prior to the wedding.

[Majella St Gerard]

I threw caution to the wind and just started posting pictures of myself dressed on Facebook, I got to a point where I just didn't care what others thought anymore. Real friends will accept you no matter what. Some friends have asked questions and don't really understand but they tell me to just be myself.

[NatalieR]

I told people by email or text and kind of gauged their reaction before sending pictures. Some friends and relatives were like "Great! Let's go out! Whatever you are comfortable with!" Others were like "That's OK, be who you are", and then never mentioned it again. I have really enjoyed sharing it with people I knew (or was pretty sure) would be cool with it. I decided that it was a fairly important part of who I am and wanted people who were close to me to know. I decided not to tell my parents or siblings (yet?) because I'm not sure how it would effect our relationships. I did decide that I would tell potential romantic partners very early on, and my current partner knows and is very supportive. So awesome!

[bridget thronton]

I have a small number of female friends who know - plus my wife and adult children - they were told because I did not want to lie to them

[MonicaPVD]

Some of you may recall an incident I posted about a while ago, where a friend found out about me. That friend has since told three other friends that I know of, and I have had to deal with that situation over the past several months. One of those did not take it well and has basically ghosted me. He is very much an alpha old-fashioned macho kind of guy. Another is accepting but told me that he would prefer not to see me as Monica because he's not sure how he would feel about it. The third friend kind of just shrugged and went back to talking about his cars and the work he's doing on his home. This development is what has led to me being a lot more open about Monica as I clumsily attempt to force her/me into my daily existence.

[Nadine Spirit]

How did I tell my friends? One by one, slowly, over time. All reveals went fabulous at that time, but as time has gone on, some of those friends have now disappeared form our lives. Is that really a bad thing though? And is it really related to being trans? Friends come and go throughout our lives for a wide variety of reasons. I think I read something like 70% of our friends will be replaced like every 5-10 years or some such thing as that.

So, um, yeah, I transitioned so eventually I needed to come out to everybody, that's kind of part of transition. But I was also coming out to people back when I considered myself as "just" a crossdresser. I had heard the argument before of only telling those who need to know. It was actually a very common comment from a friend I made on these boards. Anywho, guess what she's doing these days? Coming out to her friends and family after years of insisting to everyone that it really isn't a good idea. She still considers herself to not be heading towards transition.

[Ressie]

If I were truly transitioning I would come out to everyone but I'm not. Friends that know the fem me are separate from my old friends that have always known me as a male. I have a secret other life as far as old friends are concerned.

I've told several girlfriends (and ex-wife) that I've had in the past who have told other friends without my consent. I don't know how many people have heard this "rumor" but it doesn't really matter. It's not something others will bring up.

[DeeDee67]

As for me, I haven't confessed to anyone. However, I was spending a month with a long time buddy of mine a while back and my buddies sister noticed I had a light pink nail polish on my toes which I had completely forgotten about. I had my wife wanted to see what it looked like before she put any on her. I asked her not to mention it to my friend/her brother which I'm sure she did. Also while there her girlfriend took me shopping for a couple of presents for my wife. One place was Life is Good store which I bought a pair of very soft & silky shorts pink with penguin print. One night I tried them on and had to use the restroom, I poked my head out and thought everyone was asleep. Went to the restroom and when I came out my buddy was standing in the doorway. His reply, 'OMG"! Nothing was said for a couple days until he said something about it in front of everyone. He jokingly mentioned seeing me in the pink and elephant print panties. I corrected him saying they were pingoun print shorts and we all laughed and conversation moved along. And just a couple months later he asked how my hair was coming along, so I took a picture, unfortunately I was wearing a cami with spaghetti straps which a thought I had cropped it out but the straps were barely showing but he noticed and replied "nice top". Sometime during my stay he had taken a picture of me and ran it thru Facebook which he gave me very long hair and sent it back to me. LOL, he told me a still had a ways to go. �� Next story was with my wife, having had a few drinks she went over to our neighbors house and she completely outted me. The neighbor is a 70 year old open minded lady, apparently her response was maybe he's bisexual! I guess with this 2 friends I'm the one playing the DADT.

[azncd]

Some of you may recall an incident I posted about a while ago, where a friend found out about me. That friend has since told three other friends that I know of, and I have had to deal with that situation over the past several months. One of those did not take it well and has basically ghosted me. He is very much an alpha old-fashioned macho kind of guy. Another is accepting but told me that he would prefer not to see me as Monica because he's not sure how he would feel about it. The third friend kind of just shrugged and went back to talking about his cars and the work he's doing on his home. This development is what has led to me being a lot more open about Monica as I clumsily attempt to force her/me into my daily existence.

I had basically the exact same experience. It suuuuucked. But at the end of the day, it was almost freeing in a way, and like you, I found out quickly who liked me for me and who was more superficial about people.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm going to be telling some mutual friends of myself & my boyfriend's really soon (2 females) and I'm actually looking forward to it, I've had serious urges and an itch to tell more people for a while now. Obviously I don't know exactly how it will go but the friends are very nice and open minded people (finding out my bf & I were both bisexual wasn't a big deal to them at all) so I'm definitely confident about it. I'm also hoping that if they're also into lingerie like me that it could lead to a lingerie slumber party or something lol, but for now the goal is simply to tell them and be satisfied with doing that.

[Angela Marie]

My wife knows and is accepting, although she prefers not to go out with me. No problem. I will start therapy soon to get some closure on the question of crossdresser vs. transgender. If I were in my 20?s 30?s transitioning would be a different question. At 67 though it?s different. No one really needs to know at this point, especially my children who I don?t think would be on board. Since I wear leggings basically 24/7 I?m assuming some people may have some opinions. But no one has ever said anything so it?s best to go with the flow.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm planning to tell some mutual friends of my boyfriend's and I soon but I'm waiting for the right time and circumstances. They're great people who I think will be accepting, and obviously they already know I'm bi so it may not be a huge shock to them but I want to make sure I tell them the right way.